米勒一家（2013）

边看《通关乐》边吃中餐
Gameshow Marathon and Chinese food.
这个晚上简直不能更美好
What could make this night any better?
来一轮"滚床单 结婚 杀人"吗
A round of "Boink, Marry, Kill"?
好的 你得从鲍勃·巴克 帕特·沙杰克
Okay. You have to choose boink, marry or kill
和德鲁·凯利中选择滚床单结婚和杀人的对象
Bob Barker, Pat Sajak and Drew Carey.
我会和德鲁·凯利滚床单
Okay, I'd boink Drew Carey.
和帕特·沙杰克结婚 让他下不来床
Marry Pat Sajak, so I could boink him all the time.
我谁也不想杀
And I don't want to kill anybody,
所以我只会把鲍勃·巴克的屁♥股♥打烂
so I'd just break Bob Barker's hip
然后让上帝看着办吧
and let God do the rest.
你呢 内森
What about you, Nathan?
我才不要做这个
I-I'm not doing this.
这只是个游戏啦 亲爱的
It's just a game, honey.
不 我是说我再也不会过来吃晚饭了
No, no. I mean I'm not coming over here for dinner anymore.
让我们看看一号♥门背后是什么吧
Oh, let's see what's behind door number one.
是个出口
It's an exit!
我赢了
I win!
米勒一家
第二季 第二集
爸爸 别担心
Dad, don't worry.
我们会弄清楚你银行存款余额哪儿去了的
We'll figure out why your bank balance is off.
为什么每月会在儿童游乐餐厅花掉300元
What is this $300 monthly charge for Chuck E. Cheese's?
不不 那是我的主意
Oh. No, no. That was my idea.
他玩欢乐滚球和打地鼠
He does Skee Ball and Whac-A-Mole.
-他只做这种有氧运动 -明白
- It's really his only cardio. - Oh, I see.
被警卫发现我没带孩子去玩时
Plus the calories I burn running to the parking lot from security
我一路狂奔到停车场也会消耗很多卡路里
when they realize I'm not there with a kid.
汤姆 你肯定不会相信的
Tom, you're not gonna believe this.
你知道我们为了庆祝今年的结婚纪念日
You know that banquet hall we booked in advance
提前预定了一个宴会厅吧
to celebrate our big wedding anniversary this year?
我完全忘了这事儿
I completely forgot about that.
我一直忙着庆祝我们离婚了呢
I've been so busy celebrating our breakup.
我也是
I hear that!
我也忘了 结果他们打电♥话♥来让我确认
I'd forgotten, too, until they called to confirm.
你绝不敢相信取消预定要多少钱
And you won't believe what they're charging us to cancel.
900元 麦吉宴会厅
"$900. McGee's Banquet Hall."
你的账户上有写
It's right here on your account.
就在...买♥♥了那个86元的冻酸奶之前
Just before an... $86 charge for frozen yogurt?
我忘了把盛酸奶的勺子放回自助架了
I forgot to put the handle back up on the self-serve.
86元
$86?
汤姆 你不能再这样拿着我们的存款乱来了
Tom, you have to stop being an idiot with our savings.
你乱花掉的钱有一半是我的
Half that money you're wasting is mine!
我乱花钱 你和基普一起去看
I waste money? I paid half for you and Kip
奥莉薇亚·纽顿·约翰的钱我还出了一半呢
to go see Olivia Newton John in concert.
不止奥莉薇亚
Wasn't just Olivia.
有奥莉薇亚 雪儿和麦当娜
It was Olivia, Cher and Madonna.
都被一个帅小伙泡到手过
All done by one amazing young man.
你们俩就不能把财务分开
Okay, can we agree it's time you two split up your finances
然后正式申请离婚吗
and officially file for divorce?
或者不要
Or not!
也许
Maybe, uh...
也许他们俩就这样就很好
Maybe things are fine the way they are.
等等 你们俩不是已经离婚了吗
Wait a second, I thought you guys already were divorced.
没有正式申请离婚
Not officially.
也许他们俩就这样就很好
And maybe things are fine the way they are.
不 黛比说得对
No, Debbie's right.
我们已经逃避正式申请逃避得够久了
We've avoided the paperwork long enough.
也该正式确定下来了
It's time to make it official.
也许他们俩就这样就很好
Or maybe things are fine the way they are!
汤姆 你觉得我们俩一起坐下来谈谈
Tom, what do you say we get together
然后商议好所有的细节怎么样
and hash out all the details?
下周三行吗
Is next Wednesday good?
很好啊
Sounds cool to me.
那就这样定了
Ah, then we're all set.
我得走了
I got to go.
