优步危机

很受欢迎 很有趣 进来吧
It's welcoming. It's fun. "Come on in."
老处♥女♥是一个永远找不到爱的老女人
A spinster is an old woman who never found love.
你还不如叫你的健身房♥老巫婆自行车
You might as well call your gym "Old Hag Bikes".
我是说 如果这是你的激♥情♥
I'm just saying, like, if it's your passion...
-找个更好的名字 -并不是
- maybe find a better name. - It's not my passion.
那你的激♥情♥是什么
Well, then what is your passion?
我觉得
You know, I feel like
洛杉矶到处都是追随他们激♥情♥的人
LA's full of people following their passion.
我们需要更多人定居 更多定居者
We need more people to settle. We need more settlers.
这个国家是建立在定居者的基础上
You know, this country was founded on settlers.
-所以 -嘿 乖女儿
- So... - Hey, honey.
我能和你说两句吗
Can I talk to you for a second?
好吧
Okay.
雕塑作品很棒 乖女儿
Great work with the sculptures, honey.
很坚硬
Really solid stuff.
让人想起年轻的理查德·塞拉
Reminiscent of a young Richard Serra.
噢 谢谢
Oh, thank you.
不用谢
Yeah.
给你
Here.
不要给我
Oh, do not hand me a...
-拿着 -天哪 老爸
- Take this. - Jesus, Dad.
-拿着 -老爸 我不想要
- Here. - Dad, I do not want that!
今晚会发生一些很糟糕的事情 听我的
There's some really bad shit going down tonight. Okay?
我检查了这里 是安全的
I checked the place out. It's clear.
保险一点好过遗憾
But it's better safe than sorry.
-拿着 -老天爷
- Take that. - Oh, God.
还记得我是怎么教你射击的吗
Remember how I taught you to shoot?
记得
Yes.
我讨厌你这样做
I hate when you do this.
还有别的吗
Anything else?
我需要借你的房♥子钥匙
So, I need to borrow your keys to the house.
我要去旧仓库
Yeah, I need to get into my old storage.
这就是你来的原因吗
Is that why you came?
不是
No.
不是啊 我想看看你的作品
God, no. I wanted to see your work.
确保你是否安全
And make sure you were safe.
但我也没时间跑回鹰岩
But I also didn't have time to run back to Eagle Rock.
所以是三对一
So it's a three-for-one.
有一瞬间
For a second there...
我真的以为你对我的工作很赞赏
I actually thought you gave a shit about my work.
我跟你说认真的
Hey. This is serious.
我离特乔很近了
I'm close to Tedjo. Yeah.
你离什么都很近
You're always close to something except for
除了需要你的人
the people who actually need you.
我受够了
I'm so done. Hey.
妮可 等一下
Nicole, wait!
钥匙
Keys?
你知道我看不见
You know I can't see.
你对她说了什么 老兄 你毁了她的夜晚
What did you say to her, man? You ruined her night.
不知道 我把枪给了她
I don't know. I gave her my Glock.
看到了吗 这就是你的问题
See, that's your problem!
你给枪而不是爱
You give people Glocks instead of love.
优步司机竟突然懂得所有育儿知识
Suddenly the Uber driver knows all about parenting.
你又粗鲁又不敏感
You're just very abrasive and you're insensitive,
又吓人还有
and you're very scary and you're...
老天爷啊
Oh, my God!
这正是我要说的
That's exactly the kind of thing I'm talking about!
你干嘛砸烂它
Why did you do that?
让警♥察♥来这里 以防万一 快走
To get cops here. Just in case. Let's go.
走吧 走吧
Go, go.
在哪里
Where is it?
箱子
Box.
你以前很快乐 怪可爱的
Oh, you used to be happy. That's adorable.
我说 你应该多笑点
You know, I would have said you should smile more...
但现在我看到这张照片
but now that I see this picture...
不笑更好
good call on quitting smiling.
