兜风（2023）

Of course, I am. I was trying to sell you drugs.
好了 你现在就得把那些东西处理掉
Okay, you need to get rid of that now.
把它们处理掉
Get rid of it.
我们一起处理这些东西 因为假如我出事了
We need to get rid of that. 'Cause if I'm going down,
我会把你们几个小蠢货一起拖下水
you little dipshits are going down with me.
我们都是美国人 每个人都摆脱不了干系
We're American. They're gonna come after all of us.
如果警♥察♥来问 我们就说我们和她没有
If the cops ask, we'll just say we have nothing to do
任何关系
with her.
现在你们都是毒贩了 贱♥人♥
You're drug dealers now, bitches!
搞什么鬼
What the fuck?
好吧 顺便一说 货不错
Okay, that is good shit, by the way.
没错 我只卖♥♥最好的
Yeah, I only sell the best.
哦 操 操
Oh, fuck. Fuck.
不不不 - 哦 该死
No, no, no. - Oh, shit.
我们不能在中国被逮到持有毒品
We can't get caught with drugs in China.
我们会被遣返 或者去坐牢 可能要坐一辈子
We'll get deported. Or jail, probably for life.
哦 我的天啊 这不就是《铁狱魔难》的剧情吗
Oh, my God, is this what happened in Brokedown Palace?
*即两位女性在旅行途中遭人利用携带毒品因而被捕入狱
那是在泰国
That was Thailand!
哦 我的天啊 我会失去律师资格
Oh, my God. I'm gonna get disbarred.
我这样的名人不能坐牢
I am too famous for jail.
你们几个他妈的冷静点
You guys need to calm the fuck down
然后他妈的听我说 好吗
and you need to fuckin' listen to me, okay?
既然窗户不能用
Since that window's not working,
我们有两个选择 把毒品藏在身体里
we have two options. We hide the drugs in our body,
或者把它们用掉 好吗 我需要你们帮忙
or we do them, okay? I need your help.
你看起来就像用过很多毒品
You look like you've done a lot of drugs.
正确 - 你看起来就像
That's correct. - You look like you've
屁♥眼♥里塞过很多东西
had a lot of things in your asshole.
呃 没有很多东西 就一样东西
Uh, not a lot of things. Just one thing.
不过可能是同一样东西的不同版本
But maybe different varieties of that one thing,
呃 就是鸡♥巴♥ 我是说 不 不
um, which is dick. I mean, no, no!
你不明白 可♥卡♥因♥会让我变得非常饥渴
You don't understand. Cocaine makes me really horny.
会变得很奇怪 - 我知道你们俩不吸毒
It could get really weird. - I know you two aren't
我也知道你们现在特别害怕
drug people and I know you're super scared right now
但是你们现在需要做出决定
but you're gonna need to decide.
你们是否愿意为自己的同胞挺身而出
Are you gonna step up for your fellow countrywoman?
你想塞还是想用
You gonna plug or you gonna play?
不 两个都不想
No. Neither.
那是安全套吗
Is that a condom?
我还没有准备好进行性行为
I'm not ready to have sex!
操 小组项目
Fuck! Group project!
死眼 放进来
Deadeye, get in there.
你好
什么事
我知道你们有私藏♥毒♥品在这儿
当然没有的
这样吧 让我来处理 好吗
You know what, I'll handle this, okay?
可以 我可以 伙计们 我能搞定
I got it. I got it, guys. I got it, got it.
请注意 中国警♥察♥
Attention, Chinese policemen.
哦 该死 你将要面对律师了
Oh, shit. You're about to get lawyered.
你好 嗨 嗨
Hello. Hi. Hi. Hi.
我知道你认为我们携带了毒品
I know that you think that we have drugs,
我们并没有 事实上 我是一名律师
and we do not have drugs. In fact, I'm a lawyer.
我是个律师 事实上 我是个非常优秀的律师
I'm a lawyer. I'm in fact, a very good lawyer.
而且我希望你知道
And so I just want you to know that
我们是美 美国公民
we are citizens of Amer... America.
本人对案情陈述完毕
And that is why I rest my case.
我不相信你们
她们吸毒 她们吸毒
我们当然没有
在屁♥眼♥里 在屁♥眼♥里
查她的屁♥股♥
我的屁♥眼♥干干净净的
好吗
Okay?
她还拿了我的行李箱 她拿了我的行李箱
And she took my suitcase. She took my suitcase.
是我的 是我的
嗨 这是我的
Hey! This is mine!
你在开玩笑吗 这是我的
Are you kidding? This is mine.
我这辈子都没碰过毒品
I've never done drugs in my life.
我真的很不想检查她们的屁♥眼♥
把她们踢出去吧
好吧 好吧 没关系
Okay, okay. We're good,
没关系 没事 我们没事的 好了
we're good, we're good, we're good. Okay.
大 大家都冷静点 冷静点 冷静
Every... Everybody, calm down. Calm down. Calm down.
