米勒一家（2013）

I'm so sorry, I just feel worse than ever.
可怜的人啊 还病着呢对吧
Poor baby. Still sick, huh?
这下你是真的病倒了啊
That bug has really got you down.
是啊 怎么就好不了了呢
Yeah. Just can't seem to shake it.
不用担心
Well, don't worry.
我有个好东西可以让你好点儿
I have just the thing to make you feel better.
这是米卡拉小时候用的吸鼻涕器
It's Mikayla's old snot sucker from when she was a baby.
把这个塞进你鼻孔里
Yeah, just shove this in your nose
我就会把疾病都给你吸走
and I'll suck the sickness right out of you.
不不不 我们不用...
Oh, no, no, no, no. I don't think we need to...
我觉得我们该给那些药一个机会
I mean, I think we just need to give the medicine
让它们发挥功效
a chance to do its work.
不 别傻了
No, no, don't be silly.
你病情很严重 快仰好头
You're sick. Just tilt your head back.
不 我是鼻塞 不是流鼻涕 我...
Oh, no, no. I think it's more congestion than snot. I...
好了
Oop, there we go.
我知道你没生病
Ah, I know you're not sick!
我在电视上看到你了
I saw you on la television.
你去那家学校干什么
What were you doing down at that school?
我去代课好吗
I was subbing, okay?
我们得付账单
We needed to pay the bills.
我不想让你以为我放弃了我们的餐厅
I didn't want you to think that I'd given up on the cafe.
等等
Wait.
-你放弃了我们的餐厅吗 -没有
- You've given up on the cafe? - No.
可能吧
Maybe.
我也不清楚
I don't know.
如果我告诉你
Okay, would it help your decision
我很久以前就放弃了你会不会早下决定
if I told you that I gave up on it a long time ago?
什么 真的吗
Wait, you did?
是的
Yeah.
即使我去做虚假点评 也就拉到了两位顾客
Even my fake Yelp review for the cafe only gave us two stars.
等等 你的意思跟我想的是一样的吗
Wait, are... are you saying what I think you are?
我们就让卫生检查员如愿以偿吧
Let's do what the health inspector's been trying to do for years.
我们关掉餐厅吧
Let's close down the cafe.
亲爱的...
Oh, hon...
喂
Hello?
他们终于接电♥话♥了
They finally picked up.
对 我叫汤姆·米勒
Yes, my name is Tom Miller,
我从周四就一直在等了
and I have been on hold since Thursday.
我打电♥话♥是因为你们问过我
I called because you asked if I wanted to be part
想不想参加顾客调查
of a customer survey.
我想告诉你们
Well, I wanted to tell you
我不想
that I do not.
慈世平
Metta.
听我说 如果你来是因为广播现场连线的事
Hey, listen, if this is about those callers on the radio,
我真的不知道
I have no idea
那些有奇葩口音的人都在说什么
what those people with amazing accents were talking about.
我也喜欢在咖啡里加点威士忌
I like a little whiskey in my coffee, too.
内森啊 你回来了
Oh, Nathan, you're home.
你听我说 我知道
Now, l-listen. I-I-I know
我说过不会再干涉你的事了
I told you I wouldn't interfere again,
但我真的把持不住自己啊
but I couldn't help myself.
这事儿太严重了
This was just too big.
你好
Hello.
我是慈世平的母亲
I'm Metta's mother.
凯洛好心去酒店找到我
Carol was kind enough to track me down
告诉我了事情的经过
at the hotel and tell me what was going on.
直觉告诉我慈世平出门肯定会带着老妈
My instincts told me Metta's a man who travels with his mother.
内森 坐下
Nathan, sit down.
你也是 慈世平
You, too, Metta.
给我坐下
Sit down.
我是来代我儿子道歉的
I came to apologize for my son.
但是 妈...
But, Mom...
是他先朝钻世平大吼大叫的
he yelled at Diamond.
我知道他做了什么
I know what he did,
但是不能因别人错了就觉得自己也可以犯错
but two wrongs don't make a right.
我们现在要跟这位未来的
Now, we're gonna set things straight
布莱恩·威廉姆斯把事情讲清楚
with this Brian Williams wannabe.
