全家变身大作战（2023）

Pickles, be qu...
你怎么会绕过我的保安系统？ -什么？
How'd you get past my security system? -What?
你怎么会躺在我的床上？ -是你躺在我的床上
What are you doing in my bed? -You're in my bed.
等等
Wait.
爸 我怎么会躺在你的床上？ -妈 我怎么会躺在你的床上？
Why am I in your bed, Dad? -Why am I in your bed, Mom?
爸 你怎么会叫我“妈”？ -妈 你怎么会叫我“爸”？
Why are you calling me Mom? -Why'd you call me Dad?
因为你是妈啊 -因为你是爸啊
Because you're Mom. -You're Dad.
别叫我“爸” -我不是爸 -别叫我“妈” -我不是妈
Stop calling me Dad. I'm not Dad. -Stop calling me Mom. I'm not Mom.
不是 我不是妈
No, I'm not Mom!
怎么吵吵闹闹的？
What is all that yelling?
比尔 你去叫他们…
Bill? Bill, will you please tell...
茜茜 我叫你把球收起来的
CC, I told you to clean up the balls.
要么多重宇宙的理论是真的
Either the multiverse is real,
我们穿越了虫洞
and we have passed through a sub-branching membrane
跨过某个宇宙界限 进入另一个平行宇宙
of an Einstein-Rosen bridge into a parallel reality…
爸 你的语气不像爸 -要么我们都还在睡梦中
You don't sound like Dad, Dad. -…or we've fallen asleep.
这一切只是一场梦 只要醒过来就没事了
And this is just a dream, and we have to wake up.
扇我耳光
Slap me.
好啊 -天啊
Sure. -Father Christmas!
爸 很抱歉
Whoa. -Very sorry, Dad.
这是怎么回事？ -那是我啊
What is happening? -That's me.
茜茜？
CC?
妈？
Mom?
什么？ -我可爱的家人
What? -Mi familia.
昨晚真是有惊无险啊 我果然已经老了 只喝了一杯葡萄酒
What a night. I know I'm getting old when I drink one glass of vino
隔天就从怀亚特的床上醒来
and I wake up in Wy-Guy's beddy-bye.
出事了
Something's not right.
茜茜？
CC?
妈？
Mom?
怀亚特？
Wyatt?
爸？
Dad?
茜茜 怎么样？ -什么都没查到
CC, any luck? -No.
这是前所未有的现象
This is a completely unique and original situation
史无前例
that has literally never happened before.
可不是嘛 哪有小孩一觉醒来就变成大人的？
Right? I mean, no kid has ever just woken up big.
对啊 太诡异了 可不是嘛 我又变成17岁少女了
Yeah, it's so freaky. -You're telling me. I'm 17 again.
我才13岁 却变成30岁
I'm 13 going on 30.
我们都很清楚不能这样出门吧
We can agree that we can't go out like this.
所以还是一起上楼去听涅槃乐队的歌♥ 好好放松 好吗？
So I say we just go upstairs, listen to Nirvana, and chill. All right?
不行 我今早要在 摩森集团的代表面前讲演
Oh no, I have my Molson pitch this morning.
如果我不在场 那就别想成为公♥司♥合伙人了
If I'm not there, I can kiss my partnership goodbye.
糟糕 我有耶鲁大学的面试
Oh, my Yale interview.
天啊 老爸敢死乐队要练团 我不能缺席
Oh, and I have Dad or Alive practice. I can't miss that.
你不能代我比赛
You are not playing my game.
我也不能这样去比赛
And I am not playing like this.
这个嘛 天啊
Well… Oh my God.
记得五星连珠那一刻吗？
Hey, remember when the planets lined up?
我们看到一阵耀眼的闪光 肯定是那时出事的
There was a crazy flash. That's gotta be it. Right?
你望着那道光时…
And then when we were looking at it...
你当时说我不理解你过得多么辛苦
You said, "You have no idea how hard my life is."
你说你真希望能体验我的生活
"I'd love to be you."
接着你说
And then you said…
“你永远无法理解我的感受”
"You'll never know what it's like to be me."
我们得回到望远镜前换回真身
We've gotta get to the telescope so we can switch back.
泡菜有病吗？
Uh, what's wrong with Pickles?
迈尔斯怎么了？
What's going on with Miles?
迈尔斯变成泡菜了
Miles is Pickles.
泡菜变成迈尔斯了
Pickles is Miles.
快追啊
Go!
泡菜
Pickles!
天啊 泡菜
Oh, Pickles.
迈尔斯
Miles!
快追啊
Go. Go.
"Carmina Burana: Fortuna Imperatrix Mundi" playing
我好像尿出来了
I think I just peed.
这就是生孩子留下的后遗症 好好体验吧
One of the many joys of childbirth. Thank yourself for that.
天啊 我感觉自己就像蜘蛛侠
Wow, I feel like Spider-Man!
