小人物

连狗都是一样的 好吧
Same dog and everything. Okay.
你可以告诉我为什么
Uh, and could you please tell me
你今天没有去学校吗
why you aren't in school today, hmm?
学校吗
School?
拉倒吧 我没去学校好多年了
Girl, bye. I haven't been to school in, like, years.
她不是这个意思
Nope, that's not what she meant.
你不是这个意思 对吧
That's not what you meant, right?
是的 我没那个意思 玩笑话而已
Oh, yeah, that's not what I meant. Joking. Mmm.
好的 因为小孩在义务教育阶段
Okay, good, because any parent or guardian of a child
家长或监护人必须
during the ages of mandatory attendance
送他们到公立学校
shall send such child to public school,
私立学校或在家自学的项目里
private school, or a homeschooling program.
此外 任何违法的
Furthermore, any parent or guardian
家长或监护人
who violates this code section
将会处以罚款 坐牢 社区服务
shall be subject to fine, imprisonment, community service,
或是法庭认为合适的叠加处罚
or any combination of such penalties as the court sees fit.
说什么呢在
Say what now?
我是在说得把孩子送进学校
"Say what now" is enroll this child in school,
不然某人要坐牢 我讲的还不够清楚吗
or somebody is going to jail. That's what now. Say what.
你说的某人是指
By "somebody," do you mean...
你 是指你
You. That would be you.
现在
Now, the school district
乔丹被分配到的学区是
which Jordan would be assigned to would be...
温莎中学
Ah. Windsor Middle School.
温莎吗
Windsor?
-是的 -不要
-Yes. - Oh, hell no.
当然没问题
Hell yes.
我们喜欢那个学校
We love that school.
今天让她登记入学 我会查你是否照做了
Enroll her there today, and I will be checking that you do so.
不 看着我 女士
No. Look here, lady.
我是女商人 我经营一家公♥司♥
I am a businesswoman, and I have a company to run.
她卖♥♥女童子军饼干
She sells Girl Scout cookies.
但她很当真 我觉得
She just takes it really seriously. I'm like...
我不想浪费时间在你们身上
So I don't have time for Child Services,
我也没时间去上学 知道吗
and I sure don't have time for school. Okay?
听清楚 如果你不照做
Let me be clear. I will have you in foster care
我会送你进收养中心
and your goofy aunt over here in jail
你的傻姑姑进监狱 明白了吗
if you don't. Okur?
是 好的
Yes. Okay. Yes.
没问题
No problem.
很好
Excellent.
不介意的话 我现在要拍个
Now, if you don't mind, I'm just gonna get a video
-你们俩的视频 -你要发出去吗
- of you two together. - Are you gonna post this?
还有这间公♥寓♥ 我喜欢有证据在手
And this apartment, because I like the evidence.
我不可以去学校
I can't go to school.
我不要进监狱
I'm not going to jail.
事已至此 我只好出此下策了
I can't believe I have to say this.
你要在办公室里顶替我
You're gonna have to be me in the office.
他们不会听我的 我只不过是玩伴
They're not gonna listen to me. I'm like the homie.
你要让他们听你的
You have to make them listen.
我会时刻和你保持联♥系♥
I'll be on the phone in your ear,
不要说我没让你说的话
so don't say anything I don't tell you to say.
不要做任何我没吩咐的事
Don't do anything I don't tell you to do.
所以你还是老大吗
So you're still in charge?
一直是
Always.
让所有人都集中在新想法上
Just keep everyone focused on fresh ideas,
不然整个公♥司♥就完蛋了
or else the whole company is over.
那会让我很不舒服的
That just really makes me uncomfortable.
你知道还有什么让你不舒服吗
But do you know what else is uncomfortable?
失业
Unemployment.
好吧
Okay.
我可以帮你去办公室打掩护
I will agree to cover for you at the office
只要你答应提拔我到创意执行部
if you agree to promote me to creative exec.
你刚说什么
What'd you just say?
我说 你要答应我提拔我到创意执行部
I said, um, for you to promote me to creative exec.
这可真有胆子说出这句话
Well, look whose balls just dropped.
我要得到我想要的
I gotta take what I want.
-那不是你说的吗 -应该是吧
- Isn't that what you said? - Maybe.
成交吗
So, deal?
成交
Deal.
太好了
Yes!
你想 因为我要替代你
You know, since I have to be you,
我应该打扮得像你一样
I should probably dress the part
借用你的衣服
and borrow some of your clothes.
你穿不下我的衣服
Your body can't fit into my clothes.
只有我这么完美的身材
This is squats.
才适合这些衣服
This is Pilates.
穿在你身上像童装一样
That body looks like BabyGap,
像是个小学生
Gymboree,
看起来也就不过时髦点罢了
OshKosh B'gosh to me.
你的话刺痛我了
Oh, you get on my nerves.
-好吧 -太好了
- Fine. - Yes!
这可太搞笑了
This is ridiculous.
让我理清楚
Let me get this straight,
你去塔吉特百货 给我买♥♥了这个吗
you went to Target, and you got me this?
是的
Tarjay.
工装裤是我买♥♥的 T恤是我自己的
The overalls is what I got. The shirt is mine.
我看着真不错
I look great.
看着像个假的优秀女商人
Looking like Cookie from Empire.
奥普拉
April.
-你认识这个小孩吗 -嘿 文森
- Uh, you know this kid? - Oh, hey, Vince.
乔丹总是什么事都交给我做
You know how Jordan always asks me to do everything?
是啊
Yeah.
这是她的侄女
Well, this is her niece.
她出城了 我帮忙看着她
Yeah, I'm watching her while she's out of town.
这就说得通了
Oh! That explains it.
我们昨天对她还有点疑惑呢
Yeah, we had a little confusion with her yesterday...
你们叫了出租车吗
Uh, did you guys, call a Lyft?
没有 我有车钥匙
No. I got my keys. No.
其实 乔丹留了她的车钥匙给我
Actually, Jordan left these for me.
这是我们说好的
Yeah. It was part of our agreement.
姑姑没那么说
I don't think Auntie said that.
大人的事 小孩别管
Now, stay out of grown folks' business.
给回我钥匙 刚刚我只是让你玩一下
Give me the keys I let you play with.
她真可爱
She's so funny.
走吧
Here we go.
我怎么关门
Okay, how do I close the doors?
我怎么启动车
Now how do I start the car?
把它调到电动模式 这样更容易
Just put it in electric mode. It's easier to...
哇 停下啊
Whoa! Stop!
奥普拉 没事 没问题
April! Okay, I got it. I got it.
看路啊 停下啊
Watch it! Stop!
你在干嘛啊
What are you doing?
没问题 我可以的
Okay, I got it. I got it.
你不行啊
No, you don't.
是的我不行 我可以的
No, I don't. Okay, I got it.
我不能进去那里
I can't go in there. Mmm-mmm.
你也听到了探员碧的话了
You heard Agent Bea.
如果你今天不注册的话
If you're not registered today,
我就回郡里了
I'm going to county.
但是这个地方
But this place.
那些记忆 让我很难接受
The memories. It was so hard for me.
我从未感觉自己是如此渺小
I never felt so small.
我知道这对你来说很难受 我很抱歉
I know this is hard for you, and I'm sorry,
但我不会为你进监狱的 你必须要上学
but I'm not going to jail for you. You're going to school.
如果你认为我会听
If you think I'm listening to someone
你这样控制力差的人的话
with such poor control over their edges as you,
那你就大错特错了
then, girl, you are severely mistaken.
够了
Okay. That's it.
听着 我是大人 你是小孩
Listen. I'm the adult, and you're the child.