米兰达（2009）

Now normal "Cervix" Can be resumed.
现在可以"回宫"了
No?
不好笑么
Oh, anyway, pressing down on bladder.
膀胱受压中
Do you mind if I use your... Toilet, yes.
你介不介意我用一下 厕所 用吧
Oh, it's happened again, I've got an empathy wee coming.
又来了 感同身受 我这空膀胱也想夺尿而出
Gary, how could you sign me up to be birthing partner?
Gary你怎么能让我去做分娩陪护呢
Sorry, I didn't mean for that to happen.
对不起 我没想到会发展成这样
I will not do it. I've got to get out of their lives.
我绝不会去 我要逃离他们的人生
You can't just say you don't want to be godmother.
你不能直接说你不想当教母吗
They'd be mortified.
他们会很尴尬的
OK, well, I'll have to do bad, show they've made a wrong choice.
好吧 那我得做点坏事 让他们知道他们选错人了
I thought you were doing good. That's why I suggested it.
你不是一直想做好事么 所以我才推荐你的
Well, I will forgo any kind
只要能让我免看子♥宫♥开裂
of eulogy to get away from peeling cervixes.
悼词什么的我都不在乎
Hello? Hello!
人呢 在这呢
Well, we'd best be off. Come on, dumpling.
我们要走了 快走 小可爱
Before you go, I'm not sure you've made the right choice.
等一下 我觉得你们选的不一定正确
No no, Miranda isn't fit to be a godmother.
对啊 对啊 Miranda不适合做教母
She steales, clearly, She stole what she's wearing from a charity shop.
她偷东西 很明显 她这身就是从慈善商店偷来的
Yes.
看出来了
Stealing is often a sign of low self-esteem.
偷窃是缺乏自尊的表现
In your case, that's understandable.
看你的情况 是可以完全理解的
But being a godmummy will help that.
但是做教母会有帮助的
When a woman has no chance of having a child herself...
当一个女人没有机会生自己的孩子的时候
We can give the gift of getting involved in another child's life.
我们愿意赐予她融入另一个孩子的生命中
So we'll meet you at the restaurant later,
所以我们一会在餐厅见
yes, to talk birthing plans.
讨论一下分娩计划
I will have to do something intrinsically evil.
我必须做点逆天的坏事
Mein Kampf.
<我的奋斗>
Well, I'd be an unnaceptable godparent if I'm waiting for
如果我在餐厅等他们的时候读着一整本希♥特♥勒♥
them at the restaurant, reading a whole load of Hitler.
那肯定能变成无法接受的教母
Sorry.
不好意思
I was just saying sorry.
我只是想道歉
Right, you can put those...
你可以把它们放在
No, you shush.
你给我闭嘴
I was shushing you.
我让你闭嘴
No, I do the shushing around here.
这里只有我能嘘
It's the chair.
是椅子弄得
It's my jacket.
是我的外套
I can't move now.
我不能动了
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
不好意思 不好意思 不好意思
Ooh, this is nice.
这里不错
Ah, Danielle the Daisy Fairy.
<小仙女丹尼尔>
That's more like it.
这才像话
Lovely.
太舒服了
Oh, it's lovely.
好爽啊
Excuse me?
醒醒
They're on this.
要给他们讲这个
Right.
好的
What's happening?
什么情况
Oh! Oh, I see.
我明白了
Right. OK. Hello.
好吧 大家好
So, chapter one...
第一章
"Limpy stuck his head out of the grass."
Limpy从草丛中探出头
Use the puppet. All right, bossy.
用上布偶 好 小老大
"And peered up and down the highway.
在公路上东张西望
"He felt his..."
他感觉到他的
Oh, no, no.
不是 不是的
She's going to be our own Mary Poppins.
她将成为我们家的Mary Poppins
No. I don't even like children.
不是 我痛恨孩子
I'm actually reading Mein Kampf to them.
我实际上在给他们读<我的奋斗>
So children, the master race, mmm, evil, where have they...
孩子们 优等民族 够邪恶吧 他们去
I think you should leave.
你还是赶快走吧
I blame you.
都怪你
I just got caught reading Mein Kampf to children.
我刚给孩子们读<我的奋斗>被逮了个正着
Well, that is evil.
这太邪恶了
Chris and Alison didn't see though. I try and do good, I do bad.
