牵线

I don't even remember how. It's like my tongue atrophied.
我妈妈在我这个年纪 生下了我
When my mom was my age, she had me.
我却还没交过男朋友
I've never been had a boyfriend.
但你是成年人
But you're like a grown-up.
把话收回去
Take that back.
连个露水男友都没有吗
And not even like a camp boyfriend?
我要像柯尔斯顿一样孤独终老了
I'm gonna end up like Kirsten.
就像买♥♥上千美元的盖毯
Like buying thousand-dollar throw blankets and...
却和我的电脑睡一起
sleeping with my computer.
这就是为什么她那么刻薄
That's why she's so mean.
她一直和电脑睡一起
She's sleeping with a laptop.
她有必要跟人上♥床♥
She needs to get laid.
她需要和人做♥爱♥
She needs to be made love to.
瑞克也需要跟人滚床单
Well, Rick needs to get laid.
他们两个总待在办公室
The two of them are always in this office.
让我们把他们关到一个房♥间
Let's lock them in the room together
他们就能有性♥交♥了
so they can have sex with each other.
想一想吧 我们给他们牵线
Think about it. We Cyrano them
让他们走出办公室
out of the office.
然后他们做♥爱♥的时候 我们就是自♥由♥的
And then when they're boning, we're free.
我不需要自♥由♥ 我需要升职
Well, I don't need to be free, I need to be promoted.
我唯一在意的是
All I care about is that
不要在28岁的时候还是一个助理
I'm not still an assistant when I'm 28 years old.
那个年纪真的会让人难过
That's when it gets really sad.
-我28 -天呐 很抱歉
- I'm 28. - Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
为你 为你感到难过
For you. That's sad for you.
你该走了
You should leave.
拜
Bye.
-我做了点东西 -什么
- I made something. - What...?
为什么你走路都没声音
Why you're so quiet.
就像丰田普锐斯
You move like a Prius.
-这是什么 -一个电子表格
- What is that? - It's a spreadsheet
上面有我对柯尔斯顿的所有了解
of everything I know about Kirsten.
她喜欢的 不喜欢的
What she likes, what she doesn't like.
我想不出这是要干嘛
I have no idea what this is for.
给他们牵线
To set them up.
为了我们的西哈诺
For our Cyrano.
Cyrano: 在幕后为别人牵线搭桥的人
-那是个玩笑 -但也可以不是
- That was a joke. - But it doesn't have to be.
瑞克最喜欢吃什么
What's Rick's favorite food?
艾·菲奥里店的牛排
The filet from Ai Fiori's.
他三点钟会在哪
Where will he be at 3 pm woday?
他儿子的校园剧那
His son's school play.
查理 他讨厌什么
Hey, Charlie, what does he hate?
把杰夫写成捷夫和酸奶油
"Geoff" spelled with letter G and sour cream.
我们知道他们所有事
We know everything about them.
他们喜欢什么 他们不喜欢什么
What they like. What they don't like.
我们控制了他们的所有行动
We control their entire schedule.
我们是幕后操控的人
We are the men behind the curtain.
我们能让他们做任何事
We can get them to do anything.
这很齐备 谢谢你
This is very thorough. Thank you.
完全不用 什么
Absolutely not. What?
我觉得 这太疯狂了
I thought... This is insane.
我很难有时间做额外的事
I barely have enough time to do my extra job.
如果瑞克发现了 他会炒掉我
And if Rick will found out, he'd fire me.
他永远不会发现
He would never find out.
查理 这能救我们
Charlie, this could save us.
抱歉 我要带女朋友去吃午饭了
Sorry, I gotta take my girlfriend to lunch.
-我该把这发给你吗 -求你别
- Should I send this to you? - Please don't.
苏士
Oh, Suze.
苏士
Suze.
我以为我们要去吃午饭
I thought we were getting lunch.
不好意思 这两个座位有人吗
Excuse me. Are those two seats taken?
是的 抱歉 他们有人了
Yeah, sorry. They're taken.
是 我知道要吃午饭
Yeah, I know we were.
只是瑞克要我占个位置
Just Rick needed me to save the seats.
他儿子是男二号♥
His son's the second lead.
