牵线

I'll figure it out right now.
我花钱雇你就是为了让我的生活更简单
If I pay you to make my life easier,
做不到的话 你就对我没有任何用处了
but instead, you make it harder, you're useless to me.
你明白吗
Do you understand?
坏消息是 柯尔斯顿狠狠地伤了我
So, bad news is, Kirsten ripped me a new one.
好消息是我现在有时间去见高尔夫男了
Good news is I now have time to see Golf Guy.
这是什么 查理
Mm. What is this? Charlie?
-我的天 -这是瑞克儿子的科学作业
- Oh, my God. - This is Rick's son's science project.
生活给了我柠檬 我就把它做成柠檬电池
Life gave me lemons, and I used it to battery-power lemonade.
你能修好吗
Can you... fix it?
不行 这本来是个杰作
No. It was a masterpiece,
现在它连一条勋带都得不到了
and now he's not even getting a ribbon.
去吧 离开这 救救你自己
Go, get out of here. Save yourself.
-祝你好运 -谢谢
- Good luck. - Thank you.
我们需要一个新的方案 全新的
We need a new project. Whole new thing.
-是的 -高尔夫男怎么办
- Yeah. - What about Golf Guy?
我不想把我的蜥蜴握的太紧
I don't wanna squeeze my salamander too hard.
说实话我从来不知道有人只用一双手
I honestly did not know that someone could
就能用柠檬做这么厉害的东西
do this to lemons with their bare hands.
瑞克当时气炸了
Rick was so pissed.
想象一下 一只磕了药的鸭子
Imagine if a duck were on meth,
一直在喊 "嘿 查理 查理"
it was like, "Hey, Charlie. Charlie."
听起来有点像那种鸭子
Sounded like that duck.
你为什么要为这种人工作
Why do you work for this guy?
-你为什么不索性辞职呢 -你疯了吗
- Why don't you just... quit? - Are you insane?
我用了三年时间做了你能想到的所有破事
I've spent three years doing every shit errand imaginable.
我不能辞职
Can't quit.
要不然得从头开始
I'd have to start all over,
之前做的都白费了
and all of this would've been a waste.
再说了 瑞克是最有名的风险投资家
Plus, Rick is the most respected VC
如果他能让我当上分♥析♥师
of all time, so if he makes me an analyst,
我到哪都能找到工作
I can get a job anywhere.
但你喜欢这份工作吗
But do you like the actual work?
没人喜欢工作本身 这就是工作
Nobody likes the actual work. That's the job.
你做到最顶尖 就能赚最多的钱
Do the best one where you make the most money.
那你为什么给柯尔斯顿打工呢
Okay, why do you work for Kirsten?
我给她打工是因为我想写
I work for Kirsten because I wanna write
能令儿时的我感动流泪的文章
the articles that made me cry when I was a little girl,
柯尔斯顿是最好的体育记者
and Kirsten's the best sports journalist there is.
她读过你写的文章吗
Well, has she read any of your stuff?
我还没有写 或者说还没有写完任何东西
I haven't written anything or finished writing anything.
我每天那么多事 又那么累
My days are so long and so exhausting
当我有时间了 我写的东西又很糟糕
it's like when I have time, everything I write is... bad.
-事实并不是这样 -就是这样的
- That is probably not true. - It is true.
我本来想给她留下好印象 让她喜欢我
I think I wanted to impress her and I wanted her to like me,
我非常努力地工作
so, it's just like, I worked so hard
成为一个优秀的助理
at being this great assistant
确保她很满意
and making sure she was happy that...
我也不知道 我觉得我已经失去
I don't know, feels like I might have lost
所有的写作技能了
any writing skill I ever had.
这些绝对不是事实
Well, that is definitely not true.
你是个糟糕的助理
You're a terrible assistant.
你能把那个递给我吗
Can you pass me a few of those?
-准备好了吗 -准备好了
- You ready? - I'm ready.
-不是吧 -是的
- What? - Yeah.
我了个去 这是什么原理
Holy shit. How does that work?
牛奶中的化学键和颜料里的
Well, the bonds in the milk connect with the DNA in the...
我也不知道 我又不是科学家
I have no idea. I'm not a scientist.
魔法牛奶
特大号♥
MAGIC MILK
XXL
所有材料都在包里 真有冠军的感觉
All the supplies are in the bag. Feels like a winner.
