优步危机

The alcohol is actually helping.
因为它让我想清楚了
Because it's giving me clarity.
想清了
Clarity?
-想清什么了 -好吧
- What kind of clarity? - Okay.
那是一根屌♥吗 你在哪
Um, did I just see a penis? Where are you?
没在哪 没在哪 没在哪
Nowhere, nowhere, nowhere.
是我眼花了
Did I just see a dick the size
还是我看到了侏儒一样高的大雕
of Simon Birch, or what's going on?
不重要 你刚刚想说啥来着
Don't worry. What were you saying?
-想清了 -我有个疯狂的想法
- "Clarity"? - Okay, I have this crazy idea.
我现在考虑店啊考虑你啊
I'm feeling a lot of stuff right now.
考虑的很多
With the business and you.
我想让你过来 我想看
I want you to come over. And I want to watch...
《当哈利遇见萨利》
When Harry Met Sally.
记得我们上次做吗
Remember the time we did it?
做什么
Did what?
天哪
Oh, my God!
我不想让你难堪
I don't wanna put you in a weird position...
如果你不想再做一次的话
if you don't wanna do it again.
哦不不不 不难堪
Oh, no, no, no. It's not a weird position.
一点都不难堪
It's a good position.
来吧 来做吧
You know what? Yeah, let's do it.
好哦 在这等你哦
Okay, great! Cool. I'm here!
我马上就过来
I'll just come right over.
然后我们就做哦
And, uh, we'll do it.
不许反悔哦
No take backs.
-你听见了吗 -贝卡想被♥操♥了
- Did you hear that? - Becca wants to fuck!
天哪 我该怎么办
Oh, my God! What am I gonna do?
-当然是去操她啦 -然后呢
- You're gonna fuck! - But then what?
又当什么也没发生吗
We just don't talk about it?
这次不行 你得告诉她你的感受
Not this time. This time you tell her how you feel.
敞开心扉 真情实感 去吧
You open your heart. You be honest. Go.
-搞定她 -搞定她
- Lock it down. - Lock it down.
搞定她
Lock it down
我去搞定她 告诉她我喜欢她
I'm gonna lock it down. I'm gonna tell her how I feel.
阿莫
Amo.
阿莫·科尔特兹
Amo Cortez.
阿莫·科尔特兹
Amo Cortez?
里昂在兰开斯特蹲过一段时间
Leon did a minute in Lancaster.
阿莫是他的狱友
Amo was his cellmate.
上周我无意中听到他们讲话
I overheard them talking last week.
他在劝里昂干一票
He was trying to get Leon in on something.
说是一票大的
He said it was gonna be big.
你知道阿莫在哪吗
You know where I could find Amo?
在阿♥拉♥米拓13那一块
Runs with the Alamitos 13.
我只知道这么多
That's all I know.
史蒂夫 我们走吧
Steve. Let's go.
史蒂夫
Steve!
我钥匙在哪呢
Where are my keys?
要去哪啊
Going somewhere?
-我的钥匙 -不 在我完事之前
- Those are mine! - Nah, they're mine
-都归我 -不不不
- until I'm done with you. - No, no, no.
我现在就要去见贝卡
I'm going to see Becca right now.
不 先去长滩 然后再说
No. Long Beach. Then we'll talk.
-操他的长滩 操♥你♥妈♥ -嘿
- Fuck Long Beach. Fuck you. - Hey!
我把你拖去监狱信不信
I will drag your ass to jail.
一个白人警♥察♥拖着个黄种人
A white cop dragging around
看起来真和谐呢
a brown man. That'll look great.
我不是白人
I'm not white.
你不是吗
You're not white?
那你哪来的 波多黎各
What are you? Puerto Rican?
墨西哥 利比亚 智利
Mexican? Libyan? Chilean?
中 明显不是中国人
Chi...You're not Chinese.
-还说我种族歧视 -你看上去
- I'm the racist one? - You look like...
就像所有种族丑人杂交的产物
if all the ugly people in every race fucked!
