牵线

- Don't you have to teach soon? - I can't sleep.
我办这个艺术展是为了一个孩子
I'm setting up this art show for a kid
他跟他妈妈住在收♥容♥所♥
living at a homeless shelter with his mom.
我觉得他足够优秀去一家公立学校
I think he's good enough to get into one of those magnet schools.
我今天害一个服务员被炒掉了
Today I got a waiter fired
因为他把水珠滴在里克的裤腿上
for dripping condensation on Rick's pant leg,
然而
so...
我仍然要自我感觉良好
I also feel good.
你要知道 你要是升职了
You know. When you get promoted,
就能当那些为学校捐赠物资的有钱人之一
you can be one of those rich guys that donates school supplies.
这样你就不会为自己感到难过了
So you don't feel so bad by youself.
我们爱这种人 我们每年给他制♥作♥贺卡
We love that guy. We make him a card every year.
-我晚点打电♥话♥给你 -记得打哦
- I'll call you later. - You better.
严格来说 这次我确实带了个男人回来
Technically, this time, I did have a guy over.
马丁要走了 他要去红杉资本当副总裁
Martin's leaving. He's gonna be a VP at Sequoia Capital.
你说真的吗 他要直接跳去当副总裁吗
Are you serious? He's jumping associate and going right to VP?
他真的这么做了 那里每个人他都认识
Yes, Rick do. He knows everybody there.
如果你得到他的认可
If you got his stamp of approval,
-那就是中头奖 -可是马丁才30岁
- it's the golden ticket. - But Martin barely 30.
我们没跟你说话 狗屎
We weren't talking to you, dipshit.
快去给里克买♥♥杯冰沙
Go get Rick a smoothie.
我才不去给他买♥♥冰沙
I don't get Rick smoothies.
他现在喝果汁排毒
He's on a juice cleanse.
资助学♥生♥运♥动♥员可是个热点问题
Paying student athletes is such a hot-button issue.
你就不能让一步吗 你这是在暗示
You couldn't back off a little bit? You're implying
我们靠这些穷孩子发财
we're getting rich off poor kids.
我们不是暗示 是在证实 你的助教
We're not implying. We're proving it. Your AD
去年买♥♥了一艘价值200万美元的船
bought a $2-million boat last year.
你的明星球员还在依靠粮票苟活
Your star player is on food stamps.
柯尔斯顿 我们可是个幸福的大家庭
Kirsten, we are all a big happy family here.
我们一直喜欢你 喜欢你在这里的工作
We've always liked you. We like what you're doing here,
但别为了让自己出名而把我们的关系搞崩
but don't make a name for yourself by burning bridges.
我是出于礼貌才把稿子发给你看
I sent you that article as a courtesy.
我一个字都不会改的
I'm not changing a word.
不过等它正式出版的时候再把链接发给你
But I will send you the link when it is live.
柯尔斯顿 这真是太棒了
Kirsten. That was incredible.
你刚刚简直就像
You just feel like...
你还在这干嘛 我午饭呢
What are still doing here? Where's my lunch?
我这就去拿
I'm gonna get it right now.
快告诉我些我还不知道的猛料
Tell me something I don't know!
这些是交易所买♥♥卖♥♥基金
Here are those ETFs.
你的小伙伴想你了
-实习生 -我的名字是波
- Intern? - My name's Bo.
-我才不管呢 -这名字音节很少的
- I don't give a shit. - It has fewer syllables.
去帮里克接电♥话♥ 我去买♥♥午饭 好吗
Cover Rick's phone. I'm gonna get lunch. All right?
不准尿尿 不准离开 不准打喷嚏
Don't pee, don't zone out, don't sneeze.
守着他的电♥话♥ 当个透明人就行了
Just cover his phones, try not to exist.
千万 千万不要跟他前妻联♥系♥
Do not ever, ever connect to his ex-wife.
-如果她打过来我要告诉他吗 -要啊
- Do I tell him if she calls? - Yeah.
然后你就要用我的下♥体♥去蘸满墨水
And then you gonna slather my dick in ink and use it
写个表示 不 的象形文字
to write the hieroglyphic for "no."
-我不懂象形文字 -抱歉 超纲了
- I don't know hieroglyphics. - Sorry. That was over the line.
反正你别告诉他就是了 去吧
But no, don't tell him. Go.
宝贝别再穿衣服了 我这就冲过去
Baby do not put on any more clothes. I'm coming over.
靠 完蛋了
Oh, shit.
有人要被炒鱿鱼了
Someone's ass is fired!
-怎么了 -我感觉他是对这个很不爽
- What happened? - I think he's upset about this.
琪琪·奥蒂斯与史蒂文·布朗
-去你丫的 琪琪 -这是她前妻的
- Goddamn you, Kiki! - This is his ex-wife.
琪琪·奥蒂斯是她吗 这样就说通了
Kiki Otis is...? Oh, that makes sense.
精神承诺仪式 你给他看了这个吗
"Spiritual commitment ceremony"? You showed him this?
