致敬幽默大师柯南·奥布莱恩专场（2025）

是啊
Oh, this one really sucks.
Yeah.
Whoo!
欣赏他的一切
Everything...
...not only is Conan a brilliant comedian,
柯南不仅是个出色的喜剧演员
他还会竭尽全力去做每一件事
he gives everything he's got
to every bit he ever does.
你知道人生中有那么几次
你得拼命挖掘自己的潜能
You know that extra gear that sometimes,
a couple times in your life,
找出平时没有的灵感和创造力
you have to dig down and find?
对柯南来说却是信手拈来
That's Conan's only gear.
只要柯南投入到某件事中
他就绝不会退缩
When Conan commits to something,
he never backs down.
举个例子 当他接受马克·吐温奖时
Case in point,
when he accepted the Mark Twain Prize,
这里还没有换管理层
this was a very different place.
今天他们宣布了两名新董事会成员
Today, they announced two board members,
巴沙尔·阿萨德和骷髅王 但这个人...
Bashar al-Assad and Skeletor,
but this man...
都是为了你 柯南
All for you, Conan.
好的 斯蒂芬
Okay, Stephen.
我们到了最后一块鸡翅了
We've made it to the final wing.
天啊 快点结束吧 肖恩!
这是最后一块了
God, make it end, Sean! Make it end!
This is the last dab.
这块的辣度等级是269.3万辣度单位
This is a Scoville rating
of 2,693,000 units.
你现在开始胡编乱造了
You're just making shit up now.
最后一个问题 说吧
Final question, let's go.
All right, so, this is a big question.
好 这可是个不小的问题
柯南·奥布莱恩是谁?
Who is Conan O'Brien?
柯南·奥布莱恩是货真价实的
Conan O'Brien is pound for pound
全地球最有趣的人
the funniest person on Earth
to spend time with.
他一旦进入状态 没人比他更精彩
When he's on a roll, nothing better.
要是没进入状态
他也不会停 直到把状态找回来为止
When he's not on a roll,
he will not stop until he finds a roll.
不把大家逗得开怀大笑
柯南就绝不罢休
Conan will never leave a room
until he gets a big, real, genuine laugh,
因此他很擅于活跃派对气氛
which makes him amazing at parties
and not so great at funerals.
但不太擅于参加葬礼
说到葬礼
Speaking of funerals,
我估计我已经离死期不远了
I'm pretty sure mine is imminent.
Sean, thank you so much for doing this.
肖恩 非常感谢你能来参加
柯南 我很佩服你 我向你学习了很多
Conan, I admire you, I learn from you,
我对你的爱
几乎与我对肖恩目前的恨持平
and I love you almost
as much as I hate Sean right now.
敬柯南·奥布莱恩
To Conan O'Brien.
你是我的英雄
You're my hero.
下一位嘉宾取得了巨大的成功
Your next presenter is so successful
以至于每次堕胎都能支付现金
that he pays
for all his abortions in cash.
有请特雷西·摩根!
Please welcome Tracy Morgan!
没错!
Oh yes!
晚上好 肯尼迪中心
Good evening, Kennedy Center.
今晚 我们要向一位
对我来说非常重要的朋友致敬
Tonight, we honor a dude
that has been an incredible friend to me.
他和我的人生非常相似
He and I have led
remarkably similar lives.
他在《周六夜现场》工作多年
He worked on SNL for years,
我在《周六夜现场》工作多年
I worked on SNL for years.
他多年来一直在NBC做节目
He had a show on NBC for years,
我多年来一直在NBC做节目
I had a show on NBC for years.
他毕业于哈佛大学
He graduated Valedictorian from Harvard,
我多年来一直在NBC做节目
I had a show on NBC for years.
柯南在他的节目中采访了我50多次
Conan interviewed me
over 50 times on his show,
每一次都很精彩
and every single time was incredible.
他的节目总是很有趣
His show was always much fun.
柯南和我很快就建立了关系
Conan and I bonded immediately
因为我们两个从小到大
都梦想着上电视
'cause we both grew up
dreaming about being on television.
