米勒一家（2013）

We both want this divorce.
没错 但是你先抛下我不管
True, but you're the one who ended the marriage
我们的婚姻才会结束的
by walking out on me.
所以 这其实就是你的错
So, technically, it is your fault.
什么 我会抛下你不管是因为
What?! The only reason I walked out is
不管我做什么你都会批评我
'cause you'd constantly criticize everything I did!
怎么可能有人连眨眼都要被批评
I mean, how does someone blink wrong?!
你眨眼的时间太长了
Your blinks are too long!
长到好像你已经睡了一觉
They're like tiny naps!
你开车的时候我魂都要吓飞了
Driving in the car with you is terrifying.
好了 两位 反正你们都想要离婚
Okay. Guys, guys. You both want this divorce,
所以是谁的错有什么重要的呢
so who cares whose fault it was?
对我很重要
I do!
当历史学家回看这段历史的时候
When historians look back on the record,
我希望他们看到的是实情
I want it to reflect the truth.
什么历史学家 你们疯了吗
What historians? This is nuts!
-我绝不会签署无过失离婚的 -我也是
- I will never sign a "no fault divorce." - Me neither!
那我们还是已婚状态咯
Well, I guess we're still married then.
棒呆 那我们就一直已婚着吧
Great! Let's stay married!
那我就得搬回去和你一起住了喽
Guess I'll be moving back into the house with you then!
棒呆
Fantastic!
等等 那是我家
Wait, my house.
不不不
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
回家见 亲爱的
See you at home, honey!
等不及了呢 亲爱的
Can't wait, sweetie!
我这就去收拾行李
I'll pack my stuff!
刚刚发生了什么
What just happened?
看来豪威尔太太不想在岛上呆下去了
I guess Mrs. Howell wants to get off the island.
好吧 我最好去把亚当和米卡拉接来
Okay. Well, I better go get Adam and Mikayla.
我们今晚就在这里睡了
We're gonna sleep here tonight.
等等 你说什么
Wait, what?
是啊 你肯定记得以前
Yeah, you remember how intense
他们打架有多激烈吧
their fighting used to be.
他们原来那个尖叫声
They used to scream so loud,
把我们的两只仓鼠吓得心脏病发而死
we lost two pet hamsters to heart attacks.
我不想把我女儿也用个小鞋盒装起来埋在后院
I don't want to bury my daughter in a shoe box in the backyard.
好吧 我的工作结束了
Well, my work here is done.
如果有人想来和我玩双陆棋的话
If anybody would like to play backgammon with me,
我就在对面哟
I'll be across the hall.
我的天
Oh, my God.
他们不过独处了24小时就把我家毁了
They've been alone 24 hours, and they've destroyed my house.
看起来好像是激烈打斗过
It looks like there was a struggle.
你们不会觉得你们父亲对我的凯洛做了什么吧
You don't think your father did something to my Carol, do you?
当然不
No, please.
就算真有什么 我担心的也是爸爸
If anything, I'm worried about dad.
老妈开车还在车道的时候就会变暴躁的
Mom gets road rage while she's still in the driveway.
也许你说得对
You might be right.
这是汤姆的臭鞋
This is Tom's smelly loafer.
看起来她似乎制♥服♥了汤姆
It looks like she overpowered Tom
然后将他生机全无的尸体拖到了楼上
and then dragged his lifeless body upstairs.
不
Oh, no.
也许我该负一部分责任
I might be partially responsible.
是我教会她玩"滚床单 结婚 杀人"的
I-I was the one who taught her "Boink, Marry, kill."
这是怎么回事
How did this happen?
你妈妈背不好 所以基本上还是传教士体♥位♥
Well, your mother has a bad back, so mostly missionary...
不不不 天呐
No, no, n-n-no! God!
怎么了
What?
这比我们猜测的你们俩互相残杀
This is so much worse than when we thought
还惨不忍♥睹
you'd killed each other.
我们和你们一样惊讶
We're as surprised as you are.
我们两个都没想到会这样
Neither of us saw this coming.
我过来时气得冒烟
I came over here
温度快超过七月的奥兰多停车场了
hotter than an Orlando parking lot in July,
准备继续过和我离开时一样的婚姻生活
ready to pick up our marriage where we left off.
太棒了
Great!