赶紧出发 长滩
Come on, let's go. Long Beach.
上车
Get in the car!
你说对了
You were right.
对 他们刚走
Yeah, they were just here.
对 两个人
Yeah, there's two of them.
所以这个贝卡小妞说跳
So this Becca chick says, "Jump."
你就说跳多高吗
And you say, "How high?"
你认识她的话你也会跳的
If you knew her, you'd jump too.
-还是撑杆跳 -滚蛋
- You'd pole vault. - Oh. Bullshit.
谁叫我跳我都不挑
I don't jump for anybody.
因为我有自尊 你知道那是啥吗
'Cause I've got self-respect. You know what that is?
自尊是瞎子警♥察♥绑♥架♥优步司机吗
Is that when a blind cop kidnaps an Uber driver?
我十四岁的时候 我爸带我去
When I was 14 years old, my dad took me on a...
沙漠里面野营
camping trip out in the desert.
头天晚上他跳上车说
First night there he jumps in his truck, he says,
我去城里买♥♥点吃的
"I'm going into town to get some groceries."
你知道他实际去干嘛了吗
You know what that really meant?
他去城里买♥♥醉
That meant he was going into town
然后跟一个本地人搞上了
to get drunk and hook up with a local.
我什么时候报名
You know, I don't remember
来听你的演讲了
signing up for this TED Talk.
前几个小时过去
First few hours go by and I think
我还以为他爆胎了
he's probably got a flat tire.
然后天黑了 我又冷又饿
Then it gets dark, and then it gets cold. I'm hungry.
还有什么鬼东西在发出声音
There is shit in the desert making noise.
我都要吓死了
I'm scared to death.
然后呢
And?
我就又饿又冷地坐在那 冻的我屁♥股♥都要掉了
So I sat there all night freezing my ass off.
紧紧握着我这把笔刀直到天亮
Starving, clutching this pen knife till dawn.
这把笔刀
This pen knife.
是我当时唯一的东西 帮我挺过来了
It's all I had. It got me through.
没有 笔刀什么也没做
No, it didn't. The pen knife did nothing.
只是给你了点心理安慰而已
It was just a psychological security blanket.
还有 你♥爸♥又坏又有虐待倾向
Also, you had a terrible, abusive father.
关键是那一夜我成为了男人
I became a man that night. That's the point.
要让小孩成为男人
You don't need to drop your kids off in the desert...
也不用把他丢在沙漠啊
to teach them how to be a man.
你懂啥是男人不
What do you know about being a man?
这地方一点贵族区的气息都没有
Wow, this place is not gentrified at all.
-到了吗 -你觉得
- We're here? - Hey, you think...
会大方的让我用插座
these guys will be gracious enough to let me use an outlet
-给车充电吗 -估计不会
- to charge my car? - Probably not.
我拿着钥匙
I'm gonna hold onto these.
原本想叫你待在车里
I'd tell you to stay in the car, but I figure...
想想觉得你都不敢出去
you're too afraid to get out, so...
我不是不敢出去
I'm not too afraid to get out.
我只是不想出去
I just don't want to.
我选择待在车里
I'm choosing to stay in the car.
警♥察♥ 开门
LAPD. Open up.
啥
What?
条子条子 快他妈拿着
Five-oh! Five-Oh! Get this shit.
收拾收拾快撤
Get it out of here, man!
清走毒品 你在干嘛
Get the crystal. What are you doing?
后面还有 后面
There's some in the back. In the back!
阿莫·科尔特兹吗
Amo Cortez?
兄弟对不住 这里不是警♥察♥的地盘
Sorry, homie. This ain't LAPD territory.
哦 现在是了
Yeah, it is now.
你♥他♥妈♥干嘛
What the fuck, man?
嘿 贝卡 怎么啦
"Yo, Becs! 'Sup...
小妞儿
"girl?
我稍稍迟到一会
"I'll be slightly late.
但我马上就过来
"But I'll be right over...
然后我们就
"so we can...
做♥爱♥
"have sex."
不
No.
为爱鼓掌