小人物

I don't take pitches from assistants.
这只是
It's just...
我来这里三年了
I've been here for three years,
你承诺给我提升空间 还有
and you promised room for growth and...
所以我欠你一个升职吗
So I owe you a promotion?
不 不 我不是这个意思
No, no. That's not what I'm saying.
我知道现在时机很糟
I know this is a terrible time,
但我真的认为我可以帮助这家公♥司♥
but I really think I could help this company
假如你给我一个机会
if you just gave me a chance
就像别人曾给过你的那样
like someone gave you a chance.
奥普拉小姐 让我给你解释一件事
Let me explain something to you, Miss April.
没人给过我任何东西
Nobody gave me anything.
我看到了机会 抓住了它
I saw an opportunity. I took it,
然后与"机会"俱进 而你知道吗
and I ran with it. And you know what?
我现在依然砥砺奋进 每一天都是这样
I'm still running. Every single day.
你知道我在卖♥♥出我第一个想法前
You know how many times
不得不推销了它多少次吗
I had to pitch my first idea before I sold it?
十七次
Seventeen.
而我坚决不做一个轻易认输的人
And I sure as hell didn't take no for an answer.
等等 也就是说你打算听我的推销吗
Wait, so does that mean you'll hear my pitch?
不听
No.
你知道现实是什么吗 我是老板
You know what it is? I'm a taker.
你不是
You're not.
所以专心当我的助理
So just concentrate on being my assistant
并试着先做好这件事
and try being good at that first.
你不能这样对奥普拉说话
You can't talk to April that way.
谁让这个火灾隐患进来的
Who let the fire hazard in here?
她只是来送东西的
She's just making deliveries.
来吧 史迪维 我们走
Come on, Stevie. Let's go.
你一直都是这样吗
Were you always this way?
我一直是哪样
Was I always what way?
-刻薄 -不
- Mean. - No.
实际上 小的时候我完全和你一样
Actually, I used to be just like you when I was little,
而你知道吗
and you know what?
人们对我很糟糕
People treated me like crap.
然后发生了什么
Then what happened?
我长大了 我有钱了
I got big, and I got rich.
那么现在谁会管我 亲
So now who's gonna check me, boo?
好吧 那个
Well... Well...
好吧 那个
"Well... Well..."
你还没准备好和大人一起玩
Well, you ain't ready to play with the grown-ups.
所以你继续去和自己玩吧
So go ahead with your little self.
我希望你和我同龄 然后我会管你
I wish you were my age. Then I'd check you.
每一个被你刻薄对待的人
Everybody who you're awful to
也都将管着你 亲
would check you too, boo.
我希望你的小卡♥通♥狗会咬你
Well, I wish your little cartoon dog would bite you.
我希望你是小孩
I wish you were little.
那是什么
What was that?
那是什么 那是
What was what? What was...
出去 出去 让这个小黑人巫师出去
Get out. Get out. Get that little chocolate Hogwart out!
你还好吗 因为你看起来不太好
Are you okay? 'Cause you don't look so good.
不 你才看起来不太好
No, you don't look good.
不 你才看起来不太好
No, you don't look good.
当人不吃碳水食品时就会这样
That's what happens when people don't eat carbs.
他们就开始看见魔鬼
They start seeing Satan.
动起来
Move!
回去工作 工作
Go back to work! Work!
工作
Work!
早晨鸡汤
Morning inspiration.
有钱但心碎
It is better to have money and be broken-hearted
比破产且心碎要好
than be broke and broken-hearted.
醒来 去挣钱吧
Let's wake up and get this money.
我需要咖啡
Mmm, I need coffee.
我告诉过你 当心点
I told you, watch it.
我向上帝发誓 下次看到你时
I swear to God, when I see you again,
我要揍你一顿
I will whoop your butt.
忍♥住 我不是那种人
Argh, I'm not the one.
老样子
The usual.
什么老样子
What's your usual?
你在跟我开玩笑 对吗
You're playing with me, right?
给 这个帮你想起来了吗
Here. Does that help you remember?
三份浓缩咖啡要加奶沫
Triple espresso with foam!
知道吗 太多咖♥啡♥因♥会阻碍你的身体发育
You know, too much caffeine stunts your growth.
第一 闭嘴
First of all, shut up.
第二
And second of all,
我这身材看起来像是被阻碍了发育吗
does all this body look like my growth has been stunted?
-不好说 你多大了 -三十八
- Depends. How old are you? - Thirty-eight.
那么 好吧 是 是被阻碍了
Well, then, yes. Yes, it does.
什么
What the...
天啊
Oh, my God.
我需要去躺医院
I need to go to the hospital.
保安
Security!
一个无家可归的孩子正试图劫车
A homeless kid is trying to carjack!
谁丢了包
Who's missing a bag?
不 退后 没人能碰这包
No! Back off! No one is touching this bag.
从车边让开点
Step away from the car.
是我啊 我是乔丹 这是我的车
It's me, Jordan. This is my car.
我不会因为这个丢掉工作的
I'm not losing my job over this!
小姑娘 你的父母是谁
Hey, little girl. Who are your parents?
乔丹·桑德是我妈
er...Jordan Sanders is my mom.
乔丹可没有孩子
Uh-uh. Jordan doesn't have a child.
好吧 她把我藏起来了
Well, she keeps me hidden.
请不要告诉任何人你见过我
Just, please, don't tell anyone you saw me.
你这可怜的孩子
You poor child.
那个女人甚至比我认为的还可怕
That woman is even more horrible than I thought.
她并不可怕
She is not horrible.
她只是有一种十分高要求的生活方式
She just has a very demanding lifestyle
可能导致让她有点神经衰弱
that might be giving her a nervous breakdown.
喂 你好 是儿童服务机构吗
Hello? Hello, Child Services?
停下
Stop.
别再那样说话
Stop talking like that.
你怎么知道我要说什么
How do you know what I'm gonna say?
说话啊
Saying
我自然的水滴形胸在哪里
Where are my natural tear-drop boobs?
我为这胸付了一万五千块的
I paid 15 G's for those things.
为什么 为什么你会变
Why? Why did you change?
这不可能发生
This can't be happening.
好吧
Okay.
温莎初中
温莎初中
学生投票和
最值得回忆的瞬间
不
No.
不要是这个女孩
Not this girl.
乔丹 是我
Jordan, it's me.
我收到了你全部十五条信息
I got all 15 of your messages.
你好可爱呀
Aw, aren't you cute?
你是乔丹的亲戚吗
Are you related to Jordan?
所以 你也看到她了吗
So you see her, too?
看到谁
See who?
这个小女孩
The little girl.
乔丹在哪里
Where's Jordan?
乔丹
Jordan?
你真的想知道吗
Do you really want to know?
是的
Yeah.
她在我的身体里
She's inside me.
所以你吃了她吗
So you ate her?
是这样吗
Is that what happened?
你在你的小易烤牌烤箱里烤了她吗
Did you cook her in your little Easy-Bake Oven?
乔丹 我在这里
Jordan, hey, I'm here.
你在哪里
Where are you?
我拿来了你干洗的衣服
I got your dry cleaning.
你可没付钱让我看孩子