单身毒妈（2005）
Weeds S01E04
Part 3
Nov. 25, 2020, 12:23 p.m.
Really? It was for the family, huh? Where's the money?
真的 为了这个家 是吗 那钱呢
Don't worry, I'll use it towards family expenses.
别着急 我会将它用于家庭开支的
Hello? I gotta cover my other expenses.
喂 我还得用于支付些自己的开销
Yeah, I did call. Thanks for getting back to me.
是我打的电♥话♥ 谢谢给我回电
Can you hold on a second, please?
请等一下
Go away, I have to take this call. Who is it?
滚开 我得接这个电♥话♥ 是谁
None of your business. Get out of here.
不关你事 滚开
Why? You got a boyfriend?
怎么了 交男友了吗
Isn't it a little soon? Maybe I should take my vibrator back.
快了点吧 或许我该要回我的振动器
Fine, Angry! God! Keep the vibrator!
好啦 别生气 留着你的振动器
Thanks for getting back to me... um... Candyman.
谢谢你回电 糖果负责人
You're the Candyman?
你是糖果负责人
Yes. You're getting any exercise? Excuse me?
我是 你有在锻炼身体吗 什么
If you're not committed to personal fitness,
若你不承诺保持健康体态
I can't in good conscience sell to you.
我不能昧着良心卖♥♥你货
I wouldn't say Heylia is in the best shape.
我不觉得海莉亚身材有多好
Heylia is a lazy fat-fat
海莉亚是懒胖子
and I'm hoping to put her in a diabetic coma
我把她归为糖尿病患者一类
so I have no problem selling to her.
所以卖♥♥给她没问题
Why? Scare her.
为什么 吓唬她呀
Some people never learn until their life is on the line.
有些人永远不知道接受教训 直至他们病入膏肓
You know what you are? What am I?
你知道你是什么吗 我是什么
Skinny-fat. And what are you gonna do about that?
脂肪型瘦人 你打算怎么办呢
We're gonna start exercising right away.
我们要马上开始锻炼
Don't humor me. I'm very serious.
别取笑我 我是认真的
I used to weigh 314 pounds.
我过去体重314磅
Wow! Congratulations! The key: exercise.
那真恭喜你 关键在于锻炼
You know, I'm not buying for personal use.
要知道 我买♥♥来不是自己用的
Are your customers just a bunch of Fatty McFat-fats?
那你的顾客是一群超级大胖子吗
Well, they're smokers but it stands to reason that if they
他们抽烟 但理由充分
eat rather than smoke, they'll just be able to breath easier,
若他们以吃代烟 呼吸就会顺畅些
should they decide to exercise.
然后就有力气锻炼身体
It's a reasonable assumption.
挺合理的说辞
And I hope you'll take
我希望你能负起责来
it upon yourself to encourage them to do so.
鼓励他们这样做
Of course! And I'll take everything you have.
当然 转达你的所有意思
Really? Yeah.
真的 是的
And? And I will make a greater effort to exercise.
还有呢 我会尽力锻炼的
No, no. And I will exercise.
不行 我一定会去锻炼的
Yes, you will.
是的 你一定要
Great! Dumb and Dumber reunited.
太好了 阿呆阿瓜重组了
Man! It's good to see you! You smell really good.
老兄 看到你太好了 你真好闻
You better get the fuck off me, dude. What's wrong with you?
你最好给我混开 你脑子坏点了啊
What? Can't a straight man admire the stink
怎么了 直男就不能欣赏
of another handsome straight man?
别的帅锅的男人味了吗
Not unless you're in prison. Is that where you've been?
除非在监狱里 你就是去了那里吗
Close. Alaska. What about you?
和监狱差不多 阿♥拉♥斯加
What have you been up to?
你呢 在干什么
Same old, same old, dude. Just dealing,
老样子 老样子 就是做交易
growing, doing a little pilates.
搞种植 偶尔做做普拉提
No! I love that shit, man!
不会吧 我很爱那鬼东西
Stretch you out, dude. Give you power,
让你充分伸展 给你力量
make you feel good as hell.
让你爽歪歪了
Hot instructor? Ass like a peach,
教练很性感吧 屁♥股♥翘得像桃子
dude. You just wanna bite that shit.
让你都想咬一口
Nice! Nice... So Conrad, man, can you help me out with a little?
不错 康纳德 能忙我个小忙吗
It's a lot of weed, huh?
好多的大♥麻♥
You got the money? For that much? I don't...
你有钱吗 那么多吗 我没有
Great! Lady Saltine sends her little errand boy with no scratch.
很好 咸饼干女士派来个没钞票的小役童
Nancy?
南希
Yes, she only paid for the half order she picked up this morning.
是啊 今早订单的钱她只付了一半
And that's the other half.
那这是另一半喽
You got my money, boy genius?
你贪污了我的钱 天才小子
So huh... Nancy's getting pretty big, huh?
