优步危机

你会让我被炒掉的
You're gonna get me fired!
你又不打算在这工作
You weren't planning on working
一辈子 是吧
in this shithole your whole life, were you?
啥 我伤害到你了吗
Oh, what? I hurt your feelings?
不 事实上 我为你感到难过
No. Actually, I feel bad for you.
在看到你如何对待自己的女儿之后
After seeing how you treat your own daughter...
很明显 你♥他♥妈♥并不在乎别人
it's clear that you don't give a shit about anyone else.
等等 你在生我的气吗
Wait. Are you mad at me?
或者你是在生那个你拒绝的女孩的气
Or are you mad at that girl you refuse to man up to?
你要给我个恋爱建议吗
Oh, you're gonna give me relationship advice?
你花更多的时间纠缠你死去的搭档
You spend more time obsessing over your dead partner...
而不是更关注你活着的女儿
than paying attention to your alive daughter...
一个想成为你生活的一部分
who, news flash, wants to be a part of your life.
你知道你为什么吗
You know what that makes you?
-一位好警♥察♥ -一个操蛋的父亲
- A good cop? - A shitty father!
你知道吗
All right. You know what?
你♥他♥妈♥一整天都在烦我
You've been annoying me all goddamn day...
我一直在烦你
I've been annoying you?
什么鬼
What?
我不需要小个子优步司机的治疗
I don't need a therapy session from Little Man Uber.
生活是艰难的 这就是我们活着的原因
Life is hard. That's what we signed up for.
像个男人一样处理自己的狗屁事情
And I handle my shit like a real man.
我不像你这个娘娘腔又哭又抱怨
I don't bitch and moan and whine and cry like your pansy ass!
你觉得自己是个真正的男人 是吗
Oh, you feel like a real man, huh?
杀人 复仇 修理人
Killing people, avenging, kicking ass...
记录名字 折磨罪犯
taking names, torturing perps.
你知道吗
You know what?
先前我本可以叫另一个优步司机
I could've called another Uber driver earlier,
知道我为什么没叫吗
and you know why I didn't?
因为你不会用那软件
Because you don't know how to use apps!
错
No.
因为我找不到比你更弱的司机
Because I wouldn't find one weaker than you!
你个孬种 不敢向自己喜欢的女孩表白
You're too chicken shit to tell that girl you like her!
你个孬种 不敢起来反抗我
You're too chicken shit to stand up to me!
你这个孬种
And you're a chicken shit...
只配得到零星差评
who deserves zero stars.
怎么了 生气了吗
Oh, what? What, are you getting mad?
别 别这样
Come on. Don't you...
然后呢 你打算怎么做
Yeah, what are you gonna do about it?
你打算怎么做 史蒂夫
What are you gonna do about it, Steve?
我叫斯图
My name is Stu!
天 你奶奶的
Ow! Jesus! Shit!
来吧
Oh, here we go.
怎么了 不是觉得自己很厉害吗 来啊
Huh? You think you're tough shit? Come on!
可真是个硬汉
Tough guy, huh?
要像个男人那样与我正面刚了吗
Wanna face me like a man?
那好 来吧
All right, here we go.
我们没必要这么暴♥力♥
We don't have to be violent!
我们可以坐下来谈谈
We can talk!
我才不会和你手拉手坐在一起
I'm not gonna sit in a kumbaya circle jerk with you...
像个女人一样哭哭咧咧的
and cry like a little girl!
我请求暂停
I'm calling time out!
别 别 暂停了 住手 我都说了暂停
No! No! Time out! Stop! I said time out!
能不能尊重一下暂停规则
Respect the time out!
等等 住手 暂停了
Wait! Wait! Wait! Time out!
你个小混♥蛋♥
You little shit!
躲哪里去了
Where'd you go?
这里
Hey!
女性很强大
Girls are strong!
是她们生下了我们
They give birth to us.
