黄瓜（2015）

Cucumber S01E04

Part 1 Sept. 28, 2020, 3:09 p.m.

For Christ's sake, go home. Oh, don't you start.
看在老天份上回家吧能不提了吗
There's this bloke at work.
有个同事
Here's my number-- better strap that whopper down, mate.
这是我的电♥话♥ 你最好把它给我管好
What are you looking for, then? Someone like you.
那你喜欢什么样的你这样的
He scores!
真会说话
All my life I've been scared of the man.
我这辈子都在害怕男人
Does this mean you're a virgin?
所以说你还是处♥男♥吗
I'm really not talking about it, OK?
我不想谈这个好吗
Freddie, nice to meet you at last.
弗雷迪很高兴终于见到了你
Sorry. That's OK. We're all mad.
对不起没关系我们都疯了
You're meeting him eight o'clock, Saturday night,
这周六晚上八点
I used your photo. Got you a date.
我用了你的照片给你安排了一个约会
I've got a date.
我有约会啦
Are you OK? Yeah.
你没事吧没事
Can you breathe? Yeah, I'm fine.
能呼吸吗能我没事
Clive! Sorry!
克莱夫抱歉
I'm not even Scottish, it was this stupid website thing, this...
我其实不是苏格兰人只是网上说的那种
kilt fetish.
苏格兰裙恋物癖
I'm Rupert. My real name's Rupert, hello!
我叫鲁珀特我真名叫鲁珀特你好
Right. Rupert. Nice name.
好的鲁珀特这名字不错
Sorry. I'm babbling. I just get so excited!
抱歉我一直在喋喋不休我只是太激动了
Cos all that stuff you told me, online.
因为你在网上告诉我的那些事
I have to say, Henry, I love a man who knows exactly what he is.
亨利老实说我就喜欢了解自己的男人
And what is that again?
我是什么来着
Power bottom. Cheers!
霸王受干杯
So, if I phone Transport,
我要想打给运输部
the request has to go through Steven.
得先经由斯蒂芬同意
They've doubled his workload.
给他增加了一倍工作量
Although, technically, Steven asked for the requests.
其实严格来说是斯蒂芬想这么干
That's not how he sees it.
他不是这么想的吧
So it was Sanjay's idea, to ask you out.
其实是桑贾伊让我约你出来
He dared me.
他说我不敢约
Yeah, you know we had a thing? Me and Sanjay. Last year.
你知道我和桑贾伊那啥过吗去年
Just for a couple of weeks. Yeah, he told me.
也就没几周他说过
And that's OK?
这样也没事吗
It's cool.
很棒啊
It's not like...too cool?
也不是那么棒吧
Cos, like... Some girls, a couple of times,
因为我约过几个女生
the fact that I go with boys... it's, er...
就因为我也喜欢男人她们就...
it's like a trophy.
觉得像拿奖一样
Hold on. Pulling you is like winning a trophy?
等等你是说能约到你就像拿奖吗
Fuck off.
去死吧
And that's Alannah. That's her.
这人就是阿♥拉♥娜
Alannah.
阿♥拉♥娜
God knows what she sees in me.
天知道她怎么会看上我
We've been together for six months.
我们在一起六个月了
She's absolutely gorgeous.
她简直美若天仙
Does she know about tonight?
她知道今晚的约会吗
No, do you think I should?
不知道你觉得我该告诉她吗
Oh, my God, no. No way!
天呐别千万别
Do you know what the maddest thing of all is? The Rescuers.
知道最疯狂的是什么吗《救难小英雄》
Someone at Disney went mad that day, they said,
肯定是迪斯尼的哪个人脑抽了说
"Let's do a film about a mouse."
"我们拍一部有关老鼠的电影吧"
'It's like edging.'
"就像忍♥精不射"
This Henry of yours is edging.
你家亨利就是这样一直憋着的人
You've seen the edging websites?
你去逛过那些忍♥精不射的网站吗
And that's my secret. It's called oil-pulling.
这是我的秘诀我称作"油吸法"
Every morning, I take a mouthful of sunflower oil,
每天早上我含着满口葵花油
and I keep it in my mouth for 20 minutes.
然后含在嘴里20分钟
Cos he moves in with this boy, who he's never going to have,
他跟帅哥当了室友可是永远约不到
and maybe that's the whole point.
也许永远约不到才是关键
He can edge instead.
他就可以继续憋着