这么说 南希做得挺大的 对吧
Fucking kingpin.
他妈的无冕之王
What's so funny?
有什么好笑的
- What? - Oh... huh... Conrad does pilates.
什么 康纳德做普拉提
Okay. Where was I?
好了 说到哪了
I'm surrounded... You're surrounded by the enemy.
我被包围了 你被敌人包围
The enemy edges in, closer... closer...
敌人已逼近你 越来越近
then when they're just inches away,
当他们还有一步之遥时
you invoke the Dong-Hai defence.
你就要防守反击这招
What's that?
那是什么
You protect your dong,
你保护你的裆部
and you swing like your life depended on it.
用力挥 要殊死搏斗
Cool!
酷
I need to talk to you, you fucking perv!
我要和你谈谈 你这个变♥态♥狂
All right, go practice that.
好的 去练习练习
What are you talking about?
你在说什么
Did that loony chick from Alaska call?
是寂♥寞♥女♥从阿♥拉♥斯加打电♥话♥过来了吗
No, I'm talking about what you did to Megan today.
不是 我在说你今天对梅根做的事
Who's Megan? Megan! My girlfriend!
谁是梅根 梅根 我女朋友
Told her to take her clothes off when she IMd.
你在她网络聊天时 让她脱衣服
Oh that Megan!
那个梅根
Yeah, I did that for you, bro'. You should be thanking me.
我是为你做的 你应该谢谢我
What? That girl really digs you.
什么 那女孩真的很喜欢你
No shit! She's my fucking girlfriend.
少废话 她是我的女朋友
But you haven't got into her panties yet, have you?
但你还没有攻入她两腿间 对吗
That's none of your business! You know why?
不管你事 知道为什么吗
'Cause you're afraid to make all the big moves
因为你害怕进一步发展
'cause she's all handicapped and shit.
因为她是个真正的残疾人
But that's what you need to learn, buddy.
但这就是你要知道的 老弟
You gotta treat them like everybody else and then
你要像对待常人一样对她
it'll pop right open like a can of Pringles.
那她就会为你含苞待放
So... So, she's ready, man, you gotta go for it.
那么 她准备好了 拿下她
You're gonna see her tonight? Yeah.
你今晚要见她吗 是的
Silas, check me out!
塞拉斯 快看我
You better be right.
你说的最好是对的
Trust me, man. It's good to go.
相信我 该出手时就出手
Hey Pants! Please tell me I didn't hear
你好 哥们 别告诉我
that you had cyber sex with a 15-year-old deaf girl.
你和15岁的聋女搞网络性♥爱♥
Absolutely not. I want you out tonight.
绝对不是 我要你今晚搬出去
Really? 'Cause you know I was just cooking dinner.
真的吗 我才开始做饭
I want you out. Now! Don't you wanna hear my menu
马上给我出去 你不想听听菜谱吗
'cause I've got some really great recipes over
我今天在我朋友康纳德的住处那
at my friend Conrad's joint earlier today.
拿到了一些很棒的菜谱
Pot roast, corned beef hash,
炖肉 咸牛肉马铃薯泥
tonight though I'm gonna go Italian with little baked ziti
今晚我要做意式晚餐 焗意粉和
and a big plate of spaghetti marijuana.
一大盘大♥麻♥意式面
You sneaky piece of shit!
你这个卑鄙的烂人
Calm now, Nancy Pants!
冷静 南希哥们
Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black. What did you do?
是不是五十步笑百步 你干什么了
Well, I went to my old friend Conrad to catch up on old times.
我去找我的老朋友康纳德叙叙旧
You remember Conrad, don't you? He's a pot dealer.
你记得康纳德 对吧 他是个毒枭
He's the one you're supposed
他就是你可能会找的那人
to call if you ever need a little puff.
当你需要点东西吸吸
And much to my surprise, I was handed a giant bag of weed
很让我吃惊 他们给了我一大袋大♥麻♥
and told it was for you.
还说这是给你的
Where's my stuff? So, I thought "Wow!
我的货呢 于是 我就想
Either Nancy's got a big problem
"南希有大♥麻♥烦了
or Nancy's got a lot of friends."
还是她交了很多朋友"
You've been making friends? Where's my stuff?
你交了很多朋友吗 我的货呢
Don't worry, it's safe.
别着急 它们很安全
Don't worry? Everything you touch turns to shit.
别着急 你能把所有的事都搞砸
I'm family. We'll work it out.
我是家庭一员 我们可以一起解决
I really want you to leave.
我真的很希望你离开
Look, the way I see it is
听着 我是这么想的
you're in way over your head here, you know.
你要承担的东西太多了
You've got a house, you've got bills,
你有一幢房♥子 你要交所有的账单
you're a mommy, dealing is a fulltime job.
你是个母亲 还要全职贩毒
单身毒妈（2005）
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