别担心，他不会走远的

前三步是什么
What are the first three steps?
多尼尔 别了吧
Donnie, come on.
第一
That, one?
第一 我对酒精毫无抵抗力
One, that I'm powerless over alcohol
我的生活会变得无法控制
and my life has become unmanageable.
第二 相信高能者的存在
Two, I came to believe that a power greener than myself
能让我恢复理智
can restore me to sanity.
第三 我决定改变我的意志和生活
And three, I made a decision to turn my will and my life
我明白 这是上帝的关怀
over to the care of God, as I understand it.
所以你还觉得无能为力吗
So you believe you're powerless?
是啊
Yeah.
你相信一个除你以外的高能者
You believe that a higher power other
不能恢复你的理智吗
than yourself can restore you to sanity?
对
Yes.
你决定改变你的意志和生活
And you made a decision to turn your will and life
去关心上帝 正如你所理解的那样
over to the care of God, as you understand him,
对你来说 拉蔻儿·薇芝的生殖器那样吗
in your case, Raquel Welch's snatch.
记住 这是一个选择
And remember, this is a choice
是一个我不认可的神明
of higher power I don't approve of.
-是啊 -很棒棒
- Yes. - Great.
这样 你要不就
Now, wouldn't you like to turn
让恰奇帮你处理这个紧急问题吧
this immediate problem over to Chucky?
好
Yes.
你感觉好多了吧
Don't you feel better already?
是啦 是好些了 但是多尼尔
Okay, yeah, but, Donnie
你敷衍我
you tricked me
我知道你的路数
I know what you just did.
没 我特么没有
No, Callahan, no. Fuck.
做一个上帝之桶
Make a God basket.
在纸上写下你的烦恼
Write your problems on paper
揉碎它们
crumple them up
再丢进上帝之桶里
and throw them into the basket.
多点喝水
Drink water
上帝
我害怕 谁能给我庇护
"I'm afraid. Who will protect me?"
提姆 提姆
Tim. Tim?
拜托 兄弟
Hey, man.
你能不能帮我把那坨纸捡起来
Can you pick up that piece of paper
再扔进那个上帝之桶
and toss it in the God basket?
干得漂亮
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
你知道吗 这还挺好玩儿的
Hey, you know, this is actually pretty fun.
约翰 作为波特兰先锋报的编辑
John, as the editors of the Portland State Vanguard,
我们当中有人很欣赏你的幽默
some of us really enjoy your humor,
但是我们当中也有人担心
but some of us are worried that
你太出格了
things might have gone too far.
我们收到了55封来自学生
We have 55 letters here from the student body
投诉你漫画的信
complaining about your cartoons.
卡拉汉先生
"Mr. Callahan
我被你肤浅又潦草的文风吓到了
I am appalled by your simplistic scribbling"
还有你那不知幽默为何物的表述
your misinformed ideas about humor
还有谁给你的勇气
and the audacity you have..."
这是真的吗
That's real?
去认为大家会喜欢你的漫画
to think the public enjoys your work.
信是从俄勒冈州伍德本寄来的
Yes. It's from Woodburn, Oregon.
这样的信我们还有很多
We have many of them.
这样 各位
All right, look, guys,
那个 我知道很多人会到编辑办公室
I-I know that people have come by the editorial offices
去投诉我
to register complaints about me...
酷儿：LGBT群体的简称
基♥督♥徒们 酷儿们 老师们
Christians, queers, teachers,
还有外国人 清洁工 小白鼠
foreign nationals, janitors, lab rats
全都认为被我冒犯了
all find me offensive, which, uh, you know...
也不算坏 算好事吧
It's a good... Is it a good thing?
我们都接到好几个威胁了
We have a small pile of threats.
这儿还有一个从威拉米特周报寄来的信
There's one here from the Willamette Week.
约翰 老实讲 有点瘆人
John, this is, frankly, shocking.
咋了 盖瑞·拉尔森发表漫画的那家么
What, the paper that Gary Larson draws cartoons for?
是的
Yes
他们想专门为你开一个系列
And they would like to give you your own series
我们觉得这太夸张了
We think that's going too far.
你们认真的吗
Are you serious?
能给个拖把吗
Can we get a mop? Can we get a mop?
发生了啥
What happened? Oh.
快拿个拖把来
Grab a mop, please. Uh...
拖把呢
Mop?
等一下 那个 别拍
Wait, well, don't do it with the...
别把我小便失禁拍进照片里
Don't put the urine in the picture
妈耶 好恶心
Oh, yikes.
他们想要发表你的漫画
They're publishing your cartoon
我们十分非常以及极其认真地在说这件事
We're absolutely serious.
我以为你们几个跟我闹着玩儿呢
I thought you guys were playing with me
我们没有
No, no.
放搞笑类里
In the Funny pile.
搞笑
不行
No.
不好笑
把这个给安妮
Put this one for Annu.
那就真搞笑了
That's real funny.
给安妮
你为什么要给他取名恰奇
Why do you call it Chucky?
有何不妥
Why not?
你知道吗 我戒酒那天
You know, the day I stopped drinking...
我感觉有只手搭在了我肩上
I felt a hand on my shoulder.
但当我回头的时候
But when I turned to look at it, there was...
什么都没看见 可是又不像是幻觉
nothing there, but I didn't imagine it.
你看 但是你看不见它
"Look at it, but you cannot see it.
因为它无踪无影
Because it is formless, you call it invisible.
你听 你也听不见它
Listen to it, but you cannot hear it.
因为它无声无息
Because it is soundless, you call it inaudible.
想抓 你也抓不住它
Grasp it, but it is out of your reach.
因为它无形无态
Because it is subtle, you call it intangible."
是哪位啊
Uh, who's that?
是艾尔顿·约翰吗
Is that Elton John?
是老子
Lao-Tzu.
是恰奇
Chucky
妈呀 快看呀 新来的小鲜肉啊 多尼尔
Oh, hubba, hubba, hubba. New heartthrob, Donnie?
啊不不
Oh, no, no.
美男鸡小
Pretty boy, small penis.
正因你被削弱了
Maybe you were weakened
你才有机会变强啊 卡拉汉
so you could become strong, Callahan.
你可曾这样想过
You ever think of it like that?
启明之路的起点是自知之明
The path to enlightenment is to know yourself.
何为自知之明
How do I know myself?
忘我
Forget yourself.
哦对了 医生怎么说
Oh, what'd the doctor say'?
本来我在印度时我就想告诉你的
I was gonna tell you about when I was in India.
让我说完 以免我忘了
Just let me finish so I don't forget.
我往北开去孟买♥♥
I was driving north, to Bombay.
我跟一群老师约在了
I was meeting a group of teachers
孟买♥♥的希尔顿酒店
at the Bombay Hilton...
这样啊 这故事你讲过了啊
Oh, yeah, no, you told me this story already.
是吗
Have I?
对啊 有一个女乞丐嘛
Yeah. With the girl beggar.
我咋不记得我讲过呢
I don't remember telling it.
多尼尔啊
Donnie.
快说医生咋说的
What did the doctor say?
我完犊子了
I'm fucked.
我要多喝点水
I need to drink more water.
这感觉不错 谢谢你
Mmm. That feels good. Thank you.
亲爱的卡拉汉先生 我们遗憾地通知你
"Dear Mr. Callahan, we regret to inform you
尽管你的漫画非常棒
that although your cartoon shows promise,
但终究与我们在纽约客上发布的作品
it's not the caliber of work
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