老爹们（2023）

我们要找个品牌大使
We're gonna find a brand ambassador.
一个真心不在乎名气的人
Someone who earnestly does not crave fame.
他就是艾德·卡梅隆
Introducing Ed Cameron.
他是不想成名界的勒布朗·詹姆斯
He is the LeBron James of not being famous.
生活在新墨西哥州的一块不毛之地上
Lives on a plot of alopeciad land in New Mexico.
他完全自给自足
He is entirely self-sustaining.
据我们所知 他基本上不跟任何人类接触
And as far as we know, he's had little to no human contact,
从1980年代后期开始
not since the late 1980s.
你是怎么找到他的?
How did you find him?
不容易啊
Well, it wasn't easy.
在1976年
But in 1976,
他在当地的教堂参与了一次抽彩
he signed up for a raffle at a local church.
他的信息被卖♥♥给了一家大商场
That information was sold to Mammoth Mart,
然后又转卖♥♥给了一个古早的唱片店
who then sold it to Columbia Record and Tape Club,
结果它转身又卖♥♥给了摩根大通
who turned right around and sold it to JPMorgan Chase.
之后他们被黑了 最终流到了暗网上
And then they got hacked, and it ended up on the dark web,
那有点难...
so that was a little harder to--
没必要说太多我们是怎么获取 他的个人信息的了
It's not that important to talk about how we acquired his personal information.
不重要
Doesn't matter.
重要的是 我们要把他请来
What matters is how we're gonna bring him in.
给你们三个词 杰克 迈克 康纳 三位创始人
And I got three words for ya. Jack, Mike, Connor, the founding fathers.
哇!什么?
Whoa, whoa! What?
你想让我们去说服这个人?
You want all three of us to go pitch this guy?
对 还有我们的小特
Yeah. Yeah, with my boy, Trav.
为什么叫上特拉维斯?
Why is Travis coming?
好问题 康纳 对你表示感恩
Good question, Connor. I appreciate you.
这家伙选择住在荒郊野外
Hey, hey. This guy chose to live in the middle of nowhere.
对
Yeah.
我们怎么可能说服他去追逐名利啊?
So, how the hell are we gonna convince him to become famous?
这就是你们的工作了 杰克
Therein lies the work, Jack.
你觉得 史蒂夫·乔布斯有发明什么东西吗?
Do you think that Steve Jobs invented things?
是啊 还不少 - 对
Yeah. Quite a bit, actually. - Yeah.
平板电脑 - 不
iPad. - No.
他说出想法 然后其他人来做
He said things, and then other people did them.
所以 今天我也说了我的想法
So I've said things today,
我想让你们去做这些事
and I want you to go and do those things.
嘿 杰克 你觉得 我们摊上的是个什么事啊?
Jack, what do you think we're walkin' into here?
你说这家伙会说英语吗?
I mean, you think this guy is even gonna be able to speak English?
是啊 他什么时候脱离社会的?
Yeah. When did he go off the grid?
好像是1988年
Like, 1988.
真的假的? - 是的
Seriously? - Yeah.
他可能还对着萨曼莎·福克斯撸管呢
He's probably still jerkin' off to Samantha Fox.
好了 问一个正经的
All right, serious question.
你愿意操 最佳状态的萨曼莎·福克斯吗?
Would you rather fuck Samantha Fox in her prime,
但她得戴着芭芭拉·布♥什♥的面具哦
but she's wearing a Barbara Bush mask?
还是操大概是 1988年左右的芭芭拉·布♥什♥?
Or fuck Barbara Bush, circa 1988,
但是得让萨曼莎看着你做
but you get to have Samantha just lookin' at you,
四目相对 她还是裸着的
full eye contact, and she's naked?
哇 真是个难题啊 - 谢谢
Oh, wow! That's a good one. - Thank you.
你总是出其不意啊
You always get the left turn. - Mm-hmm.
我想我应该会点个组合餐
I mean, I think I gotta go with the combo platter.
虽然萨曼莎·福克斯很性感 但如果我两个都上...
I mean, Samantha Fox is smokin' hot, but if I get both of them...
我就可以看着萨曼莎
You know, I get to look at Samantha.
而且芭芭拉·布♥什♥ 我觉得她很高端，对吧 - 嗯呢
And Barbara Bush, I think she was a clean woman. Right? - Yeah
我也从来没有离权力那么近
And I've never been that close to that level of power before.
在总统办公室做
Do it in the Oval Office,
拿起红色电♥话♥ 看看是谁打来的
you know, pick up the red phone, see who's on the other side.
总捅办公室
The oval orifice.
兄弟厉害啊! - 懂我的梗了吧?
Yeah, dude! - See what I did there?
一群男人啊? 就一起瞎混
Bunch of guys, right? Just fuckin' hangin' out.
羞辱女人 很酷 你们真行啊
Trashin' women. Yeah, so cool. You guys are so dope.
怎么 我们冒犯到你了吗?
What, are we offending you?
没有 你们没有冒犯我
No, man, you're not offending me.
我只是觉得男人之间的
I just think this misogynistic behavior
厌女性行为有点过时了
amongst groups of men is a little, uh, little cliché.
老天 我们碰上女权主义者了
Ah, Jesus Christ. We got a feminist in the car.
我是为你们着想 好吗?
