设计爱情（2019）

这比我想的这是哪儿更有道理
That makes way more sense than what I thought it was.
嗨 听说你养了蛇当宠物
Hi, we hear you have snakes to pet?
不 这不对
No, that's not right.
并没有
Is it not.
不 我们想玩密室脱逃
No, we want to escape a room.
- 这才对 - 这是你第一次吗
- Yes, that's right. - Is this your first time?
我之前从房♥间里逃出去过
Well, I've escaped rooms before.
比如说 我必须从一个房♥间逃出来才能到这里
Uh, for example, I had to escape a room to get here
我想要离开这个地方 我也必须逃离一个房♥间
and I assume to leave this place, I'll have to escape a room.
好 所以不是
Okay, so no.
能告诉我你预订的名字吗
And can I get the name you're reserved under?
我们没有预定
We did not make a reservation.
我们的一个朋友说要活在当下
A friend of ours says to live in the now.
好吧
Well.
我们已经订满了
We're fully booked.
这里大概有五个人
There's like, there's like five people here.
他们... 他们正在房♥间里 试图逃脱
They're... They're in the escape rooms, trying to escape.
对 好吧 没事 反正我们本来也不想玩
Right. Uh, well, that's fine, because we didn't want to play anyway,
我们只是想看看是什么样的
we just wanted to see how it worked.
- 我们还有一个咖啡约会 所以 - 对
- Uh, we have a coffee date to get to, so. - Yes.
如果你们想的话 我可以帮你们预定
If you want, I could make you a reservation.
你能现在就预订吗
Can you make the reservation for now?
我们有空档在...
We have availability in...
九月份的时候
September.
三个月后的九月吗
Like the September that is three months from now?
我们非常受欢迎 你们选对了来的地方
We're very popular. Chose the right place to come to.
- 我们应该预定吗 - 我不知道
- Should we make it? - I don't know.
乔妮是怎么说某一天的承诺的
What did Joni say about promises of someday, hmm?
我想她说过永远不要承认约会失败
I think she said never admit date defeat,
在这种情况下 我们会说我们来这里是有原因的
in which case, we'll say that we came here for a reason
这个原因是...
and that reason is...
为了预约九月份的 是的 就是这个理由
To reserve for September. Yeah, we'll take it.
你们也可以网上预约
You can also book online.
女士 你并没有在帮忙
Oh, madam, you've been far from helpful.
请不要现在开始
Please don't start now.
好吧 密室脱逃确实有点失败
All right, escape room was a bit of failure,
但是我将简单而轻松地重写这个约会
but I'm going to re-write this date with simplicity and ease.
不是重写 我要...
I mean, not re-write, I'm going to...
有什么需要帮助的
Can I help you?
可以给我们两个冰淇淋吗
Uh, yeah, can we get two ice creams?
我们已经卖♥♥完冰淇淋了
We're actually out of ice cream.
你怎么能 你是个冰淇淋店啊
How do you? You're an ice cream store.
- 我们反正也不想要 - 你刚刚才问了冰淇淋
- We didn't want any, anyway.
- You just asked for ice cream.
不 我们没有 我们说 我们能要一些...
No, we didn't. We said could we get some.
- 开走 开走 - 我得停下来做点计划
- Drive, go, drive. - I need to stop making plans.
是的 你确实需要
Yeah, you do.
该死 在这儿转弯
Oh, shit, turn here.
这一刻由乔妮的名言带给你…
This moment brought to you by Joni's famous words...
- 永远不承认约会失败 - 嗯哼
- never admit date defeat. - Mmm.
- 生日蛋糕口味 - 开心果口味
- Birthday cake? - Pistacio.
恶心
Gross.
- 多色冰淇淋 - 巧克力的
- Neapolitan. - Rocky road.
- 从来不吃 - 认真的吗
- Never. - Serious?
香草的
Vanilla?
不 我们迷路了差不多有20分钟了
No, we've been lost for like, a good 20 minutes.
我只是想如果我们可以 至少
I just figured if we could, at least,
带着仅剩的冰淇淋去大教堂
get to the cathedral with some ice cream,
- 然后也许... -你知道 我现在随便什么地方吃都可以
- then maybe... - You know, I'll just eat this anywhere at this point.
当它仍然是冰而不仅仅是奶油的时候
While it's still ice and not just cream.
好吧
Okay.
- 哦 天呐 - 怎么了
- Oh, shitty wow. - What?
闭眼 快点
Close your eyes, quick.
我开车的时候不太好吧
It's not ideal while I'm driving.
