设计爱情（2019）

- Ew. - Yuck.
我一整晚都在忍♥受那个了
I been dealing with that all night.
- 我要教你点东西 - 好
- I'm going to teach you something. - Okay.
它叫克鲁尼 这是我最喜欢的技巧
It's called the Clooney, and it's my favorite move.
你先往上看 再往下看 再回来 - 好
- So, you're going to look up, down and back up. - Okay.
我往上看 往下看 再回来
So I look up, look down and look back up.
不要用你的头 用眼睛
Less with the head, though. Just with the eyes.
你应该拍一个女孩的背吗
Are you supposed to tap a girl on the back
在你抱她的时候 就像...
when you hug her, like, is it like a...
如果我要打喷嚏 我要看谁
Who do I see if I have to sneeze?
- 天呐 谢谢 - 好 我在往下看
- Oh, thank God. - Okay, I'm looking down.
- 回来 - 往回来看
- Back up. - Look back up.
但是我会睁开眼睛
I'll open my eyes, though.
- 眼睛睁开 - 好
- Eyes open. - Okay.
- 一直睁着 - 往下看
- Whole time. - Look down.
- 往回看 - 往回看
- Look back up. - Look back up.
这样很好 非常好
That's good, that's really good.
- 那样可以吗 - 很有魅力
- Was that okay? - That is charming.
- 谢谢 伙计 - 对她爸也这么做
- Oh, thanks, man. - Do that to her dad, too.
谁爸
Whose dad?
哦 这是一个很好的研究会议
Oh, that was a good research session.
研究会议
Research session.
- 我觉得我能走进自己的内心了 - 欢迎来到喝酒的世界
- I feel like I was able to step inside myself. - Welcome to drink.
但这就像当我在写一个角色的时候 书页在流动
But it was like when I'm writing a character and the pages are flowing,
我可以就这样活下去 你知道吗
I could just live it, you know?
就这样生活
Just live it.
刚刚真有趣
Those are fun.
你很有趣
You're fun.
- 而且你在生活 - 嗯哼
- And you are living. - Mmm hmm.
- 而且我很开心 - 嗯
- And I am happy. - Mmm.
而且那很棒
And it is good!
回来 我需要一个成年人
Come back, I need an adult!
男孩...
Boy...
遇见...
meets...
女孩
girl.
需要一个美丽的邂逅
Going to need a meet-cute.
香草拿铁
Vanilla chai latte.
那是我的
That's mine!
得更独特一点
Oh, it's got to be more original.
是啊 你还没有想到 伙计
Yeah, not in your head with you, buddy.
我遇见那个女孩的公园
The park where I meet the girl,
我必须
I need to like,
把她困在欢乐的网中
trap her in a web of delightfulness.
哦 所以这是一个最危险的游戏类型的场景
Oh, so this is like a most dangerous game type scenario.
为什么
Um, how's that?
不是打猎
Well, instead of hunting man,
你在追逐和一个女人的关系
you're hunting a relationship with a woman
额 其实你也是在狩猎
that, well, that you're actually also hunting.
- 这不是个坏主意诶 - 不 这是个坏主意
- That's actually not a bad idea. - No, it's a bad idea.
是个非常坏的主意 你在计划抢劫一个女人
It's a very bad idea. You're planning a heist targeting a human woman.
哦 我还挺喜欢这样的
Oh, I kind of like that.
所以 为了狩猎 我要追踪她
So, for hunting, I track her.
不是足迹 用推特
Instead of footprints, there's Twitter,
照片墙 脸书 所有那些
Instagram, Facebook all that stuff,
然后我要做的就是去见她然后就像你说的 是抢劫
and then all I got to do is meet her and then like you said, it's a heist.
所以我去了解她的日常习惯 然后我们自然地
So I learn the routine, and then we do
在照片拼接墙上做计划
the montage where I set up the plan, naturally.
然后如果她想的话 我可以和她约会
And then I date her, if she wants to,
但是她为什么会不想呢
but why wouldn't she want to?
♪ 恶魔知道 ♪
♪ The devil who knows that ♪
♪ 我诚实的面孔的样子 ♪
♪ The run from my honest face ♪
♪ 我在寻找你 ♪
♪ I'm looking for you ♪
♪ 我变得更糟了 ♪
♪ I got myself worse ♪
♪ 先建议你 ♪
♪ To recommend first ♪
♪ 就像天使的诅咒 ♪
♪ Came like an angel's curse ♪
♪ 你看 我变得更好了 ♪
♪ I'm better, you see ♪
♪ 我现在是水牛了 ♪
♪ I'm buffalo now and ♪
♪ 马跑了过来 ♪
♪ Horses run in and ♪
♪ 任何你想要的东西 ♪
♪ Anything as you want ♪
♪ 都是为了你自己 ♪
♪ You want it all for yourself ♪
马里波萨市场寻找钥匙链大赛
- 你在... - 你去吧
- Are you... - You go.
