哈佛少女的快乐清单（2016）

I don't know, You just might end up
玩得最开心的时候
having the most fun you've ever had.
或者我会被锁在箱子里
Or I 'll end up locked in a crate
被运到国外去
and shipped overseas
当作沙特阿♥拉♥伯王子的性♥奴♥隶
to be a Saudi prince's sex slave.
我猜最后可能会是
My guess is it'll probably end up
介于这两者之间
being somewhere in between the two.
「单身男性，寻求爱冒险…」
"Single male seeks adventurous woman
「喜欢登山的女性…」
into hiking..." Blah, blah.
「单身男性，76岁」
"Single male, 76."
才不要
No.
「单身白人男性，已订婚但迷惘」
"Single white male, engaged and confused.
「即将结婚…但想先试水温」
Due to be married, but want to test the waters first."
这一定是最不恰当的征友广♥告♥了
That has to be the most inappropriate ad ever posted.
好吧
All right.
请你不要对我说三道四，凯瑟琳
I do not need to be judged by you right now, Katherine.
佩特洛夫说「参加约会」
Petrov said, "Go on a date."
但他没说不能去抓负心汉
He didn't say it couldn't be to rat out a cheat.
我总可以找出他未婚妻的名字
I could find out the name of his fiancée
然后警告她吧？
and warn her. Huh?
一石二鸟！
Kill two birds with one stone.
清单少一项
Cross off the list,
还可以顺便教训负心汉
and catch a hypocrite in the act.
嘘，电♥话♥响了
Shh. It's ringing.
哈啰，我是麦特…
Man on recording: Hello, this is Matt.
请留言
Please leave a message.
嗨，麦特…
Hi, Matt.
你听起来超级可爱
You sound really, really cute.
我完全同情你的处境
I sympathize fully with your situation.
我和一个很棒的男生在交往
I'm dating this great guy,
但就是没有火花
but there's just no chemistry
而我想知道我的感觉是否正确
and I wanna see if I'm right.
我看见你的广♥告♥，我想，好吧
When I saw your ad, I thought, well,
就像你说的
this could be discreet way to find out.
这是个谨慎的方法
Like you said.
我的名字叫做…
My name is...
「葛罗莉亚派屈」
Gloria Patch.
葛罗莉亚派屈
Gloria Patch.
什么啊？
What?
我不该说出姓氏吧？
Are last names even allowed?
这样太不谨慎了
Maybe that wasn't so discreet.
所以，好吧，「葛罗莉亚」就好
So yeah, just Gloria.
打给我，我们就去约会
Call me and we'll go on a date.
掰！
Bye!
好，还蛮顺利的
Okay, that went well.
谢谢你们的支持
Thanks for the support.
什么叫做我没有留下电♥话♥号♥码？
What do you mean I didn't leave my number?
可恶！
Damn it!
喂？
Hello?
是葛罗莉亚吗？
Matt: Is-- is that Gloria?
谁？
Who?
喔，对…，我就是
Oh, yes. Yes, it is.
我是麦特，你刚刚打给我？
This is Matt, you just called me?
对啊
So I did.
但我没有留电♥话♥号♥码
But I didn't leave my number.
喔，我的手♥机♥有显示
Oh, it came up on my phone.
喔，酷
Oh, cool.
你听起来很棒
You sound really great.
谢谢 - 那么…
Thanks. - So...
你想要在…哪里见个面吗？
would you like to meet somewhere or something?
当然好
Sure.
12点半…
How about 12:30
在28街的墨西哥餐厅如何？
at A?ejo on 28th?
那里很不错，气氛佳
It's very nice, very atmospheric
而且很公开
and very public.
喔，我不想太明目张胆
Well, I don't want too public.
不，当然不
No, no. Of course.
在那里应该不至于被发现
Well, it's not so public that you would be outed,
但要真出事，也不是杀了我
but public enough that you wouldn't be able
就能简单解决了
to kill me without witnesses.
好，好，听起来不错
Okay. Okay, well, that sounds good.
好，好极了，掰
Okay, great, bye.
该穿什么去拆穿负心汉呢？
What does one wear to expose a cheater?
可不能穿那件…
Not that.
真是的！
Jesus!
你吓死我了
You scared the crap out of me.
你站在那里多久了？
How long have you been standing there?
我刚来，正要敲门
No time at all. I was just about to knock.
嗯，我只是想…为那天说的话道歉
Look, I just wanted to apologize about what I said
我说你不够放松
the other day about you not being relaxed.
你说得对，我不认识你…
You're right, I don't know you
不应该做评判
and I shouldn't have judged.
我叫赛
I'm Cy.
好，那我接受你的道歉吧
Okay, well, apology accepted, I guess.
我叫凯莉
Carrie.
我想也许我可以…
I thought maybe I could invite you
请你吃饭什么的
to dinner or something.
为什么？
What for? - I don't know,
我不知道，我想会很好玩
I thought it might be fun.
好玩 - 对啊，好玩
Fun? - Yeah, fun.
你懂什么叫好玩吧？
You've heard of the concept?
我很熟啊
I'm familiar with it, yeah.
就是「人们为了逃离现实」
One of the things that people do
「纵容自己沈溺」
and they indulge in it to divert themselves
「所从事的一种行为」
from the true realities of existence.
那么…
Well, look--
如果你想离开公♥寓♥…
If you ever feel like leaving your apartment--
就… - 那什么意思啊？
Just-- - What the hell is that supposed to mean?
没什么，只是…
Nothing, just--
你有点宅
You have a reputation around here
在这里很出名
for being a bit of a hermit.
是吗？
Is that right?
那，如果你不介意的话
Well, if you don't mind,
我现在就要去跟某人约会了
I'm actually just going now to meet someone.
还是个男的
A male someone.
看见我离开公♥寓♥了吧？
See how I'm leaving the apartment?
看见了
I see, yeah.
你也许想宣传一下
You might want to spread the word.
喔，我一定会的
Oh, I'll definitely do that.
好
Good.
还有，凯莉…
And Carrie--
你牙齿沾到了一点口红
got some lipstick on your teeth.
发生这种事真讨厌…
I hate it when that happens.
嘿，一位吗？
Hey, party of one?
不，其实是两位
No, actually, two. I'm meeting someone.
我在等某人…
真的吗？像是…
Really? Like, a man?
男人？
对啊，男人
Yeah, a man.
好，酷喔
Okay, cool.
那你四处找找，看他来了没
Just look around and see if he's here.
呃，其实我还没见过他
Well, I haven't actually met him before.
这样啊
I see.
但我知道他的名字，麦特
But I know his name. It's Matt.
麦特
Matt.
是…我想我知道他是谁
Yeah, I think I know who he is.
呃，嗯… - 葛罗莉亚…
Uh, um-- - Gloria--
抱歉
Sorry.
没关系
That's okay.
来
There.
嗨 - 嗨
Hi. - Hi.
嗨