大城小妞（2014）

Broad City S01E04

Part 1 Oct. 14, 2020, 10:01 a.m.

This is so gross.
这可真是恶心
I don't understand why they don't just hire an exterminator.
我不明白为什么他们不花钱请专业杀虫的
It's like, what is my rent even going to?
我交的房♥租都哪儿去了
Well, they gave you the bug bombs for free, right?
至少他们免费提供杀虫剂对吧
Yeah, great, so, like, everyone in the building
真棒我们楼里的每一个人
can just, like, mass murder all their own cockroaches? Ridiculous.
都可以屠♥杀♥自己屋里的小强岂有此理
Coming up on 1600 hours here.
马上就到十六点了
No, 4:00 p.m. Sharp, are you kidding?
不四点准时开始你在逗我吗
Everyone in the building is doing it at 4:00 p.m. Sharp.
我们楼里的所有人都是四点准时开始的
That-- that's what that is, 4:00.
就是... 十六点就是四点
Okay, I knew that.
好吧我懂
Zero dark thirty!
倒数三十秒
Zero dark 29!
倒数二十九秒
Zero dark 28!
倒数二十八秒
Zero dark 27!
倒数二十七秒
Zero dark 26!
倒数二十六秒
Zero dark three!
倒数三秒
Zero dark two!
倒数两秒
Zero dark one!
倒数一秒
Zero dark zero!
倒数零秒
Go! Go! Go, go, go!
快跑快跑快跑
Hey. What's up, Jer?
你好你好啊杰
That's crazy.
真疯狂
Nothing like the smell of a million dead bugs in the
没有什么比得上大清早
morning, right?
数以万计的死虫子的气味了
It's like an insect holocaust in here or something.
就像是在这里发生了一场虫子大屠♥杀♥一样
It would make us Mr. And Mrs. Hit-- Hitler.
我们就相当于是希♥特♥勒♥... 夫妇
Like Nazis? Yeah, like the
纳粹吗对就像
I mean, I just was Yeah, have a good 24 hours.
我只是接下来的二十四小时愉快
I wouldn't--
我不会...
It's in my mouth!
杀虫剂进到我的嘴里了
And another thing, I know a girl who returned a vacuum
还有件事我认识一个妹子
after three years of using it, dude.
把用了三年的吸尘器拿去退了
They just gave her her money back.
他们把钱退给了她
They really care about their customers.
真的是顾客就是上帝
Okay, Ab, you know, you're spending the entire weekend
小艾你要在我家
at my place, just...
待一整个周末
Spread out the Bed Bath & Beyond lectures.
好好宣传BBB
I love the place, you know? I just.
我爱死他家了我只是...
Yeah, fine, I just have a lot more to say about it, so.
好吧我只是对他们有很多想说的
Great, you should tell me more while I transform my room
很好等我把我房♥间改成步入式衣帽间时
into a walk-in closet.
再给我多说说
Dude, you're not doing the pole right now.
现在不是装♥修♥的时候姐们
It's gonna take me ten minutes, dude.
只要十分钟姐们
Okay, it's gonna take you three months, like everything does.
你会花三个月的就像你做的每件事一样
Did you forget about my art show? No, no.
你忘了我的画展了吗没有
This is a big deal.
这是大事
Your first gallery opening is...
你的画廊首秀...
I mean, this is the biggest moment of our lives.
这可是我们生命里最重大的时刻
It's my life, but--
我的生命里不过
I mean, you're with-- you're with me.
我们是一起的
So when we get inside, I'm gonna shower first, okay,
等我们进去了我要先洗个澡
and then I'm gonna pluck my eyebrows, get my make-up on.
然后我要拔眉毛化妆
I'll Nair, like, a bunch of different areas.
我要把全身上下的毛除个遍
Maybe you could massage my shoulders for a second, but,
你也可以帮我按♥摩♥下我的肩膀
like, not like last time 'cause that wasn't cool.
但别像上次一样很不厚道
Abbi, I have some bad news,
艾比我有个坏消息
but it's white people problems, so let's see if you
这是个白人问题看你能不能
