天生冤家（2015）

The Odd Couple S01E07

Part 1 March 5, 2021, 12:42 p.m.

奥斯卡·麦迪逊秀我是丹尼
Oscar Madison Show, this is Dani.
没错我本人就是听起来这么性感
Yes, I am as sexy as I sound.
我才不会形容我的玉足给你听
No, I will not describe my feet.
踹你个屁♥股♥蹲儿还是绰绰有余
But they are big enough to kick your ass.
别挂节目开始他就会接听你的电♥话♥了
Stay on the line, he'll take your call when the show starts.
你个死变♥态♥
You big freak.
奥斯卡人呢
Where's Oscar?
还有4分钟就开始了他还在睡觉
He's still asleep and the show starts in four minutes.
我就知道会这样
Ah, I was afraid of that.
我们昨天去看尼克斯的比赛了
We went to the Knicks game last night.
在第二加时赢了
Won it in double overtime.
我们也就去酒吧"加了加时"
Then we went double overtime at the bar.
然后就这场输给酒精了
Feels like we lost that one.
我试过叫醒他了
I already tried to wake him,
但他往我身上丢了半个三明治
but he threw half a meatball sub at me.
那就是还有一发"三明弹"
Oh... so he still has half a sub left?
烦死了
Oh, damn.
经纪人真是什么活都得干
Agent's work is never done.
太阳晒屁♥股♥啦帅哥
Rise and shine, champ!
闹够了快起床
All right, let's go.
三分钟后直播就开始了
You're on the air in three minutes.
睡觉不脱衣服
Sleeping in your clothes.
演"海豹突击队"呢
Just like a Navy SEAL.
乖
Good call.
大腕走错边了
Let's try the other way, superstar.
你今天穿裤子了
Oh, you're wearing pants today.
我谢你啊
Thank you.
好了快坐好
Okay, let's set you up right here.
咖啡来一杯
Coffee.
甜甜圈来一个
Donut.
再加一个
Another donut.
直播倒数
On the air
三二...
in three, two...
一
One!
各位黑粉和白粉们
Good morning, friends and enemies.
欢迎收听奥斯卡·麦迪逊秀
Welcome to The Oscar Madison Show.
昨晚尼克斯大获全胜凯尔特人不幸败北
The Knicks won last night and the Celtics lost,
全世界的三观都妥妥的
so all is right in the world.
不过这位波士顿的听众保利不太同意
Although I'm guessing Paulie from Boston will disagree.
早啊保利
Morning, Paulie.
你也"糟" 麦迪逊
You suck, Madison.
尼克斯昨晚只不过靠运气
And your Knicks got lucky last night.
Get Lucky 滚床单双关
你知道还有谁也运气好
Well, you know who else got lucky last night?
大爷我
Me.
相对于尼克斯粉的潇洒生活
But such is the charmed life of a Knicks fan.
保利你昨晚过得怎么样
How'd you spend your night, Paulie?
Larry Bird 80年代波士顿凯尔特人队明星球员
抱着你的拉里·伯德人形枕哭着入眠
Crying into your Larry Bird body pillow?
泰迪多谢你叫醒我
Thanks for waking me up, Teddy.
但我自己也不会迟到啦
But I would have been there on time.
承认吧你多亏有我了
Please, I saved your ass.
还有昨晚在酒吧也是
Just like I did last night at the bar
当你要求和那谁斗舞的时候
when you challenged that guy to a dance-off.
我赢了没
Oh, God. Did I at least win?
凌晨两点的斗舞
A 2AM. Dance-off?
输赢从何谈起
There are no winners.
奥斯卡你一定猜不到发生了什么事
Oscar. You'll never guess what happened.
你买♥♥了新的"擦杯布"
You bought new tea towels?
你们团里加了第四男高音
They added a fourth tenor?
我恨我知道
I hate that I know this stuff.
才不是
No.
今天我帮一个电视巨头
Today I was taking some publicity photos
拍宣传照
for a big TV exec.
我不小心听到他说到
and I overheard him talking
一个体育脱口秀叫第一阵容
about a sports talk show called The First String.
瑞驰·艾森主持的我好喜欢那个节目
With Rich Eisen? I love that show.
他们想请个对话嘉宾
Well, they are looking for a new panelist.
所以我就提了一下
So I just happened to mention
我室友就是著名的奥斯卡·麦迪逊
that my roommate is the famous Oscar Madison.
在我简单解释了一下
And after a quick clarification