你应该希望自己像个女的
You should wish you were like a woman!
未来属于女性
The future is female!
孬种 你在哪里
Coward! Where are you?
你才是孬种
You're the coward!
你不敢面对自己的内心
You can't face your own feelings!
还记得大魔域有一段吗
You remember that part of NeverEnding Story...
当时阿特柔斯必须要穿过甲骨文之门
where Atreyu has to walk through the Oracle Gates...
而那巨大的狮身人面像
and those giant sphinx statue things can see
可以看穿一个战士真正的内在本性
a warrior's true internal nature?
什么鬼
What?
之后那位超级恐怖的骑士就蒸发了
And that super scary knight gets vaporized...
就因为他内心深处并不相信自己
because deep down he doesn't believe in himself?
是这样吗
Yeah?
你就是这样
That's you!
你的生活就是
Ha! You live your life the way...
真男人会流泪
Real men cry!
真男人会倾听自己的内心
Real men listen to their feelings!
妈呀
Oh, no.
我杀了你
I'll kill you!
你惹到了不该惹的优步司机
You fucked with the wrong Uber driver!
-我想我手臂被你打断了 -打架真累
- I think you broke my arm. - Fighting is hard.
你得有足够的体力才行
You gotta have stamina.
没错
Yeah.
我很惊讶你可以坚持这么久
I'm surprised you lasted as long as you did.
所以我才会赢
That's 'cause I was winning.
你没赢
You were not.
你可真逗 明明是我赢了
It was fun. I totally won.
你被我打的屁滚尿流
I was kicking your ass.
我赢了
I won.
一对流浪汉在我店里乱搞是吧
Couple of homeless guys humping in my store, huh?
一边健身一边操是吗
Little squat and fuck?
斯图步 是你吗
Stuber, that you?
"斯图步"
"Stuber."
有创意 因为你是开优步的
Oh, that's great, 'cause you drive an Uber.
这双关很不错
That's a great pun.
你是谁 你块头怎么这么大
Who the hell are you? And why are you so huge?
我的天 你卧推什么级别
Jesus, what are you benching?
140公斤还是160公斤
Like, 310, 350?
别紧张 孩子
Easy, kid.
把弩放下 我们不会再打扰你了
Just put the crossbow down. We'll get out of your hair.
我的天 斯图步
Jesus, Stuber!
你和你的小白脸对我店做了什么
What the hell did you and your gigolo friend do to my store?
是你♥爸♥爸的店
It's your dad's store.
他是个警♥察♥ 在处理一个重要的案子
He's a cop. He's working an important case.
案子
Case?
你们都是这么称呼你屁♥股♥的吗
Is that what you call your butt?
听着 兄弟 我们在赶时间
Look, pal. We're in a hurry.
赶着去找另一家体育器材店
You got another sporting goods store
然后再接着操吗
you gotta fuck in or something?
我跟你说 知道这是什么吗
Listen, do you know what this is?
-啥 -是血
- Huh. - That's blood.
没错
It is.
我今晚做了让你难以置信的事
I've done things tonight you would not believe.
是吗
Oh, yeah?
我签了一个动感单车健身房♥的租约
I signed a lease on a spin gym.
不可思议
Weird.
还给一个脱衣舞男提供了精神支持
I provided emotional support to a male stripper.
这些事情从你嘴里说出来真的很可怕
You're saying these things like they're scary.
-我残忍♥的枪杀了一个人 -没错
- I shot a man in cold blood. - Yeah.
我眼睁睁地看着他死去
I watched him die.
虽然说枪是别人的
From someone else's bullet,
扣动扳机的是我
but I loosened him up.
很好 斯图步
Yeah, right, Stuber.
他的名字叫斯图
His name is Stu.
我的名字叫斯图
My name is Stu.
你好
How do you do?
他完全疯了
He's fucking crazy.
是啊
Yeah.
别冲动 斯图
Easy, Stu.
我不干了
I quit.