婚礼歌手（1998）

You know, it's funny.
我们中有人永远也找不到真爱
Some of us will never, ever find true love.
比如,举个例吧...
Like, take, for instance...
我
me.
我肯定那个家伙也是
And I'm pretty sure that guy right there.
还有那位连鬓胡子的女士
And that lady with the sideburns.
还有九号♥桌上的所有人
And basically everybody at table nine.
Huh?
但最糟糕的是...
But the worst thing is...
我...
that me...
胖胖的...
fatty...
有连鬓胡子的女士...
sideburns lady...
还有九号♥桌那些形容古怪的人...
and the mutants over at table nine...
Aw.
将永远找不到改善处境的办法...
Will never, ever find a way to better the situation...
因为...
because...
很显然,我们根本没有什么能取悦...
apparently, we have absolutely nothing to offer...
异性
the opposite sex.
Mm-hmm.
你是世上最差劲的婚礼歌♥手,伙计
You are the worst wedding singer in the world, buddy!
先生,你要是再发火...
Sir, one more outburst...
我会用我的麦克风线勒死你
I will strangle you with my microphone wire.
听明白了吗?
You understand me?
我们来切这愚蠢的蛋糕吧...
Now let's cut the stupid cake...
因为那个胖子会受刺♥激♥...
because I know the fat guy's going to have a heart attack...
如果我们再不快吃的话
if we don't eat again soon.
与此同时,来首有点破坏情绪的歌♥
And while we do that, here's a little mood music for you.
# Whoo-hoo! #
辛迪和斯科特新婚燕尔
Cindy and Scott are newlyweds.
Whoopi-dee-do!
他爱着她...
# He loves her #
但她爱着这边这个男人...
# But she loves this guy right here #
而他爱的另有其人
# And he loves somebody else #
你无法获胜
# You just can't win #
所以就这样...
# And so it goes #
直到你死的那一天
# Until the day you die #
这玩意儿名叫爱情...
# This thing they call love #
会令你哭泣
# Is gonna make you cry #
我讨厌你
I hate you.
我有过伤心...
# I've had the blues #
愤怒和刺痛
# The reds and the pinks #
有件事是肯定的...
# One thing's for sure #
爱让人恶心?
Love stinks?
爱让人恶心
# Love stinks #
# Yeah, yeah #
爱让人恶心
Love stinks!
爱让人恶心
# Love stinks #
# Yeah, yeah #
爱让人恶心
Love stinks?
爱让人恶心
# Love stinks #
# Yeah, yeah #
爱让人恶心
Love stinks!
爱让人恶心
# Love stinks #
# Yeah, yeah #
是毒瘾,是堕落
Drug addict! Degenerate!
爱让人恶心
# Love stinks #
爱让人恶心
# Love stinks #
爱...让人恶心
# Love... Love stinks #
爱让人恶心
# Love stinks! #
Hey.
Hey.
我想知道你怎么样
I was wondering what happened to you.
所有人都走了吗?
Did everybody leave?
差不多吧,除了几个警♥察♥...
Pretty much, except for a few cops...
还在询问那些服务生
that are still interviewing some witnesses.
OK.
我要离开这儿去地狱
I'm going to get the hell out of here.
这是你回来后第一次婚礼
OK, so it was your first wedding back...
出点偏差是正常的
Of course things are going to be a little shaky.
一点偏差?我憎恨婚礼
A little shaky? I hate weddings.
我憎恨新娘,憎恨新郎
I hate the bride. I hate the groom.
我希望他们痛苦,因为我就是那样
I want them to be miserable, because that's what I am.
不,你再好不过
No. You're the best.
哪方面好? 大家在吃上好的排骨时我在唱歌♥
At what? People eat prime rib, and I sing.
真是笑话,我不能再干这个了
I mean, it's a joke. I can't do this anymore.
格伦和我定好了日期...
Glenn and I set the date...