这还不如柠檬的那个好
This isn't as good as the lemons.
他并不满意 但他没有摔东西
He wasn't happy, but he didn't break anything,
看起来似乎有所好转
so, maybe that's an improvement.
严格来说 他是对的
Well, technically, he's right,
但考虑到我们那天晚上做出的效果
but given the fact that we did that in the night,
-魔法牛奶应该获得诺贝尔奖 -查理
- Magic Milk should win a Nobel Prize. - Charlie!
-我去 瑞克好像喝醉了 -什么
- Oh, my God. I think Rick's drunk. - What?
我从来没见他喝醉过
I've never seen him drunk before.
他清醒的时候都很暴♥力♥
He's violent when he's sober.
查理…
Charlie...?
-好吧 -跟我一起跳 白人小子
- Yeah. - Do it with me, white boy.
给我过来 听到没 过来 伙计
Yeah. Get over here, you dig it? Come on, man.
来啊
Come on.
查理鸡肉配燕麦
Charlie chicken and grits
你不会这玩意
You don't know that shit.
你是个好人
You're a good guy.
你知道吗
Do you know that?
-说真的 -什么
- For real. - What?
我很欣赏你
I appreciate you.
我应该多跟你说这句话
And I should tell you that more often.
好主意 我们再喝一杯
Good idea. Let's have another drink.
-好吧 -哦 不 我来吧
- Okay. - Oh, no. No, no, no. I got it.
我讨厌失败 查理
I hate losing, Charlie.
她觉得我很失败
And she thinks I'm a loser.
我该怎么办
What should I do?
你是个人
You're a person.
你会怎么办
What would you do?
-道歉 -不 下一个选项
- Apologize. - No. Next.
告诉她她工作很在行
Tell her she's good at her job.
告诉她你尊重她的所作所为
Tell her you respect what she does.
告诉她你看见她了
Just tell her you see her.
-那是什么意思 -我不知道
- What does that even mean? - I don't know.
我觉得可能
I think maybe it's just...
可能这就是我想听到的
Maybe it's just what I'd wanna hear.
你在干什么
What are you doing here?
我看见你了
I see you.
什么 那是什么意思
What? What does that even mean?
我看见你了
I see you.
我看见你了 就像
"I see you," like...
我看见你了
I see you.
把门锁上
Oh. Lock the door.
好的
Yes, ma'am.
我开玩笑的
I meant that as a joke.
你是大佬
You're the boss.
我们去你公♥寓♥ 我说认真的
Let's go to your apartment. I'm serious.
瑞克
Rick.
-查理 -我要四周布满玫瑰花瓣
- Charlie? - I want rose petals everywhere.
我要像抢劫花店一样
I need it to look like a massacre at a flower shop.
他们已经出发去楠塔基特岛了
Nantucket is a go.
他们一小时后着陆
They land in an hour,
我把香槟放在瑞克信♥用♥卡♥上
I put the champagne on Rick's credit card.
-给你 -酒店房♥间都订好了
- Here you go. - Hotel room is all set.
-那里将是博纳市 -好的
- It's about to be Boner City in there. - Wow, okay.
有人说博纳市吗 我爱死那里了
Someone say Boner City? Frigging love that place.
哈珀 这是邓肯 我室友
Harper, this is Duncan. My roommate.
他是布朗克斯一位中学老师
He's a teacher at a middle school in the Bronx.
但他是同性恋 所以把持住自己
But he's gay, so, keep your ovaries in your pants.
-我会把它们塞回去的 -你在
- I'll just shove them back in there. - What are you...?
你为什么穿成那样
Why are you dressed like that?
今晚贝卡的订婚宴会
For Becca's engagement party tonight.
你穿什么 你其他的短裤呢
What are you wearing? Where are the rest of your shorts?
这些很酷 好吗
These are cool, all right?
苏士喜欢男士短裤
Suze likes short shorts on guys.
住口 你的短裤糟透了
Stop. Your shorts suck.
闭嘴 你们不是朋友
You know what, stop it. You're not friends.
我觉得我们正在变为朋友
I feel like we're becoming friends.
是的 我们是朋友
Yeah, we're friends.
-你想参加派对吗 -不想
- Do you wanna come to this party? - No I don't think so.
我要完成这篇文章让自己分散精力
I gotta finish writing this article to distract myself.
分散什么精力