我觉得我们可以来个剧院野餐
I thought we could do a theater picnic.
你看起来很棒
Hey, you look amazing.
今天早上还顺利吗
How'd the, uh, thing go this morning?
挺好 我预订了老海军战役运动
Good. I booked that Old Navy campaign.
难以置信
That is incredible.
你看 我就要经常去旅行了
Look, I'm gonna be traveling so much
而你已经这么忙
and you're already so busy.
不 我不忙 我不忙
No. I'm not that, I'm not busy.
我不想和给别人占座的家伙在一起
I don't wanna be with a guy saving somebody else's seats.
我想要能让人占座的家伙 你了解吗
I want the guy whose seats are being saved, you know?
我觉得我们应该停止了 不
I think we should stop. No!
你看 我知道这让人恼火
Look, I know this is annoying...
女士 我敢为这些座位拼命
Ma'am, I would lay my life down for these seats.
如果你不敢这么说 就走开
If you can't say the same, move on.
我们能想到办法的
We can make this work.
我就要升职了 行程会轻松点
I'm about to get promoted. My schedule is gonna be so much easier.
到时候就该别人给我们占座了
Then our seats are gonna be saved.
我答应你
I promise.
嘿 不好意思
Hey. Excuse me.
-嘿 爸 -嘿 我喜欢你的胡子
- Hey, dad. - Hey, I like the beard.
-这是你占的吗 -是
- You got these seats? - Yeah.
你要马上给我找个女按♥摩♥师
You're gonna have to get me a masseuse.
我们离舞台就三厘米
We're three centimeters from the stage.
你是有毛病吗 我的脖子会仰坏的
What is wrong with you? I'll mess up my neck.
有很多辣妈啊
Lot of hot moms here.
美女
Holler.
我加入
I'm in.
他们做♥爱♥ 我们就自♥由♥了 是吗
When they're boning, we're free, right?
他们可能在哪见面 他们可能在哪见面
Where could they meet? Where could they meet?
-瑞克通常在地区俱乐部里 -好
- Rick's usually at the District Club. - Okay.
她能够在那撞见他吗
Could she run into him there?
是 当然 她能撞见他
Yeah. Sure. She can just run into him.
不过她需要被两个现会员和一个前会员
After she's been nominated by two current members,
推荐 然后被董事会批准
one former member, approved by the board.
还需要变下性
Also has a sex change.
技术上讲 女人是可以的
Technically, women are allowed.
好吧 我明白
Okay, I get it.
瑞克只关心赢钱
All Rick cares about winning.
所以我们只需要让你老板以为是笔交易
So we just gotta make your boss seem like a business deal
或一次垒球比赛
or a softball game.
柯尔斯顿只关心她的网站 商标
All Kirsten cares about is her site, her brand.
这就像她的孩子
It's like her baby.
她不该真有小孩
She shouldn't have a real baby.
你怎么敢
How dare you.
但的确 我也认为这是其中的一大部分
But yes, I do think that's a huge part of it.
我们需要一次美丽的邂逅 就像
We need a meet cute. Like,
每一个伟大的爱情都有美丽的邂逅
every great romance has a meet cute.
就像 被困在电梯里或之类的 但是
Like, getting stuck in an elevator or something, but...
为什么不就把他们困在电梯里
Why don't we just get them stuck in an elevator.
我们要怎么做到
Because how would we do that?
你不认识恐怖蒂姆吗
You don't know Creepy Tim?
一盆多肉
A succulent.
你在这能种植物吗
Can you grow plants down here?
不能 他们只会慢慢死掉
Oh, no. They just slowly die.
所以 伙计 我们想关会儿电梯
So, buddy, we wanted to shut down the elevator for a few minutes,
然后让两个人陷入爱河
so two people could fall in love.
查理
Charlie...
唯一我认为比爱情还值得热爱的
the only thing I love more than love
是封闭空间里的爱情
is love in enclosed spaces.
还有多肉
And succulents.
既然你已经给了我一盆
And you already gave me one of those,
所以 我的答案是可以
so, my answer is yes.
猎鹰一号♥正回窝去
Falcon One's headed to the Nest.
我们要打开潘多拉的盒子了
We are a go for Pandora's Box.