米勒一家（2013）

你知道我自己一个人骑双人车
And do you know how stupid I'm gonna look
会有多么傻♥逼♥吗
alone on our tandem bike?
不该发展成这样的
This just isn't meant to be.
你们一时甜蜜并不意味着
Okay? Just because something is sweet in the moment doesn't mean
就可以改变自然法则
that you can change the laws of nature.
就像 你看到一只大猩猩在跟一只小猫咪玩
Like... like when you see a gorilla playing with a kitten.
你会觉得好呆萌啊
You think, "Aw, how sweet."
可是一会儿那只小猫咪肯定就会惨死了啊
But pretty soon, that kitten is gonna get his head twisted off.
我们分开的日子里 我跟你们的妈妈
In the time we were apart, your mother and I fixed the things
把以前彼此的缺点都改了
we hated about each other.
而且我们还发现了我们开始相爱的原因
And rediscovered the reasons we fell in love.
说到这个了
And on a slightly related topic,
黛比 你们家没有婴儿润肤油了
Debbie, you're out of baby oil.
你们在一起就是两样很棒的东西
Guys, you are a terrible combination
组了一个糟糕的组合啊
of two great things.
就好比边开车边发短♥信♥一样
You know, you're like texting and driving.
你们想知道什么是般配的一对吗
If you want to see a compatible couple,
-看看黛比和亚当就知道了 -谢谢 内森
- look at Debbie and Adam. - Aw, Nathan.
不可否认能遮掩这种臭屁的只有一个盖子啊
There's no denying that there's only one lid for that Crock-Pot.
就算我跟雷在一起 都比你们俩般配
Even Ray and I are more compatible than you two.
我们还以为你们会为我们高兴呢
We thought you'd be happy.
你们一直以来不就是在为这个努力吗
Isn't this what you all have been rooting for all along?
当然不是
No!
我们还刚买♥♥了一件开了四个洞的毛毯袍
I mean, we just bought a Snuggie with four arms.
你要我怎么办 自己双手双脚都进去吗
What am I gonna do, put my legs through it?
显然我们这样说是没用的
Clearly, we aren't making any headway here.
但是我知道怎么说服凯洛·米勒
But I do know one way to get through to Carol Miller,
那就是用她懂的语言去跟她交流
and that's by speaking a language she understands.
上错花轿嫁错郎游戏
The Wrongly-Wed Game!
我是游戏主持人 基普·芬克尔
And here's your host, Kip Finkle.
欢迎大家来到上错花轿嫁错郎游戏
Welcome to The Wrongly-Wed Game,
本游戏是对参加者般配指数的检测考察
where couples put their lack of compatibility to the test.
欢迎我们的参与搭档
Let's welcome our couples.
一号♥参赛者两人结婚九年
Couple number one has been married nine years
育有一个八岁半的女儿...
and have a daughter that's eight-and-a-half--
大家自己算算
you do the math.
女士们先生们 欢迎黛比和亚伦
Ladies and gentlemen, Debbie and Alan.
-是亚当 -对
- Adam. - That's right.
好 二号♥参赛者是工作上的好基友
Okay, couple number two are long-time work spouses
他们刚刚庆祝完十周年纪念日
who just celebrated the ten-year anniversary
他们已经做了彼此整整十年的紧急联络人
of being each other's emergency contacts,
内森和雷
Nathan and Ray.
最后
And finally,
继拉布拉多和贵宾犬之后最糟糕的的结合
the worst marriage since Labradors and poodles--
各位 不要招惹我的狗狗哦
hey, scientists, stay out of my dogs--
让我们欢迎三号♥参赛者
let's welcome couple number three,
凯洛和汤姆
Carol and Tom.
如果非要这样才能证明
If this is what it takes to prove
我们真的是命中注定
that we're truly meant to be together,
那就让游戏开始吧
then let the game begin.
我们应该领先一分了
We should be up by a point
因为今天我们都得分[滚床单]了
because we already scored today.
今晚负责计分的则是
And keeping score tonight
美丽可爱的米卡拉
will be the lovely Mikayla!
米卡拉
Hey, Mikayla,
你看过凡娜·怀特脱口秀对吧 知道吧
have you ever seen Vanna White talk? Okay?
一号♥问题
Question number one,
如果你的配偶可以拥有一项超能力
if your spouse could have one superpower,
他们会选择什么
what would they choose?