我以前总是待在家里看电视
I used to stay inside and watch television
因为我住在布朗克斯区的廉租♥房♥♥
because I lived in the projects
in the Bronx,
我不想被人枪杀
and I didn't want to get shot.
另一方面 柯南也会待在家里看电视
Conan, on the other hand,
would stay inside and watch TV
因为别人不允许他出去晒太阳
because he wasn't allowed
to go out in the sun.
我没有夸张
I'm not exaggerating.
我真的很爱柯南
I truly, truly love Conan.
你对我来说很重要
You mean much to me, man.
他和我的梦想都是逗大家畅怀大笑
All he and I want to do
is make people laugh.
这就是我们之间的纽带
That's what bonds us.
不管我们是什么肤色
It doesn't matter what color we are,
黑色、棕色、白色
Black, brown, white,
or whatever color he is.
或者不管他是什么肤色 我不知道
I don't know.
我有一个女儿 在她生日的时候
I have a daughter,
and for one of her birthdays,
我给她买♥♥了绘儿乐蜡笔 150支装
I got her Crayola crayons, 150-pack,
但里面没有柯南的颜色
and Conan's color is not in there.
在自然界中是找不到的
It doesn't exist in nature.
柯南 我很感激
这些年来我们创造的所有魔力喜剧
Conan, I appreciate all the comedy magic
we've made over the years.
你绝对是喜剧界的巨头
You're an absolute giant
in the world of comedy,
我把你视为我的兄弟
and I consider you my brother.
为我们提供了这么多年的精彩喜剧
And after a lifetime of making us laugh,
不管是《周六夜现场》
还是《辛普森一家》
whether it was on SNL or The Simpsons,
你最有资格最终获得
you, of all people,
deserve to finally receive
今晚由君迪联合公♥司♥颁发的
tonight's J.D. Power and Associates Award
最佳中型轿车奖
for Best Mid-Size Sedan.
我爱你 小柯
I love you, C-Boogie.
柯南之于喜剧 就像音乐中的摇滚乐
Conan to comedy is like rock and roll.
你想参与到摇滚乐中
You want to be a part
of that rock and roll.
他从没写过低级的笑料
I've never seen him do anything hacky.
When he hosted the Oscars,
主持奥斯卡的时候
他的开场独白很精彩
the opening monologue was brilliant,
这是一份吃力不讨好的工作
and it's a really thankless job,
做这份工作需要很大的勇气
and it takes a lot of guts to do that job.
我觉得他做得很出色
I thought he did such a great job.
(奥斯卡典礼)
(编剧室 加利福尼亚州 洛杉矶)
我要去隔壁的餐厅
I'm going to pitch
Dave & Buster's next door.
柯南在给车加油
Conan feeds his meter.
你们两个...
That's you two, just as--
嘿!
Hey!
好了 我们来捋一下奥斯卡团队
All right, let's go over the Oscar team.
我之前让大家记住这些人
当然
I asked you to memorize all the notes.
Of course.
The writers' room is this very weird, surreal place
编剧室是一个很奇怪、超现实的地方
大家居然能靠讲笑话、写段子赚钱
where somehow people get paid
to say and write funny things
这些段子最后搞不好
还能被用来卖♥♥大众汽车广♥告♥
that eventually might sell Volkswagen ads.
我每天都笑得合不拢嘴
I laugh my ass off every day.
真的是一片混乱
It's just chaos.
我喜欢你们编写段子
I love it when you guys write material
因为我都快吃不消了!
because I feast like a king!
点子不出类拔萃
是不会被柯南采纳的
No idea is going to get by Conan
that isn't exceptional.
有太多的可能性
There's so many ways this can go
我们应该创造出各种可能
that we should just generate
a bunch of possibilities.
然后看看我们最喜欢哪一个
And then see which one we like the most.
解决这个问题的唯一办法
就是大家一致认为“这很有趣”
The only way to solve it is get the one
where we all go, "That's funny."