天生冤家（2015）

The Odd Couple S01E01

Part 2 March 5, 2021, 12:41 p.m.

But we had a great night,
以后可以过得更开心因为我们自♥由♥了
and we'll have a lot more because we're free.
我又不想自♥由♥
I don't want to be free.
慢慢来
Give it time.
看看这里
Look at this place.
你现在是世界最伟大城市里的单身
You are now single in the greatest city in the world.
女人扎堆的城市
This town is teeming with women.
傻♥逼♥ 滚开
Hey! Move it, you jackasses!
看到没这就一个
See? There's one.
也不是你要的那个
Maybe not the one.
谢谢你今晚陪我奥斯卡
Well, thank you for tonight, Oscar,
但天色已晚我得去找个酒店住了
but it's getting late, and I really should find a hotel.
别说傻话你住我那
Oh, don't be silly. You'll stay with me.
真的吗你可别勉强
Really? I wouldn't want to impose.
开玩笑吗我们一起找乐子
Are you kidding? We'll have fun.
谢谢你奥斯卡
Oh, thank you, Oscar.
你真是个好朋友
You're a good friend.
我保证你都不会发现我住在那的
I promise, you won't even know I'm there.
奥斯卡欢迎回家好消息
Oscar! Welcome home. Great news.
我拯救了你家阳台外的榕树
I managed to save the ficus out on the terrace.
可惜的是脏衣篮下
Sadly, the same cannot be said for whatever
暗自生长的某种生物我无力回天了
was growing at the bottom of your laundry hamper.
现在脱下球鞋
Now, then, take off those sneakers,
从短靴篮里挑双短靴换上
grab some booties from the bootie basket,
洗手准备吃晚饭
and wash up for dinner.
我才不会告诉你晚饭吃什么...
I won't tell you what we're having...
但脏手指可不允许[奶酪火锅谐音]
but dirty fingers are a fon-don't.
我还有脏衣篮呢
I have a laundry hamper?
好不错
Oh, yeah, this is nice.
我再拍拍这里...
I'm gonna get a couple of these...
泰迪你拍我的运动跑马灯呢
Teddy, are you filming my sports ticker?
还有你的十台电视
And your ten TVs.
下次我老婆再唠叨我瞎花钱
The next time my wife tells me I'm spending money
我就给她看这视频
like an idiot, I'm gonna show her this.
那你也应该弄个运动墙
You know what? You should get a sports wall.
你是我的经纪人跟戴安说是为了工作
You're my agent; tell Diane you need one for work.
奥斯卡
Oh, Oscar.
媳妇儿和运动墙男人不可兼得
You get a wife or a wall... no man gets both.
罗伊把短靴换上
Hey, Roy. Put your booties on.
什么
What?
这里发生什么事了
What the hell happened in here?
这里发生的是费里斯
Felix the hell happened in here.
还记得费里斯吧那次他来玩扑克
You remember Felix; he came to poker that time
洗扑克牌
and cleaned the cards.
我们当时还在玩
While we were still playing.
想起来了
Oh. Right.
我一手的消毒水味
Yeah, my hands smelled like ammonia.
害我老婆以为我跟女仆有一腿
My wife thought I was having an affair with our maid.
说的好像我能泡到她似的
Like I could get her.
饿死了
I am starving.
披萨什么时候能到
When is our pizza getting here?
没有披萨费里斯坚持要下厨
It's not. Felix insisted on cooking.
费里斯饭做的怎么样了
Hey, Felix! How's the food coming?
我在摆盘呢
I'm just plating it.
罗伊见到你很高兴泰迪
Roy, always a pleasure. Teddy,
你要是抽雪茄
if you have to smoke that cigar,
请打开空气净化器
please turn on the air purifier.
先生们
Oh. Gentlemen...
打开你们的味蕾吧
start your taste buds.
关于他老婆为何不幸福
I'm developing a little theory
我想到原因了
about why his wife wasn't happy.
他不是基佬
He's not gay.
你确定吗他看上去有点基啊
Are you sure? He seems a little gay.
不他是基出泡了但他不是基佬
No, he seems incredibly gay, but he's not.
真可惜我一直想交个基佬朋友
That's a shame. I always wanted to have a gay friend.
你知道的显得我比较开化
You know, to just seem more evolved.
你都有我这黑人朋友了
You already have a black friend;
还想证明什么
what are you trying to prove?
泰迪我没听到空气净化器的声音
