设计爱情（2019）

Well, I'm not actually going to "kill" you.
就只是
It's just,
我写了一个关于这个的短片
you know, I wrote a short about this
在我大一的时候
in first year.
好 让我设置一下场景
All right, let me set the scene, so,
这是一个很黑 下着雪的晚上
it's a dark, snowy night.
我对你的伤害大到可以让你起诉我
I hurt you enough so that you can sue me, right.
我和你在审判期间一起呆了很长时间
You and I spend a lot of time together during the trial.
在文件披露期间 我提交了一份剧本
Now, during the document disclosure process, I submit a script.
法律上要求你的法律团队必须
The law says that your legal team is required
阅读我递交的所有材料
to read everything I submit into discovery.
所以你读了我的剧本 自然非常喜欢它
So, you read it, you love it, naturally,
嗯 就是这样
and, uh, that's my end.
在好莱坞 关键是你认识谁
Huh, Hollywood. It's all about who you know.
看到了吗 这是一个很好的电影名字啊
See? That would have been a great name for the film. Ah.
嗯 这就是为什么你是专家
Well, that's why you're the pro.
这是为什么...
This is why...
对不起 我打扰到你了吗
Sorry, am I interrupting something?
- 打扰谁 - 哞
- Interrupting who? - Moo.
那是一个猜猜谁来了的笑话吗
Was that a knock knock joke?
- 我后悔我说的话 - 嗯哼
- I regret everything. - Hmm.
我只是看见你挥舞着你的手
I just saw you waving your hands around,
我猜你可能在排练什么场景 或者...
and I guess I assumed that you were probably rehearsing a scene, or...
等下
Just one sec, hold on.
就一下
One second.
我忘记我的杯子...喝的了
Forgot my cup... drink.
你在喝什么
What're you drinking?
尝起来像... 苏格兰威士忌
Tastes like... scotch.
很明显 绝对不是苏格兰威士忌了
That's clear, so it's definitely not scotch.
不太喝酒
Not a big drinker.
道德上的原因 还是...
For moral reasons, or...
我只是觉得所以人都喝酒
I just figure everybody drinks,
特别是在大学里 所以喝酒能有多好呢
especially in university, so, how great can it be?
所以你是反大众的那种咯
So you're a contrarian, then?
如果你说是 那就不是
Not if you say I am.
我...
I...
你...
You...
哦 所以你也认识字母
Oh, so you know letters, too?
为什么
Why?
我不知道 我以为我们在做点什么
I don't know, I thought we were doing a bit.
我们确实
Oh, well we were.
“Y”也是一个字母 不知道你知不知道
"Y" is also a letter. I'm not sure you knew that.
y: 英文字母 发音和 “why”(为什么) 一样
- 啊 - 嗯哼
- Ah! - Hmm.
你刚刚毕业吗
Did you just graduate?
你没注意我和你是一个毕业班的吗
Didn't you notice I was in your graduating class?
从来都不太注意那些
Never really pay too much attention to that.
比如 生活
Like, life?
是啊 从来都没理解生活
Yeah, yeah, never understood it.
我想他们在学校教那个的那天 我生病了
I think I was sick the day that they taught that at school.
该死 伙计 我以为我生病那天
Shit, man. I thought I was missing out because I was sick
- 错过了他们教草书 - 是吧
- the day they taught cursive. - Right?
你以为他们那节课会教
You'd think that they would stretch that lesson
- 至少一个星期 - 是啊
- over at least a week. Yeah. - Right.
但是反正又有谁会写草书呢
But who uses cursive anyway, so.
你不是那种“我讨厌写草书的人”吧
You're not one of those "I hate cursive people," are you?
如果你是 那诅咒...
If you are, then curse...
你
you.
我已经透好气了
I've received the air that I came out here for.
我要去...
I'm going to...
拿着
Take this.
你干什么了... 你往里面下药了吗
What did you... Did you roofie this?
伙计 我很亢奋
Man. I was on.
我平时不会这样 除非我写的角色很亢奋
I mean, I'm not usually on like that, unless I'm writing a character that's on.
你 亢奋
You, on?
对什么亢奋
What are on about?
- 你对什么东西亢奋吗 - 那儿
- You on something? - There.
她来了 她...
There she is. She's, uh...
该死 我都不知道她名字 谁会不问个名字
Shit, I didn't get a name. Who doesn't get a name?
你 我们之前刚讨论过你是怎么不记名字的
You. We just did whole bit about how you don't get names.
