天生冤家（2015）

The Odd Couple S01E09

Part 1 March 5, 2021, 12:42 p.m.

费里斯你他♥娘♥的♥在搞什么鬼
Felix, what the hell are you doing?
演奏乔治·弗里德里希·亨德尔的"水上音乐"
Playing George Frideric Handel's theme from Water Music.
一定要在凌晨三点拉
Well, duh. Why are you doing it at 3:00 in the morning?
还一定要穿着我的乔纳森·陶斯战服
And why are you wearing my Jonathan Toews jersey?
乔纳森·陶斯芝加哥黑鹰队冰球运动员
那不是冷嘛
I was chilly.
这可是他在场上穿过的
You know, he wore that in a game.
有血有汗还有磨冰车的蒸汽熏陶
It's covered in blood, sweat and Zamboni fumes.
嘘我的蛋糕做好了
Shh. My cake is ready.
这他奶奶的又是闹哪样
What the hell is happening?
我吵醒你了吗奥斯卡
Oh, hey, Oscar. Did I wake you?
没有这个时辰我总会起床帮牛挤挤奶什么的
No, I'm always up at this hour to milk the cows,
老妈也开始热锅做早饭了
Make sure Ma's warming the griddle.
我只是过来看看费里斯没事吧
I just came to see if Felix is okay.
他刚发了一条诡异短♥信♥邀请我来参加派对
He just sent me a weird text inviting me to a party.
这么大半夜你还擦着唇膏
Are you wearing lipstick?
不是说要参加派对嘛
I was invited to a party.
谁要吃蛋糕
Who wants cake?
如果20分钟前问我就好了
I wish he'd asked me 20 minutes ago.
刚吃了个派现在饱了
I just finished a pie.
我开始有点担心他了
I'm really starting to get concerned about him.
我知道怎么回事了
Oh, I think I know what's happening.
费里斯说晚上睡不好我就给了他一片药
Felix told me that he hasn't been sleeping well, and so I gave him a sleeping pill.
其实半片就够了但他可能觉得
I told him to only take half, but maybe he needed
需要整片你知道他有多男人的
the whole thing because he's, you know, so much man.
你到底嗑的什么药
What kind of pill are you on?
如果是安♥眠♥药♥ 他怎么不睡觉
And if Felix took a sleeping pill, why isn't he sleeping?
他睡着呢
I think that he is.
很多吃药的人看起来醒着其实都睡得死死的
A lot of people who take those pills, they act like they're awake but they're not.
醒来根本不知道发生过什么
And later they have no idea what happened.
醒来都不记得了
So he won't remember any of this?
费里斯我用你的电动牙刷按♥摩♥了下脚丫子
Felix, I used your electric toothbrush to massage my feet.
不行我得拍照存证不然他不信
I got to get a picture of this, or he won't believe it.
好可怜我都不知道他的失眠这么严重了
Poor guy. I had no idea his insomnia had gotten that bad.
离婚的症状终于浮现了
Maybe the divorce is finally catching up with him.
糖霜
Sprinkles.
应该撒点糖霜的
This cake needs sprinkles.
可能在下面
Maybe they're down here.
好裸好裸的屁屁
That's naked. Naked butt.
这才叫派对
Well, now it's a party.
克里斯·韦伯下午要来做一个采访
Chris Webber is coming by this afternoon for his interview,
克里斯·韦伯 NBA退役球星五次入选全明星阵容
问问关于他的公益活动
so ask him about his charity work
-还有全明星... -我知道我声音温柔抚慰
- and being an NBA All-Star... - i know I have a soothing voice,
但真睡着就太过分了
but that is hurtful.
不好意思费里斯梦游我整晚没睡
Sorry. Felix was sleepwalking, so I was up all night babysitting.
他24小时不间断向我提供骚扰服务
There is not one hour in the day that guy does not annoy me.
秘密武器来了
Well, help is on the way.
应你所求你的忠实助手我亲自去了下
Per your request, your loyal assistant went to Chinatown
中国城给你买♥♥来了特殊能量酒
and got you some of that special energy tonic you like.
这真是上天的杰作
Great. This stuff is terrific.
混合了白果枸杞和眼镜蛇的血
It's a blend of gingko, goji berries and cobra blood.
其实是Dr. Pepper撒了点墨西哥调味粉
It's Dr. Pepper and a packet of fajita seasoning.
我已经感受到能量涌动
I'm feeling it already!
奥斯卡能否解释一下为啥你臭哄哄的运动服
Oscar, perhaps you wouldn't mind explaining to me how your foul-smelling
昨晚是怎么跑到我房♥间的
athletic costume found its way into my room last night.
你昨晚穿着它的时候可不是这么说的
It rode in on your back. You were wearing it last night.
哈那明晚我岂不是得穿着人字拖去鲍厄里街游♥行♥
And tomorrow I shall parade down the Bowery in flip-flops.
艾米丽给你的那片药导致梦游
That pill Emily gave you made you sleepwalk.
拜托我这辈子就没...天老爷啊
Oh, please. I've never in my entire life... Oh, my good God.
这完美对称的臀型烧成灰都认得出
I'd recognize those perfectly symmetrical buttocks anywhere.
