优步危机

我要告诉你♥爸♥爸
And I'm telling your dad
你在残疾人洗手间内行手♥淫♥
you masturbate in the handicap stall.
别这样
Oh, don't do that.
以后我只在普通洗手间里做这事
I'll just use a regular stall.
你可真可悲
You're pathetic.
斯图 等等
Stu, hold on.
你是我最好的朋友 老兄
You're my best friend, man.
什么
What?
是的 我们之间的冷嘲热讽
Yeah. The back and forth... the razzing, you and me.
是这无聊工作中最愉快的部分
It's the best part about this whole stupid job.
对我来说 是最糟糕的部分
It's, like, the worst part for me.
我知道自己之所以会有工作
Do you have any idea what it's like...
全部归功于老爸拥有的这个店
to know the only reason you even have a job
你知道这是什么感觉吗
is because your dad owns this place?
你知道渐渐变秃是什么感受吗
And you're balding?
我真的没发现你掉头发
Fuck. I honestly don't see any hair loss on you.
好吧
Yeah,
那你应该在我洗澡的时候看一下排水口
you should see my drain when I shower.
那是正常脱落
Yeah, but that's shedding.
是正常的 每个人都会有
That's normal. Everyone has that.
在加上你的毛囊
Plus your follicles...
斯图 我们该走了
Hey, Stu, we gotta go.
斯图 等一下
Stu, wait.
你真的认为我没有掉发吗
You really don't think I'm losing hair?
如果你有
If you are...
那也非常不明显
it's very subtle.
谢谢你 斯图
Thanks, Stu.
我来
I'll get that.
电量过低
Low battery charge.
按下按钮查看
Press button to check.
操 快没电了 我得去充一下电
Ah, shit. I'm running out of power. I gotta recharge.
注意
电量过低 请马上充电
不 我没时间
No, we don't have time.
反正废品回收场不远
The salvage yard is not far anyway.
看来我们已经走到尽头了
Well, looks like we're at the end of our road, huh?
不是那种尽头
Not literally.
我会送你到终点的
I'll drop you up the road.
这可真是
This was...
这一点也不搞笑
It wasn't fun.
你不能让我一个人下车
You can't drop me off.
我需要你跟我一起去
I need you to come with me.
不 不 不
No, no, no.
你是警♥察♥ 我是平民
You're a cop. I'm a civilian.
你生来是为了正义 我生来是为了吃饭
You're built for justice. I'm built for brunch.
我做平民该做的事情 我喜欢散步
I do civilian things. I like walks.
我还想要酿造啤酒
And I really wanna get into brewing beer.
比如IPA
Like IPAs,
亦或是上好的德国白啤
maybe a nice Hefeweizen.
但如果我死了 就不能做这些事情了
But I cannot do that if I'm dead.
那好
All right.
我自己来
I'll do it myself.
听我说
Listen...
我知道你是史蒂文·西格尔那样的狠角色
I know you're this, like, Steven Seagal badass
不需要任何人的帮助
who doesn't need shit from anyone.
你♥爸♥就是个笨蛋 把你丢在沙漠里
Your dad was a dick to leave you in the desert.
有时候人们需要别人的帮助
Sometimes people need help,
向他人求助并不是软弱的表现
and it is not a sign of weakness to ask for it.
呼叫支援吧
Call for backup.
我不知道维克在哪里 我怎么会知道
I don't know where Vic is. How would I know?
维克吗
Vic?
我知道在你眼里
I know you think
我就像个孩子 迫切抓捕特乔
I'm the boy who cried Tedjo,
但我已经找到了他的位置
but I got the drop location.
我知道这案子已经归联邦调查局了
I know this went to the feds...
但我需要你的支援
but I really need backup.
没问题
Okay.
真的吗
Really?
虽然你让人难受 但我相信你
You're a pain in my ass, but I trust you.
那好 他们要在英格尔伍德进行交易
All right, they're making a deal in Inglewood.
沃奇卡废品回收场
Watseka Salvage.
他们会在半小时后会面
The meet goes down in half an hour.
派武装部队过来 叫上特警队
Send in the cavalry. Call in SWAT.
好的 明白 维克
Okay. You got it, Vic.
还有 队长 谢谢你没有放弃我
And, Captain... thanks for not giving up on me.
当然不会
You bet.
看吧 是不是感觉不错
See? Didn't that feel good?
找他人帮忙天又不会塌下来
You asked for help and the sky didn't fall.
严格来说那不是天
That's technically not the sky.
那是天空的眼泪
That's the sky's tears.
这是喜悦的泪水 因为天空为你骄傲
It's tears of joy 'cause the sky is proud of you.
请闭嘴
Please shut up.
好了 没你事了
Well, no worries.
我找到维克
I found Vic.
很好
Great.
不
No!
告诉我你看到什么
Can you tell me what you see?
三辆黑色雷克萨斯 ES
Three black Lexuses.
还是Lexi呢 还是雷克萨斯ES呢
Lexi? Lexuses?
是Lexi
Lexi.
没错 他们在等特乔
Yeah. They're waiting for Tedjo.
兄弟 你该离开这里了
You should get out of here, man.
接下来会很惊险
Things are gonna get hairy.
你确定你可以吗
Are you sure you're okay?
没错 你应该离开了
Yeah, you should go.
武装部队正在路上
Look, cavalry's on the way...
还有特警队他们都会过来
SWAT, the whole deal.
去吧 打电♥话♥给那女孩
Go on, call that girl.
好吧
Okay.
再见了
Goodbye.
过来
Come on.
你这是在干嘛
What are you doing?
快过来 大块头
Get over here, big guy.
共同经历那些冒险之后
After all the horrors we've been through...
我们应该来个拥抱 快点
we've earned this. Come on.
留着抱树去吧 兄弟
Save it for a tree, bud.
男人之间也可以拥抱的 对吧
Men can hug. Okay?
我也很清楚地知道
And I know deep inside that...
可能你身上最无用的发达部位
needlessly muscular body...
就是全身最大块的肌肉了 你的心
is the biggest muscle of all, your heart.
-我想抱抱你的心 -斯图
- And I want to hug that heart. - Stu!
谢谢你载我
Thank you for driving.
天呐 上帝 斯图 你怎么了
Oh, my God. Jesus. Stu, what happened to you?
贝卡 我必须告诉你些事
Becca, I have to tell you something.
好啊 那么
Okay, then...
快点来 斯图
come over, Stu.
-然后我们就可以 -贝卡 我爱你
- And we can... - Becca, I am in love with you.
我对你一见倾心
And I have been since the moment we met.
你总跟渣男在一起
You date assholes.
我很抱歉 但这是真的
I'm sorry, but you do.
然后我就在一边等你 随叫随到
And I wait on the sidelines, and I come when you call...
我鼓励你 我把你的梦当成我的梦
and I encourage you and I make your dreams my dreams...
我感觉我一直期待着某一天
and I guess I've just been hoping that someday
你会看到我并觉得我与其他人不同
you would look at me and see me differently.
然后我们就会成功在一起
And something would click!
该死
What the...
我很抱歉 但这有点不公平
Uh, I'm sorry, this is a little unfair. Um...
所以你是太害怕了而不敢告诉我
So you were too afraid to tell me
你真实的想法然后现在这是我的错
how you felt and now it's my fault...
为了没有成功在一起
for not clicking?
不 不 不 你是对的
No, no, no. You're right.