所以你得来我们的婚礼上表演
so you have to play our wedding.
恭喜
Congratulations.
我无法再干了,明白吗?
I... I just can't do it, all right?
两周后我有个订婚宴...
Well, I'm having an engagement party in two weeks...
我很希望你和山米能来
and I really want you and Sammy to come.
# Ohh ohh #
# Hold me now #
# Whoa, oh #
# Warm my heart #
# Stay with me #
很好,你来了
Oh, good, you're here.
罗比来了,我们走吧
Robbie's here! Let's move it!
孩子们都吃过了...
Now, the kids have been fed...
要是他们还想吃什么的话 冰箱里有冰淇淋...
but if they want snacks, there's ice pops in the freezer...
还有爆米花
or they can have microwave popcorn.
好的
Good.
你去参加订婚宴吗?
Are you going to the engagement party tomorrow night?
是的,很可能会去
Yeah, I'll probably go.
快点,安迪,别磨蹭了
Come on, Andy, move your ass!
等等,我在看"达拉斯"
Hang on, huh? I'm watching Dallas.
我想J.R恐怕死了,他中了枪
I think J.R. Might be dead or something. They shot him.
晚安
Good night.
爱你 -爱你
Love you. - Love you.
该做油炸圈饼了
Time to make the donuts.
我做了油炸圈饼 -邓肯油炸圈饼
I made the donuts. - Dunkin' Donuts.
你好
Hello.
罗比舅舅来了
Hey, Uncle Robbie's here.
嘿,呆瓜兄弟
Hey... ohh, the goofball brothers.
你真的处在神经崩溃之中吗?
Is it true that you're in the middle of a nervous breakdown?
不
No.
神经崩溃
Nervous breakdown, nervous breakdown.
谁说的? -所有人
Who said that? - Everybody's been saying that.
所有人?你才八岁,你只认识爸爸妈妈
Everybody? You're eight years old. You only know your parents.
你说的是什么?
What are you talking about?
你真的会在精神病院等死吗?
Is it true that you're gonna end up in a mental institution?
象布谷鸟的窝
Cuckoo's nest, cuckoo's nest.
才不是呢
No.
嘿,孩子们
Hey, hey, hey, kids. Shh.
记得我们说过什么吗?
Now, remember what we talked about?
好吧
All right.
去那边看电视吧
Go over there and watch some television.
可以和你聊一会吗?
Can I speak to you for a second, Rob?
所有人...
Everybody... - Yeah.
我想过你的遭遇...
You know, I've been thinking about what happened to you...
但最好到此为止
and believe me, it's all for the best.
Yeah.
我知道你的恋爱经历和所有事情... 但那已经过去了
I mean, I know you were in love and everything, but that wears off.
我和你姐姐也曾疯狂过
You see, me and your sister, we used to be wild.
她很爱冒险...
She was very adventurous...
我们也曾对一些疯狂的事着迷 但现在已经不再冲动
and we got into some crazy shit, but now the thrill is gone.
我们单独在一起时通常就是睡觉
If we do get a second alone together, we usually go to sleep.
如果是特殊情况...
Yeah? - I mean, if it's a special occasion...
她会为我表演脱衣舞
she might, uh, she might do this exotic dance for me.
什么?
What?
有时候还会...
And sometimes she might, uh...
玩弄我的乳♥头♥
you know, work with my nipples a little bit.
好了,够了,快滚吧 我会照看好孩子们的
All right, enough. Go out. I'll take care of the kids.
Yeah.
我不知道我说了些什么,但我肯定说了
I don't know what I just said, but I said something.
# Time #
女人很注重婚姻 如果你想和她们呆在一起
Women got a thing about marriage. I mean, if you want to stay with them...
你就得娶她们
eventually you're gonna have to marry them.
没什么大不了
That's the point that I'm at. No big deal.
她来了
There she is.
这就是最终征服了我的姑娘