别担心，他不会走远的

that we're used to at The New Yorker.
谢谢你的关注
Thank you for your submission."
谁还读纽约客啊
Who reads The New Yorker?
卡拉汉先生 你应该
"Mr. Callahan, you should draw
用你另外一只手来画 或者转行当水管工
with your other hand or become a plumber."
祝好 罗伯特
"Sincerely, Robert."
那个还真有创意
Well, that's original.
欸
Hey
你认为我这个梗以草履虫 鱼
do you think the joke is better if I go with paramecium,
黑猩猩 尼安德特人 人类这样的分类好呢
dogfish, chimpanzee, Neanderthal, human?
还是以 草履虫 三叶虫 捕猎者
Or should it be... paramecium, trilobite, raptor,
狐猴 尼安德特人 人类这样的分类好呢
lemur, Neanderthal, human?
我不知道
I don't know.
那就把这个放进未完成分类里吧
Let's put that in the Not Ready pile.
未完成
你好 我能进来吗
Hello. John, can I come in?
苏姗妮
Suzanne.
你好
Hey
你怎么来了
What a lovely surprise.
你哪儿来的钱买♥♥这些海报
Where'd you get the money for these posters?
朋友 家人
Friends, family.
你得把他们都记下来
You got to write it down.
你必须上报所有的礼物来往
You have to report it... any gift or donation.
这个嘛
Well...
我某一天在老城区随手丢了一根烟
I bummed a cigarette down at Old Town the other day.
我是不是也要上报啊
Should I report that, too?
卡拉汉先生 不好意思 规则不是我制定的
Mr. Callahan, I'm sorry. I do not make the rules.
我只是想让你搞清楚
Simply trying to get you to understand
这现状的不可抗力
the gravity of the situation. Your cartoon earnings
你靠漫画挣的钱会让你的福利被终止
could force your benefits to be terminated.
那我要怎么避免这个情况呢
Well, h-how do I avoid that?
我也不清楚
L-I don't know.
但是 情况并不乐观
But, uh... it doesn't look good for you.
那我能去找谁咨♥询♥这个问题呢
Uh, who do I speak to about the specific regulations on this?
我是说 为什么我这个月赚点小钱
I mean, how can I be penalized
就要受到处罚呢
for making a little money this month?
卡拉汉先生 我们有理由相信
Mr. Callahan, we have reason to believe
你是一个有灰色收入的人
you're a bit of a shady character. Okay?
我是在帮你 希望你的福利不要被终止
I just don't want your benefits to be terminated.
每一个字在说明同一件事
Every letter starts out the same way.
错的都是你自己
It's always your fault.
你知道吗 我认识那个
You know, I-|... l-| knew, um,
认识一个人 他曾当过社工
a-a guy that was a former caseworker.
他后来成为了我朋友
He's since become a buddy.
他跟我说 每一个自信满满的客户
And he revealed to me that any assertive client
在他的字典里都是个不稳定的超级烦人精
was written up in his file as a fucking unstable troublemaker.
你特么敢信吗
You fucking believe that?
超级烦人精诶
An unstable troublemaker.
约翰 这里不是怨声载道部门
John, this isn't the complaint department.
我们对你的社工不感兴趣
We don't want to hear about your caseworkers.
说你的故事 给我们说说你自己
Tell your story, talk about yourself.
这也是我的人生啊 我人生所有的倚仗
Well, it is my life. I rely on them for everything.
我不 我不懂你什么意思
I don't, I don't know what you mean.
我想说的是 他们做了什么让你如此不满
What I mean is that what about them makes you complain?
不用说这些人本身
It's not about the counselor herself.
你继续
Keep going-
我想说 我腿残废了
I mean, I can't walk.
那是怎么造成的呢
Why can't you walk?
因为我出了车祸
Because I was in an accident.
出车祸的原因是
Because?
都是那个天杀的混♥蛋♥ 德克斯特
'Cause the fucking asshole, Dexter,
开车的时候睡特么的着了
fell asleep at the fucking wheel.
他为什么会睡着
Why'd he do that?
因为他特么喝多了
'Cause he was fucking drunk.
好嘛 那你又为什么在车里
Okay, and why were you in the car?
