杰茜驾到（2011）

Ladies, stop stuffing yourselves with pancakes.
姑娘们 别吃煎饼了
Daddy's coming in at a nine,
爸爸九分欢喜地走进来
and we're seconds away from being at a ten.
差一点十分得意
I got Ruth an interview at Lillypads,
我帮露丝争取到了莉莉帕兹的面试
the most prestigious preschool
就是那所名气最大的幼儿园
in all of Jerry Brown's California!
在杰里·布朗手底下的加州无人不知
Ugh! Lillypads? I found out there was an opening.
莉莉帕兹啊 我发现了一个空缺
Uh, the mayor of Malibu's son just disappeared like that.
马里布市长的公子失踪了
We're all praying for his safe return, of course,
当然了我们都祈祷他平安归来
just not until enrollment closes. Oh, my God.
只要等招生结束就好 我的天
Wait. Didn't you guys already look at a preschool?
慢着 你们不是已经去过一家幼儿园了吗
You mean Triangles?
你说三角幼儿园吗
Okay.
好的吧
Chicken.
鸡
I made eye contact with the chicken.
我刚跟这只鸡对视了
He knows that I had eggs for breakfast.
他知道我早饭吃了鸡蛋
Take her. Take the pretty one.
抓她吧 抓好看的这个
I don't think that a chicken cares that you had eggs. No!
我觉得鸡不会介意你吃了鸡蛋 不可能
I mean, I kind of liked Triangles.
我倒是有点喜欢三角
Besides, are we really Lillypads people?
而且我们真的是上莉莉帕兹的那种人吗
Yes. I hope not. That kind of competitive,
当然 别 那种竞争激烈
overpriced private school,
价格不菲的私立学校
B dash dash dash dash dash T
B-----T
is the reason why i got out of teaching in the first place.
是我不再当老师的主要原因
What did happen at Banyon Canyon?
榕树峡谷发生什么了
Yeah, what did happen at Banyon Canyon?
对啊 榕树峡谷发生什么了
You know I can't discuss that
你们知道我只有在
until one of four civil lawsuits is settled.
四件民事诉讼案之一了结了才能说
I know, but what... No further questions.
我知道 但是 别问了
You guys, this is crazy.
你们疯了
Look at this beautiful, impressionable child.
看看这个美丽的小姑娘多容易受影响
Lillypads is the key to Ruth's future.
莉莉帕兹对她的未来至关重要
If she gets into Lillypads, she gets into Willows.
如果她进了莉莉帕兹 等于进了柳树学院
If she gets into Willows, she gets into Harvard.
如果她进了柳树学院 就等于进了哈佛
And if she gets into Harvard,
要是她进了哈佛
it's a bullet train to the Oval Office.
就等于坐上了直通总统办公室的动车
Don't you want Ruth to be the president?
你难道不想让露丝当总统吗
Of course I do, but you can do it
我当然希望 但是你可以既让她当上总统
without going to some pressure cooker that turns her into a robot.
又不用把她送进那种制♥造♥机器人的高压锅
Meep, meep, alphabet, meep, meep, numbers.
背啊背啊字母 学啊学啊数字
Have you not seen Star Wars? Robots are helpful
你没看过《星球大战》吗 机器人乐于助人
and often delightful. Please don't start this again.
而且经常很可爱 别再提这个了
You two have been arguing about how Ruth should be raised
你们一直在争执如何将露丝抚养长大
since the day she was born.
从她出生以来就没停过
I'm sorry, I have to.
不好意思 必须如此
Okay, if it was up to her, Ruth would have been born
如果按照她的来 露丝就会在
in a rusty tub in the Ladies Y.
Ladies Y生锈的浴缸里出生
I'm not letting your hippie-dippie mishegas
我是不会让你的嘻哈疯狂劲儿
ruin Ruth's future.
毁了露丝的前途的
This child is a genius.
这个孩子是个天才
She does this all the time. Just give her a minute.
她一直这样 给她点时间
She'll come to.
她会清醒的
I'm okay! There she is.
我没事 看吧
Oh, my God. Okay, all right.
我的天 好的吧
Ruth! I turn my back for two seconds
露丝 两秒钟之后我转身
and you turn yourself into a cat toy.
你要变成一只玩具小猫咪
Hey, Jess.
杰茜
I'm off to the bar to write.
我要去酒吧写书
This is the first day working on my new idea
这是我创作新思路的第一天
and I have a perfect plan to make pages.
我感觉自己胸有成竹
Okay. All right, I'll see you.
可以 好了 回见
Good-bye, Mr. Diarrhea-head.
再见粑粑头
Hey, do you have my money, Ruth?
露丝 你有钱还我了吗
Then we have nothing to talk about.
那我们没什么好说的
Aunt Jess, I have to pee.