Teddy, I don't hear that air purifier!
奥斯卡你之前把这人藏哪个柜子里的
Oscar, where have you been hiding this guy?
我们再给他塞回去吧
And can we shove him back in there?
我也想那么多年的朋友了
I wish. We've been friends for years,
我也没想到跟他住一起会这样
but I didn't know what it'd be like to live with him.
开始觉得我犯了个错误
I'm starting to think I made a mistake.
西班牙凉菜汤时间到
Gazpacho time!
一个大大的错误
A horrible, horrible mistake.
快吃男孩子们这是素食盛宴
Dig in, boys. It's a vegan feast.
尝尝这个无肉鸡翅
Try one of the meat-free chicken wings.
如果鸡没肉
If a chicken had no meat,
会直接倒在地上的
it would just fall down to the ground.
这里的菜都没肉吗连肉丸也没肉吗
There's no meat in any of this? Not even the meatballs?
没肉没有
No. No, there is not.
我只是考虑到奥斯卡有高胆固醇
Well, I just thought, with Oscar's high cholesterol...
你怎么知道我胆固醇高
How do you know my cholesterol is high?
根据你药柜里的药推断出的
Based on those pills in your medicine cabinet.
你还看我药柜了
You went into my medicine cabinet?
不然垫纸我要怎么铺
How else would I put down shelf paper?
泰迪事不过三
Teddy, I've warned you, twice.
那是我的啤酒
Hey! That's my beer!
你放西班牙凉菜汤里也好啊
You could have put that in the gazpacho.
走罗伊去我家看球去
Come on, Roy, let's watch the game at my place.
再见奥斯卡
See you, Oscar.
同志们别走啊
Oh, guys, don't leave.
一晚没有雪茄也死不了
We can go without cigars for one night.
还能多活久点
We'll live longer.
你见过我老婆
You've met my wife;
你怎么可能觉得我想活久点
why would I want to live longer?
人都哪去了他们走了吗
Where are the guys? Did they leave?
他们不是走是逃走
They didn't leave, they fled,
逃到无费里斯之地
to a place called Nofelixstan!
这是最后一次给你的朋友做饭
Well, that's the last time I cook for your friends.
谢天谢地我买♥♥了特百惠
Thank God I bought Tupperware.
费里斯我努力保持冷静
Felix, I'm trying to remain calm here,
因为我知道你是情不自禁
because I know you can't help yourself.
显然你是从外星被派来打扫地球的
Clearly, you were sent from your planet to tidy up ours.
-可你必须停下了 -停什么
- But you have to stop. - Stop what?
一切唠叨打扫
Everything... the nagging, the cleaning,
无食物的食物和...
the food-free food, the...
西班牙凉菜汤时间到
gazpacho time!
所以换句话说是我让你讨厌了
So, in other words, I'm getting on your nerves.
不用换句话了这句话刚刚好
Not in other words; those are the perfect ones!
看看你把我的运动跑马灯变成啥样了
Take a look at what you did to my sports ticker.
我们没有玉米片了 F.U.[粗口Fuck you]
"We're out of corn flakes... F.U."
把袜子捡起来 F.U.
"Pick up your socks... F.U."
我花了两天才想明白F.U.是费里斯·安格
It took me two days to figure out that F.U. Was Felix Unger!
好吧我心中也有话不吐不快
Well, I've got something to get off of my chest, too.
当我在人生的最低点时
When I was at the lowest point in my life,
是你收留了我
you took me in,
让我见识到了友情的光辉
you showed me the true nature of friendship,
我终身不忘
and I will never forget that!
什么玩意儿
What the hell was that?
你连吵架都不会吵
You don't even know how to fight right!
也就是说和一个
That said, it is no picnic
不顾他人感受的懒汉住在一起也不用慌
living with an inconsiderate slob
就算他懒到认为多任务处理
who is so lazy that his idea of multitasking
就是边洗澡边撒尿
is peeing in the shower!
你监视我了
Have you been watching me?
对我监视你了知道我看到什么了吗
Yes, I have been watching you, and you know what I see?
一个把自己沉浸在性♥爱♥酒精和脏乱差之中的人
A man who is marinating in sex and booze and filth
就因为他不肯承认自己非常想念妻子
because he can't admit how much he misses his wife.
先生你不肯接受现实