米兰达（2009）

Hello to you.
你们好啊
For the eagle-eyed amongst you, you'll notice I'm not at home.
眼尖的人肯定会发现我不在家
I'm actually at a therapists' office.
我实际上在理疗师的办公室
For those who said "About time", rude.
说"早该如此"的人请去死
No, I'm not here for a session, but, um...
不是 我不是来着治疗的 但是
Well, I can't explain now.
我现在还不能解释
Sorry, I'm feeling a little bit anxious.
不好意思 我感觉有点小紧张
I'm not sure I should have chosen the rocking chair.
我不知道是不是应该坐摇椅
It's meant to be relaxing, but, um...
本来是放松用的 但是
if you get the wrong speed you look a bit manic.
要是你速度搞错了那看起来就有点狂躁
Right, let's all just calm down,
好 镇定一下
shall we, and crack on with the show.
好吧 好戏开始吧
That was a lovely loo.
多高级的厕所啊
I do like a nice loo.
我非常喜欢高级厕所
Lovely soap. Smell my hands.
香皂也很好 闻闻我的手
I don't want to smell your hands.
我才不想闻你的手
Smell them! Get off!
闻闻吧 死开
He was on the phone.
他在打电♥话♥
Should be here in a mo.
应该很快就会回来
Sounds like a fart in a bath.
很像泡澡时放屁的声音
Oh, oh, help!
快来帮忙
The tap's stuck, quick. Oh, for goodness sake.
水龙头卡住了 快 发发慈悲吧
Get me another cup!
再给我一个杯子
Get another one...
再来一个
There aren't any more. Find a receptacle!
没有了 找个容器
Here we are.
来了
That's wicker. It's wicker. Fill that one up.
这是柳条筐 是柳条筐 把那个装满
Hold this. Drink that.
拿着这个 喝了那个
I need to find a receptacle.
我得找个容器
Ooh... quick...
快
I've found a receptacle. OK, right.
我找到容器了 好
Try and switch it off.
试着关了它
Right, done it... Oh, good.
好 关了 终于关上了
Oh, I've got water in his case!
我给他的箱子装上水了
Hello.
你好
You must be Dr Hopkins.
你一定是Hopkins医生
Good afternoon. Good afternoon.
下午好 下午好
Sorry, I was just...
对不起 我刚刚
drinking your briefcase.
喝你公文包里的水
Which might sound a little odd, it's just that I'd wet the floor.
可能听起来有点诡异 我刚刚把地板弄湿了
You know, I hadn't weed on it.
但不是我尿的
Will you shut up?
你能闭嘴不
Sorry.
对不起
Now I just want to say, that we're not here for a session.
现在我只想说我们不是来这治疗的
It was all a silly misunderstanding.
只是一个很荒唐的误会
There was a little what I call incident,
只是一个我所谓的偶然事件
in which the police unnecessarily got involved.
警方根本没必要介入
It was a long story but we won't bore you.
很长的故事 但是我们不会惹你烦
But to stop Miranda being arrested and charged,
为了不让Miranda被逮捕和起诉
I said she was one pashmina short of a wardrobe.
我说她有点缺心眼
I'm not.
我不是
She's not.
她不是
But the police insisted we get an assessment from a psychiatrist.
但是警方坚持要我们拿出一份精神病医生评估
That's you. That's you.
就是你 就是你
They initially put me in touch with one on the NHS.
他们起初给我们安排给了一名NHS的医生
Well, I said, I'm not going NHS, thank you very much.
我说 我不用NHS 万分感谢
I mean, what are we, crack whores?
我的意思是 我们又不是吸毒妓♥女♥
So we just need to sit
所以我们只需要来这
here for the session to tell them we've been.
坐一下让他们知道我们来做过评估了
Can we sit anywhere?
我们能坐下么
Wait, wait, Mum.
等一下 妈妈
There are so many chairs,
这里好多椅子
it might be a psychological test which chair we plump for.
可能哪张椅子被我们坐满是个心理测试
Ooh, that's a good word 'plump'.
"满"可是个好词
Plump.
饱满
It's a good word, isn't it? I was just saying.
是个好词 是吧 我只是说说
Plump.
丰满
Just sit down.
快坐下
You have a lot o'chairs.
你有相当多的椅子啊
Is this one of those ergonomic ones, is it?
