球手们

兄弟 是时候喊戈尔登医生来了
Ey, man, it's time to call Doc Golden.
-他是骨科医生吗 -不算是
- He's an orthopedist? - Not exactly.
大英雄带着战利品归来了
The mighty hero returns with the spoils of war.
用仁慈杀死他 别用讽刺
Kill him with kindness, not sarcasm.
很高兴见到你们两位
Ah. Good to see you both too.
你带的这是什么 礼物吗
What'd you get us? A gift?
不 这些咖啡都是我的
No, all this caffeine is for me,
因为今天不谈成 我不会走
because I'm not leaving here without a deal.
-那部机器不错啊 -是
- Nice machine you got there. - Oh, yeah.
你离开以后 我们可是做了大升级
We really stepped it up around here since you've been gone.
的确是
Well, you sure have.
我本想自己煮咖啡
I'd make this coffee myself,
但那台咖啡机看起来太复杂了
but that machine looks way too complicated.
所以 别忘了加香草
So don't forget to add the vanilla,
那能中和苦味[丢掉怨愤]
because it cuts out all the bitterness.
我喜欢苦点
I like it bitter.
我想你 亲爱的
Miss you, baby.
真希望我们能当面庆祝
Wish we could celebrate in person.
我也想你 亲爱的 恭喜你
I miss you too, baby. And congratulations.
你实至名归
You deserve it.
但我以为你说沃纳讨厌你来着
I thought you said Werner hated you, though?
或许我错了
Maybe I was wrong.
或许他真的讨厌你
Well, maybe does hate you.
只是意识到自己没了你活不下去
He just realizes he can't live without you.
-那是你的感觉吗 -当然不是
- Is that how you feel? - Of course not.
-这问题太蠢了 -很好
- That's a silly question. - Good.
亲爱的 你能说句你爱我吗
Baby, can you tell me you love me?
我爱你
I love you.
但你怎么这么没安全感
But why are you acting insecure?
这个嘛...
Yeah, uh--
我犯了几次心脏病
I had a couple heart attacks.
什么
What?!
轻微的 没什么大事
Minor ones. No big deal.
在进急诊室前我都不知道
I didn't even know I had 'em until they told me in the ER.
查尔斯 你♥他♥妈♥犯心脏病了
You had a fucking heart attack, Charles,
还不告诉我吗
and you didn't tell me?
我不想让你担心
I didn't wanna worry you.
那你现在这样是什么
And what do you call what you're doing right now?
冷静 亲爱的 没事的
Listen, relax, baby. It's all good.
我也没事
I'm all good.
这能不能让你消气
A-and if it's any conciliation,
我没接受沃纳的提议 因为我跟他说
I didn't accept Werner's offer because I told him
我需要先跟你商量一下
I needed to discuss it with you first.
我们该商量的是那个吗
That's what we're discussing?
查尔斯 你丫真是疯了
Charles, you have lost your motherfucking mind.
且不说我是个医生
Besides the fact that I am a doctor,
我还是你老婆
I am your wife.
我想那份工作是让你昏头了吧
I think that smog and that job have gotten to your head.
除了你的身体状况
We're not talking about anything
最近我们不要再聊任何事 混♥蛋♥
except your physical condition anytime soon, asshole.
环球影城
Universal Studios.
《大白鲨》
Home of "Jaws,"
《早餐俱乐部》 《动物屋》的家乡
"Breakfast Club," "Animal House."
如今可拍不出那部电影了
You couldn't get that movie made today.
没错 所以我们才会来这
Hell, nah, that's why we're here right now--
带回旧日风格
to bring the flavor back.
这世界太政♥治♥正确了 让喜剧都没活路
The world's gone too PC, and it's killing comedy.
这还是出自受害者之口呢
And that's coming from a victim.
我们懂什么拍电影了
Well, what do we know about making movies?
我们懂得和那些拍电影的一样多
Just as much as the niggas making 'em.
里基·杰瑞特来见德里克·麦克雷
Ricky Jerret here to see Derek McLay.
我还以为你们是来拍杰·鲁的MV呢
Thought maybe y'all were here for the Ja Rule video shoot.
我开玩笑的
I'm just fucking with you.
你还以为喜剧已死了
And you thought comedy was dead, too.
是的 是的
I did. That I did.
