天生冤家（2015）

The Odd Couple S01E05

Part 1 March 5, 2021, 12:42 p.m.

史上最强三明治
Best sandwich in the history of the world.
真希望我没把它吃完
I wish I hadn't eaten the whole thing though.
不应该吃完啊
Ooh. Really feeling it.
泰迪我要是你就不会吃完...
Teddy, if I were you, I'd think twice before finishing that...
想吃我这半没门儿
You're not getting the rest of my sandwich.
奥斯卡让你别在沙发上吃东西
Oscar, what have I told you about eating on the sofa?
小屑屑弄得到处都是
You're getting crumbs everywhere.
顺手把我的衬衫也吸一下呗
Hey, while you're at it, take a lap on my shirt.
我老婆以为我戒了碳水化合物
My wife thinks I'm off carbs.
呵呵呵好痒
Oh, that tickles.
好痒啊费里斯
That tickles, Felix.
我们俩都收到了这个
Mail came. We both got these.
婚礼请帖
Ooh, looks like a wedding invitation.
看来婚礼主题是脏乱差
Apparently the theme is clutter.
竟然还藏了一个
There's another one?
酒鬼藏酒他藏吸尘器
He's got them stashed all over the apartment like an alcoholic.
我书架上的伏特加背后也藏了一个
I found one in the bookcase behind my vodka.
看
Oh, look.
丝戴妃·碧池再婚了
Steffie Beach is getting married again.
谁来着
Who's Steffie Beach?
大学里那帮人呗也就是说...
Part of our old college crowd, which means...
艾世丽也会去
Ashley will be there.
你前妻真尴尬
Your ex. Sounds awkward.
尴尬
Is it?
还是展示潇洒新我的大好机会
Or is it the perfect opportunity to show her that I've changed?
还是尴尬比较贴切
I'm sticking with awkward.
费里斯你根本没变呀
Felix, in what way have you changed?
艾世丽说对我最不满意的一个特征
Oh, well, as you know, Ashley's biggest complaint about me
就是我有强迫症爱挑剔吹毛求疵
is that I was a compulsive, critical fussbudget.
我当时就指出这是三个不同的症状而非一个
Which I pointed out to her was actually three different complaints.
不过在你一个月的脏乱差臭昏的影响下
But after a month under your sloppy tutelage,
爱挑剔的费里斯已进化成费里斯 2.0
old fussy Felix has been upgraded to Felix 2.0.
同样典雅的姿态更多的乐趣
Lots more fun, same great posture.
那又怎样你觉得她会突然取消离婚
And then what? She's gonna suddenly call off the divorce?
但说不定她会同意和我再回去做夫妻心理咨♥询♥
Well, no, but maybe she'll go back to couples counseling with me.
特别在我的哥们奥斯卡告诉她我改变了这么多之后
Especially when my bro Oscar tells her how much I've changed.
费里斯 2.0会说"哥们"噢
Felix 2.0 says "Bro."
所以我得穿着西装称颂你的优良品德
So I get to put on a suit and talk about how great you are?
我一直以为等到你葬礼那天才需要这么干
I was hoping to avoid that until your funeral.
好吧你在家呆着吧
Fine. Stay home.
我会帮你跟你猜是谁
I'll say hi to-- pause for effect--
-奥莉薇亚打招呼 -奥莉薇亚
- Olivia. - Olivia?
她是新娘的妹妹当然会出现啦
She's the bride's sister; you know she's going to be there.
而且我还听说她最近也离婚了
Plus, I heard she's recently divorced, too.
-谁 -我整个大学生涯垂涎的辣妹
- Who's Olivia? - This really hot woman i lusted after all through college.
在派对上我们差点就搞在一起了但被某人毁了
We almost hooked up at a party, but then the paramedics came
因为他对啤酒里的小麦过敏叫了救护车
because someone discovered he had an allergic reaction to the wheat in beer.
我究竟要道歉几次你才满意
How many times do I have to apologize?!
这是我改正历史错误的机会
This is my chance to make things right.
就像穿越者回到过去阻止暗♥杀♥林肯...
It'll be like when time travelers go back to Lincoln's assassination and,
而于我则是睡对了女人
you know, sleep with a really hot woman.
你们俩都单身
Well, you're both free.
什么事都有可能发生哟
I mean, who knows what could happen?
没错婚礼的确神奇
Yeah, he's right. There's something about weddings.
要不是那次在婚礼上碰到
Oh, Diane wouldn't look at me twice
戴安根本不会多看我一眼
until we ran into each other at a wedding.
喝点小酒跳点小舞
A little drinking, a little dancing.
转眼间这个月12号♥就结婚二十五周年了
Flash forward to our silver anniversary, coming up on the 12th.
今天不就12号♥么
Isn't today the 12th?
擦完了
Oh, crap.