你没跟我说还要注意他的邮件啊
You didn't say anything about his mail.
-你没点脑子 -那是不合法的仪式
- You have no idea what... - It's non-legal.
里克
Rick?
这啥玩意 防爆玻璃吗
What is this?! Bulletproof glass?!
铅笔鸡♥巴♥男在哪
Where's pencil-dick?
-我感觉我就是那只 -你被开除了
- I feel like I'm pencil-dick. - You're fired.
查利接他的活
Charlie, take his work.
我再也不想看到他的脸
I don't wanna see pencil-dick's face again.
铅笔可长可短 能粗能细
Pencils can be all lengths and girths,
所以 可笑的是他
so, the joke's on him.
你的确是个天赋异禀的人
Obviously, you're talented.
你不需要一个劲的说服我们
You don't have to keep convincing us.
从去掉这些形容词开始吧
Start by taking out the adjectives.
太感谢你了
Thank you so much.
非常乐意为达特茅斯校友效劳
Anything for a Dartmouth grad.
很晚了 快回去吧
It's late. Get out of here.
你能为她干活真是太幸运了吧
You are so lucky to work for her.
-我知道啊 -我是从校友杂♥志♥上
- I know. - I reached out to her
请求她帮忙的 然后她立刻就回复我了
through the alumni magazine and she responded right away.
现在她要成为我的导师了
Now she's gonna be my mentor.
她太棒了
She's amazing.
哈珀 我要睡一会儿
Harper, I'm gonna take a nap.
半夜的时候叫醒我就好
So, just wake me up at midnight.
但别一下把我吓醒 放个摇篮曲
Oh, but don't startle me. Play a lullaby
然后慢慢加大音量
then slowly increase the volume.
好的
Okay.
还钱给偷菜贼
-你好 -我去
- Hello. - Holy shit.
这是你要的利息 拿着吧你
Here's your stupid interest. There you go.
你怎么还在这啊 你是清洁工什么的吗
What are you still doing here? Are you like a janitor something?
我看着像是个清洁工吗
Do I look like a janitor?
才不是呢
No.
我为柯尔斯顿·史蒂芬斯工作
I work for Kirsten Stevens.
-谁啊 -ESPN的体育记者
- Who? - The sports reporter from ESPN.
ESPN是世界最著名的体育电视网
好吧
Okay.
连罗杰·古德尔都承认会
She got Roger Goodell to admit he'd
罗杰·古德尔是美国橄榄球联盟总裁
看她的视频 你不认识她吗
seen the video? You don't know her?
她揭露了企鹅队的脑震荡协议事件
She broke the Penguins concussion protocol story
那简直颠覆了整个NHL
that literally changed the NHL.
NHL是北美职业冰球联盟
那你在这是做什么的
But what are you doing here?
她没走我就不能走
I can't leave until she leaves.
但她又从不离开
And she never leaves.
所以我一直都是这里最后一个走的
So, I'm always the last one here.
我才一直是这里最后一个走的
I'm always the last one here.
不 你不是
No, you're not.
即使里克不在这里 我也会在这
Even when Rick not here, I'm here.
柯尔斯顿在她办公室放了张小床
Kirsten keeps a cot in her office.
里克在他办公室放了张泰普尔公♥司♥产的床
Rick keeps a Tempur-Pedic cot in his office.
泰普尔公♥司♥是美国席梦思制♥造♥商
好比床中的特斯拉
Like The Tesla of cots.
特斯拉是世界顶尖高性能电动车企
柯尔斯顿就像佩奇小姐和伏地魔生的孩子
Kirsten like if Miss Piggy and Voldemort had a baby
还是那种低血糖并且一年都不需要打炮的
and that baby had low blood sugar and hadn't had sex in a year.
别拿婴儿来说打炮的事好吧 没病吧你
Don't talk about babies having sex. What's wrong with you?
你想试试吗
Do you want some?
瑞克把不值200美元的酒都扔了
Rick throws away any liquor that costs less than $200.
我们在工作中
We're at work.
都要午夜了 成熟点
It's almost midnight. Grow up.
已经长大很久了 我能受得了生小孩了
It's been so long, I have the tolerance of a fetus.
这是一次艰难的失利
It was a tough loss,
但我们把它放到脑后 专注下一场比赛
but we're putting it behind us. Looking for the next games.
第三杯还是不行
The third glass is still bad.
如果你看球能和现在看我的奶头一样认真
If you could watch the ball as well as you're watching my tits right now,
你就可以进入季后赛了
you guys could have made it to the playoffs.
我想有朝一日在她的网站上登篇文章
I wanna have an article on her site someday.
天啊 你要不要看看这个
My God. Will you look at this?
苏士被邀请去这些很酷的聚会
Suze gets invited to all this cool shit.
我一个也没能去
I miss all of it.
我失去了所有 已经很久没有去过聚会
I miss everything. It's been so long since I've been to a party.
也没有和男人出去过了
Or made out with a guy.
我甚至忘了怎么 就像是舌头萎缩了