杰茜 我想嘘嘘
What? Oh, no. We have to untangle you.
什么 我们得帮你解开
Oh. We're not, we're not gonna make it.
不行 解不开
I'll figure it out.
我自己来
Wait, wait, what does that mean?
等等 什么意思
Hey, why is my baby wrapped up in...
为什么我宝宝裹着...
never mind, she'll figure it out.
没事 她自己能搞定
We just came back from Lillypads and we need your help.
我们刚从莉莉帕兹回来 需要你的帮忙
We were picking up our paperwork
我们去拿文件的时候
when we ran into that supervillain/wax figure/
遇到了一个大反派 蜡像男
former best friend of mine, Benjamin.
我前基友 本杰明
Have you gotten your kid ready for this interview yet?
你孩子准备好面试了吗
We got ourselves a 365 tutor, baby.
我们找了个家教365天上课
Christmas, New Year's Eve, Fourth of July,
圣诞节 除夕夜 国♥庆♥节
we own this man's ass.
一天不落
W-What are they getting tested on?
他们考什么
Draw a face. Cut a circle. Know colors. Make eye contact.
画人脸 剪圆圈 辨颜色 看眼神
I'm sorry, hold on.
不好意思 等一下
I'm sorry, at three?
你是说三岁小孩吗
How could a child...
一个小孩儿怎么可能
Is that your boy over there playing the piccolo?
坐那儿吹短笛的是你儿子吗
Oh, yeah. That's my seed, all right.
没错 那就是我的崽
I had to lay down. At which point, Benjamin's child
我得躺下 什么时候开始本杰明的孩子
started giving me shiatsu.
都能给我按♥摩♥了
Which is apparently another thing he knows how to do.
他肯定连这也会
Preschool tutors? Okay, Jess,
幼儿园家教 杰茜
Ruth is never going to make it through this interview
露丝绝对不可能通过面试
without a professional tutor. And if we look past the whole
除非有专业家教 我们回顾整个
Banyon Canyon debacle, that's you.
榕树峡谷的崩♥盘♥ 想到的就是你
Eh, I got out of that game years ago.
我已经金盆洗手很多年了
Look, I know it sounds crazy,
我知道听起来很疯狂
but Lillypads was really magical.
但是莉莉帕兹真的很神奇
The kids wear uniforms and, you know, not to sound weird,
孩子们穿着校服 这话听起来有点奇怪
but they look hot. That sounds weird.
但他们看起来很性感 太奇怪了
They did. I hear you, I hear you.
就是嘛 我听到了听到了
They looked super hot. Anyway, I have to run to work,
他们看起来超性感 我要赶回去工作了
so is there any chance that you could, you know,
你能不能帮忙
teach her how to draw a face, cut a circle,
教她画人脸 剪圆圈
carry out a conversation...
聊聊天
Okay, fine. I'll do it, for Ruth.
好好好 我会的 为了露丝
Great. Yes. Under one condition.
太好了 棒 除非
Sure. You do it on my terms.
你说 必须按照我的方法来
What? I'm gonna have to go on a craft run, aren't I?
什么 我又得要做手工了是吗
I'm gonna need pipe cleaners, glitter, glue,
我需要绒条 亮片 胶水
finger paints and six different types of macaroni.
手指画颜料 还有六种不同的通心粉
And that's just 'cause I'm hungry.
因为我饿了
Honest to God, you don't already have all of that in this room already?
说真的 你这房♥间里不是已经啥都有了吗
I mean...
我是说...
Martini time.
马天尼时间
I like martinis.
我喜欢马天尼
You know, I would be back to writing
我会继续写作的
because I'm kind of in a nice flow, but, say,
因为我现在挺有灵感 不过
do you mind telling me that really interesting story
你能告诉我刚才说的那个
you just told me about when you bought those shorts?
你买♥♥短裤的有趣故事吗
I bought 'em.
我买♥♥了短裤
A-And from the start of it,
从头开始说
when you realized you needed new shorts?
你发现自己需要新短裤那里
What was going on there?
当时是怎么回事
You just looked around your house and there weren't shorts?
你在家里环顾四周 发现没短裤了吗
Not the fingers, man, I'm a writer.
别揍手指 我是作家
What are you doing here, coming up on me like a maniac?
你怎么会来这 像个疯子一样到我旁边
Um, it's me, Winston.
是我 温斯顿
Sorry, man, I'm just really edgy right now.
抱歉 我现在精神很紧张
All right, man. Working on this thing about Chicago, actually.
没事 其实我在写关于芝加哥的小说
So you know it's gonna be raw. You know it's gonna be personal.
所以你知道会很真实 涉及到我自己
Oh, yeah. Also, it doesn't exist.
是啊 而且这作品还没写出来