天哪 谢谢
Oh, gosh, thank you.
你明明知道自己有多吓人
You know how intimidating you can be,
尤其是对一个比你矮
especially with someone smaller,
比你弱 没你成功的人来说
weaker, less successful...
他懂 他很明白
He gets it. He's good.
还有你
And you.
你以为自己是谁 竟然朝小孩子大吼大叫
Who do you think you are, yelling at a child?
你以为自己是俄♥罗♥斯♥体操教练吗
A Russian gymnastics coach?
你们俩给我坐在这里好好反省解决一下
You both need to sit here until you've worked this out.
凯洛 你需要再多给我倒点威士忌
And you, Carol, need to put some more whiskey in this mug.
妞儿 现在喝着都作咖啡味了
Girl, it's starting to taste like coffee.
抱歉 我开始不了解你 没敢给你多倒
I'm sorry, I didn't know you well enough to give you a Carol pour.
天下老妈都一样啊
Mothers, huh?
谁说不是 我妈就住我对面
Tell me about it. Mine lives across the hall.
是吗
Yeah?
至少你可以搬走
At least you can move.
我给我妈买♥♥♥房♥♥子买♥♥在了我家隔壁
I bought my mother the house next door.
她根本就是哪里都不去
She's not going anywhere.
谁让大家都喜欢我呢
You're looking at Everybody Loves Metta.
听我说 那天的事我很抱歉
Listen, I'm sorry about the other day.
我那天迟到了所以心情不好
I... I was just really stressed out about being late
加上采访你这样的大人物又是前所未有的
and you're the biggest interview of my life,
但是 我不该朝你女儿大吼大叫
but I... I shouldn't have yelled at your daughter.
没事
Ah, it's all right.
谁让她挑根棒棒糖还那么费劲
She should've just picked a lollipop.
我们家的人都优柔寡断
Indecision runs in my family.
所以我才一直给自己改名字
That's why I keep changing my name.
我只是担心我的饭碗砸了
I'm just worried my career's over.
如果大家觉得我控制不了自己的脾气
And if people think I can't control my temper,
就不会有人买♥♥我的儿童刊物
nobody's gonna buy my children's books.
朱利叶斯·欧文 前NBA运动员
我不想成为下一个朱利叶斯·欧文
I've never wanted to be the next Dr. J.
我一直想成为下一个苏斯博士[儿童文学作家]
I've always wanted to be the next Dr. Seuss.
我更喜欢写作
I'd rather write.
彻夜写作
Write all night.
彻夜写作
To write all night
我会怡然自乐
would be such a delight.
说得不错 说实话我觉得如果
That's pretty good. You know, I-I think that if...
如果我们合作
if we work together,
可能有办法解决这事
there just might be a way out of this.
纽约连线里斯堡
你们是说整件事
So what you're telling America
都是一场恶作剧对吗
is that this whole thing was a staged prank?
很精彩不是吗 詹姆斯
Brilliant, right, James?
其实一切都是慈世平的主意
Yeah, it was actually all Metta's idea.
我只要表现得害怕就行了
And all I had to do was act scared.
艾玛作为我们的人肉盾牌演得很棒
Emma did a great job as our human shield.
他头太大 把我的眼镜都撞掉了
His big head stretched out my glasses.
行了
Okay.
我知道这段视频会疯传
I knew this video would go viral
进而引起大家对欺凌问题的关注
and bring attention to the issue of bullying.
欺负人可不好 孩子们
It's no good, kids.
所以我们才要选择《慈世平和爱的故事》
That's why we're all better off choosing World Peace
来阅读
and Love Stories.
你们确实骗到我们了
Well, you fooled us.
现在我们关注一下叙利亚局势
Now back to the crisis in Syria.
各位 我们成功了
Guys... we did it!
你跟这事儿又没关系 基普
You had nothing to do with it, Kip.
我们三个在一起多开心啊对不对
The three of us have a fun time, don't we?
计划奏效真是太好了
I'm just glad it all worked out.
我保证这是我最后一次
And I promise, this is the last time
干涉你的事
I will ever interfere.
妈 这个保证...
Well, Mom, that is...
你是无法兑现的