但是Chris和Alison没看见 想做好事就变坏
I try bad, I do good. I wish I hadn't started it now.
想做坏事就变好 多希望我什么都没做
You can't hear what people say at your funeral anyway.
反正人们在你葬礼上说什么你也听不到
I'm so sorry for your loss. What?
节哀顺变 啥
The council took Miranda off the
市政厅把Miranda从福利餐表中
meals on wheels list so that can only mean... Oh, yes.
删除了 那就只能说明 对
Sad, but she had a wonderful life.
太伤心了 但是她的人生很精彩
She was a good woman. Wasn't she, Stevie?
她是位好女人 是吧 Stevie
Yes, she was.
对啊 的确是
Miranda was a kind, considerate...
Miranda是一位善良 体贴
Selfabsorbed... Caring woman. Who only ever thought of...
自私的 有爱心的女人 她从来都只想着
Herself. Others.
她自己 其他人
She had an excellent... Appetite.
她有着很强的 胃口
Sense of humour.
幽默感
When she walked in to a room, it...
每当她走进一间房♥间 就会
Smelt. Lit up.
乌烟瘴气 蓬荜生辉
Such was her... Wind.
这就是她的 生化武屁
Presence.
气质
Her death is a total...
她的死是极大的
Relief. Loss.
解脱 损失
What a lovely eulogy.
多感人的悼词啊
Ah, thank you. Eulogy, tick.
谢谢 悼词 完成
Now I've just got to do evil for
现在我要为Chris和Alison做点邪恶的事
Chris and Alison and then cope with Mum's party.
然后再去应付妈妈的派对
I'm not being rude, but unlikely.
我不想无礼 但是不可能
Didn't get it, covered it up.
完全不懂 掩饰一下
Hi, coping? Yes, not bad.
你好啊 应付着呢 对啊 还行吧
It's just a shame Mr and Mrs Empathy Wee are here.
只是很遗憾没尿想尿夫妻也在这
I swear, if they say one more gross thing,
我发誓 如果他们说再恶心点的事
I will do something drastic to get out of being god mother.
为了不当教母多生猛的事我都干得出
Miranda, let me introduce you to James the vicar.
Miranda给你介绍一下牧师James
Vicar!
牧师
You remember Miranda?
你记得Miranda么
Yes.
记得
It looks funny, a vicar
真好玩 牧师拿着一杯酒
with a glass of wine, looks a bit naughty.
看着有点淘气
Do you swear? Say bollocks. I'd rather not.
你说脏话么 扯个蛋 我才不说
Oh, hello Chris. Ah, vicar. Hello.
你好 Chris 牧师 你好
James is the vicar doing our christening.
James是主持洗礼的牧师
Miranda is Alison's birth partner,
Miranda是Alison的分娩陪伴
who in the traditional ceremony
我们为了传递繁育
we aim to replicate,
传统仪式规定
is responsible for the burial of the placenta.
Miranda得负责埋葬胎盘
Right, that is it.
好 我受够了
Mother, Father, forgive me,
妈 神父 请原谅我
because I know exactly what I'm about to do.
因为我清楚的知道我将要做什么
Just punched a vicar, unprovoked.
刚刚给了神父一拳 毫无理由
Evil. Did she just punch a vicar?
罪孽啊 她刚刚真的打了神父
You just punched a vicar. Just punched a vicar.
你刚刚打了神父 的确打了神父一拳
I can't believe you punched a vicar. I just punched a vicar.
你居然打了神父 不可思议 我就是打了神父 咋的
Unacceptable!
罪无可赦
Queen Kong, all you had
金刚娘 你只要做到
to do was not get chucked out and ruin it.
不被赶出去不搅局就万事大吉了
I think you should leave. Excuse me,
你还是走吧 不好意思
sorry to interrupt, I realised where we met.
打扰一下 我想起来在哪见过你了
You read to my aunt in hospital
我姑妈死之前是你在医院
before she died and we are so grateful. Oh, my pleasure.
给她读书 太感激你了 我的荣幸
Hang on, you're the woman
等一下 你是那个
who did the parachute jump. Oh, so brave.
跳伞的女的 太勇敢了
I chickened out.
我临阵退缩了
We should all look up to you,
我们都应该向你看齐
selflessly giving your time for others.
为别人无私的牺牲自己的时间
Well, one does one's best. A ha-ha!
尽力而为而已
Everyone, everyone.
大家注意了