伞学院

The Umbrella Academy S03E02

Part 1 July 12, 2022, 9:45 p.m.

群众见证奢华酒店
黑曜石大酒店盛大开张
早上好！
Good mornin'!
对某些人来说是挺好
...For some.
寻狗启示
便士面包屑先生
♪ I am the passenger ♪
早上好！
Morning!
♪ And I ride, and I ride ♪
♪ I ride through the city's backsides ♪
♪ I see the stars come out of the sky ♪
♪ Yeah they're bright in a hollow sky ♪
♪ You know it looks so good tonight ♪
哈
Huh.
♪ I am the passenger… ♪
哦该死
Oh shit.
该死！
Shit!
哇！
Whoa!
哇！
Whoa!
哦该死！
Oh shit!
你好啊陌生人
Hello there, stranger.
哦！嘿
Oh! Hey.
加利福尼亚州贝弗利山
洛杉矶出租车
讲这个还是这个？
This one, or this one?
不我想听你讲
Uh-uh. I wanna hear about the time
伞学院在博物馆打赢劫匪的故事
the Umbrella Academy defeated the robbers at the museum.
又要听这个故事？
Again?
好吧
Okay.
那一个月黑风高、下着暴雨的夜晚…
It was a dark and stormy night…
克莱尔？我是妈妈
Claire, it's Mommy.
妈妈？
Mommy? -
什么？
What?
你是谁啊？ -帕特里克？
Who the hell are you? -Patrick? Wh...
妈妈！ -怎么回事？这个女人是谁？
Mommy! Mommy! -What's going on? Who is this woman?
我的孩子呢？
Wh... Where's my baby?
给你10秒钟时间离开
You have ten seconds to leave.
克莱尔在哪里？ -女士这里没有人叫克莱尔！
Where is Claire?! -Lady, there's no Claire here.
你吓到她了！ -对不起我…
You're scaring her! -I'm sorry. I…
出问题了
Something is wrong.
出大问题了
Something is very wrong.
我们到了黑曜石大酒店
We're here. Hotel Obsidian.
刺杀肯尼迪六人组
我们这里什么人都欢迎
We take all kinds here.
艾莉森·哈格里夫斯
克劳斯·哈格里夫斯
卢瑟·哈格里夫斯
美国双面间谍
凡尼雅·哈格里夫斯
茜茜·库珀
于1989年10月1日
死于加利福尼亚州奥克兰
死时使用假名
你给了我
You have given me
这辈子最伟大的礼物
the greatest gift of a lifetime.
你让我第一次感觉到我自己还活着
You let me feel alive for the first time.
你帮我再次找到了希望
You helped me find hope again.
真是件美好的事
That's a wonderful thing.
适合各种场合的经典造型！
你甚至都意识不到困住自己的那些条条框框
You don't even notice the box that you're in
直到有人来把你给放出去
until someone comes along and lets you out.
需要帮忙吗？ -嘿
Can I help you? -Hey.
谢谢
Thanks.
宾夕法尼亚州的老荷兰路
Old Holland Road, Pennsylvania.
天啊这地方真垃圾
Christ, what a dump.
那个小流氓是你儿子？
That little delinquent is your son?
据称是我儿子
Allegedly my son.
太好笑了！
That's so funny!
等等谁是他妈妈？
Wait, who's… who's the mother?
莱拉 -你说什么？
Lila. -Excuse me?
莱拉来了？ -来过
Whoa, Lila's here? -Was.
她昨晚把他送了过来然后就溜了
She dropped him off in my lap last night then bolted.
我不是很喜欢那个人 -别…
I don't much care for that one. -Don't.
严格意义上说她是自家人
Technically, she's family.
她的确试图谋杀我们就是昨天的事
She was trying to murder us, like, yesterday.
对就像我说的 “自家人” 迪亚哥她还会回来吗？
Yeah, like I said, "family." Diego, is she coming back?
她最好是给我回来
Well, she goddamn better be
因为我们现在有更重要的事情要处理！
because we got more important things to be dealing with right now!
冷静点！
Calm down. Shh.
卢瑟去哪儿了？ -谁管他？可能是出去跑步了吧
Where's Luther? -Who cares? Probably out for… a run.
喜欢你的新发型
Love the haircut.
我昨晚和马库斯谈过了
So I, uh, talked to Marcus last night.
等等什么？你跟敌人谈过了？
Wait, what? You talked with the enemy?
你一个人去谈的？ -总得有人采取行动
By yourself? -Somebody had to do something.
是谁选你代表我们的凡尼雅？
Who elected you, Vanya?
是维克多
It's, uh, Viktor.
维克多是谁？
Who's Viktor?
是我其实我一直都是维克多
I am. It's who I've always been.
你们谁有意见吗？
Uh, is that an issue for anyone? -
没有我没意见
Nah, I'm good with it.
对我也没意见很酷！
Yeah, me too. Cool.
真心为你感到高兴维克多
