全家变身大作战（2023）

Ava, it's time to go.
我要去做微晶磨皮 快迟到了
Mommy's late for her microdermabrasion appointment.
知道了 妈 你妈知道后会怎么样？
Okay, Mom. What do you think your mom will say about this?
她会说：
She'll say, um…
“我是洁西·沃克 我是百分百的人类 不是机器人”
"I am Jess Walker. Definitely a human and not a robot."
“按照数学原理 放弃梦想”
"It is mathematically more favorable to give up on your dreams
“过着跟我一样平平无奇的生活 更实际点”
in favor of a boring life identical to mine."
茜茜宝贝 嗨 亲爱的 该出发了
CC-Bear. Hi, honey. It's time to hit the road.
行星可不等人
The planets wait for no one.
那…
Well…
大家好 我叫安吉莉卡 今天来到你们的城市
Hello. I am Angelica, and I have come to town.
这个圣诞节 你们需要的正是我
I have just what you need for Christmas.
茜茜 拜托了
CC, please.
迎接行星连珠期间 来算个命吧
Get a reading during the planetary alignment.
很神奇的
It will be magic.
这一家人看起来缺了点圣诞魔法
Ah. This family looks like it could use a little Christmas magic.
她对每一户人家都这么说的 走吧
She says this to every family. We should go.
感激不尽 -你这当妈妈的压力很大
Thank you so much. Stressed out mama.
我看你是工作太拼了 妈 她怎么知道的？
I bet you work too hard. -How does she know that, Mom?
因为如果她说爸爸工作太拼了 那就是性别歧视
Because if she said Dad worked too hard, it would be sexist.
这不是什么魔法 只是演出来的自♥由♥主义行为
It's not magic. It's performative liberalism.
宝宝不耐烦了 我们走吧
We are on borrowed time with this baby. We need to go.
我们只是来观赏行星连珠的 -好的
We're just here for the alignment thing. Okay.
记得要敞开心房♥
Just remember to open your hearts
用彼此的视角看待人事物
and view things through the lens of one another.
好的 -这样你们就能心想事成了
Yeah. -That'll give you the very thing you need.
好的 谢了 -再见
Okay, thanks. -Bye.
走吧
Come on.
我们去买♥♥点零食 一会儿在望远镜观测室会合
Oh, we're gonna grab a snack. See you in the telescope room.
怀亚特 你怎么摔倒了？
Wyatt, why are you trippin'?
天啊 -走吧 我请你吃冰淇淋
Wow. -Come on, let me buy you ice cream.
请我吃冰淇淋？ 你明知道我对乳制品过敏的
Buy me some ice cream? Well, you know I struggle with dairy.
妈 那是因为你长♥期♥精神紧绷 -这个嘛
That's because you hold it in, Mom. -Well…
你只需要顺其自然 每个人都会放屁的
You just gotta let it rip. Everybody farts.
我不会啊 -你怎么老折磨自己？
I don't. -Why would you torture yourself?
吃点冰淇淋 别老自我限制
Just eat some ice cream and live in your body.
知道了
Yeah.
对了 你怎么突然对我这么好？
Hey, why are you being so nice to me?
你就不能毫无疑虑地 让你女儿请你吃冰淇淋吗？
Can't a daughter buy her mother some ice cream without raising suspicion?
不行 我做不到
Not really, no.
国家队的球探明天会来观察我们比赛
There's a scout from the national team coming to the game tomorrow,
教练认为我很可能会被球探相中
and Coach thinks I have a pretty good shot of making it.
天啊 真是可喜可贺啊
Wow. Congratulations.
但如果我真被球探相中 那明天就要搬到外地了
But if I made it, I would have to leave home next year.
大学不念了吗？
What about college?
茜茜 我能理解足球对你有多重要
CC, I know how much soccer means to you.
你真的理解吗？ -相信我 我能理解
Do you? -Trust me, I know.
我像你这个年纪时 也是青年奥♥运♥运动员
I wasn't much older than you. I was Junior Olympics.
我知道 妈 你因为肩膀受伤
I know, Mom. And I'm really sorry
而必须放弃体育事业 我为你感到遗憾
you had to give up your career 'cause you hurt your shoulder,
但我的情况完全不同
but this is completely different.
大同小异 当年我不得不从零开始
It's not. I had to start completely from scratch.
我只是想避免你重蹈覆辙
I'm just trying to protect you from that.
只要你换位思考… -我最讨厌听你说这句话了
If you just applied yourself... -I hate when you say apply myself.
我们俩是不同的人
Mom, we are different people.
你只是希望我变成另一个你 我都快窒息了
You literally just want me to be you. It's suffocating.
茜茜
CC.
明天就要接受耶鲁大学面试了 紧张吗？
Big Yale interview tomorrow. You nervous?
非常紧张
Very, very nervous.
我担心演讲恐惧症会发作
I'm afraid it might trigger my glossophobia.
小子 我不知道你有病
Oh, buddy, I didn't know you were scared of shiny things.
爸 我只是害怕在公开场合演讲
It's the fear of public speaking, Dad.