Look, I'm just looking out for you guys, okay?
无意冒犯 但是你们给人的感觉有点...
No offense, you're just comin' across a little...
有点老派 懂吧 有点跟时代脱节了
A little old, you know? A little out of touch.
我们应该试着进化
We try evolving.
进化?真不错 像你们这一代人一样对吗?
Evolving? It's a good idea. Like your generation, right?
拍自己翻转水瓶的视频
Filmin' yourselves while you're flippin' over water bottles.
了不起的进步啊
Incredible progress.
容我插句话
If I may interject.
特拉维斯 听起来你的意思是你们这一代人
Travis, it sounds like what you're saying is you feel your generation
比我们那一代更加先进
is more evolved than our generation.
天啊 这真的是个问句?是的 当然了
Oh my God, that was a real question? Yeah, absolutely. Yes.
特拉维斯 你喜欢说唱音乐吗?
Travis, do you like rap music?
喜欢啊 我听各种类型的音乐
I mean, yeah, I listen to all kinds of music.
你是钻得很深还是随便听听 那种模糊说唱之类的东西?
You go deep, or you listen to that mumble rap shit?
我钻得很深
No, I go deep.
真的?多深?
Really? How deep?
就那些经典的 武当帮 声名狼藉先生 纳斯 NWA
You know, the greats. Wu-Tang, Biggie, Nas, uh, N.W.A.
NWA?
N.W.A?
好吧 我们特拉维斯真的钻得很深呢
Okay, my man Travis goes way back.
看了电影 也买♥♥了原声碟
Saw the movie. Bought the soundtrack.
你大概也知道Yella Boy是谁吧
You probably know who Yella Boy is.
哇!
Wow!
你喜欢在车上跟着唱他们的歌♥吗?
You like to sing along to them in the car?
对 我有时候会跟着他们说唱
Yeah, I rap to them sometimes. Yeah.
他们唱到那个词的时候你怎么办?
What do you do when they drop the N-word?
继续唱吗?
You keep singing along?
不是 我...
Uh, no, I...
我听着
I listen.
你听着? - 是的 我听着
You just listen? - Yeah. I do. I... I listen.
我说 你的脑子里是有个暂停键吗? 这可是NWA
I mean, what, do you got a pause button in your brain? This is N.W.A.
你自己一个人 车窗关上了
You're by yourself. Windows are up.
在公路上徜徉 你来感觉了!
Cruisin' down the highway. You feelin' it!
然后你告诉我你会停下你的说唱?
Are you tellin' me that you stop your flow?
我会的 - 胡扯!没人会这样
I do. - Bullshit, motherfucker! Nobody could.
这是NWA
It's N.W.A.
我以为你很爱他们 - 没错
I thought you said you loved them. - I do.
你爱他们吗? - 是的 我爱!
Do you love them? - Yes, I do!
那你还停下了? - 不是 我照说!
And you stop your flow? - No, I say it!
我想听听他说 放NWA的《冲出康普顿》
I wanna hear how he says it. Put on N.W.A "Straight Outta Compton."
拜托 我不想这样
Oh, come on, man. I don't wanna do this. I don't wanna do this.
为什么?背着我能说 当着我的面就不行了吗?
Why not? You say it when I'm not around, but you won't say it when I am around.
这让我感觉 你是在用一种我不想听到的方式在说
That makes me feel like you're sayin' it in a way I wouldn't wanna hear it.
我想严正声明一下 我不想这么做
I just wanna go on record as saying I don't wanna do this.
就他妈的唱吧!
Sing the damn song!
好的 别激动
Okay. Just chill out.
冲出康普顿 有个叫艾斯·库伯的疯狗贱♥人♥
♪ Straight outta Compton Crazy motherfucker named Ice Cube ♪
来自...
♪ From the... ♪
当有人叫我 我掏出一把散♥弹♥枪♥
♪ When I'm called off, I get a sawed-off ♪
扣下扳机 拖走尸体
♪ Pull the trigger And the bodies get hauled off ♪
你也一样 小年轻 你若胆敢惹我
♪ You too, boy, if ya fuck with me ♪
条子就会来抓我
♪ The police are gonna have to come And get me ♪
一枪崩了你 因为这是我被抓的原因
♪ Off yo ass 'Cause that's how I'm goin' out ♪
那些耀武扬威的朋克贱♥人♥
♪ The punk motherfuckers That's showin' out... ♪
尼...不行
N-- No.
操!我不想说
Fuck! I don't wanna say it, man. I don't wanna say it.
很好 你不该说
Good. You shouldn't wanna say it.
但是代表德瑞博士和他的公♥司♥ 感谢你购买♥♥他们的专辑
But on behalf of Dr. Dre and company, thank you for buying this shit.
嘿 迈克 说明一下 不管什么时候 听嘻哈 我都不会说这个词
Hey, Mike, for the record, whenever I listen to hip-hop, I never say it, bro.
是吗?那你什么时候说?
Really? When do you say it?
好了 朋友们 该翻篇了 - 杰克!
Okay, guys. Come on. It's over. - Jack! Jack!
该死 - 该死
Oh shit. - Shit.
该死 杰克 - 那他妈的是什么?
Shit, Jack. - The fuck was that?
我不知道 但它应该是死了
I don't know, but it's dead.
那家伙在做什么?
What's that guy doin'?