Truly happy for you, Viktor.
但如果我没记错的话你没资格代表全家人说话
But last time I checked, you don't speak for this family.
好吧没事的好吗？马库斯完全理解的
Okay, well, it's fine, okay? Marcus totally gets it.
他和我们一样也不想要开战
He doesn't want a war any more than we do.
你在说什么？他试图杀死我们！
What are you talking about? He tried to homicide us!
莱拉也是你还和她生了孩子 -这不是重点！
So did Lila, and you had a kid with her. -That's not the point!
听着我们说好了！
We made a deal.
他会把五号♥的公文包还给我们然后我们就能逃离这个时间线
He's gonna give back Five's briefcase, then we're gonna get out of the timeline.
我们今天晚些时候会见面交接
We're gonna meet later today for the, uh, the handover.
哦谢天谢地！
Oh, thank God!
新手才会这么做那家伙在玩弄你呢
That's a rookie move. Dude is playing you.
真的吗？ -对但也许我们可以利用这个情况
Oh, really? -Yeah, but maybe we can use this.
我们以牙还牙把他们全部消灭干净
And we turn it back on them, and then we wipe them the hell out.
迪亚哥拜托你别说了
Diego, stop, please.
再说你今天不会采取任何行动
And you're not gonna, like, do anything today.
除了和你的后代培养感情
Except bond with your spawn.
只是据称的后代！
Alleged spawn.
我会去拿回公文包
I will get the briefcase,
然后我们一起回去修正时间线
and then we will all go back and fix the timeline.
嘿我们哪儿都不去这个时间线完全可以接受
Hey, we're not going anywhere! This is a perfectly acceptable timeline.
你和艾莉森说去
Yeah, why don't you tell that to Allison,
她在楼上缅怀她女儿她在这个时间线里压根不存在！
who's upstairs grieving her daughter, who doesn't even exist here!
更别提我们被一群蠢蛋、方块鸟还有其他乱七八糟的东西取代了！
Not to mention, we've been replaced by a bunch of blobs and cubes and birds and shit!
面对现实吧天才们我们不是重点！
News flash, geniuses! It's not about us!
看看四周围吧
Take a look around.
如果你们还没注意到这里没有末日
If you hadn't noticed, there's no doomsday.
没有世界末日阳光普照
There's no apocalypse. The sun is shining.
鸟儿自♥由♥自在这才是重点
Birds are doing whatever the hell birds do.
我们再也不用摆弄时间了
That's all that matters. We're done messing with time.
而且我也正式退休了
And I'm officially retired.
他是喷了须后水吗？
Is he wearing aftershave?
我有点担心了
I'm concerned.
嘿我们离开这里怎么样？
Hey. What do you say we get outta here, huh?
一起来一小段公路旅行
Take a little… road trip.
你在说些什么？
What are you talking about?
我说的是去乡间旅居
I'm talking about a sojourn to the countryside.
你和我两个人任凭清风吹拂秀发
You and me, the wind in our hair.
在乡间大道上演一出《末日狂花》
Thelma and Louise on the open road.
你知道两个主角最后都死了吧
You know they die in the end, right?
手牵着手
Holding hands,
过着最美好的日子我的小天使！
living our best life, my little cherub!
你给我听着
Listen to me.
昨晚卢瑟睡着时放的屁差点把我熏死
I nearly died from Luther's sleep farts last night.
我们需要离开这里透透气！
We need to get out of here, get some fresh air!
好吧我答应你为什么选我克劳斯？
Okay, I'll bite. Why me, Klaus?
因为你说你退休了退休的人就是会做这些事
Because you said… you said you're retired, and that's what retired people do.
难道好好享乐不是你应得的吗？ -没有龙虾了
And don't you deserve some fun? There's no lobsters.
你说什么？ -一分钟前水箱里还有三只龙虾
Excuse me? There were three lobsters in that tank a minute ago.
是啊也许切特把它们都打进早餐思慕雪里了
Yeah, well, you know, maybe Chet blended 'em into a morning smoothie.
你是个白♥痴♥ 但我加入
You're an idiot, but I'm in. -Whoo!
放开我！把手拿开！ -我看到你都做了什么！
Let me go! Get your hands off me! -I saw what you did!