优步危机

坐副驾
If you sit shotgun,
意思就是你想DTT
it's sort of code that you're D-T-T.
-想聊天 -我其实更
- Down-To-Talk. - I'm more...
想让你♥他♥妈♥的闭嘴
D-T-shut-the-fuck-up.
很有趣
That's funny.
不 说真的 你卧推能推多少
No, seriously, how much do you bench?
100公斤 150公斤
Two-hundo? Three-hundo?
我希望能达到 两边各20公斤
I wanna get up to, you know, having a 45 on each side.
能推起来
Bang those out.
祖父带着眼镜 但青光眼太
Grandfather wore glasses, but glaucoma so...
为什么停车
Why are we stopping?
你♥他♥妈♥开哪去 嗨
What the hell's going on? Hi.
我叫斯洛恩
I'm Sloan.
我叫美莱尼
Melanie.
-这到底是怎么回事 -南加州大学 对吧
- What the hell? - The USC campus, right?
-对 -要来点这个吗
- Yeah. - Can I interest you in some
加拿大巧克力 咖啡薯片
Canadian chocolate? Coffee Crisps?
我们快迟到了 不用了
We're actually late... Nope, we're good...
如果你能送我们过去的话
...so if you could get us there.
你♥他♥妈♥开哪去
What the hell's going on?
两个年轻女人
Two young women have just
刚刚坐进了汽车的后座
gotten into the back seat of the car.
你选了优步拼车
You selected the UberPool option, so...
优步什么
Uber-what?
优步拼车
UberPool.
你选择和去其他同一个方向的乘客
You pool the cost of the ride
共同分摊车费
with other passengers going in the same direction.
不不
No. No.
这很经济
It's actually very cost-efficient.
他们要去南加州大学 他只是
They're going to USC and he's just...
不 女士们 现在是警♥察♥办公
No, no, no. Ladies, official police business.
这公平吗
Is that even real?
去他妈的滚下车
Get the fuck out of the car!
天啊 快下车 快
Oh, God! Go, go!
快点 别对我们吼了
Move it, move it! Stop yelling at us!
拿着你的东西 什么 不
Grab your shit... What? No, no.
滚 开玩笑吗
...and get out! Seriously?
不 回来啊 真是没骨气
No, please come back! So lame!
别给我差评 这不是我的错
Please don't penalize my star rating! Not my fault!
走吧 史蒂夫
Come on. Let's go, Steve.
来啊
Come on.
你在瞪我吗
Are you staring at me?
我们能快速地倒回去吗
So, can we rewind real quick?
出警吗
"Official police business"?
去见个朋友而已
Just going to see a friend.
从来没有载过警♥察♥ 被枪打过吗
Never Uber'd a cop before. Ever been shot?
曾经为别人挡过子弹吗
Ever taken a bullet for someone?
什么意思
What do you mean?
比如 有没有跳在别人前面
Like, have you ever...
为别人挡过子弹
jumped in front of someone and taken a bullet
那个子弹本来不是射向你的
that was intended for that person?
你听懂我说什么了吗
You know what I mean?
人 子弹 你
Person, bullet, you.
你以为开枪的时候
You think by the time a gun is fired
你就能跳到子弹前面吗
that you can jump in front of a bullet?
现在我有点怀疑了
Now I'm starting to question it.
我们不是生活在慢动作世界 小朋友
Yeah, we don't live in slow-motion land, kid.
我猜你还在想
I bet you're also wondering...
我曾经从一场大爆♥炸♥中走出来
if I've ever walked away from a big explosion
头也不回的样子
and not looked over my shoulder.
你说到点子上了
You've made your point.
射中一辆向我疾驰而来的汽车车胎
Shot out the tires on a car speeding towards me.
超过一百次了
A hundred times over.
我们到了
We're here.
对我来说 这是一次五星级的旅行
It's been a five-star ride for me.
希望这是也是你的五星级之旅
Hope it's been a five-star ride for you.
如果你想要五星好评
If you want your five stars...
让计价器继续运行
keep the meter running.
哦 没有计价器
Oh, there's no meter.
人们会另外叫一辆优步
People will just call another Uber.
这
That's...
永远别见
Bye, forever!
哇
Wow.
操♥他♥妈♥的安德烈
"Andre the giant motherfucker."
该死
God damn it.
快点
Hurry up.
里昂
Leon!
该死
Damn it!
里昂
Leon!
好脾气司机在讲话
Smooth operator speaking.
该死的拜伦 他就是屎
Fucking Byron, man! He's a piece of shit!
他过来了 去了洗手间
He came over. He goes to the bathroom...
显然 我立刻看了看他的手♥机♥
I obviously immediately look at his phone.
全是这种照片
It's fucking full of all these pictures...
女孩子的照片
of all these girls who look
刚高中毕业的女孩子照片
barely out of fucking high school.
就像阴♥道♥ 阴♥道♥ 阴♥道♥ 阴♥道♥
It's like vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina.
我和他分手了
Oh, my God! I broke up with him!
贝卡你是女王
Becca, you are a queen.
拜伦就是屎
Byron is a full-on piece of shit
他配不上你
and he doesn't deserve you.
我想像灰色花♥园♥一样把自己锁在公♥寓♥
I wanna lock myself in my apartment like Grey Gardens.
灰色花♥园♥：电影讲述了一对古怪的伊迪母女长年隐居于“灰色花♥园♥”
我自己也想要我自己的灰色花♥园♥
I want to Grey Gardens myself.
这是我听过最丧的词了
That is the most depressing verb I've ever heard.
我想对着杯子尖叫六年
I wanna scream into a cup for six years.
我要开始喝酒了
I'm gonna start drinking.
然后去酸奶城 然后去复仇
Then Yogurtland, then vengeance.
酸奶城：在旧金山特别受美国人喜欢的自助冻酸奶店
-龙舌兰 -对
- Tequila? - Yes.
上帝,是的。总是这样
God, yes. Always.
好的 我带一瓶酒和一些酸奶来
Well, I'll bring a bottle and some yogurt.
-你来点菜 好吗 -好
- You decide the order, okay? - Okay.
你能快点吗
Stu, will you hurry?
我真的很需要你
I really need you.
我要把
I'm just gonna drop off Douche Lundgren
我马上就来 好吗
and I'll be right over, okay?
好
Okay.
好吧 好吧 你先挂
All right. Okay, you hang up first.
好吧 我挂了
Okay, I'm hanging up.
她挂断了
No. Oh. She's gone.
对
Yes!
里昂 厕所在哪里
Leon, where's the drop?
如果你还在用的话 里昂
If you're using again. Leon!
对不起 里昂
I'm sorry, Leon.
你见到你的朋友了吗
So did you find your friend?
那是血吗
Is that blood?
不是
No.
行 我们结束了
All right. So we're done.
我把你放在我选的地方
I'll just drop you off where I picked...
安珀
Yo, Amber.
最近怎么样 妞 是我里昂
What's up, girl? It's Leon!
是
Yeah!
马上到
Been a minute.
对 你在哪 妞
Yeah. Where you at, girl?
你知道我能挖到
All right, you know I can dig that. Ha!
行 把屁♥股♥给爷保暖了留着
All right, you keep that ass warm for Leon.
对 你知道的 妞
Yeah. You know that, girl.
很有问题
Very problematic.
男妓店 康普墩
Sizzle Room. Compton.
你还能模仿其他种族吗 你能模仿我吗
What other races can you do impressions of? Can you do me?