全家变身大作战（2023）

Well, I realized I have Mom's fingerprints and her face,
所以只要一键就能给整个球队 购买♥♥科切拉音乐节的门票
so I can use her one-touch to take the team to Coachella.
一万两千美元 立刻下单
$12,000. Buy now.
天啊 不错嘛
Whoa. Okay.
瞧爸都在关心什么
Let's see what Dad's got going on.
瞧瞧 -进去了
Let's see. -I'm in.
是结肠镜检查照片
Uh. Oh, that's a colonoscopy. -Oh.
他们怎么这么… -嗨 丫头们
Why are they so... Hey, girl!
又是每个月一次的妈妈聚会 -好耶
Monthly moms' night in the house! -Yes...
比尔也在啊
Bill's here. Um…
她老公在家 -我还是回避一下吧
Her husband's here. -I should go.
别走 -你要比尔留下？
Stay here. -You want Bill to stay?
还真是史无前例啊 -看来比尔不走了
It's unprecedented. -I guess Bill's staying.
我饿坏了 你每个月的菜色都越做越精彩
I'm starving. You always outdo yourself every month.
等不及看你为我们做的晚餐了
We cannot wait to see what you cooked for dinner.
知道我做了什么菜色吗？
Oh, what I cooked?
走吧 -好的 失陪一下
Come on. -Yeah, okay. Excuse me.
天啊
Oh, God.
你们俩怎么了？
What is going on with you two?
足球赛结束后 我一直都很担心你
I've been worried about you ever since the soccer game.
看得出你有烦恼 -街坊都在议论纷纷
I know a cry for help when I see one. -The neighborhood is talking.
不会吧？ -真的
No. -Yes.
我们喝葡萄酒吧 -好的
Let's get that wine going. -Yeah.
怎么了？ -爱莉安娜来了
What? -Ariana's coming.
你有什么打算？ -什么？
What's your plan? -What?
我不希望你搞砸了怀亚特的好姻缘
I just don't want you messing this up for Wyatt.
我可以的 不会有事的 好吗？ 放心吧
I got it. I'll be fine, all right? Just relax.
嗨
Hey.
好紧张
Jitters.
嗨 爱莉安娜 -嗨 茜茜
Hi, Ariana. -Hi, CC.
你还好吧？ 听说你比赛时抽筋了
You okay? I heard you had a stroke at your soccer game.
你还好吧？ -很好
You're fine? -Really good.
你这身衣服像从二手市场买♥♥的 我觉得你有问题
You look like you got dressed at a Goodwill. You're not fine.
嗨 抱歉 打岔一下
Hi. Sorry to interrupt.
我需要跟我的妻子兼配偶 在厨房♥里说几句话
I need to speak with my wife/spouse person right now in the kitchen.
我去厨房♥一下 -配偶？
Gotta go. -Wife person?
我们的感情亲密无间
We've never been hotter.
你们压根想象不到 我们的关系热情似火
You don't even know, it's just "passion" passion.
热情？
Passion?
我的亲密关系导乐布莱丝说
You know, my intimacy doula, Blaze,
每对夫妇每天需要接吻12次
says that couples need a minimum of 12 kisses a day
才能维系感情
just to sustain a relationship
布莱丝最近在为哈利和梅根进行辅♥导♥
Blaze has recently been working with Harry and Meghan.
我们从早到晚都在接吻 今天已经接吻14次了
We've already kissed all day. We've kissed like 14 times.
我不相信 -对啊
I don't think so. -Yeah.
不如你们亲一下吧？ 这是什么情况？
Why don't you guys give a kiss? -What is going on?
我们好像被她们盯上了
I think they're on to us.
什么？ -没错
What? -Yeah.
不会吧？ 我才走开了一下 -我知道
No, I've been gone for two minutes. -I know.
看来我们需要接吻了
I think we have to kiss.
休想
Never doin' that.
麻烦来个嘴对嘴人工呼吸吧 -来吧
Please, little mouth-to-mouth CPR. -Come on.
吻我 快点 怀亚特
You have to kiss me. Just do it. Wyatt. Wyatt!
亲亲 -拯救婚姻
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! -Save your marriage.
她们就像一群色狼
They're like a pack of wolves.
亲我 -不要
You have to do it. -I don't wanna do it.
我们别无选择
We don't have a choice. -Ew.
怀亚特 对不起
I'm so sorry, Wyatt.
你就做个男人吧 速战速决 来吧 吻我
Just be a man. Just do it fast. Just do it. Do it.
为你们的爱情而战 少说话 多接吻
Fight for your love. Less talking, more kissing.
来吧 -让我们瞧瞧
Come on. Let's see it.
接吻有益健康
It's healthy.
亲吧
Do it.
不行
No.
天啊 -他看起来像只鬣蜥
Oh gosh. -He looks like an iguana.
他们接吻了 -天啊
They're kissing. -Oh my gosh.
我们需要去厨房♥说话
We have to ta... We have to talk in the kitchen.
真想狠狠地要他
I wanna make out with him so bad.
想吃点吗？ 不了 谢谢
You want some? -Oh no, please, no.
特别是6点过后 绝对不行
Especially not after six, no.