哦 我的天啊 什么鬼
Oh, my God! What the fuck?
那个美国妞偷了凯特的行李箱
That American girl stole Kat's suitcase.
我们的护照都在里面
Our passports are in there.
往好的一面看 我们只是被赶下了火车
Well, the bright side is, we just got kicked off the train.
而没有奶头朝上地挂在冷冻运肉车里
We're not hanging by our nipples in a meat freezer.
不不不不 如果没有护照
No, no, no, no. If we do not have our passports,
我们就回不了家 回不了家
then we can't go home. And if we can't go home,
我们就上不了班 没有工作
then we can't go to our jobs. And if we don't have jobs,
我们就没有钱再买♥♥可♥卡♥因♥了
we can't get more money to get more coke.
我还想吸粉 哦 我的天啊 你们感觉痒吗
I want more coke. Oh, my God. Is anyone else itchy?
我很抱歉 就是 我他妈的感觉好痒
I'm sorry. I'm just, I'm fucking itchy.
操 操 凯特 亲爱的 你还好吗
Fuck. Fuck. Kat, honey, you good?
出来了吗 - 嗯 但只有七袋
Are they coming out? - Yeah, but only seven.
我记得我放了八袋进去 - 如果有干净的
And I think I put in eight. - If you get a clean one
你能不能 呃 告诉我一下
could you just, um, keep me posted?
我现在真是恨死你了
I hate you so much right now!
用力推 拉 我是说 转转它
Just push. Pull. I mean, twist it.
我的屁♥眼♥不是节拍达人玩具
It's not a Bop It, it's my asshole!
*一种要求按照语♥音♥提示进行上述三种操作的儿童玩具
好吧 把你的手伸进去
Okay, just stick your hand up there
就像用夹娃娃机的爪子夹玩具熊一样
like a claw machine tryin' to get the stuffed bear.
好吧 - 再深一点
Okay. - Deeper!
好吧 - 再高一点
Okay. - Higher!
好吧 - 夹住那只熊
Okay! - Get that bear!
我在试图夹住那只熊
I'm getting the bear!
你为什么表现得这么正常
How are you so normal?
你吸的量大概有我们其他人的两倍
You did, like, twice as much stuff as the rest of us.
我想那些可♥卡♥因♥和苯♥丙♥胺♥在我体内互相抵消了
I think all the coke and molly just balanced out my system.
我感觉很好
I just feel good.
像是 刚刚看着一个小孩
Like, "just watched a child
掉进检修井盖里的那种好
"fall through a manhole cover" good.
你活该 小混♥蛋♥
You deserve it, little shit.
你是一件漂亮的丝绸和服
You're a beautiful silk kimono.
这是热狗穿在签子上吗
Is this a hot dog on a stick?
你猜怎么着 也许是我数错了
You know what? Maybe I just miscounted.
可能就只有七袋
It's probably seven.
死眼 如果你找到了可♥卡♥因♥ 记得回来
Deadeye! If you find coke, come back!
伙计们 我们已经走了几个小时
Guys, how have we walked for hours
为什么一辆车都没看见
and haven't seen one car?
没事 我私信过拜伦•戴维斯了
It's all good. I DM'd Baron Davis.
操 下一个镇子离这儿有27公里
Fuck. The next town is 27 kilometers away.
我的篮球甜心已经在路上了 好吗
My basketball boo is on his way, okay?
哦 不过 事到如今
Oh. Although, at this point,
我甚至都不想有人来救我了 好吗
I don't even wanna be rescued, okay?
我不能这样出现在公共场合
I cannot be seen in public
被人看见
looking like this.
没错 你看起来就像凯蒂猫
Yeah, you look like Hello Kitty
刚被格罗比操过脑壳
just got skull-fucked by Grobie.
*指粗暴的强制口♥交♥
哦 我的天啊 你太搞笑了
Oh, my God, you're so funny!
去你的
Fuck you!
这都是你的错
This is all your fault.
这怎么会是我的错
How is it my fault?
又不是我选择了和全车唯一那个
I'm not the one who chose the train cabin
明显是毒贩的人坐在同一个车厢
with the one obvious drug dealer
就因为我有那么一点种族歧视自己人
just 'cause I'm a wee bit racist against my own people.
我没有种族歧视 - 嘿 没有种族歧视
I'm not racist. - Hey, "not racist."
但是你不喜欢珍珠奶茶
But you don't like boba
而且你从来没有和亚洲男的做过 所以
and you've never fucked an Asian guy, so...
见鬼 还是没有吗 - 不不 记得那个
Damn. Still? - No, no. Remember that
从哈萨克斯坦来的外国交换生吗
foreign exchange student from Kazakhstan?
叫比兹 比兹普 呃 巴兹德
B... Bizi... Bizip? Uh, Bazid?
大卫吗 - 对 大卫
David? - David. David.
哈萨克斯坦是在亚洲吗