谢谢 谢谢
Oh, yeah, thanks, thanks.
嗨
Hey! Hi, hiya.
嘿 我能要个奶酪通心粉吗
Hey, can I grab a mac and cheese, please?
谢谢 谢谢你
Thanks, thank you.
哦 我要和她一样的
Oh, I'll have what she's having.
就字面上的意思 食物的意思
Literally, in a food sense.
啊对不起 我真是笨手笨脚的
Ah, I'm sorry, I'm such a klutz.
不用找了 谢谢
Here, keep the change, thanks.
谢谢
Thanks.
嗨 猜猜是谁刚刚拿到了钥匙链
Hey, guess who just got a face full of keychain?
不 不是比喻
No, it's not a euphemism.
你记得我们看到的那个海报吗
Yeah, remember that poster we saw and it was about
就是那个如果我们找到了钥匙链就有奖品
how if you find a keychain you win a prize?
是啊 不知道 好像是去迈阿密的旅行
Yeah, I don't know. I think it's a trip to Miami.
我是说 这是在一碗通心粉里的钥匙链啊
I mean, it's a keychain in a bowl of macaroni.
奖品肯定得是好东西 对吧
It's got to be something good, right?
是啊
Yeah, yeah.
嗨
Uh... Hey.
这个刚刚在我的食物里
This was in my food.
哦 宝贝
Oh, honey.
这不应该发生的
That's not supposed to happen.
真的对不起
I'm so sorry. Was...
- 那个不是我的 - 不 我不是...
- That's not mine. - No, I wasn't...
好奇怪 我也赢了
Oh, that's weird. I won, too.
太疯狂了 我以前从来没赢过
That's crazy, I never won anything before.
我是说 我是职业比赛的冠军 但是…
I mean, I'm a professional contest winner, but...
所以我们赢得了什么
So, what do we win?
我不知道你们
I'm not sure quite
在说什么奖品或者你们在说什么...
what prize you're talking about or if you're talking...
也许我们只是赢了钥匙链
Maybe we just get the keychain.
什么 不会吧 拜托 一个钥匙链吗
What, no, come on. A keychain?
我可以找一个经理 虽然我就是经理
I can get a manager, unless I'm the manager.
你以前真的什么都没赢过吗 你这个注定的失败者
Have you really never won anything before, you loserey loser.
我小时候曾经赢得过一次拼字比赛 但是
I won a spelling bee once as a kid, but,
那个词是"gum"我拼的时候写了两个“m”
the word was gum, and I spelled it with two 'M's.
我…他们把奖给了我 但我不得不假装了五年口吃
I... They gave it to me, but I had to fake a stutter for like, five years.
为了以防你们再吓到我
What if I give you kids gift cards
我给你们礼品卡怎么样
to stop spooking me?
我们不要你的同情礼品卡
We don't want your pity gift cards.
我同意拿礼品卡
I could go for a gift card.
这几乎是我唯一会来的地方
This is like the only place that I come.
我知道 但是我混了...
I know, but I mix...
我是说 我不知道你来这里
I mean, I, I don't know that you come here.
你知道吗 我有个好主意
You know what? I've got a great idea.
我们要去一个我知道的地方
We're going to go to a place I know and get
去拿我们应得的奖赏
a fitting prize that we deserve.
跟着我
Follow me.
谢谢你 谢谢
Thank you, thanks.
我有一个问题要问
There's a question that's begging to be asked.
收银员是不是得了动脉瘤
Was the cashier having an aneurysm?
确实有点
She was a bit aneurismy, yeah.
动脉瘤一样
Aneurismysh?
动脉瘤的
Aneurhythmic?
-动脉瘤的 - 动脉瘤的
- Aneurhythmic. -Aneurhythmic
- 对 - 我喜欢那个
- Yes. - I like that.
就是你在街上从晕厥
It's when you go from dropping sick beats to...
- 到癫痫发作的样子 - 是的
- To having seizures in the street. - Yeah.
我还有个问题
I was another question.
我在新闻上见过你吗
Um, have I seen you in the news on account