这个我们刚谈过
we just talked about this.
是隐形
Invisibility.
隐形
我会在葬礼上拥抱大家
I would hug people at funerals,
让他们觉得是他们爱的人在拥抱他们
and they'd think it was their loved ones.
内森 到你了 雷的超能力
Nathan, you're up. Ray's superpower.
这个简单
Oh, that's easy.
过目不忘
Uh, perfect memory.
老兄 这个超能力比我写的还好啊
Aw, man, that's better than what I wrote.
过目不忘
是我忘了 我写的就是这个
I forgot, I did write that!
竟然忘了
Forgot!
下面是凯洛
Okay, Carol.
汤姆就是个历史迷 所以这个简单
This is an easy one for a history buff like Tom--
时间旅行
time travel.
跟动物交流
我喜欢狗 我想知道为什么狗不喜欢我
I like dogs, I want to know why they don't like me.
黛比汤姆组 4分
内森雷组 3分
凯洛汤姆组 0分
如果你跟你的配偶可以进行一场梦想中的旅行
If you and your spouse could take a dream vacation,
旅行地点是哪里
where would it be?
楠塔基特岛
Nantucket.
楠塔基特岛
那里有个人
There's a man from there
我一直想去跟他握握手
whose hand I've always wanted to shake.
凯洛
Carol.
我跟汤姆还是会去那个天堂般的地方
Tom and I would go to the same heavenly place
40年来我们一直去的地方
we went for 40 years--
北卡州纳格斯黑德
Nags Head, North Carolina.
杰克逊霍尔
黛比汤姆组 8分
内森雷组 6分
凯洛汤姆组 0分
假设你的配偶刚赢了一百万
Your spouse has just won a million dollars;
他会用这笔钱首先做什么
what is the first thing he would do with the money?
内森
Nathan.
我知道他妈妈需要一栋房♥子 但是我要说
I know his mom needs a house, but I'm gonna go with
他会先在公♥寓♥和工作地点之间建条漂流河
put a lazy river between his apartment and work.
漂流河高速
凯洛 你呢
Carol, you're up.
我觉得汤姆做的第一件事
I believe the first thing Tom would do with the money
-肯定是去进行投资 -这下好
- is invest it. - Oh, great.
汤姆 这个应该不会错了吗
And, Tom, how did you get this one wrong?
买♥♥维他命吃
我维他命吃完了
I'm out of vitamins.
买♥♥维他命吃
黛比汤姆组 12分
内森雷组 9分
凯洛汤姆组 0分
奖励环节
Time for the bonus round.
周末晚上 家里只有你一个人
It's Sunday night, you've got the house to yourselves;
你会做什么 亚伦
what do you do, Alan?
-我叫亚当 -亚登
- Still Adam. - Alden.
这个不能让米卡拉听到
I can't say it with Mikayla listening.
天 说得对
Oh, my God, you're right.
亲爱的 闭上眼睛捂住耳朵
Honey, shut your eyes and plug your ears.
看米卡拉的日记
Read Mikayla's diary.
看米卡拉的日记
棒呆
Yes!
看米卡拉的日记
真的很好玩
It's so cute.
你们该看看她是怎么拼写"大♥麻♥"这个词的
You should see the way she spells "marijuana".
雷
Ray.
我们俩周末晚上都是给对方按♥摩♥肩膀的
Um, I'm gonna go with we massage each other's shoulders
所以从不会一个人
and swear it never happened.
从不会一个人
棒呆
Yeah!
好 继续玩 大家继续
Okay, let's play, let's play.
快继续
Let's play.
汤姆和凯洛 你们会把零蛋抱回家吗
Tom and Carol, can you make it a perfect zero?
谁知道呢
Oh, I don't know.
看《权利的游戏》吧
Watch Game of Thrones.
看《权利的游戏》
"Watch Game of Thrones!"
看《权利的游戏》
看到没 你们都错了
See! You are wrong!
我们注定要在一起的
We are meant to be together!
你们就答对了一道题而已
Oh, you got one question right.
真是恭喜啊
Congratulations.
你们的得分都跟黛比的高考成绩一样了
You tied Debbie's S.A.T. score.
但这不是奖励环节嘛
But it was the bonus question--
是最重要的一个问题啊