致敬幽默大师柯南·奥布莱恩专场（2025）

Instead of doing stand-up, he found himself in these writers' rooms,
他没有做脱口秀 而是去编剧室里
他会接管一切 为他们表演
and he would just kind of take over
and perform for them.
达纳·卡维在TBS的
最后几期节目中说了一句话
Dana Carvey said something on one
of the last episodes of the TBS show,
“你从编剧室里最搞笑的人
which is, "You went from
the funniest man in the writers' room
变成了全美最搞笑的人”
to the funniest man in America."
天啊 真♥他♥妈♥是个混♥蛋♥!
是啊
Jesus, what a fucking ass!
I know!
是吧?
天啊!
He is, right?
Oh my God!
他妈的侮辱人
太有毒了!
Fucking insulting.
The most toxic!
居高临下
难以置信!
So condescending.
Unbelievable!
你们看到他种族歧视的样子了吗?
Did you guys see
when he was like so racist?
是的!
对!
Yes!
Yeah!
接下来有请一位杰出演员
Please welcome an outstanding actor
整整八年 他都在饰演一个
真心觉得拼车卡拉OK好笑的人
who for eight years portrayed a man
who thought carpool karaoke was funny,
雷吉·沃茨先生!
Mr. Reggie Watts!
你要去哪儿?
Where you goin'?
脑子里转得跟陀螺一样
Got so much goin' on in your mind
每次出现都能带来欢畅
Bringin' joy every single time, yeah
像小巷里的猫一样疯狂
You're crazy like a cat in an alley
突然被什么吓一跳 完全没预料到
Been startled by somethin'
It's not expectin', yeah
没有人在密谋什么
There's nobody plottin' things
你放心
So you're fine
有人让你郁闷
Somebody's gettin' you down
但你也说不清什么原因
You just don't know what
Don't know why
宝贝 柯南
Baby, Conan, Conan, yeah, Conan
你真是个迷人的男人
You're such a beautiful man
Yeah, Conan
你真是个美丽的人类
You're such a beautiful human
柯南 你真是个迷人的男人
Conan, you're such a beautiful man
对 柯南
Yeah, Conan
你真是个迷人的男人
You're such a beautiful human
柯南
Conan
你真是个迷人的男人 柯南
You're such a beautiful man, Conan
柯南 人类 就是你
Conan, human, yeah
It's you, man
是啊 是你
Yeah, you, man
看看你现在的成就
看看这群爱你的人啊
Look what you are
Look at all these people that love you
所以其中一个...
So, um, one of the...
谢谢 非常感谢
Thank you. Thank you very much.
柯南选择我做他的开场嘉宾
在他唯一一次...
Um, Conan chose me to be his opening act
on his one and only,
谁知道呢 说不定还会有下一次
who knows, maybe there'll be another one,
uh, live tour.
...现场巡演
Uh, he stays grounded,
was always joking with everybody,
他始终脚踏实地
总是跟大家开玩笑
花时间在我的房♥间里陪我
took the time to hang out with me
inside my room,
我当时想 这家伙知道自己在做什么
and I was like, "Wow,
this guy knows how to do it."
他懂得如何生活
保持脚踏实地 与他的粉丝保持联♥系♥
"He knows how to live life,
and stay grounded, connected to his fans."
谢谢你花时间信任我
你的直觉很正确
Uh, thank you for taking the time
to trust me and have good instincts,
谢谢你向我展示出
and......for really
just kind of like showing me,
疯狂、真实、脚踏实地的你
being crazy and being who you are,
and being grounded,
不让名利影响到自己的职业生涯
and not letting that affect you
your entire career.
这非常重要
这对所有艺人来说都是很好的一课
That's incredibly important,
and that's a good lesson for all artists.
所以从心底里感谢你 柯南
So from the bottom of my heart,
thank you so much, Conan.
谢谢 谢谢大家
谢谢肯尼迪中心 继续做你自己
Thank you. Thanks, everybody.
Thanks, Kennedy Center. Stay Kennedy.
接下来这位嘉宾
创造了30多亿美元的票房♥收入
Our next presenter
has made over $3 billion at the box office
但依然把钱都花在了低价鞋店上
and spent it all
on his wardrobe at Foot Locker.
掌声有请亚当·桑德勒!
Give it up for Adam Sandler!
耶 凯♥旋♥!
Yeah, Triumph!
晚上好
Good evening.
女士们、先生们 晚上好
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
向所有肯尼迪家族、洛克菲勒家族
范德比尔特家族的成员问好
Hello to all the Kennedys,
Rockefellers, Vanderbilts,
还有精心打扮的充数人员
and finely-dressed seat fillers.
我叫亚当·桑德勒
现在是你们欢呼呐喊的时刻
My name is Adam Sandler,
and here is your cue to go nuts.
他妈的欢呼吧 来吧
Let's fucking go. Come on now.
很感激 谢谢
I appreciate that. Respect.
感谢 谢谢
Respect. Thank you.
今晚 我想请你们
这些安静的有钱人帮个忙
I have one simple favor to ask of you
quietly rich people tonight.
我用左手指着你们时 请说“柯南”
When I point at you with my left hand,
you say the word "Conan."
现在就试试看
Let's try it out right now.
柯南!
再来一次
Conan!
Another time.
柯南!
Conan!
庆祝活动隆重开场
Now let the festivities begin.
我们今晚聚在首都
共同庆祝一个人的成就
We are gathered here tonight
in our nation's capital to honor one man.
柯南!
Conan!
两年前 在我获得
享有盛誉的的马克·吐温奖时
When I received this prestigious
Mark Twain prize two years ago,
我以为他们不会再颁发了
但我猜因为有个家伙叫...
I figured they were done giving them out,
but I guess not because of a dude named...
柯南!
非常风趣
Conan!
Funny as hell.
柯南!
穷♥人♥之友
Conan!
Friend to the poor.
柯南!
身高三米 而且还在长
Conan!
Eight-foot four inches and counting.
柯南!
Conan!
点燃蜡烛之前都得涂防晒霜
Puts on sunscreen
before he lights a candle.
柯南!
Conan!
上过哈佛 但从没提起过
除了和他妻子莱莎吵架的时候
Went to Harvard, but never brings it up
except when arguing with his wife, Liza.
柯南!
Conan!
看起来像是
在切尔诺贝利长大的“小淘气”
Looks like if one of the Little Rascals
grew up in Chernobyl.
柯南!
Conan!
基因强大的爱尔兰人
连乳♥头♥都是四叶草形状的
So Irish, his nipples are shaped
like four-leaf clovers.
柯南!
Conan!
基因强大的爱尔兰人
连内♥裤♥上的屎痕都带着三叶草奶昔味
So Irish, his skid marks
taste remarkably like shamrock shakes.
柯南!
Conan!
帕利塞兹大火的真正元凶
其实是他一头亮红的头发
Bright red hair was the true cause
of the Palisades fire.
在妈妈肚子里待了史无前例之久
撑得她跑了14趟急诊室
Stayed in his mama's womb for a
record-breaking tummy stretch at 14 ERs.
柯南!
Conan!
阴毛让他的老二看起来像艾德·希兰
Has pubic hair
that makes his dick look like Ed Sheeran.
柯南!