对不起 我是说 就别看这儿
I mean, sorry, just look, look away,
- 让我刹车 - 好
- and I'll pull in this steery thing. - Okay.
- 我们就停在这儿 - 好
- And we're just going to park. - Okay.
好了
Okay.
完全疯了 好了 别偷看
Totally nutso. Okay, don't peek.
- 好 我不会偷看的 - 走吧
- Okay. I'm not going to peek. - Let's go.
我是说 这到底是什么
I mean, what the hell, right?
哇 鞋子树
Wow, the shoe tree.
哦 不
Oh, no.
什么 你以前来过这儿
You've been here before? What?
好了 你现在哪儿吃 在泥泞的靴子旁边
All right, where do you want to eat? next to the muddy boots
还是肝炎凉鞋旁边
or the hepatitis covered sandals?
不不不 先生你不能换话题
No, no, you don't get to change topic, mister.
被鞋子布满的树
What the hell significance does a tree
对你来说有什么意义
covered in shoes have to you?
没有意义
It doesn't.
它是...
It's...
我不知道 它什么都不是
I don't know, it's nothing. My...
我和奥斯汀经常去露营
Austin and I, we go camping a lot.
我们得往北开
We have to drive up north,
每次经过这棵树 他都想停下来
and every time we pass this tree, he wants to stop
聊人生 而我只想去
and talk about life and I just want to get up there
享受冰淇淋
and have ice cream time.
那么 我猜你不喜欢
So, I guess you don't like to talk about
谈论任何重要的事情了
anything of consequence, then?
凡事都有后果
There's consequences to things of consequence.
勺子呢
Spoons?
- 该死 - 哇哦
- Fuckity. - Wow.
这是一次经典的失败的约会 不是吗
This is a classic date gone wrong fiasco, isn't it?
我真的很希望能留下一个更好的第三印象
I was really hoping to make a better third first impression.
不一定非得是可爱的停车场邂逅
It doesn't have to be all cute parking lot run-ins and
或者面包店的偶遇
bakery koinky-dinks.
是的 但那样我可以成为任何人
Yeah, but then I could be anyone.
或者你可以试着做你自己
Or you could just try being you.
我只是把这些事情都计划好了
I just had all these things planned out, you know,
我想说的有趣的事情 如何结束约会
funny things I was going to say, how I was going to end the date,
我会怎么打电♥话♥约下一次约会
call backs I was going to use for the second date
而现在我只是在这空虚中挣扎…
and now I'm just kind of like floundering in this void...
嘘 别说了
Shh, shut up.
对不起 就是 你知道 初吻是...
Sorry. Just, you know, first kisses are, uh...
有一个模板的
there's like, a template to it.
最开始 是一个很棒的时刻
At first it's like, oh it's this really great moment
但是现实中 只是两个人
but in reality, it's just two people
把他们的嘴挤在一起
squishing their mouths together.
- 我... - 就...
- I, uh... - Just...
活在当下
live.
我的一部分思维仍然像一个现代的问题较少的伍迪·艾伦
Part of me still thinks like a modern-day less problematic Woody Allen.
我永远不会右划（喜欢）一个
I would never swipe right on someone who
右划我的人 但是这个女孩
swipes right on me, but this girl
奇怪得划遍了我的全身
is weirdly swiping all over me.
嗨 你和一个女孩约会了
Hey, you went on a date with a girl,
和一个真实活着的女孩 你知道 你已经尝试了
with a real, live girl and you know, you lived,
所以我们可以称之为失败的实验 然后继续
so we can call it a failed experiment and move on.
但在我的逻辑部分
But the logical part of me sees
我看到我正在写一些伟大的东西
that I'm writing something great.
这就像 我们拥有的是一个打磨好的第九稿
It's like, what we have is a really polished ninth draft.
是啊 谎言的第九稿
Yeah, of a lie.
你不是说你要吃午饭吗
Thought you said you were getting lunch.
试试这个酸的翼果
Oh, try the sour keys.
不是黄色的 黄色的很难吃
Not yellow, yellow's gross.
伙计 我的生活让我很难过
My life is making me really sad, man.
不 回溯过去 这不是谎言
And, no, backtracking, it's not a lie.
是艺术
It's art.
而且很好
And it's good.
就像所有好的艺术一样 它可以改变你
And, like any good art, it can change you.
或者我 或者 你看 我现在在现实生活中做伊桑·霍克的事情
Or me. Or, see? I'm doing the Ethan Hawke thing in real life now.
Ethan Hawke: 伊桑·霍克 美国演员 编剧 音乐家 导演