楼下花店10点关门
Florist downstairs closes in ten. Yeah.
奥斯卡今天才不是12号♥
Oscar, today's not the 12th.
我知道啊
I know.
奥斯卡你个大骗子开门
Oscar, you liar, open up!
把三明治还来
I want my damn sandwich!
说什么我听不清
Sorry, can't hear you!
这可不是玩具
It's not a toy.
请进
Come in.
丹尼我打扰到你工作了吗
Oh, hey, Dani. Am I interrupting your work?
终于有人打扰我了谢天谢地
Yes, thank God.
我在帮奥斯卡写这个月的道歉信
I'm writing Oscar's apology letters for the month.
他在节目里可是得罪了一大群人
He offends a lot of people on his show.
运动员粉丝海岸警卫队
Athletes, fans, the Coast Guard.
他说他们是山寨海军
He called them the fake Navy.
你继续加油我是来找费里斯的
Well, don't let me stop you. I'm just looking for Felix.
一天中的黄金时光终于到来
Oh, here comes my favorite part of the day.
艾米丽找理由赖在费里斯身边
Emily's excuse for spending time with Felix.
哪有的事
What? That's ridiculous.
我只是想找个人帮我开罐头
I just need someone to open this jar for me.
好吧我挺喜欢跟费里斯呆在一起的
Okay, so I like hanging out with Felix.
他又聪明又有趣
He's a smart, interesting guy,
偶尔还会出现在我梦里...
who I occasionally have dreams about.
结束了都完了
Well, it's over. All is lost.
猜猜谁的老婆找了个鲜肉新男友
Guess whose wife has a sexy new boyfriend.
我就不玩了因为我知道是谁
I'm not gonna play because I already know the answer.
我
It's me.
我人肉了丝戴妃的婚礼策划
I tracked down Steffie's wedding planner
希望坐在艾世丽那一桌
and asked to be seated at Ashley's table.
结果她竟然"携眷出席"
Turns out she's bringing a date.
一个叫查德·班尼斯特的男人
A man named Chad Bannister.
听起来就帅啊
He sounds handsome.
真人也帅我百度过了
He is. I Googled him.
一个拥有卷卷的发梢深潭般的双眼的播音员
Wavy hair and the dark soulful eyes of a sad anchorman.
还好不是消防员
Well, at least it's not a fireman.
不然你可真是永世不得翻身了
You'll never win with a fireman.
没关系反正我不准备去了
Well, it doesn't matter, because I am not going.
我可不想自虐欣赏艾世丽和猛♥男♥缠绵亲热
I'm not gonna put myself through the torture of watching ashley canoodle with some beefcake.
他刚才说"猛♥男♥"
Did he just say "Beefcake"?
"缠绵"你倒没意见?
But "Canoodle" You're fine with?
抱歉费里斯世事就是这样
I'm sorry, Felix, but it was bound to happen.
她看开了你也应该如此
She's moved on, and maybe it's time you do, too.
丹尼说的对
Dani's right.
与其在家纠结不如你自己也"携眷出席"
Instead of obsessing, why don't you show up with your own date?
你身边肯定有人愿意陪你去啊
I mean, you must know someone who would love to go with you.
见好就收让他自己合计
Foot off the gas. Let him find it.
你说的没错
No, no, you're right.
以前的费里斯会在家生闷气
Old Felix would have stayed home and sulked.
现在"想很开"的费里斯不会宅在家里
But new loosey-goosey Felix goes out.
让这女人瞅瞅谁才想得这么开
Makes the women say, "Who's that loose goose?"
明天就是婚礼了
But the wedding is tomorrow.
这么短的时间内我上哪找女的去
How am I gonna find a date on such short notice? Hey...
不去
No.
艾米丽怎么样
How about Emily?
太好了艾米丽你朋友里肯定有辣妹
That's great. Emily, you must have some hot friends.
不是我觉得艾米丽当费里斯的女伴刚刚好
No, I think Emily would be perfect as Felix's plus-one.
行不
Emily?
行我装恋爱可有一套了
Sure. I'm a great fake date.
表哥们的舞会都是带我去的
I went to all my cousins' proms.
-太棒了 -没事
- Wonderful. - Okay, well, all right.
我去找条合适的裙子
Um, looks like I need to find a dress.
有什么要求吗
Do you have any requests?
爱穿什么穿什么我现在可是看得开先生
Oh, choose whatever you like. Remember, loosey-goosey Felix.
那我就穿紫色及地连衣裙
Okay, maybe I'll wear my purple maxi dress.
参加婚礼穿那个我是看得开不是俗掉渣
To a wedding? I said loosey-goosey, not tacky-wacky.
奥斯卡你的礼物呢
Oscar, where is your gift?
一朝被放鸽一年再买♥♥礼
I'm waiting the full year before I buy her a gift again.
记吃也记打
Fool me once.
艾米丽都不知道要怎么感谢你
Emily, I can't tell you how much i appreciate
救我于水火
you doing this for me.
希望不会让你觉得难做