星条红与皇室蓝（2023）

♪我绝不担心名声好坏♪
♪And I'm never gonna care 'bout my bad reputation♪
♪不♪
♪Oh, no♪
♪不不不不不不不♪
♪No, no, no, no, no, no, no♪
♪我不会♪
♪Not me♪
♪不会不会不会不会不会不会不会♪
♪Me, me, me, me, me, me, me♪
♪不♪
♪Oh, no...♪
亲爱的 虽然你过去做过许多蠢事
Darling, you've done some pretty stupid things in your day,
但这次实在是... -"糕"水平发挥吗
but this... - Takes the cake?
听到了吗 扎拉 他居然以笑话开场
Oh, you hear that, Zahra? He's opening with a joke.
也许他可以主持明年的白宫记者晚宴
Maybe he can host the Correspondents' Dinner next year.
我很乐意 -不行
Oh, I'd be down. - No.
我派你去伦敦 安排的任务非常简单
I sent you to London with some pretty simple instructions:
代表总统一家出席皇室婚礼
represent the family at the royal wedding
并且不要引发国际事件
and don't cause an international incident.
是亨利推的我
Henry shoved me.
看你这样 我也想推你
An urge I currently share with the prince.
我们过去三年一直在跟英国政♥府♥
We have spent the last three years negotiating a new trade deal
商谈一项新贸易协定
with His Majesty's government.
花了数千小时 喝了无数杯茶
Thousands of hours, gallons of tea.
在本周前
Before this weekend,
我的支持率比英国首相还高
I had a higher approval rating than the prime minister.
我的人气甚至远超英国"辣妹组合"
Hell, I was outpolling the Spice Girls.
一夜之间 你就让这一切付之东流
And overnight, you've managed to undo all that.
妈 你心里清楚
Ma, you know by next week,
到了下周 就没人还记得这事了
no one will be talking about this anymore.
纽♥约♥时♥报♥
奶油峰会
总统之子亚历克斯·克莱蒙特-迪亚兹
和亨利王子弄坏英国王储结婚蛋糕
说真的 根本没哪个正常人
And really, no reasonable person
会注意到那篇报道
is gonna even pay attention to that article.
作为英国最亲密的盟友 美方应该对我国以礼相待
The British people deserve better from our closest ally
而不是搞这种幼稚的噱头
than this juvenile stunt.
这无疑给我们的谈判蒙上了一层阴影
And it certainly casts a pall over our negotiations.
14个月后我将再次参加总统大选
I'm on the ballot again in 14 months,
我需要这份协议带来的农业出口订单
and I need the farming exports and the manufacturing jobs
和制♥造♥业的岗位 以争取中西部的选票
that this deal provides to take to Midwest voters.
我倒觉得你不需要中西部的选票
I'd argue that you don't actually need the Midwest
其实不靠他们也有办法能赢...
and there's a path to reelection without the--
显然你今天并不想听我说
You don't want to hear from me today.
亲爱的儿子 我只需要你
What I need from you, sunshine of my heart,
用一些传统方法来亡羊补牢
is some good old-fashioned damage control.
扎拉会跟你解释一切
Zahra will explain everything.
我真的非常抱歉 妈
I'm really sorry, Mom.
我知道 宝贝
I know you are, baby.
所以我需要你解决这个问题
That's why I need you to fix it.
扎拉 -混♥蛋♥ 白♥痴♥
Zahra! - Asshole! Idiot!
你到底要... 住手
What are you... Stop!
你今晚就坐飞机回伦敦
You're flying back to London tonight.
什么 为什么
What? Why?
去挽回你造成的所有损失
To undo all the damage you've done.
美国白宫和英国白金汉宫
The White House and the palace
将发表一份联合声明
are gonna release a joint statement
向公众解释婚礼上发生的事
explaining that what happened at the wedding
完全是场误会
was a complete misunderstanding...
本来就是误会
Yeah, which it was.
尽管很少有时间见面
...and despite rarely having time to see one another,
你和亨利王子其实是密友
you and Prince Henry are in fact close personal friends
过去几年一直如此 -扎拉
and have been for the last several years. - Zahra.
这是亨利王子的资料 背下来
This is a fact sheet on Prince Henry. Memorize it.
他身高才没有188
He's not six-foot-two.
他也有我的资料吗 -有
And does he get a fact sheet on me? - Yes.
我向你保证
And I can assure you
准备这份资料是我职业生涯中最令人郁闷的事
that making it was one of the most depressing moments of my career.
我看米奇·麦康奈尔吃香蕉时都没这么难受
And I once saw Mitch McConnell eating a banana.
美国参议院共和党领袖 因长相被戏称"龟丞相"
我能说一句吗 英国皇室纯粹是有名无实
Can I just point out that the royal family are purely figurehead?
他们在竞选中起不到任何作用
They serve no elective role whatsoever.
