设计爱情（2019）

可以停止吗
Can we not?
听着 我跟制片人说过你的事
Look, I told the showrunner about you,
他想见你
and he wants to meet you.
所以 我们能不能先不要假装约会了
So, can we just drop the whole fake dating thing
这样你可以试着和我一起找到一份真正的工作
for a minute and you can try to land a real job with me.
去他的制片人
Fuck the showrunner.
这个假约会不仅会让我认识迈克尔·伯韦尔
Not only is this fake dating thing going to land me Michael Burwell,
我还在学习如何写女性角色 说实话 伙计
I'm learning how to write female characters. Honestly, man,
直到你真正花时间和他们在一起 你不知道这些人是怎么想的
you don't know how these people think until you actually spend time with them.
天呐 你这个傻子
Oh, my God, you're an idiot.
你知道每个人都想
Do you understand that everyone wants to be
上这个节目吗
on this show?
我现在能站在这里就已经很不可思议了
That I am even here right now is amazing
现在他还想和我谈谈他新的网飞节目
and now the EP, he's talking to me about
网飞: 美国视频网站
你怎么会不想呢
his new Netflix thing, how can you not want that?
因为你早晨六点就要到这里
Because you're here from six in the morning
修改一些混♥蛋♥的剧本
hole punching some asshole's shit that's just
那些剧本最后还是要被其他的混♥蛋♥重写 然后呢
going to be re-written by some other asshole, and what?
你要这样工作六年吗
You're going to do that for six years?
对 这是一种进入这个圈子的方式
Yeah, well, it's a way in.
这就是一个通往平庸的拥挤大巴
It's a rush hour bus ride to mediocrity is what it is.
好吧 那像那样利用一个你根本就不喜欢的女孩算什么
Okay, and using some girl that you don't even like, what is that?
继续类推的话 那就是个市中心的空车道
Continuing the analogy, it's the empty car pool lane
而且我告诉过你 我是喜欢她的
straight downtown, and I told you, I do like her.
你根本不知道你喜欢的是什么...
I don't think you know what you like...
我希望...
...which I was hoping this whole, uhm,
长大这件事能教会你 但是无所谓了
you know, coming of age thing would teach you, but fine.
你已经亲了她 现在把剧本也塞给她吧
You slipped her the tongue, now slip her the script.
- 向前看吧 - 等下 你刚刚先指控我利用她
- Let's move on. - Uh, so wait, first you were accusing me of using her
然后现在开始嫉妒我
and now, what, you're jelly on the spending list?
你说我嫉妒你
Are we saying jelly now?
听着 伙计 你接下来要花三周
Look, man, you're going to spend the next three weeks
让这个女孩相信幸福的结局即将到来
convincing this girl that a happy ending is coming,
之后你就会把她扔进可回收垃圾桶
and then you're going to throw her in the fucking recycling bin,
你继续生活 然后呢 谁收益了
and move on and who is that good for?
是我
I don't know, maybe me?
也许是她
Maybe her?
也许我们最后在一起了
Maybe we end up together.
为什么不会呢
Why not?
有一个版本会是我们最后在一起了
I think there's a version of this where we end up together.
- 去他的老掉牙情节 - 不 科尔 去你的
- Fuck the cliché. - No, Cole, fuck you!
好吧 去我的 你为什么这么在乎呢
All right, fuck me! Why do you care so much?
因为我们从九年级就开始计划要
Because since ninth grade we have been talking about
一起写作 一起搬到洛杉矶
writing together and moving to L.A. together
一起做一个节目了
and having a fucking show together,
现在我给了你这个机会
and now I'm giving you a shot at that
你确 你确为了一个女生
and you're, you're throwing...
要把它丢掉
it away for some girl.
你现在听起来像个同性恋 兄弟
You sounded very gay right now, man.
那他妈又怎么样
So the fuck what?
你知道吗 这是很好的启发 因为同性恋现在很流行
You know what? This is actually good inspiration because gay people
而且我也在想
are in right now and I've been considering
要不要写一个同性恋角色
writing a gay character in my script but,
我不知道他是同性恋或者他知不知道自己是同性恋
I don't know if he's gay or if he even knows he's gay.
我会自己想想的 谢谢你 奥斯
You know what? I'll figure it out, thanks, Aus.
汀 啊 昵称怎么都起不好
Tin, ah. Never make that nickname work.
好吧 我真的有太多话可以骂你了
Okay, well there's only so many ways I can say fuck you.
我真的超超超超爱这本书
I love, love, lovey love, love this book.
天呐 去年 这本书我看了30遍
Oh, my gosh. Last year, I read this 30 times.
哇 那真是一段美好的时光
Wow, that's some great times.
- 而且很性感 - 喂
- Also kind of hot. - Oh, my.
别表现得觉得我没疯一样 好吗
Don't act like it's not crazy, okay?
