米勒一家（2013）

the most important question of all.
你们看看我们 我们还是能发现共同点的
And look at us, still finding new things to bond over,
比如我们都喜欢看《权利的游戏》
like our love of Game of Thrones.
那是因为随着我们年龄的增长和成熟
That's because as we've grown up and matured,
我们可以安静地坐在一起不去争吵
we're able to sit there without fighting
去享受那错综复杂的故事
and enjoy the intricate storytelling
以及微妙的寓言...
and subtle allegories...
还有大胸
And boobs.
什么
What?
我喜欢看上面女人的大胸啊 所以才看的
I like the boobs; that's why I watch.
你开什么玩笑
Are you kidding me?
也就是说看到《权利的游戏》中间时
So, in the middle of Game of Thrones,
你转过头跟我说
when you turned to me and said,
"这个电视剧对我的影响很大啊"的时候
"This show is having a deep effect on me,"
你其实是因为看到上面女人的大胸激动了吗
you were just getting worked up over the boobies?
亲爱的 不是 当然不是
Baby, no. Of course not.
我也喜欢看她们的屁♥股♥啊
I also like the butts.
天哪
My man.
你想拥有的超能力都是跟狗交流
Well, this makes perfect sense coming from a guy
现在我终于明白是怎么回事了
who wants to be able to talk to dogs!
安德森他们家的贵宾犬总是莫名其妙朝我叫
The Andersons' poodle snarls at me for no reason.
真的是莫名其妙
No reason!
就是因为这样我们才都答错了
This is exactly why we got all the questions wrong!
怪我咯
Oh, this is my fault?!
凯洛啊凯洛
Classic Carol!
我的回答是不可能错的
My answers can't be wrong.
因为那是我的答案
They're my answers.
你应该都猜到我写什么的
You were supposed to guess them!
你要是听我的话按我说的去做
Which was easy when you used to have the common sense
那我不就很容易就猜到了吗
just to think what I told you to think!
是吗 现在我学会自己思考了
Yeah? Well, now I think on my own!
我觉得我想跟你离婚
And I think I want a divorce!
谁说不是啊
Well, look at that!
我也要离
So do I!
我们终于有点共同之处了
Finally, we agree on something!
输的人产生了
We have a loser!
恭喜
Congratulations.
你们只要签字就行了
Well, all you have to do is sign.
真不敢相信我们竟然结婚这么久
I can't believe we stayed married as long as we did.
我们简直就不是一路人嘛
We're total opposites.
我们当初都在想什么啊
What were we thinking?
不过还是有点伤感
This is kind of sad though.
我们的婚姻持续了将近五十年
I mean, our marriage almost lasted 50 years,
竟然就签几个字就结束了
and we're gonna end it with a couple of signatures
就像去租车一样
like... like we're renting a car.
妈妈 别这样
Mom, come on.
把租的车还回去生活也还会继续
Life doesn't end when you return a rental.
中西部肯定会有明智之人
I'm sure some sensible man in the Midwest
愿意把你拍卖♥♥回家的
will buy you at auction.
我们在一起也度过了一些快乐的时光
We did have some good times.
还有一对可爱的孩子
Plus a couple of wonderful kids.
你说得对
You're right.
我们离婚也要离得风风光光
Our marriage does deserve a better send-off.
凯洛·米勒 你愿意赏光与我离婚吗
Carol Miller, will you do me the honor of un-marrying me?
你刚才让我成为了世界上最幸福的女人
You've just made me the happiest woman on earth.
我们成功了
We did it!
别捏了
Stop it!
一会儿 一会儿再捏
In a minute, in a minute.
各位亲友 我们今天齐聚于此
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today
见证汤姆和凯洛·米勒之间的分开
to witness the uncoupling of Tom and Carol Miller.
如果说他们的婚姻教会了我们什么
If their marriage has taught us anything,
那就是爱是耐心 爱是和善
it's that love is patient, love is kind,
但有时你也会爱错人
but also sometimes love is wrong.
你 凯洛
Do you, Carol,
愿意将汤姆接纳为你的合法丈夫吗
take Tom to be your lawfully-wedded husband?
你愿意从他的牙齿上弄下菠菜
Do you promise to pull spinach out of his teeth,
帮他拔鼻毛拔耳朵毛
patrol his nose and ears for hair,
一直给他不断重复电视上说的每个笑话
and to always repeat the punch line to every joke on TV,
无论疾病或健康对他不离不弃吗
in sickness and in health?
我不愿意
I do not.
汤姆 你愿意将凯洛接纳为你的合法妻子吗
And do you, Tom, take Carol to be your lawfully-wedded wife?
你愿意往她姆囊炎的地方擦乳液
Do you promise to rub lotion on her bunions,
听她一直叨叨什么阴谋论
listen to her conspiracy theories
说是谁偷了她的维他命
about who is stealing her Valu-Pak,
还要在有生之年 基本上
and basically just agree with everything she says,
同意她说的一切吗
as long as you both shall live?
我不愿意
I do not.
现在你们把戒指都给我吧
Now, if I could have your wedding rings.
鉴于我拥有的权力
By the power vested in me
以及你们婚姻的混乱状态
by the state of disarray your marriage is in,
现在我宣布你们离婚...
I now pronounce you ex-husband and ex-wife...
此生不再在一起
till death do you stay apart.
真不敢相信你竟然没花钱找个人打扫卫生
I can't believe you didn't pay extra for the cleanup.
这么好的大米为什么要便宜了这里的员工
Why should some employee get all this perfectly good rice?
今天真有意思
This was a fun day.
但是 其实
But, you know,
有件事我们一直没机会做
there was one thing we didn't get a chance to do.
我们还没有跳最后一支舞呢
We didn't get to have our last dance.
既然我们都离婚了
Now that we're divorced,
你可以给我次机会让我领舞吗
do you think you can finally give me a chance to lead?
不行
Nah.