怀亚特呢？ -抽筋了
Where's Wyatt? -Cramps! Cramps!
我好像拉伤股四头肌了 两边的股四头肌都拉伤了
I think I tore a quadi. I tore both quadis.
泡菜 回来啊
Pickles! Come back!
迈尔斯
Miles!
泡菜 不要啊
Pickles, no!
天啊
Whoa!
天啊 洛夫 谢谢你 感激不尽
Oh my God. Thank you, Rolf. Thank you so much.
你真是个贴心的好邻居
Oh, you are such a considerate neighbor.
感谢你救了我的宝贝一命 我是指我家狗狗
Thank you for saving my baby... I mean, my dog.
还给我 把孩子还给我 还给…
Give me this. Give me my child. Give...
乖
No.
放手 -好
Let go. -Okay.
天啊 谢谢你
Oh my goodness. Thank you.
建议给狗狗套上牵引绳和洗个澡
Perhaps a leash and a bath?
天啊 我家老三啊
Oh, my third-born child.
我怎么会… -它是一只很特别的狗狗
What would I do... -He's a special dog.
别… -没吓着吧？
Just... -Are you in there?
如果你们愿意的话 我不介意帮你们训练它
If it would ever please you, I would love to train your dog.
这只狗需要一个霸气的主人 而…
The dog needs the alpha energy, which, um…
比尔没有这种霸气
Bill does not possess.
什么？ -这叫服从纪律
What? -Discipline.
这叫犯上作乱
Chaos.
洛夫 谢谢你 懂了 -是啊
Okay. Thank you, Rolf. Noted. -Right.
谢谢 -慢走
Thank you. -Good day.
慢走 沃克一家 记得给它套上牵引绳和洗个澡
Have a wonderful day, Walkers. And a leash and a bath.
脸上一个毛孔都没有
Oh, I literally have no pores.
妈 好痛啊
Ow, Mom.
变成你后全身酸痛
It hurts to be you.
天啊 妈 瞧你的屁♥股♥
Whoa. Mom, check out your biscuit.
原来你有个大屁♥股♥
Who knew you were such a big booty Judy?
茜茜
CC…
茜茜·沃克 你竟然有个刺青？
CC Walker, you have a tattoo!
起码是只可爱的小猫头鹰 对吧？
At least it's a cute little owl, right?
但这块肉必须遮起来
But this, we gotta cover that up.
均匀地涂抹在脸上 别漏掉任何部位 很好
All over the face. Don't miss a spot. Just like that.
好吧
Okay.
这样… -不错 怀亚特 还行
Is that... -Yeah, Wyatt, It's fine.
很好 -为什么感觉痒痒的？
You're perfect. -Why am I so itchy?
我感觉全身…这是…
I'm like... All over my bod... What is...
天啊 爸 你的奶头毛茸茸的
Oh, Dad, your nipples are so hairy!
够了 你怎么…
Oh, stop. What are you...
不会有高中女生喜欢的
No high school girl's ever gonna date this.
我要吐了
Barf.
茜茜 绝对不行 -不行
Oh, absolutely not, CC. -No. No.
你不能穿成这样上学啊 我死掉算了
You cannot wear that to school. I will die.
你打算穿成这样去上班吗？ -你穿得像个洋娃娃
You think you're wearing that? -You look like a doll.
这不会是你♥爸♥的健身裤吧？ -你当自己是女政♥治♥家吗？
Are those your father's gym shorts? No. -Is this Nancy Pelosi?
你的外套上有油漆印 -因为你是个艺术家啊
You have paint on your jacket. -You're an artist.
你应该穿得像个艺术家才对 -不要
You should be able to dress like one. -No.
这种少女打扮 是不可能成为公♥司♥合伙人的
I can't hope to be made partner looking like a teenybopper.
那你是打算屈服于父权的标准了？
You gotta bow down to the patriarchy, don't you?
女为悦己者容 是吗？ 你就是个无可救药的理想主义者
Just dress for the male gaze. -Oh, you and your ideals.
让我告诉你一个事实 理想不能当饭吃
Let me tell you something. Ideals don't pay the bills.
你拔过我的眉毛？ -没有
Did you pluck my eyebrows? -No.
是的
Yes.
听好 我们的想法是一致的
Look, I think we can both agree
今天我们都不想搞砸彼此的人生
we don't wanna ruin each other's lives today.
妈 我也希望如此啊
Good luck with that, Mom.
等你回到家后 你想怎么打扮都可以
When you get home, you can change into whatever this is,
但当我求你了 亲爱的 别穿成这样出席讲演会
but please, not for my pitch. You cannot wear this.
好吧 我答应你 -可以吗？ 就这么说定了
All right, deal. -Okay? Deal.
但麻烦你脱掉 这身老牌美食女主持人的装扮
But can you un-Martha Stewart the zing zang because...
别用这种语气对我说话
Don't give me that.
好了 沃克家
All right, Walkers,