哈佛少女的快乐清单（2016）

Okay, next time you see Matt,
问问他未婚妻的中间名
ask him his fiancée's middle name.
不会有下次了
There won't be a next time.
干嘛问中间名？
Why?
因为男生通常不会
Because guys don't usually
注意到那种细节
pay attention to details like that.
但如果在谈恋爱就会
But if they're in love, they do.
他们交往好久了
They've been together forever,
他当然会知道她的中间名
of course he's gonna know her middle name.
所以，那就是个好测验，对吧？
So, it's a good test then, isn't it?
倘若他不知道，我觉得他就值得追
And if he doesn't know it, I'd say he's fair game.
嘿嘿嘿，怎么样啊？
Yo, yo, yo. What's up?
你们在聊什么啊？
What are you guys-- what are you talking about?
喔，就衣服啊、化妆品啊、男生啊
Oh, you know, clothes, makeup, boys.
嗯，错过了真遗憾
Hmm. Sorry I missed that.
你们明晚要去看传奇人物表演吗？
So, are you going to see the legend tomorrow night?
谁？
Who?
我最近的前男友开演唱会
My recently ex-boyfriend is playing a gig at Natto's.
他为什么是你的前男友？
Why is he your ex?
他选择跟别的贱♥货♥跑了
Because he chose to go off with some whore,
这就是为什么
that's why.
而且她明明不是他的菜
And she is so not his type.
是啊，因为他喜欢荡♥妇♥远胜过贱♥货♥
Yeah, he much prefers sluts to whores.
他叫什么名字？
What's his name?
他叫戴克斯，他是个浑球
His name is Dex and he's a jerk.
但他很厉害
But he's amazing.
比如，他的喇舌技巧
Like, his tongue should be registered
应该列为国家宝藏
as a national treasure.
嘿，你应该一起来
Hey, you should come.
你超应该来的
You-- you should totally go.
好啊，有何不可？
Sure, why not?
嘿，那句也是我的人生哲学喔
Hey, that's my philosophy too.
谢谢你去参加
Thank you so much for going.
我可没法再看一场戴克斯的表演
I cannot watch another Dex show.
Never really felt bad about it
As we drank deep from the lie
'Cause I felt melting magnets...
嗨，伏特加，纯的
Uh, hi. Vodka, straight up.
算了，姊妹会女生都爱喝些什么？
Actually, what's the one
会让人烂醉的那种？
all the sorority girls drink,
喔，兰姆酒
the one that makes you really drunk?
兰姆酒，双份
Oh, rum. - Rum, double.
身份证呢？
I.D.?
我可以改用智商来抵吗？
Can I-- can I give you my I.Q. instead?
智商185
185?
我一定比那些更老更笨的人
Surely I can be better trusted with alcohol
值得信任吧
than older, less intelligent people.
你满21岁了吗？
Are you 21?
酒精是一种
Alcohol is an organic compound
羟基结合碳原子的有机混合物
in which the hydroxyl group is bound to a carbon atom
所以在你微毒的容器里
so that the chemical makeup of the ethanol
乙醇的化学式是C2H5OH
in your slightly toxic wares is C2H 5OH.
我想我还应付得来
I think I can handle it.
喂，骗骗他就好了啦 我可不是骗子
Hey, just lie. - I'm not a liar.
如果你不说谎，他就不会给你酒喝
Well, he's not going to give you a drink unless you do.
你知道吗？道德总是会引起不便
Well, you know what? Morality is inconvenient.
可乐 一般的，不要健怡那种垃圾
Coke, please. Regular, not that diet shit.
好，你今晚很呛耶，但我喜欢
Okay, you're feisty tonight. I like it.
但至少让我…
But at least let me, like...
为什么人们就不能喜欢我真实的一面？
Wait, can--Why can't people just like me for who I am?
没有人喜欢真实的一面
Nobody likes anybody for who they are.
所以我们才得假装出更好的样子
That's why we have to pretend to be better than who we are
等人们已经投♥注♥心力之后
and then let people find out the truth later,
你知道的，他们才会发现真♥相♥
you know, once they've already invested.
你这样听起来像精神变♥态♥
That makes you sound like a psychopath.
好吧
Okay, well--
嗯，这有掺烈酒
Mm. It's spiked.