我知道这有点疯狂 但是就是 这个结尾部分
I know it is, anyway, there's just, there is this part at the end, okay,
写到这个灵魂搜寻那里
where there's like this soul-searchy
这个主角其实
bit where the main character is just literally
一直在和自己战斗 弄砸了所有自己的事情
fighting himself and the messed up stuff he's done was just.
- 真的让我很惊艳 - 嗯哼
- It is everything to me. - Hmm.
♪ 去城市吧 女孩 ♪
♪ Go to the city girl ♪
准备灵魂搜寻的事情
就在那里给真实的人♥弹♥琴
Just playing up there, in front of real people, ah,
啊 那才是音乐 伙计
that's music, dude.
是啊 但是这些人并不是来看他的
Yeah, but these people didn't come here to see him.
他们就是来了而已
They just came.
是啊 但是他们来了 而且留下来了
Yeah, but they came and they stayed.
那就是我想要的
That's all I want.
不是名气 不是财富 都不是 只是… 那种连接
No fame, no fortune, none of that, just... that connection.
♪ 我需要有个人 ♪
♪ And I need someone ♪
你还从来没有做那个
You know, you never did that thing,
假装打哈欠然后搂我
the yawny arm around me move.
我... 尊重女权
I... respect feminine rights.
是啊 但是作为女生 我给你抱我的
Yeah, but as the female, I'm giving you the right
权利
to put your arm around me.
这是
Is that?
哦 就这样吗 好吧 就 对...
Oh, that was it? Okay. Just, yeah...
真想先清洗下自己
Clearly want to clean up.
♪ 我会让你知道 ♪
♪ I'll let you know ♪
所以 在这个基于真实生活经验的修订版中
So, in this revision based off real-life experience,
我要让这个女孩用这种可爱的方式说话
I'm going to make the girl talk in this really cute way
她会说些像"讨厌"和"小傻瓜"之类的话
where she says things like "fuckity" and "dum dum."
虽然我从来没说过"小傻瓜"
Mmm, except I've never said "dum dum."
你个傻子
You stupid face.
你的歌♥写得怎么样了
How's your song going?
不太好
Uh, it's not.
这首歌♥是关于一个男孩的 但他太让人分心了
Boy that the song's about, he's just too distracting.
你♥爸♥是迈克尔·伯维尔吗
Your dad's Michael Burwell?
哇 那个迈克尔·伯维尔吗 真的迈克尔·伯维尔吗
Wow, the Michael Burwell? Michael Burwell as in Michael Burwell?
是啊
Yeah.
我想过那个可能性...
I thought about that I guess...
不行
No.
想当绿茶还是吃个汉堡
Want to be a bitch or eat a burger?
没想到你能不跟我说话这么久
Never thought you'd last that long without talking to me.
有一个蒙太奇那么长了
It's been like, one montage.
电影里的两个片段大概是一周
Two bits in a movie is like, what, a week?
三周 为什么要算这个
Three weeks, who's counting?
哇 我真的觉得这是我们认识以来
Wow. I literally think that's the first awkward silence
第一次尴尬的沉默
we ever had together.
我们需要弥补开玩笑的技巧
We need to make up for lost banter skills.
我猜海莉·伯维尔的事告吹了
So, um, I assume that Haley Burwell thing fizzled out.
- 晚上喝珍珠奶茶吗 - 你为什么觉得那事失败了
- Bubble tea tonight? - Why would you assume it fizzled out?
因为已经三周了 所以...
Because it's been three weeks. So, um...
你们应该已经上♥床♥了
You should have had sex by now.
我知道我们不太谈论那些事
And I know we don't talk about that sort of thing,
但是实话说 从来就
but let's be honest, there's never been
没有这么多事情可以讲
that much to talk about, so, if something
所以 如果发生了什么
had happened, I feel like you would have
我想我可以打破我们的冷战
broken the ice on our cold war.
这事和你没关系
You know what? It's none of your business.
我不会亲完就说出去 或者上♥床♥了再告诉别人
I don't kiss and tell. Or fuck and converse.
因为没有任何事情可以说
Because there's nothing to converse about.
不 还没有
No, not yet.
她可能想吧 但是
She wants to, probably, but,
我是说 我想我们想吧
I mean I think we want to, oh.
听着 我知道我之前没有支持你
- Ah. - Look, I know I didn't support you in this.
好吧 但如果这是认真的
Fine, but if this is a real thing,
而且你们确实喜欢对方 那我会祝福你们的
and you really like each other, then you have my blessing.
所以 你现在愿意分享了吗
So, you're willing to share me now?
我...
I've...
我非常珍视我们的友谊
I value our friendship or whatever too much not to.
就一个条件 晚上和我出来吧
Just one condition. Come out with me tonight.
会很有趣的 我们去喝奶茶
It's going to be fun. We'll go for bubble tea and then we'll hang