是啊 不像你 你的作用在美国宪法
Oh, unlike you, whose role is clearly spelled out
第0条第0款中有明确规定
in Article Nothing of the U.S. Constitution!
扎拉 -你去那里是工作的
Zahra. - And you are going there to work.
不准约会 不许瞎玩
No hookups, no partying.
你想讨厌亨利王子 随你的便
You can hate Prince Henry all you want,
但只要看到摄像机
but the minute you see a camera,
你最好表现得对他推崇备至
you better act like the sun shines out of his ass
他放个屁你都觉得香
and you have a vitamin D deficiency.
你知道的... -别想撂挑子不干
You know... - And there is no getting out of this.
是吗 如果我自焚呢
Oh, yeah? What if I set myself on fire?
我们会把你的骨灰送去希思罗机场
We'd ship the ashes to Heathrow.
他母亲的头衔是殿下
Mother, Her Royal Highness,
凯瑟琳公主 爱丁堡女公爵
Princess Catherine, Duchess of Edinburgh,
国王詹姆斯三世的长女 我厉害吧
firstborn child of His Majesty, King James III. Ha.
你知道她创办了一个应对气候变化的非盈利组织吗
Did you know she started her own climate nonprofit?
真厉害
That's pretty cool.
这周末你想换换工作吗
Do you want to switch jobs this weekend?
没哪个脑子正常的人会让你摸到枪的
No one in their right mind would ever give you a gun.
亨利的父亲 继续背
Henry's father, go.
亚瑟·福克斯 英国深受喜爱的舞台剧和电影演员
Arthur Fox, beloved English stage and film actor.
三年前因癌症去世 -我还记得这事
Died of cancer three years ago. - I remember that.
亨利的狗叫什么 -大卫
What's the name of Henry's dog? - David.
我说真的 谁会给自家狗取名叫大卫啊
I mean, really, who names their dog David?
你知道我家的西施犬还叫乔纳森呢
You know I have a shih tzu named Jonathan.
是呀 我还是觉得很奇怪
Yeah, I still maintain that's weird.
你说的可是我儿子
That's my son you're talking about.
他特别可爱 -确实可爱 要看点照片吗
He is super cute. - He is. You want to see some pictures?
乐意之至 -来吧
A hundred percent. - Okay.
地铁站
克莱蒙特-迪亚兹先生 欢迎来到肯辛顿宫
Mr. Claremont-Diaz, welcome to Kensington Palace.
我是沙恩·沙瓦斯塔瓦 是亨利王子的掌马官[侍从]
Shaan Shrivistava, Prince Henry's equerry.
很高兴见到你 沙恩
Nice to meet you, Shaan.
没想到我这么快就回到英国了
Didn't expect to be back in England so soon.
没有人比我更困惑了
No one is more mystified than I.
所以掌马官是什么
So what exactly is an equerry?
你是给他牵马 还是
Do you, uh, handle the horses or...?
我是王子殿下的近侍
I am His Royal Highness's personal attendant.
所以你是管家 -我不是管家 我是掌马官[侍从]
So you're the butler? - I'm not the butler. I'm the equerry.
这又回到了我最开始的那个问题
And back we go to my original question.
掌马官是什么 -就是我
What is an equerry? - Me.
王子殿下到了
Here comes His Royal Highness now.
开什么玩笑
You've got to be joking.
亚历克斯 很高兴见到你
Alex. It's good to see you.
清醒的样子
Sober.
我们的一位摄影师会拍下一些
One of our photographers will now take
王子殿下欢迎你的照片
some pictures of His Royal Highness welcoming you.
我不需要先去洗澡换衣服吗
Well, don't I get to shower and change first?
抱歉我们的行程比较紧凑 先生
I'm afraid we're on a very tight schedule, sir.
那我可不能把你们的"行程"搞砸了
Oh, my God, wouldn't want to screw up the "Shedyule."
你必须站在王子殿下的右边
You must stand to the right of His Royal Highness.
这是规定 还是因为他那半边更上镜 -都有
Is that protocol or just his good side? - Both.
可以拍了吗 -可以了
Shall we do this? - Yes, sir.
交给你了 杰米
They're all yours, Jamie.
请微笑面对镜头
Big smiles for the camera, please.
告诉你 我的保密协议可比你的更严格哦
My NDA is bigger than yours. I want you to know that.
原著小说中 亚历克斯在来之前
签署了一份单方面约束他而不约束亨利的保密协议
你穿着增高鞋垫呢
You're wearing lifts.
我连这个都知道哦 宝贝
I know that, too, sweetheart.
可以了吗 -好了 殿下
Are we finished here? - Yes, Your Royal Highness.
混♥蛋♥
Dick.
沙恩 我是不是也要来点
Hey, Shaan, you think maybe I could get a little...?
你用不着
You're fine.
谢谢
Thank you.
谢谢 沙恩 -您准备好就可以开始了
Thank you, Shaan. - Whenever you're ready.
所有人保持安静
Quiet, everyone.