公寓大楼里的谋杀案（2021）

Only Murders in the Building S03E05

Part 3 Sept. 1, 2023, 4:24 p.m.

Wanna get outta here?
我知道一个很适合它的地方
I know just the place for this.
好你喜欢的酒是梅兹卡尔
Okay, so your drink of choice, Mezcal.
喜欢的天气是雨天
Your weather of choice, rain.
一天中最喜欢的时段是晚上
And your favorite time of day, night.
你透露的资讯不多耶
Not exactly a fount of information, are you?
你假借借口把我骗来耶
Hey, you got me here under false pretenses.
我要你伤伤脑筋
I'm making you work for it.
很公平
That's fair.
那奥利佛跟查尔斯是怎么回事
So, um, Oliver and Charles, what is that deal?
他们是你♥爸♥ 赞助人或辅♥导♥对象吗
Are they, like, your dads, your patrons, your volunteer work? What?
不是他们是我最好的朋友
No! They're... my best buds.
好很好
Okay. That's rad.
但你们都聊什么
But, like, what do you talk about?
主要是谋杀案
Murder, mostly.
还有怎么连接蓝牙我们常聊那个
And how to connect to Bluetooth. We talk about that a lot.
那我赢得第二轮酒了吗
So what do you say? Have I earned a second round?
是女士 -请再来两杯
Yes, ma'am? - Two more, please.
马上来
Coming right up.
那你都跟谁一起混
Alright, so who's in your crew?
野生动物不算
And wildlife doesn't count.
老实说经常旅行的人
Honestly, it's really tough to stay in contact
真的很难跟别人保持联络
with anybody when you're constantly traveling.
尤其是没有伴侣让你落地生根的话
Yeah, and if you don't have a partner to ground you, put down roots...
那是你想要的吗
Is that something you want?
我常想这件事
I think about it.
欢迎来到《好爱或障碍》
Welcome to "Commit Or Be Committed!"
今晚的参赛者是我扮演的裘伊佩恩
And tonight's contestants are me, in the role of Joy Payne,
明星的化妆师
makeup artist to the stars.
裘伊的对手则是饰演布拉奏斯的查尔斯海登萨维奇
And playing opposite Joy, you know him as Brazzos, Charles-Haden Savage!
嘿
Hey.
我们的第一个项目是性关系
Our first category... is sexual relations.
记住我是裘伊
Now, remember. I'm Joy.
我一天需要上♥床♥两次
I need sex twice a day,
周末要三次
three times on weekends!
(障碍)
答错了
Wrong answer!
性♥欲♥过人没有什么不对查尔斯
Nothing wrong with a supercharged sex drive, Charles.
下一个项目是未来
Our next category is the future.
你是我的未来
You are my future.
我永远都不会离开你的查理
And I'll never, ever leave you, Charlie.
绝对不会
Ever!
绝对不可能会
Never! Never ever!
(好爱)
我们的第一个绿灯
Well! Our first green light.
换你了进入你的内心深处吧
Alright. You're up. Dig deep.
裘伊这30几年来都在我面前
Joy has been this close to my face for 30-plus years,
看着我每个瑕疵和毛孔
looking at every flaw and pore,
她却还是想扑倒我通常一天两次
and she still wants to jump my bones, often twice a day.
那种行为不像精神病患者吗
Now, isn't that the behavior of a psychopath?
那听起来像是爱着真正的你的人
Mm, sounds like the behavior of someone who loves you for you.
但我是我耶
But I'm me.
你看看我
Look at me.
这张脸的主人值得拥有裘伊吗
Is this the face of someone who deserves Joy?
叮...叮
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding!
我们的诊断出炉了
I think we have a diagnosis.
查尔斯海登萨维奇
Charles-Haden Savage,
你害怕的不是裘伊这个人
you're not afraid of uppercase "J" Joy.
你害怕的是她带来的快乐
You're afraid of lowercase "j" joy.
没错
That's it.
那是我的问题
That's my problem.
你现在还认为她能杀人吗
Now do you still think she's capable of murder?
不我疯了才会那么想
No, I was crazy for thinking that.
你没那么复杂但你确实得别再怕东怕西了
No, you're not that complex. You do need to stop being a scaredy cat.
哇
Oh, my gosh.
能在世界上最棒的城市用四块钱租一艘游艇
You know, it is truly amazing that you can charter a yacht
真的很不得了
in the greatest city on Earth for four dollars.