And this mouse is like Zsa Zsa Gabor. In a big hat.
这只老鼠就像莎莎·嘉宝戴着大帽子
No swallowing, just 20 minutes in my mouth.
不吞咽就含在嘴里20分钟
And the oil draws out all the toxins.
油就会吸附所有的毒素
I'll tell you what the worst thing of all is.
我告诉你最惨的是怎么样吗
Secateurs. Oh, my God.
修枝剪天呐
I haven't had a cold for three years.
我已经三年没得感冒了
And what does this mouse do? Well, she rescues people.
这只老鼠干什么呢她救人
And that's it! That's all it is!
就这样就这么简单
That's a very deep cut.
伤口非常深
How mad is that?
太神经病了
Whole thing is a great big edge.
完全就是在忍♥精射给对的人
Never cut yourself with secateurs.
千万别被修枝剪割到
Right, there's a bit of a step. Where? There?
前面有级台阶哪里这里吗
That's it, yep, careful now...
就是这里很好小心点
Sorry.
抱歉
You're wasting petrol.
汽油要被烧完了
So zis appartement of yours, is it close by?
那你住的地方就在这附近吗
Je me demande.
伦家想知道[法语]
It's not far. 15 minutes walk.
不远走15分钟
I hope you have a good relationship with your neighbeurs.
但愿你和你室友关系和睦啊
Why's that?
为什么这么说
Because I am going to ride ze ass of Henri, mon ami,
因为我要狠爆亨利的菊兄弟
until you whimper and squeal like ze pig.
直到他连连叫唤求饶
You will not have a confortable shit
你之后一个礼拜
for ze whole of next week, monsieur.
拉屎都会感觉不爽的先生
Well... Bon.
那...好耶
To the man who got us here...
敬让我们相遇的人
Daniel.
丹尼尔
I've been swimming with him. I've been in the changing rooms.
我和他一起游泳和他同处更衣室
Seriously?
真的假的
He is packing it.
简直巨根
To be blunt, I'd let that man fuck me senseless.
我就直接说了我想让他操晕我
As hard as he fucking wants.
想怎么操怎么操
Do you want another?
再来一杯吗
We could go back to mine.
我们可以去我家喝
Great.
好的
Good. You can be Daniel.
很好你可以当丹尼尔
Come on! It's simple enough!
快说啦这问题很简单
I just want to know, what's the difference
我只想知道男人和女人之间
between men and women? Don't do this.
有什么区别别问了
I'm just asking! No, no, no, don't ...
我只是问问不准问
I mean, like now, sitting here, on a date, with a man,
就像现在坐在这和男的约会
with a woman, what's the difference?
和女的约会有什么区别
All right. The one, obvious thing?
好吧显而易见的一点
If I was on a date with a man, right now...
如果我现在是和男的约会
I'd be absolutely, 100%,
我确定一定以及肯定
cast-iron guaranteed to have sex.
最后绝对会上♥床♥
No. Can't see any difference.
还是没发现区别
OK. There you go, thank you very much.
给多谢惠顾
Hope you had a good time. Yeah, it was great, thanks.
但愿晚餐享用愉快确实不错谢谢
Food was lovely. Now it gets complicated.
食物很好吃现在要麻烦了
OK. Well, good luck, I suppose! Thanks.
总之祝你好运谢谢
We don't have to. We can just say goodnight.
不用非得上♥床♥ 现在就可以互道晚安
If you want.
听你的
I don't know. I'm terrified. Oh, my God, really?
我不知道我好怕天呐真的吗
Just a bit.
有一点
Look, you can go home, I don't mind.
你可以直接回家我不介意
I mean, we've been friends for so many years now.
我们已经是这么多年的朋友了
We can just write this off as one mad night.
我们可以就把今晚当作过去
No.
不
No, let's keep going.
不我们继续吧
Really. It was my idea in the first place, so let's just...do it.
真的毕竟是我先提的我们继续吧
Jesus Christ. The romance is killing me!
天呐真受不了这浪漫气氛
The hotel, then?
那就去宾馆吧
Yeah.
行
I'm so going to fuck you.
我要操爆你
Now.
等等
Cliff's got a theory... that's my solicitor, Cliff.
克利夫有个理论克利夫是我律师