也对
Right. Right.
你听我说
Well... Um, hey, you know what?
你就当是在拍摄圣诞全家福视频
Just pretend like it's our family holiday Christmas video.
跟家人在一起时 你都不会紧张 你以前可厉害了
When you're with the family, you don't get so afraid. You used to crush those.
你内心藏着一股大无畏的表演精神 我是知道的 对吧？
There's a fearless performer in there. I know it. Right?
但问题来了
But it does beg the question…
你真做好心理准备上大学了吗？
You sure you're ready for college?
对吧？ 你才刚上高中 还有很多精彩的体验等待你去发掘
Right? I mean, you're just a freshman. You still got a lot of living to do.
如果能过上你的生活 我愿意不惜一切代价
All I know is I would do anything to be in your shoes right now.
这也可能是你为什么选择
Maybe it's why you chose a career
从事一份能重返昔日美好回忆的职业
that brings you back to the source of your fond memories.
瞧你说的
Whoa.
借过
Excuse me.
真有意思
Well, this was fun.
妈觉得我过得太轻松
Mom thinks I have an easy life,
她完全不理解我的感受
but she has no idea what it's like to be me.
是啊 我懂的
Yeah, I can relate.
爸期待我能过上他以前
Dad expects me to have the same jocular,
充满欢笑无忧无虑的高中生活
devil-may-care high school experience that he did,
问题是我不是他啊
but the problem is I'm not him.
我们当父母的到底做错了什么？ 两个青春期的孩子竟然要离家？
What did we do so wrong as parents that our two teenagers wanna leave home?
比尔 这很可能是 我们最后一次一起过圣诞了
Bill, this could be our last Christmas together.
五星连珠快开始了 走吧
The alignment's about to start. Come on.
请下一组进来
Next group, please.
天啊
Whoa.
抱住泡菜
Take Pickles.
走路小心
Watch your step.
出口在左边 -好的
Exit to the left. Okay.
好无聊 其实我今天不想来的
This sucks. I really didn't wanna come to this today.
重点不是你
This is actually not about you.
是我们一家人在一起 -这是我日盼夜盼的奇观 太神奇了
This is about the family. My white whale. It's incredible.
怀亚特 麻烦你…
Wyatt, I really would appreciate...
你弟很重视这项活动 我们是一家人
…don't care, but it means a lot to your brother, and we're a family.
你们从来不在乎我们想做什么
It's never what we wanna do...
你过得太轻松了 一觉起来 喝点佳得乐…
Not a care in the world. You get up, have a little Gatorade...
真希望你能体验一下我的生活
I wish you could be me.
我也希望你能体验一下我的生活 你绝对撑不到午餐时段
I'd love for you to be me for one day. You wouldn't make it through lunch.
你不理解我付出多少努力
You don't know how much effort I put in.
我得烦工作
I gotta think about my job.
真希望你能体验一下我的生活
I would love for you to know what it's like to be me.
信不信由你 我也年轻过 -那是很久以前了吧？
Believe it or not, I was young once. -Like 10,000 years ago?
说实话 真希望我是你
Honestly, I wanna be you.
真希望我能吃下一打甜甜圈 也不会变胖
I'd kill to eat a dozen doughnuts and have it burn right off.
我只想拍张照 我要拍照
What I wanna do is take a picture. I wanna take a picture.
好的 -好啊 拍照吧
Yeah, okay. -Great, picture.
好的
Okay.
是你？ -能帮我们一家人拍张照吗？
What? -Would you take a picture of my family?
天啊 这是我的荣幸
Oh, it would be my pleasure.
茜茜 对那好心的大姐笑一个 -最好别放在社媒上
CC, deliver this with a smile… -Better not post this.
我宁可吞下自己的呕吐物
…to the nice lady. -I'd rather drink my own vomit.
谢了 照着我的话做就对了
Thank you. So you just follow what I ask.
上去 听话 都上去吧
Go up like that. Don't be naughty. Up. Up.
你站在右边 你则站在左边 很好
You go to the right. You go to the left. Good. Good.
很好 爸爸 吸气 你的肚腩…
Okay, Papa, suck it in. Your tummy is, you know, it's...
狗放在前面 -好的
Put the doggy in front of it. -Okay.
好了 一起说“圣诞快乐”
All right, everybody say, "Merry Christmas."
圣诞快乐
Merry Christmas.
妈
Mom!
迈尔斯
Miles!
小心
Watch out!
好可怕啊
That was crazy.
沃克全家都没事吧？ -望远镜被我们弄坏了吗？
Walkers, everybody okay? -Did we just break the telescope?
妈 搞什么鬼？
Mom, are you kidding me?
茜茜 你没事吧？ -好丢脸啊
You okay, CC? This is so embarrassing.
大家都没事吧？ -妈 这也太丢脸了
Everybody, is everyone okay? -Mom, this is so embarrassing.
赶紧出去吧
Let's get out of here.
怀亚特
Wyatt.
泡菜
Pickles.
泡菜 给我安…