哇，看来她的确是个天才
Wow, looks like she is a genius.
终于，我朝思暮想的称赞
Finally, the recognition I've been craving.
也许他是在撩妹
Maybe-- maybe that was a move.
我不懂为什么人这么着迷于性♥爱♥
I don't get why people are so sex obsessed.
像是全国传染病
It's like a national epidemic.
因为性♥爱♥超赞的
Because sex is freaking fantastic.
没那么赞
It's not that great.
也许亲吻的部分是吧
The kissing part maybe, but the main event
但主要部分没什么好着迷的
is nothing to be obsessed about.
耶，我赢了！
Yes, I win!
我就知道你不是处♥女♥
I knew you weren't a virgin.
什么叫做「你赢了」？赢了什么？
What do you mean "you win"?
就和道格打赌啊
Win what? - Just a bet with Dougie.
赌我是不是处♥女♥？
About my virginity?
跟你是不是处♥女♥无关，好吗？
It's not about your virginity, okay?
总之我赢了钱，替我高兴吧
I made some money. Be happy for me.
你的问题是还没和对的人上♥床♥
Your problem is you haven't had sex with the right person.
外头有很多棒得彻底的性♥爱♥
There's a lot of good, clean sex going on out there.
我说的彻底，就是咸湿，懂吗？
And by clean, I mean dirty, okay?
就因为人们喜欢做
And just because people like to do it,
但不表示他们沈迷
doesn't mean that they're obsessed.
你觉得人们沈迷于睡觉
Do you think people are sleep obsessed
因为他们喜欢每天睡吗？
because they like to sleep every day?
睡眠是生存所需
You have to sleep for survival.
有些人打炮也是为了生存啊！
Some people screw for survival!
沈迷于睡眠不会伤害任何人！
Sleep obsession doesn't hurt anyone!
性♥爱♥也不会
Neither does sex,
只要两个人情投意合
if it's between two consenting adults.
维多利亚女王时代的人
The Victorians
逼人们拒绝他们的自然欲望…
forced people to deny their natural desires--
我们的自然欲望不该有时被拒绝吗？
Shouldn't our natural desires sometimes be denied?
比如，要是你的自然欲望
Like, what if your natural desire
是践踏婴儿吗？
is to step on a baby?
好啦，算你说的有道理
Okay, yeah, you-- you have a point.
例如，践踏婴儿… - 很糟！
Like, stepping on babies... - Bad!
无论如何应该避免
...should be avoided at all costs.
我只是觉得人们用太多借口
I just think that people make an awful lot of excuses
纵容自己做坏事
to indulge in bad behavior
推托说「只要我喜欢」
on the pretext that "I wanted to do it,"
或是「只要谨慎，就不会伤人」
or "if we're discreet, it won't hurt anyone."
人类真虚伪
Humans are hypocrites.
所以人类才这么有趣啊
And that's what makes us so bloody interesting.
那是哪国语言？
What language was that?
你说话听起来就是那样
That's how you speak. That's how you come off.
你应该知道自己这点
You should know that about yourself.
我的天，这是什么？
Oh, my God. What is this?
遗愿清单？
Is this a bucket list?
你不会是要死了吧？
You aren't dying, are you?
因为我现在的心智不成熟
Because I do not have the emotional maturity
无法面对有绝症的朋友
to deal with a terminal friend right now.
这不是遗愿清单
It's not a bucket list.
不然是什么？
Then what is it?
我在看心理医生
I see a therapist.
他列清单给我，要帮我变得更快乐
He made it for me to help me be happier.
喔，亲爱的，你不需要那种清单
Oh, honey, you don't need a list for that.
我来帮你就可以
I'll help you.
好，跨年夜我要开趴
Okay, I'm having a New Year's Eve Party,
这是一件事
for one thing.
你绝对应该来
You should definitely come.
还有，你该打给报纸上那个坏男孩
Also, you should call up that bad boy from the paper
跟他搞得天翻地覆
and give him the bang of his life.
他会离开他的傻瓜女友
He'll leave that twit he's with,
你就再也不会寂寞了
and you'll never be lonely again.
你真的那样觉得？
Do you seriously think that?
不必承担别人的道德责任
It's not your job to be everyone's moral guardian.