我进门不到30秒 你就已经丢了
I'm here 30 seconds, and you've already dumped out
一堆脏衣服让我洗
your dirty laundry for me!
那些是干净的
Hey, those are clean!
黛比教了我怎么洗衣服
Debbie taught me how to do laundry!
她还教了我怎么缝补衣服
She also taught me how to mend my clothes.
趁我没把你嘴缝上赶紧闭嘴吧你
So, zip it before I sew it shut.
但你们父亲和一年前
But your father wasn't the same person
大不一样了
I was married to a year ago.
事实是我们都有了一些改变
Truth was we'd both gone through some changes.
我的降压药吃完了
I'm out of blood pressure medicine,
鉴于你在我身边
and since I'm gonna be around you,
我需要降压药 越多越好
I'm gonna need all I can get!
棒呆 我最喜欢的蜂鸟在不停地吃花蜜
Great! My favorite hummingbird was just gorging on nectar.
但我看凯文得等等了
But I guess Kevin will have to wait
我得先送你去药店
so I can drive you to the store!
我拿到驾照了 我自己能开车了
I have a driver's license now; I can take myself!
好好和你的鸟待一块吧 蠢货
Enjoy your birdies, you loon!
我们非常努力地想打起来
We were trying our best to fight,
但我们原来总能吵起来的话题现在根本没用
but all of our old arguments weren't working anymore.
我们根本没意识到 我们没有可吵的话题了
Before we knew it, we were running out of stuff to be mad about.
我给你买♥♥了三种汤
I bought you three kinds of soup
我知道你超级喜欢汤
'cause I know how much you love soup!
我是喜欢汤 但我已经做好了晚饭
I do love soup. But I already cooked dinner.
我也给你做了一份 你自便
I made an extra plate if you want it!
谢谢你
Well, thank you!
我是有点饿了
I am kind of hungry!
我就料到你可能会饿
I thought you might be!
我还加了一些帕尔马干酪
And I put some fresh Parmesan on it
我知道你喜欢
because I know you like that!
你真是太体贴了
How thoughtful!
我喜欢奶酪
I like cheese!
然后我们意识到 我们的共同点
And then we realized that changing who we were
不只有我们身上发生的改变
wasn't the only thing we had in common.
等等
Wait a second.
你是在看《权力的游戏》吗
Are you watching Game of Thrones?
你不能喜欢《权力的游戏》
You can't like Game of Thrones.
为什么
Why not?
因为我喜欢《权力的游戏》
Because I like Game of Thrones.
自从辛普森审判后我们从没喜欢过同一个剧集
And we haven't agreed on a TV show since the O.J. Trial.
辛普森审判:辛普森杀妻案
我不理解为什么他们没有让那个节目回归
I don't know why they didn't bring that show back
来个第二季什么的
for a second season.
不知不觉间 我们上了楼 在他的软床上
And before you knew it, we were upstairs, adding a new memory
创造新的回忆
to his memory foam mattress.
好吧 然后呢
All right. So what?
你们享受了最后一次狂欢
S-So you had one last hurrah.
不 似乎有三次半狂欢
No, more like three-and-a-half hurrahs.
你♥爸♥爸都肌肉抽筋了
Your father got a charley horse.
行了...
Okay. Well...
唯一重要的狂欢就是最后一次
the only hurrah that matters is the last one,
所以你们快签了离婚协议吧
so here are your divorce papers to sign.
其实我们刚聊过这个问题...
Actually, we were just talking about this, and, um...
我跟你父亲想再给彼此一次机会
your father and I are gonna give this another go.
天 你们伤害到自己的孩子了
Oh, my God. You've broken your children.
我们不离婚了
We're gonna stay married.
不不不 这主意糟透了
No, no, no, no. This is a terrible idea.
你们为什么不离婚了
Why are you doing this?
之前一切都很完美啊
Everything was perfect.
你们俩几乎不怎么说话
You two were barely speaking.
就这样刚刚好 可是却被她毁了
All was right with the world, and she ruined it!
我怎么知道会变成火车失事现场
I-I had no idea this would turn into such a train wreck.
我就知道你知道这个说法
I knew you knew that expression!
凯洛 我们先不提
You know, Carol, aside from the fact
你正在犯下人生中最大的错误
that you're making the biggest mistake of your life,
你说你要我怎么办
where does this leave me?
我们买♥♥的速冻食物都是两人份的
Every frozen food we bought was for two!