"室友"不是他们想的那个意思之后
as to what I meant by "Roommate"...
他们同意请你去上节目
...they agreed to have you on as a guest.
做得好能常驻呢
Which he said could turn into a regular gig.
听听 "常驻"
Listen to me. "Gig."
是个好机会
Wow, that sounds so cool.
多谢了费里斯
Thanks, Felix.
多谢费里斯不过我们不能去
Yeah, thank you, Felix. But, uh, we're gonna pass.
-为什么 -是啊为什么
- Why? - Yes, why?
我回答你哈跟你没啥事
I will answer you and not you.
你已经有一份千金难买♥♥的好工作
You already have a great job.
在你的猪窝里主持一档全国性电台节目
You host a national radio show from your apartment.
只要你喜欢可以裸着主持
If you want, you could do it naked,
也可以吃吃披萨搞个按♥摩♥
Or eating a pizza, or getting a massage.
如果安排妥当
If you play your cards right,
三者同时进行也不是不可以
you could do all three at once.
的确梦幻的生活
That is the dream.
但偶尔出个小镜应该也挺好玩
But I always thought it would be fun to do TV.
出镜是不错
Ah, TV's fine.
但何必搞混你的招牌
But why water down your brand?
电台才是你的老本行
Radio's your home.
他可以同时做两行啊
But he could have two homes.
电视台的工作可以是他扬名全国的华丽包装
Television could be the giant RV he drives around the country.
费里斯我才是奥斯卡的经纪人
Felix, I'm Oscar's agent.
我是他的"无肉体关系的室友"
And I am his platonic roommate.
下次提起他一定要这么说
Which I realize now i have to say whenever I mention him.
试一试也不会少块肉
Look, I'm just saying, how could it possibly hurt to try?
我们已经试过了
We already have.
几年前他上过电视当对话嘉宾
He tried that guest panel thing years ago.
-表现如何 -很棒
- And? - He was great.
但是电视台真讨厌记得不
But it was a pain in the ass, remember?
需要傻傻等在那里候场还要化妆
You had to wait around, wear makeup,
他们还不给你甜甜圈吃
they didn't give you your donuts...
就是英式松饼好难吃
That's right. Stupid scones.
他们最后选了那个帅哥运动员
They ended up hiring that pretty boy athlete.
而不是这个帅哥电台主持人
Instead of the pretty boy radio host.
迈克·斯特拉罕前纽约巨人队橄榄球运动员
在早间体育脱口秀
蠢货迈克·斯特拉罕
Stupid Michael Strahan.
你培养我的策略从未出错
Well, you've never steered me wrong before.
那我还是乖乖走电台路线吧
So I guess you're right, let's just stick with radio.
我的乖孩子
My man.
-我只是觉得... -感谢你多此一举
- Well, I just think... - And I appreciate your thoughts.
我已经帮奥斯卡策划了
But... I have guided Oscar's career
二十年的职业生涯他现在很好
for 20 years now and he's doing just fine.
如果不介意的话我开会要迟到了
Now if you'll excuse me, i'm late for a meeting
上衣沾了点三明治让我感觉不太专业
and I have more meatball sub on my shirt than I feel is professional.
你跟泰迪在一起有二十年了
So you and Teddy have been together for 20 years?
嗯我是他第一个客户
Yeah, I was his first client.
第一个人类客户
Well, first human.
在我之前他手下有过几个吉祥物
Before me, he represented mascots.
这是你们缘分的开始
That's right. That's how you met, isn't it?
我当时电台采访一个他的客户
Yeah, I was doing a radio interview
俄勒冈州立大学的吉祥物
柏瑞海狸
with one of his clients, barry the Burlington Beaver.
当时我也做过吉祥物
You know, I was a mascot myself.
江湖人称 "罗斯福嘶吼鹰"
The Roosevelt High Screaming Eagle, if you can imagine that.
可以想象
I can.
穿一身鸟装被塞进储物柜
You in a bird suit, stuffed in a locker,
等学校保安去英雄救美
waiting for your best friend the janitor to get you out.
我有告诉过你这件事吗
Did I tell you that story?
好吧祝你和泰迪幸福
Well, I am just glad to see that you and Teddy are so happy together.