can keep it in perspective.
保持理智
I-- I don't have my key.
我没带钥匙
Okay, first of all, I'm allowed to be upset
首先就算我是白人
even though I'm white. Typical honky.
我也允许伤心吧典型白鬼
All right, we don't have time to be locked out.
我们不能一直被锁在外面
Is Jaime home?
海眉在家吗
He is in Vermont for a straight wedding.
他在佛蒙特州参加异性恋婚礼
Let's just call a locksmith. No, I'm not calling a locksmith.
找个开锁匠吧我不想找开锁匠
They take forever to get here.
他们慢死了
I think we can get in-- We have street smarts.
我们应该能进去我们有街头智慧
All right, there's got to be at least, like,
这栋楼里至少
one person home in your building, right?
有一个人在家里对吧
Yeah, just a Hey, don't, don't
只用... 不要
Use the wood, dude. Oh, my God, all right.
用木棍吧天好吧
Wood, I mean...
木棍
Jesus!
老天
Okay, okay, you need to move at some point.
你得搬家
I know. All right.
我知道好吧
Where's your fire escape?
防火梯在哪里
Okay, hands on my shoulders on three.
数到三就把手放到我肩上
One, two...
一... 二...
Jesus.
天啊
Sorry, I released too early.
抱歉我闪得快了
Okay, we got this.
我们没问题的
One, two...
一... 二...
Okay.
好了
Just one pull-up.
就一个引体向上
I should be supporting myself-- dude, I work at a gym.
我应该行的我在健身房♥工作呢
There are so many upper-body strength classes.
有那么多增强上肢力量的课程
Okay, you got it? You got it?
你抓稳了吗抓稳了吗
Do you have me? Here, I got you.
你抓住我了吗抓住了
I don't think it's gonna work out.
我觉得不行
That was my bad, dude.
我的锅
Okay, you just, like-- you just went up inside me.
你刚才... 你刚才爆了我的菊
Okay. That's just what happened.
好了就是这样
It was honestly not intentional. It was natural for me.
我不是故意的因为是我的本能
Okay, who would you rather have go down on you?
你想让谁口你下面
Michael Buble or Janet Jackson?
麦可·布雷还是珍妮·杰克逊
What Buble are we talking about, though?
我们说的是哪个布雷
I don't know, the optimal Michael Buble.
就是最理想的那个布雷吧
His weight fluctuates.
他的体重变化很大
Yeah. So does hers.
嗯她也是
Yeah. So does mine.
嗯我也是诶
But then again,
不过话说回来
Michael Buble is, like, such a crooner.
迈克尔·布雷唱功很好
I feel like he could do stuff with his mouth that,
我觉得他的嘴巴
like, most people couldn't.
能做别人做不到的事
Somebody call a locksmith?
有人叫开锁匠
I'm gonna look disgusting for tonight is all.
我今晚的样子肯定很恶心
No, you're gonna look hot and cool.
不会的你会又性感又酷的
Your shower is just a lockpick away.
只要开了锁就可以洗澡了
Very hot. Very cool.
非常性感非常酷
What's your name, sweetheart?
你叫什么名字呢甜心
Yolanda.
尤兰达
Yolanda.
尤兰达
So where is it you sleep?
那你在哪儿睡啊
What?
什么
Which apartment's yours?
哪间公♥寓♥是你的
Do you have any, like, credentials?
你有没有什么证书
Or, like, a license to be a locksmith that you could
或者执照之类的
just show us?
证明你是个开锁的
No, the only thing you need to be a locksmith is
想当开锁匠唯一需要的就是
you gotta want it.
你真的想干
Real bad.
特别想
That one.
那间
Yeah, it's this one, the 6-- 6c.
对这间 6... 6C
They call this a whore door.
这种门叫妓♥女♥门
'Cause it's so easy.
因为这种门太容易了
Thank you for your terrifying services
感谢你惊悚的服务
and don't call us, we'll call you.
别打给我们我们会打给你
Oh, you'll call me, huh?
你们打给我
God.
天啊