你们看看
Look at this.
你的屁屁可真白
Oh, man, you are white.
像是两片阿司匹林亲在一起
It's like two aspirins kissing.
不敢相信
I-I can't believe it.
我就在半夜半梦半醒地半身衣服套着晃荡
I was just stumbling around semi-conscious in the middle of the night?
对我做会比较正常一点
I know. That's my thing.
我还做了啥是不是刷了好几个小时的牙
What else did I do? Was I also brushing my teeth for hours?
怪不得早上起来都没电了
'Cause the battery was totally run down.
没错就是这样
Yes. Yes, you were.
费里斯我对你刮目相看
Felix, I'm impressed.
某些部位好紧实
Objects in the photo are firmer than they appear.
谢夸奖我遗传到了我家的屁屁
Thank you. I inherited the Unger butt.
当年五月花号♥上也是引起了众人的艳羡
It was the envy of everyone on the Mayflower.
五月花号♥ 第一批移♥民♥美洲的欧洲人搭乘的船
请把照片删了吧
Now... will you delete it, please?
丹尼有草药师帮你配置安眠草药酒
You know what you need Dani's got this herbalist who makes this great sleep tonic.
混合了卡瓦胡椒根和龟喙
It's a blend of kava root and turtle beak.
其实是零度激浪
It's Diet Squirt.
没用的这些都没用
No, it won't work. Nothing works.
唯一能帮助我睡眠的是我最爱的那个枕头
The only thing that ever helped me sleep was my favorite pillow,
我搬出来的时候没带走
and I... I left it behind when I moved out.
那就买♥♥个新的啊
Well, can't you get a new one, he asked,
虽然我知道会得到一个冗长无聊的答案
knowing he'd get a long, slow, boring answer?
不那个软硬正好
No, that one was perfectly broken in.
软得像婴儿的脸颊硬得像修女教健身
It was as soft as a baby's cheek and as firm as a nun teaching gym class.
听起来是个极品枕头
Ooh, that's a hell of a pillow.
那就去拿回来呗
Why don't you just go get it?
不行上周艾世丽让我
I can't. Last week, Ashley imposed
暂停30天任何形式的联♥系♥
a 30-day moratorium on any contact whatsoever.
不许打电♥话♥ 上门
No phone calls, no visits.
为什么你们都已经分居了啊
Why would she do that? You guys are already separated.
我也不知道她怎么会有
I don't know. For some reason, she was under the impression
我总是找借口去找她的印象
that I was making up reasons to drop by.
每月第15天
It's the 15th of the month;
烟雾感应器该检查了
I'm here to check your smoke detectors.
新的伍迪艾伦电影
The new Woody Allen movie?
不用看了
Don't even bother.
我买♥♥多了
I bought too many nectarines.
油桃来一个吗
Do you need nectarines?
猜猜万圣节我要扮成谁
Guess who I'm going to be for Halloween?
弗里达·卡罗
Frida Kahlo!
墨西哥女画家以穿墨传统服饰和一字眉为经典形象
好消息是还剩22天了
The good news is only 22 days to go.
除非我违反约定
Unless I break the pact,
那就得再加15天惩罚期
which activates a 15-day penalty phase.
不过是你进我退的事
It's a dance.
费里斯你有没有想过这个禁止令
Felix, do you ever think this little moratorium
是艾世丽在告诉你忘掉过去
is Ashley's way of telling you you need to move on?
-你怎么老这么说 -因为我是你朋友
- Why do you keep saying that? - Because I'm your friend
而且我觉得你如果知道事实会更快乐
and I think you'll be happier if you know the facts.
很抱歉我一直在把真♥相♥往你脸上砸
I'm sorry I'm throwing a lot of truth at you right now,
不过我体内的汤力水在跳动
but I got this tonic pumping through me!
事实是你不知道艾世丽到底怎么回事
The fact is you don't know what's going on with Ashley,
我不知道艾世丽是怎么回事
I don't know what's going on with Ashley.
一切皆有可能
Anything is possible.
你不知道还是压根不想知道
You don't know, or you don't want to know?
也许这就是你一直睡不着的原因
Maybe this is why you're up all night.
我是因为认枕头
I just need my pillow.
你看这个加了滤镜的
Look at this... with the sepia filter,
就像是老式的屁♥股♥
it looks like an old-timey butt.
慢慢放大
Now do a slow zoom.
现在看起来像是肯·伯恩斯导演的纪录片
Oh, now it looks like a Ken Burns documentary.
《美国的屁♥股♥》
The American Butt.
你们别看了
Guys, put that away.
费里斯累坏了他走到谷底[屁♥股♥]了
Felix is exhausted. He's hitting bottom.
不是故意这么说的不过这更好笑
That was unintentional, which makes it funnier.
我很高兴你们把欢乐建立在我的痛苦上
Well, I'm glad you can all laugh at my pain,
因为我都五天没睡觉了
because I have not slept in five days.
猫
Cat!
费里斯你都出现幻觉了
Felix, you're hallucinating.
我们去把那个枕头给你拿过来