致敬幽默大师柯南·奥布莱恩专场（2025）

(2024年12月)
(柯南·奥布莱恩得知自己)
(荣获马克·吐温美国幽默奖)
(两个月后 新上任的特朗普政♥府♥)
(宣布接管肯尼迪中心)
嗨 柯南
嘿 你好吗?
Hey, Conan!
Hey. How are you?
(2025年3月23日
柯南和他的朋友们)
(决定参加华盛顿特区的典礼)
(度过一个欢声笑语、畅所欲言
免费酒水的夜晚)
女士们、先生们
Ladies and gentlemen,
欢迎进入新时代的肯尼迪中心
welcome to a new era
of The Kennedy Center,
颂扬真正美国价值观的肯尼迪中心
a Kennedy Center
that celebrates true American values.
这座备受赞誉的舞台
今后将呈现出高雅庄重
This vaunted stage
will now showcase distinguished, elegant,
德艺双馨的表演艺术
and revered entertainment
that we as a nation can be proud of.
成为全国人♥民♥引以为傲的文化殿堂
晚上好
Good evening,
欢迎来到肯尼迪中心
and welcome to The Kennedy Center.
感谢大家来到这里
Thank you all for coming,
and shame on you for being here!
你们来这里可真够丢人的!
应该差不多了 对吧?
That should cover it, yes?
好了 女士们、先生们
And now, ladies and gentlemen...
请欢迎第26位
...please welcome your 26th winner
马克·吐温美国幽默奖获奖者
of the Mark Twain Prize winner,
柯南·奥唐纳尔!
Conan O'Donnell!
O'Brien.
是奥布莱恩
是奥布莱恩
嘿!
O'Brien. Yes.
Hey!
柯南!
谢谢
Conan!
Thank you.
非常感谢!
Thank you very much!
简直难以置信
This is so crazy.
没错!
Oh yes!
没错!
Oh yes!
非常感谢
Thank you very much.
你的同事会怎么形容你?
How would your co-workers describe you?
我认为我是一个公平
坦诚、创意无限的人
I could say I'm fair, honest,
and endlessly creative.
你只能用一个或更少的词来形容
You're supposed to use one word or less.
你看着就像头顶红发的撞击试验假人
You look like a ginger crash test dummy.
真希望我能有你那种自信
I wish I had your confidence.
没有 我只是妄自尊大而已
No, I'm just deluded.
我没事
I'm fine.
我现在是暖场嘉宾了
I guess I'm sort of the warm-up guy now.
All right, freeze.
好了 别动
You're under arrest for public display of a bonah.
你因在公共场合勃起而被捕
我希望自己能成为电影制♥作♥人
You know, I fancy myself
a bit of a filmmaker.
喂 工作吗?
Hello, job?
电视台的工作?
Television job?
你最好跟莱特曼一样出色
You better be as good as Letterman.
我试试看
I'll give it a shot.
有请主持人柯南·奥布莱恩
Here's your host, Conan O'Brien!
基本有线电视
Basic cable.
(让路)
你看到了吗?他总是这样
Do you see the bits? This never stops.
红发 不要啊!
Ginger, no!
在2000年!
In the year 2000
下一位嘉宾是...
My next guest is--
插话侠!
The Interrupter!
Heehaw!
你是个混♥蛋♥
You're a bastard.
是的 我知道
Yes, I know.
他不想面对现实时 就会进入角色
He goes into character
when he doesn't want to address reality sometimes.
才不会呢
This is not true.
你不能嗑药开车
You can't be on pills and drive.
Thank you. Please remain seated.
谢谢 请坐
We did it! Yeah!
我们做到了!对!
(凤♥凰♥城大学)
欢迎收听
《柯南·奥布莱恩需要朋友》
Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.
好耶!
Yeah!
给我一瓶啤的
Grab me a 40.
你给他一瓶“啤的”的时候
能不能给我一瓶啤酒?
And when you're getting him a "fotee,"
could you get me a 40?
我不会浪费时间的!
I will make fun!
身为脱口秀喜剧演员
A stand-up comedian,
演员以及深夜秀主持人
an actor, and now a late-night host,
他绝对是众人唯一的威胁
he is a true single threat.
有请
Please welcome
约翰·穆拉尼!
John Mulaney!
晚上好 我叫约翰·穆拉尼
Good evening. My name is John Mulaney.
很荣幸来到肯尼迪中心
It's an honor to be here
at The Kennedy Center,
或者下周这里就会改名为
or as it will be known next week,
“罗伊·科恩
专为爱猫壮汉而建的展览馆”
"The Roy Cohn Pavilion
for Big, Strong Men Who Love Cats."
恭喜
Congratulations
我的朋友柯南·奥布莱恩
to my friend Conan O'Brien
成为第26位
on receiving the 26th
也是最后一位
马克·吐温美国幽默奖的获奖者
and final Mark Twain Prize
for American Humor.
听说柯南·奥布莱恩
获得2025年马克·吐温奖时
When I heard Conan O'Brien
was receiving the 2025 Mark Twain Prize,
我想起了大卫·伯科维茨
也就是“山姆之子”
I was reminded of something
that David Berkowitz, aka the Son of Sam,
said when he was apprehended
on a hot Yonkers night in 1977.
在1977年某个炎热的夜晚
于扬克斯被捕时说过的话
“喂 你们怎么这么久啊?”
"Hey, what took you guys so long?"
大多数演讲都是这样的
先开一堆玩笑
Most speeches like this
do a bunch of jokes,
然后把感人的部分留到最后
and they save the nice part for the end.
我打算先把感人的部分说了
I'm going to get it over with
and do the nice part first.
柯南·奥布莱恩 你是我的英雄
Conan O'Brien, you're my hero.
正因为你
Because of you,
我立志成为一名喜剧编剧
I set about to be a comedy writer,
尽管广受非议
我最终甚至还上了电视
who also somehow, despite all the data,
gets to be on TV.
正因为你 我做到了
And because of you, I am.
你向我展示了一个外表光鲜亮丽
You showed me how a bizarre Catholic man,
内心却深受困扰的怪异天主教♥徒♥
who presents well
but is deeply troubled on the inside...
如何在娱乐圈中游刃有余
...could navigate
the entertainment industry.
我千方百计地抄袭和窃取了你的成果
I have copied and stolen from you
in every way possible.
柯南 我真的很感谢你
Conan, I sincerely thank you.
我...
I...
1993年9月13日 我收看了
《柯南深夜秀》的首映
I was watching the night Late Night with Conan O'Brien premiered,
September 13, 1993,
我立刻就被你深深迷住了
当时的我并不知道
and I liked you so much,
so immediately, that little did I know
为你做32年的铁杆粉丝
that being your biggest fan for 32 years
会是我一生中最伤感的经历之一
would be one of the most
emotionally taxing experiences of my life.
从早年起就当柯南的粉丝
是压力很大的事情
Being a Conan fan since the early days
has been so stressful.
我们总得签什么该死的请♥愿♥书
There's always a goddamn petition to sign...
或者举♥行♥某种抗♥议♥来拯救他
...or some kind of protest to save him.
感觉就像是高档社区中
某个康乐中心的粉丝
It's like being the fan of a rec center
in a gentrified neighborhood
因为开♥发♥商总想拆掉它
that developers want to tear down.
这一点无可争议 我们总会说
There's no argument for it,
but we're like,
“别把它从我们身边夺走!”
"Don't take it away from us!"
柯南的早期生涯很坎坷