这个是符合人体工学的椅子 是吧
Up she goes...
看她升起来了
And down she blows.
看她降下去了
Oh, it's a lovely chair, isn't it?
多好玩的椅子 是吧
Hello.
又见面了
Oh, it doesn't stop. It's one of those,
它不停 是那种
you have to wait till it... sorry. I'll just have to let it go.
你必须等到它 不好意思 我还是放弃吧
Oh, such fun.
真搞笑
Oh, comes to a very sudden end.
怎么一下子就停了
You made me look like a fool.
你把我弄得跟傻子一样
For goodness sake, just act normal.
行行好吧 正常点
It's nigh on impossible to act normal
当你试着表现正常的时候
when you're trying to act normal. I'm so self conscious.
几乎是不可能表现正常的 我感觉太不自在了
I don't know how to sit.
我都不知道怎么坐着了
Hands on knees. Legs crossed?
手放在膝盖上 还是跷二郎腿
Legs apart?
还是两腿分开
Sort of feel like I've got too many legs.
感觉我好像有好多条腿
How is that normal?
这尼玛怎么算是正常
I guess it's too hard.
太难了
Particularly when a psychiatrist
尤其是当一位精神病医生
is staring at us and not speaking.
盯着咱俩还一言不发的时候
Hello again. Hello!
你好啊 你好
Perhaps we should explain why we're here,
我们应该解释一下为什么我们来这
in case you were thinking us a little what I call, odd.
免得你觉得我们是我所谓的怪咖
Simple story.
很简单的故事
You see I was at an ice cream van in a park,
但是我在公园的一个冰激凌车前
and this kid ran over my foot with his wheely trainer
一个孩子推着助步器碾过我的脚
and I dropped my ice cream.
我的冰激凌就掉了
She demanded that this little boy get her a new ice cream,
她要求那个小男孩赔她一个新的冰激凌
and he exploded into tears just as this
然后正当一位帅哥慢跑经过的时候
very charming man was jogging past...
那孩子一下子就哭了
Anyway, the man stopped to see if everything was all right.
那男的停下来看看是什么情况
And to explain why I was cross with this little boy,
为了要解释我和这小孩之前的事儿
I told a little lie and said that I was his teacher.
我撒了个小谎 说是他的老师
Anyway, suddenly the 29 other children
突然之间那孩子的29个同班同学
from this boy's class appeared demanding ice creams.
出现了还都抢着要冰激凌
Which I had to get them because I was 'the teacher'.
所以我要买♥♥给他们因为我是"老师"
And then the man then jogged on.
然后那男的继续跑步了
I said to Miranda, "Quick, jog after him,
我跟Miranda说 "快去跟着他跑
keep chatting. I'll get the ice creams."
跟他聊天 我来买♥♥冰激凌"
But I didn't follow him.
但是我没有跟着他
No, she didn't jog after him, then the real teacher appeared
是 她没有跟他慢跑 然后真正的老师出现了
wanting to know why I was
她想知道我为什么
buying 29 ice creams for children I'd never met.
给29个从没见过的孩子买♥♥冰激凌
So we ran. Well, we galloped.
所以我们就跑 具体来说 我们疾驰了
Cos it's fun, isn't it? It's fun to gallop.
因为很好玩 是吧 疾驰很好玩
And the children followed us.
孩子们就跟着我们
The children followed, and then the teacher thought
因为孩子跟着我们 那老师就觉得
Miranda was trying to kidnap them.
Miranda要绑♥架♥他们
Unfortunately
很不幸的是
there was a policeman in the area who became very suspicious.
那里正好有位非常多疑的警♥察♥
Not helped by the fact that the ice cream van was following us
更糟的是那辆冰激凌货车也跟着我们
because we forgot to pay for the ice creams.
因为我们忘了给钱
Anyway, cut a long story short,
长话短说
once the armed response team had been stood down,
后来武警部队火速赶来
we had to go to the station,
我们就不得不去警♥察♥局了
where I explained Miranda that was one stick of short of a lolly.
我解释说Miranda是缺心眼
Didn't take much convincing.
他们还是不信
They thought it was hereditary.
他们觉得那是遗传
So they let us off as long as we had an assessment.
所以只有我们做了评估他们才会放过我们
So, you see, we just need to sit here for the session.
所以 明白了吧 我们只需要来这坐一下就算完了