致敬幽默大师柯南·奥布莱恩专场（2025）

好了 柯南是史上最传奇
Now, Conan was part of the writing staff
最成功的电视节目之一的
其中一位编剧
of one of the most legendary
and successful TV shows of all time,
《辛普森一家》
The Simpsons.
人们总会谈论
柯南对《辛普森一家》的贡献
People love to talk about
Conan's contributions to The Simpsons.
事实上 当人们在网上
谈论《辛普森一家》的编剧时
In fact, his name gets brought up
93% of the time
93%的时间都会提到他的名字
when people on the Internet
talk about Simpsons writers.
我们用这个数据
和他的实际贡献比较一下
Let's compare that
to his actual contribution.
(781集中的3集)
《辛普森一家》一共有781集
Well, there are 781 episodes
of The Simpsons.
柯南写了三集
Conan wrote three.
你猜怎么着?我们放大一下
这样就能看得更清楚一点
You know what? Let's zoom in,
so we can see it a little bit more.
再放大一点
Let's zoom in a little bit more.
好了
There we go.
惊人的0.38%
That is a whopping 0.38%.
相比之下 查尔斯·曼森创作的歌♥曲
占海滩男孩乐队发行歌♥曲的0.41%
By comparison, Charles Manson wrote 0.41%
of the songs released by The Beach Boys.
查尔斯·曼森对海滩男孩的贡献
Charles Manson is a bigger part
of The Beach Boys
比柯南对《辛普森一家》的贡献还多
than Conan is of The Simpsons.
对了
柯南写的《辛普森一家》剧集名是
By the way, the names of
The Simpsons episodes Conan wrote are,
《玛琦和单轨火车》
"Marge vs. the Monorail..."
以及另外两集
...and two other episodes.
公平地说
To be fair,
《玛琦和单轨火车》高居
《辛普森一家》最精彩剧集的前几位
"Marge vs. The Monorail" tops lists
of the best-ever episodes of The Simpsons,
但至少柯南并没有因此而自大
but at least Conan
has not let that go to his head.
六节单轨火车!我说什么来着?
Six-car monorail! What'd I say?
单轨火车!
叫什么?
Monorail!
What's it called?
单轨火车!
没错 单轨火车!
Monorail!
That's right, monorail!
我们接下来讨论
喜剧中最重要的一点 投入
Let's move on to the single most important
thing in comedy, commitment.
投入是做喜剧最重要的一点
Now, comedy is about commitment,
而柯南的投入主要表现在
and nowhere is
Conan's commitment more obvious
他为嘉宾捧场大笑时
than when he is laughing at his guests.
《深夜秀》、《今夜秀》
还有TBS电台的《柯南秀》
Between The Late Show, The Tonight Show,
and Conan on TBS,
柯南一共做了4381次主持人
Conan hosted a late-night show
4,381 times,
平均每集他都会笑193次
and he laughed, on average,
193 times per episode.
多亏了全新的人工智能技术
Thanks to new AI technology,
我们现在可以确定 在193次笑声中
we can now determine
that of those 193 laughs,
大约2%是真诚大笑
around 2% were genuine.
来看看吧
Let's see now.
我们来看一段柯南真诚大笑的视频
Let's watch a clip
where Conan is genuinely laughing...
然后与柯南在深夜秀中
假笑的随机样本进行比较
And compare that to a random sample of Conan fake-laughing
on his late-night show.
我再也不会出演《硅谷》了
I will never do another episode
of Silicon Valley.
那真不错
That's really nice of you.
这是制片人能找到的最佳片段
That's the best clip
the producers could find.
真是感谢你们啊
Thanks so much, guys.
最后一类评判标准是声誉
Our last category is reputation.
我可以滔滔不绝地讲述
同事和同行们对柯南的评价
I could go on and on about what
his colleagues and peers think of Conan,
他们多么欣赏他的喜剧、他的作品
how much they admire his comedy
and his work,
他激励了多少位喜剧演员
how inspiring he has been
to generations of comedians,
但我不想提这些
but instead of that,
我只是想跟你说说你对我的意义
I'm just going to talk to you
about what you mean to me.
柯南 你是我的英雄
Conan, you are my hero.
你真的永远不会明白
你对我有多重要
You will genuinely never understand
how important you are to me.
这是我的真心话
Truly, truly, genuinely.
我跟你说过很多次
但你总会改变话题
I've tried to tell you this many times,
and you changed the subject.
我是因为你才成为喜剧演员的
I'm a comedian because of you.
真的 所以今晚结束后
I really am.
So after this, you'll be FaceTiming
my parents to apologize to them.
你得和我的父母打个视频电♥话♥
向他们道歉
没有谁比你更配得上马克·吐温奖
I cannot think of anyone who deserves
the Mark Twain Prize more than you.
谢谢你邀请我来
Thank you for having me.
这对我来说绝对意义重大 谢谢
It has meant the absolute world to me.
Thank you.
大部分人可能不知道 几年前
Most people do not know this
about Conan, but a few years ago,
柯南切除了一个巨大的赘生物
he had a large growth removed,
他今晚也在这里
and he's here tonight.
有请亲爱的安迪·里希特!
Please welcome the beloved Andy Richter!
大家好!
Hello!
非常感谢 你们好
Thank you very much. Hi there.
大家好
Hi, everybody.
天啊 还真看不出
哪些是奥布莱恩家人呢
Boy, you can't tell who the O'Briens are,
can you?
他们做了一个模具 然后说
整个家庭都可以用这个模具
They made one mold and said
that'll be good for the whole run of them.
在我所有的婚姻中
Of all my marriages,
我和柯南的那段关系是持续最久的
the one that I had with Conan
has lasted the longest.
我们在1993年初识
We first met in 1993,
被《深夜秀》聘用做编剧时
and when I was hired
as a writer for Late Night,
我没想到自己
会给柯南做这么久的助手
little did I know that it would turn into
one million years as Conan's sidekick.
那是我职业生涯的初期
It was the beginning of my beginning,
我永远感激柯南
and I will always be grateful to Conan
邀请我加入 制♥作♥我们的搞笑节目
for inviting me into the process
of making our funny, funny show.
一位表演者愿意让另一位表演者
Uh, it's a profoundly generous thing
坐在他们身边多年
共同分享观众的关注
for a performer to let another performer
sit next to them for years
这是非常慷慨的举动
and share in the attention.
回想我们这个破破烂烂的小节目
当初是如何起步的
When I think back
to how our scrappy little show started,
前几季被评论家骂得体无完肤
the way we got torn to shreds by critics
in the early seasons,
每天都不知道能不能撑到明天
never knowing how long it would last,
现在能走到这一步 还挺让人感慨的
it's gratifying to realize
how far we've made it.
现如今你收获了马克·吐温奖
I mean, you're receiving
the Mark Twain Prize,
而我的播客
也是可可播客中排名前五的播客之一
and I have one of the top five podcasts
on the Team Coco network.
不敢当 拜托
No, no, please.
拜托
Please, please.
谢谢
Thanks.
我很自豪能成为你的朋友
也很开心能来到这里
Um, I am so proud to call you my friend
and so happy to be here
见证你接受这个当之无愧的奖项
to see you accept
this much-deserved award.
你一直致力于
把最聪明、最搞笑的蠢事搬上舞台
Your commitment to putting the funniest,
most intelligent stupidity out there
从我们当年
做《深夜秀》的时候就开始了
has been there
ever since the old days of Late Night,
所以我今天也想来个情怀一击