哈哈大校（2013）

and I've highlighted all your lines for you
我把你的台词都高亮出来了
so let's just go through it.
我们先来演练一遍吧
"Miss, I need to ask you something."
老师 有件事我想告诉你
"Yes? I'm your teacher. I'm here to help."
什么事 身为老师 我就是来帮助你的
"I'm being bullied."
我一直受人欺凌
But I'm not being bullied.
但我没被人欺凌啊
No, I know you're not being bullied.
是 我知道你没被欺凌
But for tomorrow, could you just pretend?
但你能不能装一下 就明天一天
I don't want to.
我不想装
Well, that's a shame, Nicholas,
那太可惜了 尼古拉斯
because I really wanted to give you an A in your coursework.
因为我本来想给你的作业打优秀的
Let me know if you change your mind.
你改变主意就告诉我
Why are you dressed like that? Well, you know me.
你怎么穿成这样 你也知道我这个人
I've always been very with it.
我一向紧跟时尚潮流
So, what you going to do when Cher wants her jacket back?
如果雪儿想把她的外套要回去 你怎么办
Very funny.
真会说笑
So, Trevor, you looking forward to your last day at Greybridge?
特雷弗 你期待留在灰桥中学的最后一天吗
You what? You must be worried.
你什么 你一定很担心吧
Those Ofsted inspectors can sniff out a bad teacher a mile away.
那帮教♥育♥部♥视察员一里外就能嗅出坏老师
I'm not a bad teacher. Oh, no, no, no.
我不是坏老师 是啊 你不是
You're an abominable one.
你是个糟糕透顶的老师
Who are you calling amobidable? Nobody.
你说谁"枣糕头顶"呢 没谁
The word's abominable. Any good teacher would know that.
那个词叫"糟糕透顶" 好老师都知道这个词
But what are you going to do when Cher wants her jacket back?
如果雪儿要讨回她的夹克 你要怎么办
Yes, you've already done that one. Morning, Sarah.
行了 你已经用过这个梗了 早上好 莎拉
Morning.
早上好
I see you've taken my advice. Mm, not really.
看来你听取了我的建议 也不算吧
I was, er...thinking about getting some new threads anyway.
我之前就在考虑买♥♥几件新衣服
But, er...do you approve?
你觉得还行吗
Mm, can I be honest? I'd rather you weren't.
我能说实话吗 最好不要
Then you look great. Ooh, thank you.
那我说你这身太酷了 谢谢
Have you reserved the inspectors' seats in the canteen for lunch?
你给视察员在食堂预留午餐座位了吗
Done. And have you polished all the trophies in the cabinet?
留了 柜子里的奖杯你都擦过了吗
Yep, both of them.
是的 两个都擦了
And has the shiny toilet paper in the staff lavatories
员工卫生间里的破烂厕纸
been replaced with something a little more forgiving?
有换成好点的东西吗
I've even left some Moist Wipes on top of the cistern.
我甚至在水箱上放了湿巾
Daphne, you're a treasure.
达芙妮 你真是人才
What is it? It's just...
怎么了 好像...
There's a bit of a funny smell in here. Smell of what?
你办公室里好像有点奇怪的味道 什么味道
Like someone's been smoking cigarettes but not normal cigarettes.
像是有人刚抽了烟 但不是普通香烟
Well, I must try and get to the bottom of that.
我一定会追查到底
I can smell it in the chairs and everything.
我在椅子上都能闻出那种气味
All right, all right. I'll sort it out.
好了好了 我会解决的
You go and meet the inspectors.
你去接待视察员吧
But don't let them in here till I say.
但要等我说好了 再让他们来这里
Got it. Stall them. Give them a guided tour.
明白 拖住他们 带他们转转学校
Paint a glowing picture of the school.
向他们展示一个熠熠生辉的学校
So, do or don't mention the outbreak of happy-slapping?
那要不要提"快乐掌掴"那件事
拍摄下来做搞笑视频
突袭掌掴他人
Don't, obviously.
当然不要
"Don't mention..." Well, don't write it down.
别提... 别写下来啊
Now go, go, go. Off you go. They'll be here in a minute.
去吧去吧 快去吧 他们马上就到了
Excuse me. Morning.
打扰一下 早上好
Will you take us to Ms Baron's office? Right you are.
能带我们去巴伦校长的办公室吗 没问题
Trying to get the place looking spick-and-span.
我要把这里打扫得干干净净
I hear we've got a visit coming from those Ofsted bastards.
我听说教♥育♥部♥那帮王八蛋要过来
This way.
走这边
Girls' bogs.
女厕
French, and this is my old geography classroom.