考虑到要做结肠和胃息肉检查 我的心脏可能负荷不来
Between the colonoscopy and the polyps, it's just a lot on my, on my heart.
对不起 -我们还有更大的问题
I'm so sorry. -We got bigger problems.
爸妈失踪了 -怎么说？ 他们怎么会失踪了？
Mom and Dad are gone. -What'd you mean? They can't be gone.
我不知道怎么回答你 总之他们失踪了
I don't know. They're gone.
那我们怎么办？
What are we gonna do?
首先要赶走这群疯疯癫癫的妈妈
First thing is to get rid of these crazy moms.
她们是来参加 妈每个月举办一次的妈妈聚餐
They're here for Mom's monthly supper club.
好吧 那如果给她们吃的 她们吃饱后就会离开吧？
Okay, so if we give them food, they'll leave.
没错
Yeah.
我们给她们做些吃的 妈妈经常下厨
We'll make 'em something. Mom does it.
我观察过妈下厨无数次了
I've observed Mom making dinner thousands of times.
有多难呢？
How hard can it be?
我做烤鸡 -我准备餐具
I'll get the chicken. -I'll get the fixings.
嗨 丫头们
Hey, girls.
要拍视频放上社媒吗？
Are we doin' it for the 'gram?
天啊
Whoa! Oh my God!
等等 -我去拿水
Wait a minute! -I'm getting some water!
这是…
What...
赶紧关掉
Turn this off!
给我吧 -我就知道
You know what? Gimme those. -I knew it.
吃点吧 -反正我不用开车 对吧？
Have some. -I mean, I'm not driving, right?
太好吃了
These are so good.
奶酪和多种化学物质融为一体 入口即化 而且…
The cheese and the chemicals all comes together and melts in your mouth and...
看来你很喜欢这种零食 -是啊 不知道下次还有没有机会吃
You're really into those? -Not sure when I'll have these again.
奶酪薯片？ -对啊
Cheez-Its? -Yeah.
机会来了就要好好把握
Gotta seize the opportunity when it presents itself.
对啊
Yeah.
你看 是槲寄生 对啊 你看
Oh, hey, mistletoe. Oh yeah. Look at that.
♪ And I would do anything for love ♪
♪ I'd run right into hell and back… ♪
对不起 我得走了
Uh… I'm really sorry. I have to go.
老兄 来吧
Dude, do it!
她看起来很不对劲 -可不是嘛
She just doesn't look well. -She doesn't.
她应该试试… -她身上有股异味
I think she should try this... -There's a scent to her.
她很久没洗澡了 -天啊
She has not been showering. -Oh wow.
你做了“木头上的蚂蚁” -是啊
You made ants on a log. -Yeah.
那个小玩偶怎么会躺在爆米花里？
What's that little guy doing in the popcorn?
谢谢 -那是“架子上的精灵”
Thank you so much. -That's elf on the shelf.
那是… -这是手工种植的芹菜吗？
Oh, that... -Is this artisanal celery?
玛迪刚上传了一支抖音视频 我是她专业的管♥理♥员♥
Maddy just uploaded a TikTok. I manage her page.
她刚抵达汉特·德鲁办的派对 还说看到怀亚特和爱莉安娜在聊天
She just got to Hunter Drew's party and said that Wyatt is talking to Ariana.
等等 谁啊？ 做什么？ 在哪里？
Wait, who, who, who's doing what where?
天啊 茜茜独自一人在角落跳舞
Oh, and CC's just dancing alone in a corner.
我们要出门了 派对结束了 快打给洛夫
We have to go. Party's over! Call Rolf!
假如群里有人离婚也挺好的
I think if we had a divorce in the group, it'd be nice.
任务中止 任务中止 听到吗？ 她刚才要吻我
Hey, abort mission. Abort mission, okay? She tried to kiss me.
这是好事 不是吗？
That's a good thing, right?
不是 不是好事 我都45岁了 这都差几岁啊？
No, it's not. I'm 45. Do the math.
也对 有点不对劲 -有点不对劲？ 太恶心了
You're right. That's a little bit weird. -A little weird? It's disgusting.
沃克 你怎么来了？
Walker. What are you doing here, man?
我可没邀请你来 科学怪人
I didn't invite you to this party, science dork.
走吧
Let's just go.
我确实没受到邀请 我们走就是了
Yeah. He's right, okay? We'll leave, all right?
老兄 我擅闯派对是我不对
Although, you know, I, I'm sorry, man.
但我要提醒你一下 我不是科学怪人
I want you to know, I'm not a science dork.
“理工男”这个词更适合形容我
I'm more of a science nerd.
没差 闷蛋
Whatever, geek.
我是彻头彻尾的理工男 有一次我看着我爸的电脑
You know, I'm such a nerd, I looked at my dad's computer
叫他把“小饼干”通通删掉 结果他把所有奥利奥饼干都扔进垃圾桶
and told him to delete all the cookies, and he threw all the Oreos in the trash.
是啊 因为你只有你♥爸♥一个朋友
Yeah, 'cause your dad's the only person who'll hang out with you.
我爸非常看好我
My dad happens to think I'm pretty great.
各位 我是彻头彻尾的理工男 我只吃“派”