我要去上交谊舞课 那课上课只有三个男的
I have a ballroom dance class, and there are only three men.
如果我不早点到 我又得和艾斯特跳
If I don't get there early, I'll end up with Esther again.
她还骑踏板车呢
And she's on a scooter.
干得漂亮 黛比
Nice, Debbie.
过去这一年是这个家最和睦的一年了
This past year has been the best this family has ever functioned.
你有听过这句话吗
You ever heard of the saying,
"若没坏 就别修"
"If it ain't broke, don't fix it"?
没有
No.
你肯定听过
Yes, you have!
谁没听...
Everybody...
-对吧 亚当 -不 我从没听过
- Right, Adam? - No, I never heard of it.
天呐
God.
棒呆 我现在只能取消我周三晚的计划
Great, now I got to go cancel my plans for Wednesday night
以确保他们不会谈着谈着
and make sure this whole thing
演变成一场大型火车失事现场
doesn't turn into a giant train wreck.
火车失事 他们怎么会在火车上
Train wreck? Why would they be on trains?
这是个俗语
It's a saying!
从来没听过
I never heard of it.
好吧 而且我刚在网上搜了一下
Yeah, and, uh, according to the Internet,
没有"若没坏 就别修"这种表达
there's nothing about "If it ain't broke, don't fix it".
你们真的...
Are you guys...?
这地方是不是...
Is this whole place...?
难道我是唯一一个...
Am I the only one...?
那可真好笑
That was pretty fun.
没错 我们没事可以多整整他
Yeah, we got to screw with him more often.
好了 我们已经准备好一切
Okay, we're all set for my mom and dad to come over
爸爸妈妈可以过来签署离婚协议了
and sign their divorce papers.
零食没了 你准备了饮料
Snacks are out, you're getting the drinks,
我已经将报♥警♥号♥码设置成快捷拨号♥
and I have 911 on speed dial.
别担心 小勒
Hey, don't worry, Nate.
人们手上如果还拿着小花伞饮料的话
It's impossible for people to fight
是绝对不可能打起来的
when they got an umbrella drink in their hand.
你从没见过豪威尔太太
Hey, you never saw Mrs. Howell
豪威尔太太和吉利根皆出自《吉利根的岛》
打吉利根 对吧
throw a punch at Gilligan did you?
我们到了
Okay, we're here.
告诉你一件事 如果你妈妈觉得
I'll tell you one thing, if your mother thinks
她能分走我双筒望远镜的一半 她就是妄想
she's getting half of my binoculars, she's crazy.
如果我带着一个被拆掉一半的双筒望远镜
If I showed up to my bird club with one nocular,
去鸟类俱乐部的话 我会被笑死的
they'd laugh me out of the forest.
好的 我们会解决的 爸爸
Yeah. Yeah, we'll figure it out, Dad.
汤姆 你要喝薄荷奶酒吗
Tom, would you like a cream de menthe?
薄荷奶酒 来一杯吧
Mmm, cream de menthe, I'd love some.
我今天早上忘了刷牙了
I forgot to brush my teeth this morning.
内森 我希望你不介意 但基普非要一起来
Nathan, I hope it's okay, but Kip insisted on coming along.
我今天是你妈妈的律师
I will be acting as your mother's attorney today.
我有丰富的法律知识
I have an extensive legal background.
我曾当过16天的
I was a court stenographer
法庭速记员
for 16... days.
在那里 让他们讲慢一点都是不专业的
Apparently, asking them to talk slower is "unprofessional".
不需要这样 基普
Well, no need, Kip.
虽然我对你的公文箱还能
While I'm impressed that, uh,
当做双陆棋盘用 感到很惊叹
your briefcase doubles as a backgammon board,
但我已经让真正的律师起草好了文件
I had some papers drawn up by a real lawyer.
你们会发现所有的财产
And you'll see that everything has been divided
都是公平公正的分割的 对吗 雷
fair and square, right, Ray?
是的 凯洛 要尝尝这杯鸡尾酒吗
Oh, yeah. Uh, Carol, can I interest you in a cocktail?
谢谢[夏威夷语]
Oh, mahalo.
听起来不错
Well, it all sounds good to me.
汤姆 如果你准备好了我随时可以签
Tom, I'm ready to sign if you are.
准备好吗 我都等不及了
Ready? I can't wait.
我从蜜月开始就等着这一刻呢
I've been dreaming of this since the honeymoon.
等等 这是啥 无过失离婚
Wait, what is this? "No fault divorce"?
这才不是无过失离婚呢
This isn't a "no fault divorce."
我要签署的上面必须写着"是他的过失才离婚"
We need one that says "his fault divorce."
他的过失
"His fault"?
明明是我们俩都想离婚