她认识迈克尔·伯维尔吗
She knows Michael Burwell?
- 谁 - 刚刚和我拍了一场戏的女孩
- Who? - The girl I just did a scene with.
或者说 我刚刚讲过话的
Or, like talked to, I guess.
来 过来
Here, come on.
科尔和奥斯汀
Cole and Austin.
瓢虫怎么知道我名字的
How does ladybug know my name?
你刚刚叫我瓢虫了吗
Did you just call me ladybug?
- 有一次你肩膀上停了一只瓢虫... - 那其实是布莱恩
- You had a ladybug on your shoulder once... - That was actually Brian.
- 谁他妈是布莱恩 - 那个狩猎帽
- Who the hell's Brian? Ah. - Safari hat guy.
天呐 你们俩在一起太可爱了
Oh, my God, you guys are like, so cute together.
好 我们要全班自♥拍♥合照了
Okay, we're going to do the class selfie,
虽然我们有这个摄影照片捕捉器
except we've got this photography photo snapper.
反正有人会帮我们拍
Some guy who's just going to take it for us.
- 会很复古的 - 哇 很酷
- It's going to be so retro. - Wow, super cool.
嗨 女士...女孩 你知道她是谁吗
Hey, lady... girl. Do you know who that is?
你知道 伯维尔在《美国周刊》上经常出现
You know, Burwell is in US Weekly a lot.
可能是 什么年轻女演员
It could be like, some young actress
好莱坞女友那种
Hollywood girlfriend type.
伯维尔住在附近吗
Is Burwell staying near here?
你们不读TMZ吗
You guys didn't read TMZ?
TMZ: 一家名人八卦新闻网站
首字母缩写对他来说信息量太大了
Acronyms are TMI for him.
太...
Too...
太多首字母了
many initials.
好吧 伯维尔2014年开始又复发了
Okay, so Burwell relapsed again since 2004
或者不知道随便什么古老年代♥开♥始
or whatever ancient year.
现在他只是离开好莱坞一段时间
Now he's just taking some time away from Hollywood
这样他就可以戒毒 现在流言就是
so he can detox and the whole rumor is
他在穆斯科卡的湖上建了个巨大的房♥子
is that he's got this stupidly huge lake house
他就在那儿休息
in Muskoka and he's just chilling there.
所以我们现在可以自♥拍♥了吗
So, can we take this selfie o-.
我想我没办法说服你拍第一张自♥拍♥吧
I guess I can't convince you to take your first reverse selfie?
你更有可能说服我拍我的第一张小♥弟♥弟♥的照片
You'd have more success convincing me to take my first dick pic.
该死
Shit.
有人喝醉了
Someone's drunky.
不不 我只是按错了
No, no, I just, I hit the wrong button.
一定是那一口酒让你喝醉了
Must have been all that one sip of alcohol.
对了 我觉得我应该
Uh, by the way, I feel like I should
说我之前忘记说的话 我是萨内
say what I forgot to say earlier. I'm sane.
萨内 那是什么 土耳其语
Sane? What is that? Turkish?
只是我在自言自语
Just the whole me talking to myself thing.
我是作家 所以有职业风险
I'm a writer, so occupational hazard.
我预想一些老掉牙的场景 然后尝试
I envision cliché scenes and then I try and
去寻找新的视角
find a new take on them.
这就是我刚刚在做的事
So, that's what I was doing.
像我们这样在停车场偶遇的老掉牙情节吗
Clichés like us running into each other in the parking lot?
是啊 是挺老掉牙的
Yeah, that would be a cliché.
那这样的情节结局是
And the cliché ending is?
认真的吗
Honestly?
我拿到你的号♥码
Me getting your number.
嗯 不错
Mmm, good one.
还好你喜欢避免陈词滥调
Good thing you like to avoid Clichés, then.
因为我喜欢避免和作家约会
Because I like to avoid dating writers and if I had
如果我有了你的号♥码 我不知道会发生什么
your number, then I don't know where that would go.
就是说 你现在没有和别人约会对吧
So, that means you're not currently dating, right?
现在是晚上九点 我正一个人离开聚会
Well, it's nine p.m. and I'm alone leaving a party
聚会上我唯一一个
where the only person I talked to for longer
交谈超过20秒的人是你 所以你觉得呢
than 20 seconds was you, so...
我还不知道你的名字
I actually never got your name.
是啊 因为你从来没问过
Yeah, because you never asked for it.
我能知道你的名字吗
Can I get your name?
- 海莉 - 海莉