致敬幽默大师柯南·奥布莱恩专场（2025）

but, I mean, what am I saying?
那简直和瓶中闪电一样罕见
That's-- That's lightning in a bottle.
严格来说 瓶子里装的是辣酱
Technically, the hot sauce
was in the bottle.
闪电是从你屁♥股♥里喷出来的
对吧 柯南?
The lightning was shooting
out of your ass, wasn't it, Conan?
一定有办法的
There must be a way.
也许我帮得上忙
Maybe I could help.
《辣鸡翅挑战》的肖恩·埃文斯
Sean Evans of Hot Ones.
肖恩 你怎么会来这里?
Sean, what are you doing here?
斯蒂芬 是你邀请我来的
Stephen, you invited me.
噢 对哦
Oh, that's right.
你自称是个从没见过辣椒的爱尔兰人
And, Conan, you know,
you walked onto the Hot Ones set
却走进了《辣鸡翅挑战》的现场
as a self-proclaimed Irishman
who's never seen spice,
然后在一口接一口
逐渐崩溃的过程中
and then, through your wing-by-wing
dissension into madness,
让我和无数观众
见识到了什么叫真正的“艺能地狱”
taught me, and the millions who watched,
what show business really is.
所以今晚 我们举起奶杯敬你
So tonight,
we raise our milk glasses to you.
女士们、先生们
斯蒂芬打算在继续完成致辞的同时
Ladies and gentlemen,
Stephen is going to attempt
to continue his remarks
while answering my questions
一边回答我的问题
一边吃辣度递增的鸡翅
and eating increasingly
spicy chicken wings.
来吧!
Let's bring it on!
好嘞
Oh yeah.
我想先说一下
I'll start by saying,
鉴于肯尼迪中心新上任的领导层
in light of the new leadership
at The Kennedy Center,
这些都是“右侧鸡翼”
all of these are right wings.
其中有几个真的辣到疯癫
And a couple of them are truly insane.
没错
肖恩
That's right.
Sean.
这里有五块鸡翅 一个比一个更火♥辣♥
We have five wings here,
each hotter than the last.
好的 为了让观众更好理解
塔巴斯科辣酱有多辣 肖恩?
Okay, for context for the audience,
how hot is Tabasco, Sean?
大约1000个辣度单位
About 1,000 Scoville units.
这里的第一块鸡翅有多辣?
What is the measurement
on this first one here?
辣度超过18倍
More than 18 times that.
好的 感觉有点过分啊 肖恩
好了
Okay. That seems like a lot, Sean.
All right.
我们开始吧
好的
Let's dive right in.
Okay.
Mmm. Mm.
你是怎么认识柯南的?
So... ...how did you first meet Conan?
我是在第二城喜剧团的时候
认识了柯南
Well, I met Conan when I was a member
of The Second City in Chicago.
我当时...
I was...
那是柯南正准备接替莱特曼之前
It was right before
Conan took over for Letterman,
他在找编剧
and he was looking for writers.
所以罗伯特·斯密格尔
说他要带柯南来
So Robert Smigel, Robert Smigel
said he was going to bring Conan
看我在第二城的演出 我非常兴奋
to see me in the show at Second City,
and I was so excited.
这才是第一块鸡翅啊
And-- This is the first wing.
好吧
All right.
这可不好办了 好吧 总之...
That's not great. Okay, anyway...
我超级兴奋 我真的非常期待
I was super psyched,
and I really dug down deep,
我献上了一生中最精彩的表演
and I gave the performance of a lifetime,
因为我知道我必须这样做
because I knew I had to,
毕竟柯南·奥布莱恩在看
because Conan O'Brien was out there.
那么他是怎么想的?
So, what did he think?
I don't know. He wasn't out there.
我不知道 他没去看
他没出现 他有别的事要忙
He never showed up. He had a thing.
下一块鸡翅 快点 没时间了
好的 继续
Next wing. Come on. Ticktock.
All right, moving on.
这个是墨西哥胡椒及罗霍辣酱
辣度单位为49000
This is Los Calientes Rojo
with a Scoville rating of 49,000.
好
Okay.
Whoopedeedoo!
所以那时
你就放弃为柯南的节目工作了?
So, was it then that you gave up
on working on Conan's show?
不 我没有放弃
No, I did not give up.
有一次我甚至飞到纽约
At one point, I even flew to New York
坐在康卡斯特大厦他的办公室门外
and sat outside of his office door
in 30 Rock,
希望在他开完会后 引起他的注意
hoping to catch his eye
as he came out of a meeting.
他一直没出来
He never came out.
我知道这听起来很可悲
Now, I know that sounds sad,
但我想告诉所有人 看起来也很可悲
but I want everyone to know
it also looks sad.
然后你就放弃了?
And then you gave up?
没有 我提交了好几份编剧资料包
No. I submitted multiple writer's packets.
从来没有得到过回音
I never heard back.
但你们知道吗?
But you know what?
那都是过去的事了 肖恩
That's all in the past, Sean.
我不是一个记仇的人
I'm not a man who holds grudges.
所以今晚 我只想说
So tonight, I just want to say,
柯南 你觉得我的资料包怎么样?
Conan, what did you think of my packet?
你读过吗?
Did you ever read it?
你有没有...因为我带来了
Did you ever--? Because I brought it.
这里有能读软盘的东西吗?
Do you have anything that reads floppies?
我真的带了 我没开玩笑
I have it. I'm not joking.
这可真是个馊主意
This was a bad idea.
你还好吗 斯蒂芬?
Are you okay, Stephen?
不好 我现在才刚刚感受到
辣翅太辣了?
No, it's just really beginning to hit me.
The wings?
不是 是我们居然在肯尼迪中心
好吧
No, that we're at The Kennedy Center.
Okay.
稍稍振作下 我们来尝尝下一个鸡翅
If you can gather yourself,
let's move on to the next wing.
好 来吧
好的
Come on, let's go.
All right.
这块鸡翅的辣酱有131000个辣度单位
This one right here,
131,000 Scoville units.
好了 开始吧
Yeah, okay, here we go.
Mm. Mmm. All right.
好吧
Mm. Mmm.
斯蒂芬 看样子
柯南的意见对你来说还是很重要的
So, Stephen, it seems like
Conan's opinion still means a lot to you.
当然了
Of course it does.
他可是他妈的柯南·奥布莱恩啊
It's Conan fucking O'Brien.
告诉你
I'll have you know,
他是唯一一位
连任两届的《哈佛妙文》社长
he was the only two-time president
of the Harvard Lampoon.
知道这意味着什么吗?
Do you know what that means?
不知道 意味什么?
No, what does that mean?
I don't know.
我也不知道
但他的维♥基♥百♥科♥页上特意写了
But it's on his Wikipedia page,
so someone cares.
我们继续吧 给我鸡翅 妈的 来吧
Let's keep going.
Wing me, bitch. Let's go.
这个叫“超级魔鬼小炸♥弹♥辣椒酱”
So, this is Da Bomb Beyond Insanity.
这是节目的转折点
也是大家很熟悉的辣酱
It's a turning point in the show,
and a sauce you know all too well.
准备好了就来吧 斯蒂芬
好的
If you're ready. Let's go, Stephen.
Okay. Let's go. Okay.
Mm. Mm. Mm-hmm.
Mmm.
太棒了
Amazing.
不行
No.
你欣赏柯南哪些方面?
What do you admire about Conan?
方方面面都值得欣赏 不是吗?
Well, what's not to admire?
这块真的很呛人