最危险的动物（2020）

我每次下班回家
"When I came home from work,
基本都会发现宝宝被关进床脚箱里
"The baby would usually be in the footlocker with the top closed.
我问厄尔为什么这么做
"I asked Earl why he closed the locker,
他说宝宝哭闹太烦了"
"and he said he was tired of hearing the baby cry."
我记得有一次
I remember when
范想把宝宝送走
Van proposed to take the baby,
我就一直不放他走
but I fought him the whole way.
我说我们得想办法
I told him that we had to find a way
解决现在的困境
to make it work for all of us.
有一天我回到家
But one day, I came home,
发现宝宝不在了
and the baby was gone.
朱蒂·埃伦·钱德勒 15岁 陈词
Statement of Judith Ellen Chandler, age 15.
"他说他要把宝宝送去巴吞鲁日
"He told me that he was going to take the baby to Baton Rouge.
他说他会给宝宝找一个好人家"
"He told me that the baby would be given a good home."
我查到自己被送去了巴吞鲁日
When I found out how I arrived to Baton Rouge,
所以我去了巴吞鲁日公共图书馆
I went to the Baton Rouge Public Library.
我1月12日生
I was born February 12,
于是我以这一天为起始
and I started at my birth date,
翻阅巴吞鲁日的早晚报
looking through the two editions of the Baton Rouge newspaper.
翻到3月16日查到了
And I made it all the way until March 16th.
找到我自己了
And there I was.
寻找弃婴父母身份
我原以为自己
I just assumed that I was legally...
是被合法收养的
made available for adoption.
怎么会有人狠心将自己的骨肉
How could any human being with a heart take their blood,
随意丢弃 然后走开 再也不管
and lay it down and walk away and never look back?
所以 我一点也不想提这段事
So, you see, that's the most difficult thing for me to talk about.
我父亲将我遗弃在
After my father abandoned me in the stairwell
巴吞鲁日某大楼台阶上之后
of that apartment building in Baton Rouge,
他坐火车回了新奥尔良
he took the train back to New Orleans,
我母亲告诉我
and my mother tells me,
"我看到他回来没抱着你
"The minute he walked in the door without you,
我就离开了他
"I left him.
我立刻离开了他"
I left him immediately."
但事实证明
But as it turns out,
那天是三月十五日
that was March 15th,
根据警方的报告
and according to the police reports
和报纸上刊登的文章
and newspaper articles,
她实际上一直跟他待在一起
she actually stayed with him
直到四月十八日
all the way up until April 18th.
我真的以为他没带孩子回来那天
I honestly believed that I left that same day
我就离开他了
that he came back without the baby.
结果是我当天没离开
But it turned out that I did not,
但是直到加里进行他的调查...
but I didn't know that until Gary did his...
我才知道这个事实
uh, investigation.
那时候
By this point,
我母亲已经受够了厄尔·范贝斯特
my mother had had enough of Earl Van Best Jr.
当我父亲发现我母亲偷偷离开
And when my father found out that she had flown the coop,
他打给当局 告发了我母亲
he called the authorities and turned her in.
当局联♥系♥了我母亲
When the authorities contacted my mother,
她说 "她可以回家
she said, "She can come home,
但小孩不行"
but the baby can't."
我被带到巴吞鲁日签署文件
I was taken to Baton Rouge to sign the papers.
我记得当时坐在
I just remember sitting in this...
玄武岩块砌成的灰色房♥间
basalt block gray room,
只有一丝
in a little...
太阳光
piece of sun.
我把椅子挪到光线下
I moved my chair over there,
我记得当时一边抱着他
and I remember holding him
一边不停哭泣
and just crying.
我非常伤心
I was just completely heartbroken.
我确定我再也见不到他了
I was sure I would never see him again
因为他们跟我说 我不会再见到他了
because they told me I was never going to see him again.