是啊
Yeah.
目的地是热带地区吗
Is there a destination?
到时候就知道了
The tropics? - You'll see.
选好毒药吧
Pick your poison.
「毒药」
Poison?
或是...
Or...
这样才对嘛
Now, we're talking.
那根大♥麻♥烟有紫色的卷纸
Look, that joint has purple rolling paper.
就是说啊 -好时髦的大♥麻♥烟
I know. Groovy doobie.
你抽大♥麻♥烟吗宝贝
Do you doobie, baby?
我高三时的室友蓓蓓克劳斯 1978年给我这根烟的
My 12th roommate, Babette Claus, gave me this back in 1978.
等等蓓蓓 -对
Wait, Babette? I-Is-- - Yeah.
在裸泳时被闪电击中的合唱团女孩
Is that the chorus girl that got struck by lightning skinny dipping in-in-- Skinny dipping.
在中♥央♥公园水库 -好
Central Park-- Oh, my-- - Central Park Reservoir.
这... -我知道
Okay, this is-- - I know.
这太扯了
This is insane.
我那年用54俱乐部的紫色纸带
I rolled 10 joints for Babette using a purple streamer
替蓓蓓卷了十根大♥麻♥烟
from Studio 54 that year.
在葛蕾丝琼斯... - 30岁生日派对
At Grace Jones'-- - Her 30th birthday party!
对 -我有去那场派对
Yes! I was at that party!
你才没有 -我有天啊
No, you were not. - Yes, I was! Oh, my God!
那是我唯一成功入场的一次
That's the only time I ever got in there.
太荒谬...我真不敢相信我八成卷了那根烟
This is ridic-- I can't believe this. I think I rolled that joint.
点烟吧宝贝
Now, spark it, baby!
哇
Wow.
我们长久以来大概都在同样的圈子里
So I guess I've-- I guess we've been running in the same circles for a long time.
可惜我们没打到照面
It's a shame our orbits never crossed, huh?
你可能没注意过我但我绝对注意过你
Well, I may not have been on your radar, but you were certainly on mine.
我不计一切想参与你的作品
I would've killed to be in one of your productions
但总是会发生事情害我搞砸
but something always happened to screw it up.
有一次我正要去你的《温莎的风流妇人》甄选
Like my ponytail got stuck in the subway doors once
我的马尾偏偏卡在地铁的门上
on the way to audition for your Merry Wives.
还有一次柏娜黛特彼得丝给我一瓶
Oh, and then there was the time Bernadette Peters
混了二氮平的水
gave me a bottled water that was laced with Valium.
我就在等候室里睡死了
And then I passed out in the waiting room,
没当成你的女神枪手
and I missed the chance to be your Annie Oakley.
你胡说的吧
You made that all up, didn't you?
老天爷
Oh Jesus.
我的天啊
Dear God. Oh my...
真是的
Wow.
哇
Yeah,
不过每次都是一些
but you know, it is always something
平庸到令人生气的事
just infuriatingly, um, banal.
像是口音太真实或是选角指导不喜欢你
Like, "Your accent is too authentic," or, or, "Casting doesn't like you,"
或是...我不知道
or-- I don't know.
我小时候号♥称「幸运德金」
You know, when I was a kid, they called me Lucky Durkin,
因为我在学校中过四次奖
because I won the school raffle four times.
但从那时候开始...
But, since then...
名不符实的绰号♥
Some nickname that turned out to be.
也许我被诅咒了
Maybe I'm just cursed.
不然大概...是我活该
Or... it's probably... what I deserve.
拜托你能做出什么活该被诅咒的事
Oh, come on. What could you have done to deserve being cursed?
张开嘴巴
Open your mouth.
这真是超性感的
That was super sexy.
我疯了吗
Am I crazy?
我觉得那个牙缝好帅气
I thi-- I think the gap is handsome.
可能是放了40年的大♥麻♥的作用
Well, that might be the 40-year-old weed taking effect,
是啊
you know?
天啊你居然以为强纳森是...
God, I can't believe you ever thought Jonathan was...
杀人犯
? A murdering man ?
你又乱唱一通了不过很可爱
That's still not a song, but cute.
所以你第一次尝试就破了两起谋杀案
So, what? You solved the first two murders just on your first try, I presume?
完全正确
Yeah, totally.
有我查尔斯和奥利佛只要一天就搞定
Between me, Charles, and Oliver, it's just, like, a one-day process.
算我好运这次让你多花了点时间