真不错
That was good.
很高兴能在片场看到同胞兄弟
It's nice to see some brothers on the lot.
-好兄弟 -走
- My man. - All right.
我们喜欢你在Sirius XM的节目
We like what you're doing on Sirius,
但你这张帅脸不该在幕后 伙计
but you have a face that should be seen, man.
谢谢
Thank you.
我更喜欢被听见
I prefer to be heard.
开炮是有代价的
The hot-take thing comes at a price,
尤其向他的朋友们开炮
especially to his friends.
直抒胸臆是件很酷的事
Saying what's on your mind is dope.
有了我们的帮助
And with our help,
我们认为你们会非常棒的
we think what you got going could be really good.
所以我们现在不够好咯
Oh, so it's not good already?
让我重新组织一下
Let me rephrase that.
对新手来说 你们做得很好
It's good for a first timer.
但有了我们的支持 我们能做出伟大的东西
But with our support, we can make something great.
你敢相信这家伙吗 "新手"
You believe this guy? "First timer."
我非常同意
I couldn't agree more.
-我们来做档伟大的节目 -告诉我 德瑞克
- Let's make it great. - Tell me something, Derek.
我们的节目哪里不好了
What's not so great about our shit?
不是哪里不好
Well, it's not that it's not so great.
只是我们希望打磨下你的观点
We'd just love to hone your point of view.
现在你不喜欢我的观点了是吗
You don't like my point of view now?
他没那么说
He didn't say that.
我们只是想让你专注一点
Just wanna focus you a little,
加些上旋球进去
add some topspin to it.
-我不打网球 -执行制♥作♥人就是这样
- I don't fuck with tennis. - This is what execs do.
你继续说
D-do your thing.
我们想把你的节目
We wanna make your show a platform
打造成一个更具进步机会的平台
for bigger opportunities going forward-- much bigger.
你想把我变成史蒂夫·哈维吗
You trying to turn me into Steve Harvey?
不如说是麦克·斯特拉汉
Try Michael Strahan.
没错 你搭那个凯莉肯定超棒
Hell, yeah. You'd be great with that Kelly.
-对 -我喜欢她 老兄
- That's right. - I love her, man.
-她真人跟电视上一样狠吗 -我猜是吧
- Is she as firm as she looks? - I would imagine.
我不知道 我没体验过
I don't know. I've never felt her.
德里克 跟我说点靠谱的东西
Derek, tell me something concrete, man.
我还没具体计划
I don't have it yet.
这只是开始而已
This is just the beginning.
对于意见一大堆的人来说
For someone with a lot of opinions,
你可没答案啊 伙计
you ain't got no answers, man.
里基 别闹
Ricky! Come on, man.
-他不是那个意思 -我就是
- He didn't mean it like that. - Yes, I did.
哄老子在高峰期从山谷开车过来
Got me driving through the Valley in the middle of rush hour.
你知道我开回家得多久吗
You know how long it's gonna take to fucking get home?
对不起 听着 请到奥巴马家人
I'm sorry-- look, just get the Obamas involved.
我保证他会回来的 你继续做
Guarantee he'll be back. Do your thing.
这东西只会有一点点疼
Yeah, this is only gonna hurt a little bit.
绝逼会疼死好吧
Now I know this shit's gonna kill.
你究竟是哪一科的医生
Uh, what type of doctor are you, exactly?
谁说他是医生了
Yo, who said he was a doctor?
你们啊 混♥蛋♥
You did, asshole.
不 我们只是喊他戈尔登医生而已
Nah. That's just what we call him: Doc Golden.
他主要是治马的 这不过是个外号♥
He works with horses, mostly. It's just a nickname.
他是位医治者 就像耶稣 不过拿着针头
He's a healer-- like Jesus, but with needles.
他是我们的专用止痛师
He's like our go-to guy for anything pain management.
靠他我才撑过了高中
Couldn't have made it through high school without him.
我们能用别的办法吗
Yo, is there another way that we could do this?
你更喜欢我捏着你蛋 让你咳嗽吗
Would you prefer I grab your nuts and tell you to cough?
-不 -行吧
- No. - A'ight.
操 操操操
Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
这药多久才能见效 医生
How long before it kicks in, Doc?
现在
Now.
好了
Okay.
谁想吃棒棒糖
Who wants a lollipop?