所以他们两人都被引渡回
So they were both extradited back
旧金山
to San Francisco,
我父亲再次被
and my father was once again
关进郡监狱
placed in county jail.
我妈妈被送到
And my mother was sent to
收容任性女孩们的感化院
a correctional home for wayward girls.
此时两人的冰淇淋罗曼史
By the time the Ice Cream Romance
在逃鸳鸯
划上了苦涩的句号♥
had reached its bitter end,
他们逃亡了十五个月
they had been on the run for 15 months.
有天晚上 我问她孩子怎么样了
I asked her one night what happened to the baby,
她跟我说 范带走了孩子
and she told me that Van had taken the baby
把他丢到教堂了
and left it in a church.
就那样结束了谈话
And that was the end of the story.
我们再没谈起过那孩子的事
We never talked about it again.
所有权威人士都跟你说
All you hear from those official people
忘掉发生的一切
is to forget what's happened
继续你的生活
and go on with your life.
从来没人提到过孩子
The baby was never spoken of.
在我的家庭里
Nothing about my running away
再来没人提及我离家出走的事
was ever spoken of in my family.
我的父亲被判
My father was sentenced to 90 days
在阿塔斯卡德罗州立精神病院观察90天
in Atascadero State Mental Hospital.
阿塔斯卡德罗是个安全等级最高的机构
Atascadero is a maximum security facility
专门收治性变♥态♥的罪犯疯子
for sexually deviant, criminally insane males.
在阿塔斯卡德罗的期间
While in Atascadero,
我的父亲因为行为失常
my father was subject to...
得接受医药和化学治疗
medical, chemical treatment for his disorder,
同时还有电休克治疗
as well as electroconvulsive therapy,
精神科
在六十年代早期
which, back in the early '60s,
电休克治疗依然被认为
was still considered a very effective way
可以有效地将邪恶电出人体
to shock the evil right out of someone.
我父亲离开阿塔斯卡德罗之后
After my father spent his time in Atascadero,
就被直接转送到圣昆廷监狱
he was transferred directly to San Quentin
服刑四年
to serve a four-year sentence.
在狱中认识我父亲的人
And people who knew my father after prison
都说他的眼睛完全是空洞的
said that his eyes looked completely empty.
1965年
我的父亲刑满释放后
When my father was released,
他可能满心想的
he was probably still whole-heartedly obsessed
依然只有我母亲
with my mother.
有一天 我在我母亲家的时候
One day, I was at my mother's house
电♥话♥响了 是范打来的
and the phone rang, and it was Van.
他就在一个街区外
He was less than a block away,
他叫我去见他
and he asked me to come see him.
我很害怕
I was fearful,
但我还是说
but I said
我不会去见他
I would not see him.
说实话 我再也不想看见他
As a matter of fact, I never wanted to see him again.
我把电♥话♥挂了
I hung up the phone,
那是我最后一次和他说话
and that was the last time I ever talked to him.
我想到了这一刻
And I think at this point,
我的父亲终于崩溃了
my father was devastated with the fact
因为他失去了她
that he had lost her.
我父亲在整个过程中丢失了自己的灵魂
My father lost his soul in this whole thing.
我完全没想到
I had no idea
对我父亲的寻找会让我有怎样的发现
what I would find when I went searching for my father.
我想找到他的愿望
Most of my desire to find him
大多是基于想要了解
had to do with me constructing
我体内另一半基因是怎么样的
what was the other half of my DNA.
我知道我的一些行为
Knowing that some of my behaviors can't be explained
跟斯图尔特家一贯的家风不符
by being raised in the Stewart household,
我最大的恐惧就是那源于我的遗传
my biggest fear was what that meant for my legacy,
也会影响我孩子的未来
and my kid's future,
以及那会怎样通过斯图尔特家的族谱
and-- and how that would propagate
一代代传下去
throughout the Stewart lineage.
我想知道他是谁
I needed to see and know who he was.
无论如何 我要找到他
I was going to find him, no matter what.