因为我们转去下一场
'Cause we were going to the next party.
他是那个负责开车的 我不知道为什么
He was the one that was driving. I don't know why I-l...
-但是 为什么 -我不会开车啊
- Okay, but why... - I couldn't drive.
等一下 卡拉汉
Wait, Callahan, why did you get in the car
为什么你知道他喝多了你还要上车
with him if you knew he was drunk?
我不知道 因为我特么还是个孩子啊
I don't know, 'cause I was a fucking kid!
你从不犯错的吗
You don't make mistakes?
你为什么在知道他醉了的情况下还要上车
Why did you get in the car with him if you knew he was drunk?
为什么当时你要这么做呢
Why would you do something like that?
你现在还会这么做吗
Would you do that right now?
你会上一个喝醉了的熟人开的车吗
Would you get in the car with someone who you knew was drunk?
你当时为什么这么做
Why did you do that?
我也不知道为什么
I don't know why.
我 我也喝多了
I... I was so fucking drunk.
我特么也喝多了
I was so fucking drunk.
我从记事开始就一直在喝酒
I was drunk since I was a fucking kid.
这行为很羞耻 因为我不
I was so embarrassing. I know, 'cause I didn't...
我没有感觉被爱 我没有感到被需要
I didn't feel loved, I didn't feel wanted,
所以我试图用酒精掩盖我的这些感受
so I tried to cover up my feelings.
效果显著
And it worked.
我是1951年出生的
I was born in 1951.
在旧Saint Vincent医院
At the old Saint Vincent's Hospital.
关于我生母我只知道三件事
I know three things about my real mother.
她是个爱尔兰裔美国人
She was Irish-American.
她有一头红色的秀发
She had red hair.
然后她是个老师
And she was a school teacher.
对了 还有
Oh, yeah.
她不想要我
And she didn't want me.
我和我爸非常生疏
My alienation from my father...
我恨他 从11岁开始
I hated his guts since I was 11...
这种恨意波及到了整个家庭成员
extended itself to my whole family.
在某个平安夜
One Christmas...
餐桌上
At the dinner table...
发生了些骚乱
there was a... disturbance.
然后汤米 比我小5岁的一个小孩
And Tommy, who was some five years younger than me,
发出了尖叫
screamed.
每次当我爸体罚我的兄弟姐妹时
Whenever my dad punished one of my siblings...
都不会打我
instead of me,
这给了我一个没有负罪感的借口
it gave me a guilt-free excuse to...
谴责他
condemn him.
我猜这说明了很大的问题 你说是吗
I guess that was a big thing, you know?
我从来没觉得自己属于那个家
I never felt a part of them.
从来没觉得自己是他们中的一份子
I never felt like I was one of them.
以为我他妈喝得天昏地暗能冲淡那种感觉
I thought I'd fucking drink my way out of those feelings.
我变成这个鬼样子
I became such a fuck up...
我永远不会原谅他们
that I won't ever forgive them.
哦 我是说
Oh, I mean that...
我是说 他们永远不会原谅我
I mean, they won't ever forgive me...
因为我♥干♥的所有蠢事
for all the stupid shit I did.
你说什么
What'd you just say?
他们不会
That they won't...
原谅我做的那些蠢事
forgive me for all the stupid shit I did.
他们不会原谅你还是你不会原谅他们
That they won't forgive you or you won't forgive them?
他们不会原谅我
That they won't forgive me.
你说的是你不会原谅他们
You said that you won't forgive them.
是的 好吧 我得原谅他们
Okay, well, w-what would I have to forgive them for...
原谅他们什么
forgive them for?
原谅他们让你觉得格格不入
For making you feel like a black sheep.
原谅他们没有成为你真正的父母
For not being your real parents,
原谅他们又要了其他的孩子
for having other children.
原谅你生母抛弃你
Forgiving your birth mother for giving you up.
尝尝我的厉害
Think about me!
我不会原谅他们
I won't forgive them.
你的进展刚刚好 约翰
You're right on time, John.
你马上就要完成第九步了
You're approaching the ninth step,
那就是你要跟这些人面对面
which is where you get to go face-to-face with these people