笑起来脸太难看了
Your face looks really bad when you smile.
不笑的时候也难看
It also looks really bad when you don't smile.
你长着一张难看的脸
You have a bad face.
小兄弟
Oh, man.
我只剩六发子弹了
I've only got six rounds left.
这是你的另外两个人♥质♥吗
Are these two other hostages you took?
-你在帮倒忙 -你是不是一直
- You're not helping. - Did you just yell...
对他们喊"游轮" 他们才带你的
"cruise ship" at them until they took you?
听着 我需要更多的弹♥药♥
Look, I need more ammo.
我们只有一个小时的时间
And we've only got an hour.
箱子之外
Outside The Box.Byro
箱子之外 箱子之外
Outside the box. Outside the box.
好的 头脑风暴
All right, now, let's brainstorm.
我们可以找一个黑市枪♥支♥贩子
We can find a black market gun dealer.
-不 是我工作的地方 -优步
- No, it's where I work. - Uber?
优步供给的吗
Like Uber Eats?
他们有优步♥枪♥ 优步子弹
They have Uber Guns? Uber Bullets?
这是你另一份糟糕的工作
Oh, this is your other horrible job?
我来这里买♥♥过一次渔具
I came here once to buy some fishing gear.
售货员真是个混♥蛋♥
Clerk was a real dick.
我想射掉他的腿
I wanted to shoot him in the leg,
但我有自♥制♥力
but I had self-control.
那可能是我老板。
Yeah, that was probably my boss.
他是我见过的第二个变♥态♥的人
He's the second worst guy I've ever met.
谁是第一个
Who's the first?
给你个提示
I'll give you a hint.
你
It's you.
好了
All right.
我以为你只需要几颗子弹 大兄弟
I thought you just needed a couple of bullets, bud.
准备的永远不够多
Well, you can never be too prepared.
没错 但这一切都得有人付钱
Yeah, but somebody has to pay for all this shit.
-记在优步账单上 -没有账单
- Put it on my Uber tab. - There's no tab!
优步不是老西部的一家杂货店
Uber is not a general store in the Old West!
噢 不
Oh, no.
贝卡 我很抱歉 出了点事情
Hey, Becca, I'm so, so sorry. Uh, something came up.
斯图 对不起
Stu, I'm so sorry.
我不是想吓坏你
I did not mean to freak you out.
如果你不想滚床单 我理解 我让人恶心
If you don't wanna have sex, I understand, I'm disgusting.
不 不 不
No, no, no.
你没有吓到我
You didn't freak me out.
我喜欢得不得了
I'm definitely down to clown.
-我想做 -什么
- I wanna do the deed. - What?
然后我们再谈谈
And then we're gonna have a talk.
你知道吗 我想说
You know what? I was gonna say...
也许你不该过来
maybe you should not come over.
因为 好吧 拜伦打电♥话♥给我
Because, okay... So, Byron called me...
听起来他觉得很抱歉
and he sounded really sorry.
他说 我应该过来谈谈
And he was like, "I should come over and talk,"
我想我应该听听他的意见
and I think I should just hear him out.
-你明白吗 -不 不 不
- You know? - No, no, no.
别让拜伦过来 好吗
Do not let Byron come over, okay?
他不值得回到你的生活
He does not deserve to be let back into your life.
等我 好吗
Wait for me, okay?
我会去的 等我
I'll be there. Wait for me.
好吧 天哪 今晚对我来说太疯狂了
Okay. Oh, God, this night is so crazy for me.
我马上就到
I'll be right there.
情人吵架
Lovers' quarrel?
我忘了你们不是情侣
Oh, I forgot you're not lovers.
这很好 对吧
Hey, this is good, right?
滚蛋
Fuck off, okay?
把它放回去 太多了
And put that back! That's way too much stuff!
你为什么需要丙烷罐
Why do you need propane tanks?
等下要去烧烤吗
Are you gonna have a barbecue later?
你又没有朋友
You have no friends!