法语教室 这是我原先的地理教室
That's where it all started unravelling for me.
我的一切悲剧就是从这里开始的
It's cos I'm Welsh, you see, and my name's Barber.
因为我是威尔士人 而且又叫巴伯
"Baa, baa!"
"巴 巴"
Non-stop.
没完没了
When I close my eyes, I can still hear it.
我闭上眼睛 都还能听到
"Baa, baa, baa."
"巴 巴 巴"
Excuse me! Can you...? I can't stop!
打扰一下 你能 我现在没空
Oh, shit!
该死
They found me crouched in a cupboard, munching on an atlas.
他们发现我蜷缩在一个橱柜里 嚼着一本地图集
That's the problem with the kids here. You can't control 'em.
这里的孩子就是这样 没法儿控制他们
None of us can.
我们谁都控制不了
Not even the headmistress. That's her office.
连校长也控制不了 这就是她的办公室
Stop! You can't go in.
等等 你们不能进去
What? Er...the door's jammed.
什么 那扇门卡住了
Right, hold this.
好吧 拿着
Caretaker to the rescue.
门卫前来营救
Welcome to Greybridge!
欢迎来到灰桥中学
Always a pleasure to have a visit from our friends at Ofsted.
教♥育♥部♥的朋友们大驾光临 不胜荣幸
Ofsted?
教♥育♥部♥
Oh, bugger.
该死
I've let everyone down again, haven't I?
我又让大家失望了 是吗
It's my pigeon.
那是我的鸽子
You must be Ms Baron. May we sit down?
你一定就是巴伦校长吧 我们能坐下吗
Yes, of course, Ms Steele. Gentlemen?
当然可以 斯蒂尔女士 先生们
Here's our brand-new prospectus for you to peruse.
这是我们全新的学校简介 敬请翻阅
We're very proud of this school.
我们为这所学校深感自豪
A strip seems to have been ripped off this.
好像被撕掉了一小条
Strange.
奇怪
Oh, I must look into that.
我一定会查清楚的
Don't worry, Ms Steele. We've got some more here.
别担心 斯蒂尔女士 我们这里还有几本
As you can see, on page five,
你们在第5页能看到
we have some terrific plans
我们制定了一系列很棒的
We need to get rid of the grass.
我们得赶紧把"草"除掉
Oh, are we having Astroturf?
我们要用人造草皮了吗
We will. But first, we desperately need to remove the grass.
是的 但首先我们得除"草"
It's in her bag.
在她的包里
What? It's in her bag.
什么 在她包里
Oh, for goodness' sake.
老天呐
What's that? Er...nothing.
怎么了 没事
We should really get on with this inspection.
我们该继续视察了
Yes, yes, of course.
对对对 没错
If you would care to leave any bags here, you're very welcome.
如果你们想把包存放在这里 千万别客气
That won't be necessary.
没那个必要
Do the teachers all know we're here?
老师们都知道我们要来吗
Well, I may have mentioned it in passing to one or two members of staff.
我可能顺嘴向一两位老师提过
But don't worry,
但是别担心
what you're about to see
你们会看到的只是
is a perfectly normal day here at Greybridge.
灰桥中学最普通的一天
How is water created?
水是如何产生的
You look like a sperm.
你看起来像颗精♥子♥
Well, there's no need for that sort of language.
没必要说这种话吧
Sorry about that.
非常抱歉
Now, Jake, as you know, my lessons are never boring,
杰克 你也知道 我的课从来不无聊
which is why today I am a hydrogen atom
所以今天我才打扮成一个氢原子
and I would like to introduce you to
我还要向你们介绍
my twin brother who is also a hydrogen atom,
我的双胞胎兄弟 他也是个氢原子
Mr Hubble.
哈伯老师
I am a sperm.
我是颗精♥子♥
You are a hydrogen atom. I am a hydrogen atom.
你是个氢原子 我是个氢原子
That's why I'm on the pills.
所以我才一直在吃药
We are unstable atoms.
我们是不稳定原子
So, we need to meet another atom with spare electrons. Jo?
所以我们需要另一个有多余电子的原子 乔
Jo is an oxygen atom and we are both attracted to her.
乔是个氧原子 我们都被她吸引了
Speak for yourself. In the exercise.
只有你自己而已 我们在做演示呢
As you may have noticed,
你们应该注意到了
..Tennis balls, which represent...
是网球 代表了...
Anybody? Testicles!
谁知道 睾丸
No. You're not helping.
不是 你这是在捣乱
They are electrons.
它们代表的是电子
Now, us two hydrogen atoms want to share oxygen's electrons
我们两个氢原子想共用氧原子的电子